Fic: Call Me Conrad (3/16)
Apologies for the delay; first I was ill, then I went to Stabcon for the weekend. The Britannia's hotel WiFi is as spotty as a leopard.
Title: Call Me Conrad (part 3 of 16)
Fandoms: Buffy/Hollyoaks/Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which there are explanations, some of which make sense.
Ron was confused. That wasn't so unusual, given all of the strange things that seemed to go hand in hand with being Harry Potter's best friend. Right now, though, things seemed to have gone well past strange and taken a sharp turn for the surreal. This must be what it's like for Muggle kids going to Hogwarts, he thought.
First there was Draco Malfoy being nice. To Muggles. Under an assumed name. Ron didn't even pretend to understand what the Ferret was getting out of this, but it had been made very clear to him - by Harry of all people! - that trying to get answers there and then wasn't going to get him anywhere.
Worse were Malfoy's friends. Who appeared to be Muggles, or were at least good enough at pretending to fool Harry and Hermione. And who did magic all the same, and serious magic at that. It was driving Hermione crazy, though of course not for any reason that Ron understood. She kept muttering things like "You can't just invent rituals," shortly before they apparently invented a ritual to bury most of the Snatchers under the snowy ground to keep them asleep and out of the way. According to the shorter American, Andrew, they might not be able to wake them up before spring. Ron didn't personally care if they stayed there forever, but the idea of someone making up a spell to do that that didn't even involve wands was pretty damn scary.
Worst of all was Malfoy's girlfriend, though Malfoy had turned red and stuttered through a denial when Ron had called her that. She was short, lightly built, and gave Ron the heebie-jeebies when she was anywhere nearby. The fact that she obviously didn't like them didn't help. Ron had never seen anyone fight like her. Granted, wizards didn't generally fight with their fists much when hexing your opponent was so much easier, but still. Not even Viktor Krumm, athletic as he was, moved like Amy.
At least Hermione had impressed them. She had pulled a trunk out of their stores and enchanted some extra space into it so that they could keep the last Snatcher prisoner just like Mad-Eye Moody had been. That had made Andrew very excited, until the other American, Xander - weird names these Muggles had - had very firmly made him shut up. Though why Andrew shouldn't create a Bag of Holding, whatever that was, Ron couldn't imagine.
When it was decided that they would go to Amy's house, Ron was dubious. Nice as it would be to get out of the cold, he still didn't trust these people, not if they willingly hung out with Malfoy. He was even more dubious when they arrived and discovered what Amy's house was like. Ron was used to thinking that his parents' house was small, but Amy's flat would have fitted into the ground floor of the Burrow with room to spare.
They were met by an older man carrying a baby, who took one look at them and sighed. "More strays, Amy?" he asked.
She grinned and took the baby off him. "They followed me home, Dad. Can I keep them?" Ron would have bristled, but he was distracted watching Malfoy calmly and efficiently helping the little boy - Mark - out of his coat and hat. By the time he was paying enough attention to protest, the man was reaching for his own coat.
"I'll see you later then, Ames," he said. Amy looked blank for a moment. "Your New Year's party, remember?"
"Dad! We'll be-"
"Hosting a party for a bunch of teenagers, none of whom are noted for their restraint or common sense. You were either getting us or the Ashworths, and Neville might decide to come yet."
Amy looked mortified, which Ron understood completely. He never wanted his parents to know what had gone on in some of the parties they had held in the Gryffindor Common Room. Then she suddenly turned suspicious. "Us?"
"Your mother is coming." Apparently this wasn't a good thing, judging by the apprehensive look on Malfoy's face. "That's not up for negotiation, Amy. Treat it as an opportunity to introduce her to your new boyfriend."
Amy spluttered, and her father made good his escape while she protested that Malfoy wasn't her boyfriend. She sighed, bounced the baby and turned to Ste, the one who had been throwing lightning around. "Could you stick the kettle on?" she asked.
Ste nodded. "We... You haven't got enough mugs, though," he said surprisingly hesitantly for someone who had been such a determined pain in the arse earlier.
Ron brightened. "I can help with that," he said, fishing out his wand. Household spells for making do were practically second nature. He followed Ste into the kitchen and set about duplicating mugs.
