Anagapesis
Title: Anagapesis
Pairing: Taekwoon/Hongbin
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,275
Summary: "have you ever loved somebody who didn't love you back enough?"
A/N: happy birthday synthbin~! (based on a conversation based on this song)
Taekwoon was in the midst of tidying up his room (he wasn’t really cleaning, so much as trying to make it presentable), when he picked up a white t-shirt off of the floor. It was smaller than the other articles of clothing he had found, and would probably stretch a little if he tried to put it on. Hongbin must’ve forgotten to grab it when he left. He sighed, as if doing so would remove the weight from his shoulders, before bringing the soft fabric of the shirt to his face, inhaling, but there was nothing familiar about it other than how it felt against his skin. It didn’t smell like Hongbin anymore.
Taekwoon had reached to put his arm around Hongbin’s shoulders, only for the other to pull away. This wasn’t the first time he had been denied contact - he would reach to hold his hand, but Hongbin would pretend he didn’t notice, or when Taekwoon would try to snuggle up to him on the couch he would move away. Something had come up, put a ridge between them, and Taekwoon was at a loss for what it was.
“What’s wrong?” He tried to look at the other’s facial expression, get any hints he could, but Hongbin turned his face, avoiding eye contact. “Please,” he was trying not to beg, keeping his voice steady but still sincere. “Something’s changed, and I can’t pretend I don’t notice anymore.” Hongbin didn’t respond, keeping his eyes trained on a spot on the ground. “Hongbin, look at me.”
The words came out suddenly, after some silence, and in such a rush that Taekwoon wasn’t sure he heard him right and asked him to repeat it. “We need to take a break,” he said. A sigh. “I’m sorry. I need time to figure things out.”
Taekwoon was at a loss for words. He had always made it clear that if something was wrong he could confide in him, and Hongbin knew this - he had done so several times. An uneasy feeling settled in Taekwoon’s stomach as he tried to think of all the reasons his own boyfriend wouldn’t talk to him - wouldn’t even look at him.
“Did I...did I do something?” he asked. As the words left his lips he wished he’d never said anything, too afraid of the answer.
Hongbin shook his head. “It’s not your fault.” But he wouldn’t say anything more, as if the explanation wasn’t important enough despite how it was visibly eating away at Taekwoon. They continued to walk in silence, the few inches of distance between them causing discomfort just beneath his skin. When they reached Taekwoon’s apartment, Hongbin stopped walking, not approaching the door. “I think I’m going to stay at my own place for a few days,” he said. When Taekwoon nodded, he took a few steps back before turning around. “Don’t call me.”
Taekwoon folded the shirt nicely and place it at the foot of his bed, unsure what to do with it. He knew he needed to return it, but was apprehensive about calling. He was afraid that hearing the other’s voice would tear down the walls he had been struggling to rebuild. He picked up his phone, locking and unlocking it several times, staring at the picture. It was a picture of Hongbin wearing one of Taekwoon’s sweatshirts, sleeves a bit too long, holding a white mug in his hands and smiling with a bit of coffee on his lips. After taking the picture, Taekwoon had messed around with some filters, making it grayscale. Something in the back of his mind told him he should replace the picture with something else, but he was afraid to, as if doing so would make his fears concrete.
He was putting his four-digit password in for the seventh time before he decided he could just text him. It took him several drawn out moments to type out the message.
[20:13] you forgot one of your shirts. the plain white one. when do you want to come get it?
He almost signed his name at the end, but decided against it. It seemed unlikely that the other would have deleted his number, and he wouldn’t admit to himself that he didn’t want him to - he honestly didn’t want to know.
Texting turned out not to be as easy as Taekwoon had thought it would be. He spent the forty-five minutes it took Hongbin to respond staring at the ceiling and repeating the continuous locking and unlocking of his phone screen. His phone vibrated once in that time frame, but it was just a spam e-mail. When Hongbin finally did respond, it wasn’t nearly as exciting as he had hoped.
[21:01] yeah. I’ll be out tomorrow. Want me to stop by after you get off work?
Taekwoon responded with an affirmative, that would be fine, but it didn’t feel fine.
A few days turned into a few weeks, which turned into Hongbin visiting Taekwoon’s apartment for the sole purpose of moving out his stuff. Taekwoon sat on his bed and watched the whole time, fighting off the urge to unpack everything.
