(no subject)
The first of my irregular writing after a long hiatus. It will still stay irregular.
Title: He'll never know
Pairing: Hint, Onkey, Broken, Jongkey
Rating: PG-13
Type: Oneshot
Summary: ANGST. Its impossible. Not now, not ever.
A/N: Because you know angst!fics like this are coming after Jonghyun's shocking relationship.
“You're not serious, are you?”
Jonghyun shuffled his feet, looking slightly put off by Onew's whisper after a moment of silence. The leader looked as though he had aged several years at that moment, his chest heaving down.
It almost made Jonghyun feel bad for wanting to fulfill his selfish wishes for that moment in his life. “Does the president know about this?” Onew murmured through his clasped fist, like a breathe that Jonghyun couldn't almost catch.
“He should probably know. Tabloids has already captured pictures when I was picking her up.”
Onew's heart sank further down. What will the President say? The Kangin-hyung incident, the JYJ-hyung duels incident and now this. Hopefully things wouldn't go badly as predicted in Onew's mind.
Seeing the concentrated look Onew had on his face had Jonghyun almost regretting doing this. But done is done. He couldn't go back and rewind, neither can he break that promise he had done to her. His beloved.
It was only fair for the both of them. They would understand.
They have to.
“What about the others? Am I the only one that knows this?”
“Well, I'm about to te-”
The door opened suddenly, and the rest of the members tumbled in noisily. It was as though they knew they were being mentioned. But the tense air that had surrounded the usually two most carefree members in the group had the three other younger males worried as well.
Their questioning eyes that looked at both Jonghyun and Onew prodded for answers, and somehow at that moment, when Onew looked into Key's eyes, his throat clenched up.
An irritated twitch developed, and Key gave an annoyed face. “Well, what's with it!? Spit it out! Or stop sulking. Or I'll give the both of you burnt food for dinner.”
No one spoke up, while Taemin looked a little scared, his hand grabbing the hem of his shirt for comfort. Minho silently placed a hand over the maknae's shoulders, giving him the ample silent comfort needed.
“I mean it! If you guys don't start talking the next five seconds, I swear I'll-”
“I attached to Shin Se Kyung.”
“-make you eat the scraped burnt charcoal from your grandfather's socks. Wait. What?”
“I'm attached to Shin Se Kyung. Seriously.”
Jonghyun repeated again, his eyes searching for acceptance in his juniors, as though he was desperate for an answer for his actions. Onew's heart thudded heavily, his head heavy, as though he couldn't face Key at all.
Taemin's eyes widened, and Minho looked shocked as well. “When did this happen, hyung.” Jonghyun cleared his throat awkwardly. “It was for a few days already.”
“So that's where you have been these past few nights.”
“Y-yeah.”
Minho sighed, before he walked forward to pat Jonghyun on the shoulder. “So long as you're happy about it, hyung. SHINee will support you no matter what.” Taemin nodded as well, an insecure smile on his face, but nevertheless, a smile.
“You guys!” Jonghyun grinned, moving forward to give the both of them a hug, while his eyes moved towards Key. His best friend, his buddy, his dongsaeng still didn't give any reply to him.
Key blinked. Before giving Jonghyun's arm a solid punch. “Yah! You stupid pabo! Why didn't you tell me this type of important thing?! So much for a buddy huh! You're probably afraid that she might fall for me, the Almighty Key, isn't it?!”
Jonghyun laughed.
-
Taemin and Minho had already fallen asleep, exhausted from their activity in the day. Jonghyun had left to meet his girlfriend, a shy blush and a quick smile before he left. Key was squatting on the floor just outside his room.
His and Jonghyun's room.
As though he was in a daze, staring into space unintelligently.
Onew stood in front of him, his gaze hardening. “How long are you going to stay like this?”
Key didn't seem to register his words, his eyes unmoving. Onew was about to squat down, when the other male suddenly jerked. “Its getting late. I'll need to sleep... Sleep...” Key stood up, his body wobbling and his hands groping for the knob of the door.
Onew felt his heart lurch painfully.
The door opened, and Key stumbled inside before closing it again. Onew's mouth opened, but he closed it again.
Key probably didn't know that he had already knew. A long time ago. That's probably why Onew's heart went out to him this time round.
Key probably didn't know that he had already guessed why. Key probably didn't know that he was sitting outside the door to his bedroom shared with Jonghyun, hearing each sob that wrecked his body clearly. Key probably didn't know that he cared.