"Handy," Ste commented. "Can you do that to food too?"
"Yeah," Ron sighed, "but it tastes like cardboard. Also these will vanish in a couple of hours, which is even less fun with food than it sounds." Which of course hadn't stopped the twins experimenting with it endlessly, usually on Ron.
Ste fiddled with a tall jug, apparently what passed for a kettle amongst Muggles since Ron soon heard the familiar hiss of heating water. "So..." Ste said, then paused.
"Yeah," Ron agreed unhelpfully. He had so many questions he didn't know where to start either.
"How long have you known about magic?" Ste blurted out.
"My whole life. All of my family are wizards, so I grew up with it. All this," he indicated the kettle, and all the other Muggle stuff in the kitchen, "is new to me." Ste looked sceptical. Ron took that as permission to press on. "No, really. I mean, how does that heat the water?"
"No idea," Ste said. "I just turn it on." He looked awkward and annoyed, kind of like how Ron felt whenever he got picked on by a teacher to answer questions in class. Belatedly it occurred to him that Ste might feel much the same about Muggle things like kettles.
The awkward silence was broken by Xander bustling in and dumping a bag on the kitchen table. It looked like that Muggle plastic stuff, and Ron drifted over in the hope of getting a better look.
"I got more tea and coffee," Xander said, pulling boxes and bottles out of the bag. Definitely plastic, Ron thought. "It's not like Giles will notice it in the expenses budget, plus I know Amy doesn't have enough... Oh. Where did you get the mugs from?"
Ste nodded at Ron. "He magicked them up."
"Really? How does that work? No, never mind, I wouldn't understand the answer anyway. Expect Josh and Andrew to start an inquisition any minute, though."
Ron dragged his attention from the sight of actual polly-steering cups. "Huh?"
"Nothing. Could you see how many teas and coffees we need?"
Ten minutes later, Ron was sitting on the floor next to Hermione and leaning up again Harry's chair, mug of tea in hand. It was time for some explanations.
"So," Xander said from his perch on the arm of the sofa when everyone was settled. "There's a lot for us to talk about, but I guess top of the list is this Dork Lord you guys are up against. What can you tell us about him?"
It took a while. Harry gave them a potted history of Voldemort's various attempts on his life, with Ron and Hermione chipping in every now and then. "It's all because of this prophecy," Harry finished bitterly.
Xander and Andrew winced, to Ron's surprise. "Prophecies suck," Xander said sympathetically. "You spend your whole time trying to work out what they mean, and in the end it's never what you think. On the plus side, it's never what the bad guys think either. I swear the Powers just enjoy jerking us around."
"You sound awfully blasé about You-Know-Who trying to kill Harry," Hermione observed.
Xander shrugged. "Probably because I spent most of my teenage years trying not to be killed by various supernatural nasties. You get used to it, I guess. Do you know what your prophecy says?"
"Yes," Harry said grimly, "and You-Know-Who doesn't. He only knows the first part." Taking a deep breath, Harry recited the prophecy. Ron couldn't help but shiver at the final line: "Neither can live while the other survives."
"Well, that's cheery," Xander said into the silence that followed. "We can see if there's anything helpful in the Council archives. So what's this guy up to when he's not trying to kill teenagers?"
"Attacking Muggles, non-magical people," Hermione said. "Or at least sending his Death Eater minions out to do it for him." Ron glared at Malfoy. He at least had no intention of forgetting who let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts.
Andrew frowned. "Would these minions be wearing masks and cloaks?" he asked.
"Robes, yeah," Ron corrected. "Purebloods do like their traditions." He glared at Malfoy again, a wasted effort since the other boy seemed to be trying to shrink into his chair anyway.
"Why?" Josh asked. "If wizards are supposed to be a secret, what's the point of the attacks? Someone's bound to suspect something eventually."
"It keeps his supporters happy," Malfoy said quietly, surprising Ron yet again. "A lot of the old families think that being a wizard automatically makes you superior, particularly if your ancestors were wizards as far back as anyone can trace. They look on Muggles as vermin, getting in the way of real people. Going out and hunting Muggles is only right and just to them."
