02.02.2012
Well I guess there is an up and down doing this lj post now. At this point, I've pretty much sorted out my feelings but then again I also have to go back and remember all the feelings I felt the very first time I heard this news. (which is only a rumor that time)
It was pretty confusing especially because I was reading all the tweets at 4am AFTER reading an akame fic. Everything felt like crashing down, lol. Okay, I must be exaggerating this but its very hard to describe the feeling, it felt surreal and at the same time you want to kick yourself because you know its the reality. But since it was still a rumor, I tried getting my sane and just let go of the thoughts first. That didn't stop me from going online even if I was at school. I kept on waiting for an official statement- from Jin, Meisa more importantly, Johnnys. AND DANG, THEY ARE TAKING A FREAKING LONG TIME. Then a few hours more, the news about Jin's fax came and it was that moment I knew I should think what feelings I should prioritize.
I'm a Akanishi Jin fan first. A loyal subject.
Of course it was sad. It was, not because (even though I tend to joke sometimes especially with my real life friends) I see myself having a possibility with Jin in the future. LOL But more like, before what he will be saying is "family, friends, food and fans" but now its gonna be like "wife, family, friends, food and fans". I might sound selfish this way but its just not gonna be the same anymore. And also because of this.. its scared to think that I've always have this image of Jin being a family guy, and its not that hard to consider that he'll most likely choose his own family more than his career.. more than anything else :| Anw to make this short, I STILL WANT TO SEE HIM IN PERSON. I still need to see him sing live and interact with me/us. I WANT TO EXPERIENCE HIS CONCERT SO BAD. IDEK.
For Mr. and Mrs. Akanishi, I'm very happy for them. I was really really thankful that's its KUROKI MEISA. I like her and this is something coming from me because in all my fandom life, I rarely and I mean RARELY like a female actress, even a female group for that matter. So when the rumor about them broke out, there's no hard feelings for me because I totally ship Meisanishi. And I truly believe that they deserved each other. That not one of them benefit the other or vice versa in this marriage. That somehow I can trust Jin to Meisa… /sobslikeaproudmom lololol (omg this is getting dramatic XD) But really, when I saw Jin last night in that 7days news, when he was at the airport. Everything felt right around him and all I can do that time was like let go of the breathe I've been holding for a day.. because I know I did right in giving them my blessings.
And lastly, AKAME. This is like the most fragile factor for me. If I gave this in first, Im pretty sure the house will be drowning with my tears. All the things I hoped for, all the possibilities I could think in the future is all gone. Its like, you know reality but Jin's marriage is like a bucket of water thrown to my akame heart. It was broken from that instance. But then I thought about stuffs what made them akame, what made me an akame fan, and why, even after these 2 years that I haven't seem them together, I still ship this pairing. So I realized that its not all about the present anymore. Its always been the past.. always, from the very moment I began to love this pairing. For me, its what make them akame now and why its still strong. Even if its just friendship or more than that, we don't know. But no one can deny their bond since they met.
I might not have give all the other points I thought of in these two days, but more or less what my initial points are. And that's why I'll continue to spazz and flail over Jin, support Meisanishi's marriage and definitely ship and read akame fics. With that said, who's with me on this? :3