Key probably didn't know that he cared too much, that its killing him to just watch.
In the mornings, Key was being Key. Even with just with a tint of awkwardness, tiredness, but the Key was still there. Barking at everyone to hurry up, complaining how crumpled Taemin's uniform is, prancing about in his latest loots from the fashion street. Everything.
Onew could almost feel the gratefulness Jonghyun feels towards his juniors, upon how accepting they are towards his sudden confession. He too, did try to be himself, Onew sangtae and all.
But at night, whenever Jonghyun wasn't at home, Key locked himself somewhere without anyone's prying eyes. He cried, he sobbed, he wailed, he rocked himself back and forth, he did things. Many things.
It dug deep into Onew's soul, like a nightmare on rewind every day. How could he ever stand back and watch Key slowly fall into depression like this? “Stop it.” Onew's hand had grabbed Key's wrist when he was about to enter the bathroom.
The other male stared at him. “I need to use the bathroom, pabo.” Onew shook his head. Has Key been eating well? His wrist feels so thin and weak. The clocked ticked, indicating that the time is past eleven already.
“You know what I mean. Stop it.” Key scowled. “Let go of me.”
“No. I can't stand aside while looking at you be like this. Don't do this. Stop it.” It almost sounded as though he was pleading, no. Begging.
“Let go of me, Lee Jinki!” Key almost screamed. A scuffle, but Key had been neglecting his body far too long. Onew easily won over him. Key retaliated, and Onew's fingers tried to grabbed onto the hem of his shirt. A flicker of panic fluttered over Key's face.
Onew's eyes widened. Key looked away, irritated and hasty as he tried to pull his sweater down again. “Don't assume that you know everything. Let me alone.”
Something fell down. Onew couldn't remember what he was doing. He knew he was shouting something. There was resistance. Key was silent. All he knew is there were scars. Blood seeping through badly wrapped bandages. His fingers dug into Key's bony shoulders.
“Why?! Why are you doing this to yourself?! Why?! Was he that hard to give up? Was he?! He was worth your time, your thoughts and even your blood!?”
The door creaked open softly, but Onew didn't bother much about it. The man in front of him crumbled with every word Onew yelled, but his pride kept his face passive. “I know. I do know. I've known from the start, but have you known that I've realized it all?”
Key's eyes widened, his struggling figure slowly going lax in Onew's grip. The leader looked furious and broken at the same time, as though he was trying to gather his broken thoughts.
“Ever since you've started becoming slightly withdrawn whenever he was with other Noonas. Ever since than. Ever since you've sat down in a corner and cried everything you had when you realized that you've lost him forever.”
Onew took a deep breath. Key swallowed. “...I...I do care. He might not know. But I saw it all. Please. Don't do this to yourself...” Onew's hand carressed his stomach gently, a contrast from his previous attitude, the emotions in his words reflected in his eyes.
Key's lips trembled, his heart quaking. Onew looked away, and it was only than when Key realized that he was crying. In front of Onew, no less. Looking at the corner of his eyes, Onew realized that Minho was standing at the door, looking out from the small crack.
Taemin wasn't anywhere to be seen, and Onew gave a slight nod to acknowledge the deed Minho had done. The younger male only closed the door in reply.
Looking down at the shuddering figure before him, Onew's heart trembled again. He took a breathe, before gathering the broken figure before him into his arms. A haggard sigh.
“...I may not be him. But I'm here.”
Key choked back a sob.
Jonghyun came back very much later, like how he used to. Padding across the living room with a light heart, he was verily much startled when he saw Onew sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall with Key on his lap and chest.
The diva appeared to be sleeping, tear tracks obvious on his face, while Onew was stroking his hair slowly, as though he was deep in his thoughts. The eye that moved to acknowledge his presence differed though.
Jonghyun didn't pry, neither did he ask much. The look on Onew's face as enough, as Jonghyun opened the door to his room slowly. He collapsed on his bed, looking up at his ceiling.
His hand reached out for the box underneath his mattress, like how he did every night, before opening it. Mentally, he counted the items inside the box, before he closed them again.
16. There was already 16 razors.
Jonghyun reached for Key's pillow, his finger reaching inside the pillow cover. Mindful of the sharp item hidden inside, Jonghyun pulled it out easily before adding it into the box.