"It's worse than that," Harry said. "Tom- I mean You-Know-Who's father was a Muggle, and he didn't react well to discovering his wife was a witch. Young Tom ended up in an orphanage, and pretty much all he learned there was to hate people. He wants to kill Muggles because he can, and the more scared they are, the better."
"Like a terrorist?" the man who had been introduced as Jake asked. Harry and Hermione nodded; Ron took a wild guess at what he meant and nodded too.
"So the attacks really are random, just to cause fear and confusion," Xander said. "Willow was tearing her hair out trying to find a pattern." He shared a look with Andrew.
"I'd better phone the Council," Andrew said. He sounded a bit uncertain, which didn't reassure Ron at all.
"Nah, I'll do it," Xander said breezily. "Willow won't argue so much with me. Besides, you do the Speech better than I do."
"Excuse me?" Hermione raised her hand, for all the world like she was still in a classroom. "What is this Council? We can't just go telling everyone about this, the Statute of Secrecy still applies."
"That would be my cue to get out of here and let Andrew explain," Xander said, standing up and fishing a small flat box out of his pocket.
Andrew pulled himself up straight as Xander left the room. "We are part of the International Watchers Council," he said importantly. Josh coughed. "Er, that is, Xander and Amy and I are. It is our job to watch out for supernatural threats and deal with them wherever they arise. You see, in the beginning, the world was not a paradise..."
By the end of the explanation, Ron's head was spinning. Apparently there were worse things out there than his DADA lessons had even hinted at, which was alarming enough. Then a bunch of Muggles had not only discovered that the old bogey-man story of the Slayer was real, but had turned one magically-empowered warrior into an entire army of girls. It made sense of the way Amy had knocked down the Snatchers, but the amount of magic involved... "But that's impossible," he protested weakly.
"That's us, doing the impossible," Xander said cheerfully as he squeezed back into the little living room. "We've got the researchers on this, as much as they're doing anything today, but I don't honestly expect anyone to come up from London until they get over their hangovers tomorrow. It would help if we had a target to point the girls at."
Harry looked as dumb-founded as Ron felt. "Just like that," he said.
"Yeah, well, New Year," Xander explained. "What can you do?"
"No, I mean you're helping us just like that?"
Justin, the one who didn't seem to like Malfoy, pointed at Harry lazily. "You have a supernatural problem," he said. He pointed at Xander. "He's a supernatural problem-solver, a fact we're all really grateful for."
Xander grinned and bowed. "Besides, Conrad vouched for you."
Ron looked at Malfoy, and went with the question that had been bothering him all day. "Why do you keep calling him that?"
"It's the name he gave us," Jake said. He looked tense. "More than that you don't need to know."
"Really," Justin added. "I don't like him much and I still think you don't need to know."
"But..." Ron looked at Malfoy again, really looked, and couldn't continue. He looked so small, so defeated, so unlike the braggart Ron knew and hated.
"I don't deserve my name," Malfoy whispered.
"No," Harry replied gravely, "I think maybe your name doesn't deserve you. Whatever happened, you're a better man than you were."
Ron wasn't at all convinced of that, but it went down well with Malfoy's friends. Malfoy himself didn't seem so sure. "But I didn't do anything," he protested.
"Yes you did," Hermione put in. "You stopped us fighting. You protected... Mark, is it? You protected Mark and Amy when you thought we might hurt them. The old Draco wouldn't have done any of those things." Malfoy coloured and wouldn't look up.
"What I don't understand," Hermione continued to the rest of the room, "is how all of you were doing magic at all, never mind so much of it."
"We're druids," Josh said almost off-handedly. Ron had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Apparently Hermione did.
"That's impossible," she said. "The druids died out in 60 AD when the Romans invaded Anglesey with the aid of their Mercurian magicians, the ones who eventually became modern wizards." Ron looked at her blankly, having no idea what she was talking about. "Honestly, Ron, didn't you pay any attention in History of Magic?"
"Um, no?"
That at least got a laugh out of the others, even if it made Hermione scowl at him. "The point is that there haven't been any druids for nearly two thousand years."