“You don’t need to take that, you know,” Taekwoon noted, when he saw Hongbin in the bathroom, grabbing his toothpaste and soaps. He had been gone long enough there was no way he didn’t have any back at his own place. “You can leave it here, for when you come back.” (If you come back.)
Hongbin turned, giving an uneasy smile. “You won’t use these anyway,” he said before turning back around. Taekwoon didn’t push further.
When Hongbin left, Taekwoon wanted to reach out to hold him, just one more time, but he didn’t. He didn’t even say “good-bye.” He just nodded as the other announced he was leaving, then turned to walk out the door.
He would regret not taking his chance.
Hongbin was seventeen minutes late when he arrived, and he came with unwanted company. There was another man with him, wearing a loose plaid shirt and distressed jeans, but the part that Taekwoon noticed most was how his arm was around Hongbin’s waist. And Hongbin was smiling, something Taekwoon himself hadn’t seen in ages.
“Oh, Taekwoon!” Hongbin called when he noticed the other sitting on the steps outside his apartment, the t-shirt over his arm. He didn’t notice the t-shirt at first, but he did notice Taekwoon’s scowl. “This is, uh, this is Wonsik.” He seemed uncomfortable introducing him, which wasn’t fair considering he was the one who brought him. Wonsik held out his free hand, and Taekwoon stared at it for a moment before meeting it with his own and shaking it once. He didn’t want to touch him for any longer.
He took the shirt off of his arm and held it out to Hongbin, who took it in both hands. He mumbled some kind of “thank you,” to which Taekwoon simply nodded in response. They didn’t mess with formal good-byes.
Hongbin and Wonsik were halfway down the street before Taekwoon made a move to go back inside, but he paused, noticing Wonsik lean in to whisper something that had Hongbin smiling with his whole face, at least as far as Taekwoon could tell with their backs to him. He remembered the first time Hongbin looked at him like that - it had been the first time Taekwoon had leaned in to steal a kiss on the lips.
He pulled out his phone as he unlocked the door and walked inside, scrolling through his pictures before finding one he had taken of a sunset several months back and setting it as his phone’s new lockscreen.
Pairing: Taekwoon/Hongbin
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,275
Summary: "have you ever loved somebody who didn't love you back enough?"
A/N: happy birthday synthbin~! (based on a conversation based on this song)
Taekwoon was in the midst of tidying up his room (he wasn’t really cleaning, so much as trying to make it presentable), when he picked up a white t-shirt off of the floor. It was smaller than the other articles of clothing he had found, and would probably stretch a little if he tried to put it on. Hongbin must’ve forgotten to grab it when he left. He sighed, as if doing so would remove the weight from his shoulders, before bringing the soft fabric of the shirt to his face, inhaling, but there was nothing familiar about it other than how it felt against his skin. It didn’t smell like Hongbin anymore.
Taekwoon had reached to put his arm around Hongbin’s shoulders, only for the other to pull away. This wasn’t the first time he had been denied contact - he would reach to hold his hand, but Hongbin would pretend he didn’t notice, or when Taekwoon would try to snuggle up to him on the couch he would move away. Something had come up, put a ridge between them, and Taekwoon was at a loss for what it was.
“What’s wrong?” He tried to look at the other’s facial expression, get any hints he could, but Hongbin turned his face, avoiding eye contact. “Please,” he was trying not to beg, keeping his voice steady but still sincere. “Something’s changed, and I can’t pretend I don’t notice anymore.” Hongbin didn’t respond, keeping his eyes trained on a spot on the ground. “Hongbin, look at me.”
The words came out suddenly, after some silence, and in such a rush that Taekwoon wasn’t sure he heard him right and asked him to repeat it. “We need to take a break,” he said. A sigh. “I’m sorry. I need time to figure things out.”
Taekwoon was at a loss for words. He had always made it clear that if something was wrong he could confide in him, and Hongbin knew this - he had done so several times. An uneasy feeling settled in Taekwoon’s stomach as he tried to think of all the reasons his own boyfriend wouldn’t talk to him - wouldn’t even look at him.
“Did I...did I do something?” he asked. As the words left his lips he wished he’d never said anything, too afraid of the answer.