With a satisfied smile, he than tucked the box back under the mattress before lying back again.
Title: He'll never know
Pairing: Hint, Onkey, Broken, Jongkey
Rating: PG-13
Type: Oneshot
Summary: ANGST. Its impossible. Not now, not ever.
A/N: Because you know angst!fics like this are coming after Jonghyun's shocking relationship.
“You're not serious, are you?”
Jonghyun shuffled his feet, looking slightly put off by Onew's whisper after a moment of silence. The leader looked as though he had aged several years at that moment, his chest heaving down.
It almost made Jonghyun feel bad for wanting to fulfill his selfish wishes for that moment in his life. “Does the president know about this?” Onew murmured through his clasped fist, like a breathe that Jonghyun couldn't almost catch.
“He should probably know. Tabloids has already captured pictures when I was picking her up.”
Onew's heart sank further down. What will the President say? The Kangin-hyung incident, the JYJ-hyung duels incident and now this. Hopefully things wouldn't go badly as predicted in Onew's mind.
Seeing the concentrated look Onew had on his face had Jonghyun almost regretting doing this. But done is done. He couldn't go back and rewind, neither can he break that promise he had done to her. His beloved.
It was only fair for the both of them. They would understand.
They have to.
“What about the others? Am I the only one that knows this?”
“Well, I'm about to te-”
The door opened suddenly, and the rest of the members tumbled in noisily. It was as though they knew they were being mentioned. But the tense air that had surrounded the usually two most carefree members in the group had the three other younger males worried as well.
Their questioning eyes that looked at both Jonghyun and Onew prodded for answers, and somehow at that moment, when Onew looked into Key's eyes, his throat clenched up.
An irritated twitch developed, and Key gave an annoyed face. “Well, what's with it!? Spit it out! Or stop sulking. Or I'll give the both of you burnt food for dinner.”
No one spoke up, while Taemin looked a little scared, his hand grabbing the hem of his shirt for comfort. Minho silently placed a hand over the maknae's shoulders, giving him the ample silent comfort needed.
“I mean it! If you guys don't start talking the next five seconds, I swear I'll-”
“I attached to Shin Se Kyung.”
“-make you eat the scraped burnt charcoal from your grandfather's socks. Wait. What?”
“I'm attached to Shin Se Kyung. Seriously.”
Jonghyun repeated again, his eyes searching for acceptance in his juniors, as though he was desperate for an answer for his actions. Onew's heart thudded heavily, his head heavy, as though he couldn't face Key at all.
Taemin's eyes widened, and Minho looked shocked as well. “When did this happen, hyung.” Jonghyun cleared his throat awkwardly. “It was for a few days already.”
“So that's where you have been these past few nights.”
“Y-yeah.”
Minho sighed, before he walked forward to pat Jonghyun on the shoulder. “So long as you're happy about it, hyung. SHINee will support you no matter what.” Taemin nodded as well, an insecure smile on his face, but nevertheless, a smile.
“You guys!” Jonghyun grinned, moving forward to give the both of them a hug, while his eyes moved towards Key. His best friend, his buddy, his dongsaeng still didn't give any reply to him.
Key blinked. Before giving Jonghyun's arm a solid punch. “Yah! You stupid pabo! Why didn't you tell me this type of important thing?! So much for a buddy huh! You're probably afraid that she might fall for me, the Almighty Key, isn't it?!”
Jonghyun laughed.
-
Taemin and Minho had already fallen asleep, exhausted from their activity in the day. Jonghyun had left to meet his girlfriend, a shy blush and a quick smile before he left. Key was squatting on the floor just outside his room.
His and Jonghyun's room.
As though he was in a daze, staring into space unintelligently.
Onew stood in front of him, his gaze hardening. “How long are you going to stay like this?”
Key didn't seem to register his words, his eyes unmoving. Onew was about to squat down, when the other male suddenly jerked. “Its getting late. I'll need to sleep... Sleep...” Key stood up, his body wobbling and his hands groping for the knob of the door.
Onew felt his heart lurch painfully.
The door opened, and Key stumbled inside before closing it again. Onew's mouth opened, but he closed it again.
Key probably didn't know that he had already knew. A long time ago. That's probably why Onew's heart went out to him this time round.
Key probably didn't know that he had already guessed why. Key probably didn't know that he was sitting outside the door to his bedroom shared with Jonghyun, hearing each sob that wrecked his body clearly. Key probably didn't know that he cared.