"There haven't been," Josh agreed easily, "but now there are. And you turned up unexpectedly in the middle of our grove."
"We were just looking for somewhere out of the way to hide," Hermione told him, not the slightest bit apologetic. "If we had known the place had a magical signature we wouldn't have gone anywhere near it."
"We wouldn't?" Ron asked.
"Too obvious," Harry said. "You-Know-Who is bound to look at magical places eventually. Anything that could give him a bit more power."
Josh looked across at Andrew. "We need to hide the Grove better," he said.
Craig stirred in the chair he was sharing way too closely with, um, John Paul? Something like that. Ron was glad he had a good memory for names, but there were limits.
"I think we might be OK with that," Craig said when Josh looked at him. "You know how Jake said people tend to get turned around whenever they wander into the trees?" The locals all nodded; Ron guessed they must mean some kind of aversion spell. "Well, I think we might have encouraged it to do the same with apparating - that's what you call it, right?"
Ron and Harry both nodded. "What do you mean, encouraged?" Harry asked.
"When we put together the ritual to stop those guys apparating out, we beefed up the turn-around effect as well so they wouldn't be able to run away." Craig said sheepishly. "When we stopped, some of it... stuck?"
"Unwanted visitors will end up in the trees rather than the clearing," John Paul translated. "They won't be able to find a way in any more than normal people can."
"That won't keep out a determined wizard forever," Ron observed.
"No, but it will give us time to get there." Josh leaned back against Ste and looked thoughtful. "Do you think we could figure out how to apparate for ourselves?"
"I think we've done enough experimenting with magic for one day," Xander said firmly. "We're lucky everyone still has all their limbs attached."
"But..." Andrew subsided into silence under Xander's glare. Ron got the impression that Andrew was rather like Seamus; more enthusiasm than sense.
There was an awkward silence, then Amy said, "So what are we going to do with you three then?" She didn't say it threateningly, but Ron couldn't help reaching for his wand. They had been deceived too many times recently for him not to worry. Fortunately Amy didn't seem to notice. "I mean, we don't have any more bedrooms here, and no one else has any space either. I'd offer you the sofa, but there's a party here tonight."
"We've got a tent," Ron blurted out. All this matter-of-fact helpfulness they were getting was making him nervous.
Amy frowned. "I don't know where you could pitch a three-man tent," she said. "They don't allow them in the park."
"It would fit in your garden," Harry explained before Ron could. "No one will notice it anyway once Hermione finishes warding it."
"Won't you be a bit squashed in that little space?" Ste asked, glancing out of the window at the tiny back garden.
"It's bigger on the inside," Ron said, a little confused. Weren't all tents like that?
"Like a TARDIS," Andrew said, nodding. He was trying not to sound excited and failing miserably. Ron had no clue what he was talking about.
Harry laughed. "It's not that big," he said. What's a tardis, Ron wanted to ask, but Xander interrupted.
"No, Andrew."
"But..."
"No. It cannot end well. Besides, they don't have police call boxes in this country any more."
Everybody else was grinning, including Harry and Hermione, except for Malfoy who seemed just as confused as Ron. "Erm...?"
"Don't worry, Ron," Hermione said, "it's not important."
Amy struggled to control her snickering, something that did not endear her to Ron. "You'd better start getting that tent up and hidden, then," she said. "Sasha could be round any time."
"Who... wait, here?"
"Yes, here. Just because it isn't her party doesn't mean she won't try to organise it."
"I think they were talking about where to pitch the tent," Josh said, grinning. Amy looked embarrassed.
"That's a very kind offer," Hermione said. She stood up, nudging Ron with her foot. He scrambled upright, knowing she'd only get less subtle if he stayed there. "We'll do that right away. Then maybe we can help you with your party too."
Ron rolled his eyes. Typical, he thought. They hadn't been here an hour and already Hermione was trying to take over. He looked at Harry, who was frantically shaking his head and mouthing "No," to Amy.
Amy smiled evilly. "That's a great idea," she said. "And we've got all these big strong men to help us, too."
"Run for your lives," Xander told the others.