Hongbin shook his head. “It’s not your fault.” But he wouldn’t say anything more, as if the explanation wasn’t important enough despite how it was visibly eating away at Taekwoon. They continued to walk in silence, the few inches of distance between them causing discomfort just beneath his skin. When they reached Taekwoon’s apartment, Hongbin stopped walking, not approaching the door. “I think I’m going to stay at my own place for a few days,” he said. When Taekwoon nodded, he took a few steps back before turning around. “Don’t call me.”
Taekwoon folded the shirt nicely and place it at the foot of his bed, unsure what to do with it. He knew he needed to return it, but was apprehensive about calling. He was afraid that hearing the other’s voice would tear down the walls he had been struggling to rebuild. He picked up his phone, locking and unlocking it several times, staring at the picture. It was a picture of Hongbin wearing one of Taekwoon’s sweatshirts, sleeves a bit too long, holding a white mug in his hands and smiling with a bit of coffee on his lips. After taking the picture, Taekwoon had messed around with some filters, making it grayscale. Something in the back of his mind told him he should replace the picture with something else, but he was afraid to, as if doing so would make his fears concrete.
He was putting his four-digit password in for the seventh time before he decided he could just text him. It took him several drawn out moments to type out the message.
[20:13] you forgot one of your shirts. the plain white one. when do you want to come get it?
He almost signed his name at the end, but decided against it. It seemed unlikely that the other would have deleted his number, and he wouldn’t admit to himself that he didn’t want him to - he honestly didn’t want to know.
Texting turned out not to be as easy as Taekwoon had thought it would be. He spent the forty-five minutes it took Hongbin to respond staring at the ceiling and repeating the continuous locking and unlocking of his phone screen. His phone vibrated once in that time frame, but it was just a spam e-mail. When Hongbin finally did respond, it wasn’t nearly as exciting as he had hoped.
[21:01] yeah. I’ll be out tomorrow. Want me to stop by after you get off work?
Taekwoon responded with an affirmative, that would be fine, but it didn’t feel fine.
A few days turned into a few weeks, which turned into Hongbin visiting Taekwoon’s apartment for the sole purpose of moving out his stuff. Taekwoon sat on his bed and watched the whole time, fighting off the urge to unpack everything.
“You don’t need to take that, you know,” Taekwoon noted, when he saw Hongbin in the bathroom, grabbing his toothpaste and soaps. He had been gone long enough there was no way he didn’t have any back at his own place. “You can leave it here, for when you come back.” (If you come back.)
Hongbin turned, giving an uneasy smile. “You won’t use these anyway,” he said before turning back around. Taekwoon didn’t push further.
When Hongbin left, Taekwoon wanted to reach out to hold him, just one more time, but he didn’t. He didn’t even say “good-bye.” He just nodded as the other announced he was leaving, then turned to walk out the door.
He would regret not taking his chance.
Hongbin was seventeen minutes late when he arrived, and he came with unwanted company. There was another man with him, wearing a loose plaid shirt and distressed jeans, but the part that Taekwoon noticed most was how his arm was around Hongbin’s waist. And Hongbin was smiling, something Taekwoon himself hadn’t seen in ages.
“Oh, Taekwoon!” Hongbin called when he noticed the other sitting on the steps outside his apartment, the t-shirt over his arm. He didn’t notice the t-shirt at first, but he did notice Taekwoon’s scowl. “This is, uh, this is Wonsik.” He seemed uncomfortable introducing him, which wasn’t fair considering he was the one who brought him. Wonsik held out his free hand, and Taekwoon stared at it for a moment before meeting it with his own and shaking it once. He didn’t want to touch him for any longer.
He took the shirt off of his arm and held it out to Hongbin, who took it in both hands. He mumbled some kind of “thank you,” to which Taekwoon simply nodded in response. They didn’t mess with formal good-byes.
Hongbin and Wonsik were halfway down the street before Taekwoon made a move to go back inside, but he paused, noticing Wonsik lean in to whisper something that had Hongbin smiling with his whole face, at least as far as Taekwoon could tell with their backs to him. He remembered the first time Hongbin looked at him like that - it had been the first time Taekwoon had leaned in to steal a kiss on the lips.
He pulled out his phone as he unlocked the door and walked inside, scrolling through his pictures before finding one he had taken of a sunset several months back and setting it as his phone’s new lockscreen.