Key probably didn't know that he cared too much, that its killing him to just watch.
In the mornings, Key was being Key. Even with just with a tint of awkwardness, tiredness, but the Key was still there. Barking at everyone to hurry up, complaining how crumpled Taemin's uniform is, prancing about in his latest loots from the fashion street. Everything.
Onew could almost feel the gratefulness Jonghyun feels towards his juniors, upon how accepting they are towards his sudden confession. He too, did try to be himself, Onew sangtae and all.
But at night, whenever Jonghyun wasn't at home, Key locked himself somewhere without anyone's prying eyes. He cried, he sobbed, he wailed, he rocked himself back and forth, he did things. Many things.
It dug deep into Onew's soul, like a nightmare on rewind every day. How could he ever stand back and watch Key slowly fall into depression like this? “Stop it.” Onew's hand had grabbed Key's wrist when he was about to enter the bathroom.
The other male stared at him. “I need to use the bathroom, pabo.” Onew shook his head. Has Key been eating well? His wrist feels so thin and weak. The clocked ticked, indicating that the time is past eleven already.
“You know what I mean. Stop it.” Key scowled. “Let go of me.”
“No. I can't stand aside while looking at you be like this. Don't do this. Stop it.” It almost sounded as though he was pleading, no. Begging.
“Let go of me, Lee Jinki!” Key almost screamed. A scuffle, but Key had been neglecting his body far too long. Onew easily won over him. Key retaliated, and Onew's fingers tried to grabbed onto the hem of his shirt. A flicker of panic fluttered over Key's face.
Onew's eyes widened. Key looked away, irritated and hasty as he tried to pull his sweater down again. “Don't assume that you know everything. Let me alone.”
Something fell down. Onew couldn't remember what he was doing. He knew he was shouting something. There was resistance. Key was silent. All he knew is there were scars. Blood seeping through badly wrapped bandages. His fingers dug into Key's bony shoulders.
“Why?! Why are you doing this to yourself?! Why?! Was he that hard to give up? Was he?! He was worth your time, your thoughts and even your blood!?”
The door creaked open softly, but Onew didn't bother much about it. The man in front of him crumbled with every word Onew yelled, but his pride kept his face passive. “I know. I do know. I've known from the start, but have you known that I've realized it all?”
Key's eyes widened, his struggling figure slowly going lax in Onew's grip. The leader looked furious and broken at the same time, as though he was trying to gather his broken thoughts.
“Ever since you've started becoming slightly withdrawn whenever he was with other Noonas. Ever since than. Ever since you've sat down in a corner and cried everything you had when you realized that you've lost him forever.”
Onew took a deep breath. Key swallowed. “...I...I do care. He might not know. But I saw it all. Please. Don't do this to yourself...” Onew's hand carressed his stomach gently, a contrast from his previous attitude, the emotions in his words reflected in his eyes.
Key's lips trembled, his heart quaking. Onew looked away, and it was only than when Key realized that he was crying. In front of Onew, no less. Looking at the corner of his eyes, Onew realized that Minho was standing at the door, looking out from the small crack.
Taemin wasn't anywhere to be seen, and Onew gave a slight nod to acknowledge the deed Minho had done. The younger male only closed the door in reply.
Looking down at the shuddering figure before him, Onew's heart trembled again. He took a breathe, before gathering the broken figure before him into his arms. A haggard sigh.
“...I may not be him. But I'm here.”
Key choked back a sob.
Jonghyun came back very much later, like how he used to. Padding across the living room with a light heart, he was verily much startled when he saw Onew sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall with Key on his lap and chest.
The diva appeared to be sleeping, tear tracks obvious on his face, while Onew was stroking his hair slowly, as though he was deep in his thoughts. The eye that moved to acknowledge his presence differed though.
Jonghyun didn't pry, neither did he ask much. The look on Onew's face as enough, as Jonghyun opened the door to his room slowly. He collapsed on his bed, looking up at his ceiling.
His hand reached out for the box underneath his mattress, like how he did every night, before opening it. Mentally, he counted the items inside the box, before he closed them again.
16. There was already 16 razors.
Jonghyun reached for Key's pillow, his finger reaching inside the pillow cover. Mindful of the sharp item hidden inside, Jonghyun pulled it out easily before adding it into the box.
With a satisfied smile, he than tucked the box back under the mattress before lying back again.