Title: Call Me Conrad (part 3 of 16)
Fandoms: Buffy/Hollyoaks/Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which there are explanations, some of which make sense.
Ron was confused. That wasn't so unusual, given all of the strange things that seemed to go hand in hand with being Harry Potter's best friend. Right now, though, things seemed to have gone well past strange and taken a sharp turn for the surreal. This must be what it's like for Muggle kids going to Hogwarts, he thought.
First there was Draco Malfoy being nice. To Muggles. Under an assumed name. Ron didn't even pretend to understand what the Ferret was getting out of this, but it had been made very clear to him - by Harry of all people! - that trying to get answers there and then wasn't going to get him anywhere.
Worse were Malfoy's friends. Who appeared to be Muggles, or were at least good enough at pretending to fool Harry and Hermione. And who did magic all the same, and serious magic at that. It was driving Hermione crazy, though of course not for any reason that Ron understood. She kept muttering things like "You can't just invent rituals," shortly before they apparently invented a ritual to bury most of the Snatchers under the snowy ground to keep them asleep and out of the way. According to the shorter American, Andrew, they might not be able to wake them up before spring. Ron didn't personally care if they stayed there forever, but the idea of someone making up a spell to do that that didn't even involve wands was pretty damn scary.
Worst of all was Malfoy's girlfriend, though Malfoy had turned red and stuttered through a denial when Ron had called her that. She was short, lightly built, and gave Ron the heebie-jeebies when she was anywhere nearby. The fact that she obviously didn't like them didn't help. Ron had never seen anyone fight like her. Granted, wizards didn't generally fight with their fists much when hexing your opponent was so much easier, but still. Not even Viktor Krumm, athletic as he was, moved like Amy.
At least Hermione had impressed them. She had pulled a trunk out of their stores and enchanted some extra space into it so that they could keep the last Snatcher prisoner just like Mad-Eye Moody had been. That had made Andrew very excited, until the other American, Xander - weird names these Muggles had - had very firmly made him shut up. Though why Andrew shouldn't create a Bag of Holding, whatever that was, Ron couldn't imagine.
When it was decided that they would go to Amy's house, Ron was dubious. Nice as it would be to get out of the cold, he still didn't trust these people, not if they willingly hung out with Malfoy. He was even more dubious when they arrived and discovered what Amy's house was like. Ron was used to thinking that his parents' house was small, but Amy's flat would have fitted into the ground floor of the Burrow with room to spare.
They were met by an older man carrying a baby, who took one look at them and sighed. "More strays, Amy?" he asked.
She grinned and took the baby off him. "They followed me home, Dad. Can I keep them?" Ron would have bristled, but he was distracted watching Malfoy calmly and efficiently helping the little boy - Mark - out of his coat and hat. By the time he was paying enough attention to protest, the man was reaching for his own coat.
"I'll see you later then, Ames," he said. Amy looked blank for a moment. "Your New Year's party, remember?"
"Dad! We'll be-"
"Hosting a party for a bunch of teenagers, none of whom are noted for their restraint or common sense. You were either getting us or the Ashworths, and Neville might decide to come yet."
Amy looked mortified, which Ron understood completely. He never wanted his parents to know what had gone on in some of the parties they had held in the Gryffindor Common Room. Then she suddenly turned suspicious. "Us?"
"Your mother is coming." Apparently this wasn't a good thing, judging by the apprehensive look on Malfoy's face. "That's not up for negotiation, Amy. Treat it as an opportunity to introduce her to your new boyfriend."
Amy spluttered, and her father made good his escape while she protested that Malfoy wasn't her boyfriend. She sighed, bounced the baby and turned to Ste, the one who had been throwing lightning around. "Could you stick the kettle on?" she asked.
Ste nodded. "We... You haven't got enough mugs, though," he said surprisingly hesitantly for someone who had been such a determined pain in the arse earlier.
Ron brightened. "I can help with that," he said, fishing out his wand. Household spells for making do were practically second nature. He followed Ste into the kitchen and set about duplicating mugs.
"Handy," Ste commented. "Can you do that to food too?"
"Yeah," Ron sighed, "but it tastes like cardboard. Also these will vanish in a couple of hours, which is even less fun with food than it sounds." Which of course hadn't stopped the twins experimenting with it endlessly, usually on Ron.
Ste fiddled with a tall jug, apparently what passed for a kettle amongst Muggles since Ron soon heard the familiar hiss of heating water. "So..." Ste said, then paused.
"Yeah," Ron agreed unhelpfully. He had so many questions he didn't know where to start either.
"How long have you known about magic?" Ste blurted out.
"My whole life. All of my family are wizards, so I grew up with it. All this," he indicated the kettle, and all the other Muggle stuff in the kitchen, "is new to me." Ste looked sceptical. Ron took that as permission to press on. "No, really. I mean, how does that heat the water?"
"No idea," Ste said. "I just turn it on." He looked awkward and annoyed, kind of like how Ron felt whenever he got picked on by a teacher to answer questions in class. Belatedly it occurred to him that Ste might feel much the same about Muggle things like kettles.
The awkward silence was broken by Xander bustling in and dumping a bag on the kitchen table. It looked like that Muggle plastic stuff, and Ron drifted over in the hope of getting a better look.
"I got more tea and coffee," Xander said, pulling boxes and bottles out of the bag. Definitely plastic, Ron thought. "It's not like Giles will notice it in the expenses budget, plus I know Amy doesn't have enough... Oh. Where did you get the mugs from?"
Ste nodded at Ron. "He magicked them up."
"Really? How does that work? No, never mind, I wouldn't understand the answer anyway. Expect Josh and Andrew to start an inquisition any minute, though."
Ron dragged his attention from the sight of actual polly-steering cups. "Huh?"
"Nothing. Could you see how many teas and coffees we need?"
Ten minutes later, Ron was sitting on the floor next to Hermione and leaning up again Harry's chair, mug of tea in hand. It was time for some explanations.
"So," Xander said from his perch on the arm of the sofa when everyone was settled. "There's a lot for us to talk about, but I guess top of the list is this Dork Lord you guys are up against. What can you tell us about him?"
It took a while. Harry gave them a potted history of Voldemort's various attempts on his life, with Ron and Hermione chipping in every now and then. "It's all because of this prophecy," Harry finished bitterly.
Xander and Andrew winced, to Ron's surprise. "Prophecies suck," Xander said sympathetically. "You spend your whole time trying to work out what they mean, and in the end it's never what you think. On the plus side, it's never what the bad guys think either. I swear the Powers just enjoy jerking us around."
"You sound awfully blasé about You-Know-Who trying to kill Harry," Hermione observed.
Xander shrugged. "Probably because I spent most of my teenage years trying not to be killed by various supernatural nasties. You get used to it, I guess. Do you know what your prophecy says?"
"Yes," Harry said grimly, "and You-Know-Who doesn't. He only knows the first part." Taking a deep breath, Harry recited the prophecy. Ron couldn't help but shiver at the final line: "Neither can live while the other survives."
"Well, that's cheery," Xander said into the silence that followed. "We can see if there's anything helpful in the Council archives. So what's this guy up to when he's not trying to kill teenagers?"
"Attacking Muggles, non-magical people," Hermione said. "Or at least sending his Death Eater minions out to do it for him." Ron glared at Malfoy. He at least had no intention of forgetting who let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts.
Andrew frowned. "Would these minions be wearing masks and cloaks?" he asked.
"Robes, yeah," Ron corrected. "Purebloods do like their traditions." He glared at Malfoy again, a wasted effort since the other boy seemed to be trying to shrink into his chair anyway.
"Why?" Josh asked. "If wizards are supposed to be a secret, what's the point of the attacks? Someone's bound to suspect something eventually."
"It keeps his supporters happy," Malfoy said quietly, surprising Ron yet again. "A lot of the old families think that being a wizard automatically makes you superior, particularly if your ancestors were wizards as far back as anyone can trace. They look on Muggles as vermin, getting in the way of real people. Going out and hunting Muggles is only right and just to them."
"It's worse than that," Harry said. "Tom- I mean You-Know-Who's father was a Muggle, and he didn't react well to discovering his wife was a witch. Young Tom ended up in an orphanage, and pretty much all he learned there was to hate people. He wants to kill Muggles because he can, and the more scared they are, the better."
"Like a terrorist?" the man who had been introduced as Jake asked. Harry and Hermione nodded; Ron took a wild guess at what he meant and nodded too.
"So the attacks really are random, just to cause fear and confusion," Xander said. "Willow was tearing her hair out trying to find a pattern." He shared a look with Andrew.
"I'd better phone the Council," Andrew said. He sounded a bit uncertain, which didn't reassure Ron at all.
"Nah, I'll do it," Xander said breezily. "Willow won't argue so much with me. Besides, you do the Speech better than I do."
"Excuse me?" Hermione raised her hand, for all the world like she was still in a classroom. "What is this Council? We can't just go telling everyone about this, the Statute of Secrecy still applies."
"That would be my cue to get out of here and let Andrew explain," Xander said, standing up and fishing a small flat box out of his pocket.
Andrew pulled himself up straight as Xander left the room. "We are part of the International Watchers Council," he said importantly. Josh coughed. "Er, that is, Xander and Amy and I are. It is our job to watch out for supernatural threats and deal with them wherever they arise. You see, in the beginning, the world was not a paradise..."
By the end of the explanation, Ron's head was spinning. Apparently there were worse things out there than his DADA lessons had even hinted at, which was alarming enough. Then a bunch of Muggles had not only discovered that the old bogey-man story of the Slayer was real, but had turned one magically-empowered warrior into an entire army of girls. It made sense of the way Amy had knocked down the Snatchers, but the amount of magic involved... "But that's impossible," he protested weakly.
"That's us, doing the impossible," Xander said cheerfully as he squeezed back into the little living room. "We've got the researchers on this, as much as they're doing anything today, but I don't honestly expect anyone to come up from London until they get over their hangovers tomorrow. It would help if we had a target to point the girls at."
Harry looked as dumb-founded as Ron felt. "Just like that," he said.
"Yeah, well, New Year," Xander explained. "What can you do?"
"No, I mean you're helping us just like that?"
Justin, the one who didn't seem to like Malfoy, pointed at Harry lazily. "You have a supernatural problem," he said. He pointed at Xander. "He's a supernatural problem-solver, a fact we're all really grateful for."
Xander grinned and bowed. "Besides, Conrad vouched for you."
Ron looked at Malfoy, and went with the question that had been bothering him all day. "Why do you keep calling him that?"
"It's the name he gave us," Jake said. He looked tense. "More than that you don't need to know."
"Really," Justin added. "I don't like him much and I still think you don't need to know."
"But..." Ron looked at Malfoy again, really looked, and couldn't continue. He looked so small, so defeated, so unlike the braggart Ron knew and hated.
"I don't deserve my name," Malfoy whispered.
"No," Harry replied gravely, "I think maybe your name doesn't deserve you. Whatever happened, you're a better man than you were."
Ron wasn't at all convinced of that, but it went down well with Malfoy's friends. Malfoy himself didn't seem so sure. "But I didn't do anything," he protested.
"Yes you did," Hermione put in. "You stopped us fighting. You protected... Mark, is it? You protected Mark and Amy when you thought we might hurt them. The old Draco wouldn't have done any of those things." Malfoy coloured and wouldn't look up.
"What I don't understand," Hermione continued to the rest of the room, "is how all of you were doing magic at all, never mind so much of it."
"We're druids," Josh said almost off-handedly. Ron had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Apparently Hermione did.
"That's impossible," she said. "The druids died out in 60 AD when the Romans invaded Anglesey with the aid of their Mercurian magicians, the ones who eventually became modern wizards." Ron looked at her blankly, having no idea what she was talking about. "Honestly, Ron, didn't you pay any attention in History of Magic?"
"Um, no?"
That at least got a laugh out of the others, even if it made Hermione scowl at him. "The point is that there haven't been any druids for nearly two thousand years."
"There haven't been," Josh agreed easily, "but now there are. And you turned up unexpectedly in the middle of our grove."
"We were just looking for somewhere out of the way to hide," Hermione told him, not the slightest bit apologetic. "If we had known the place had a magical signature we wouldn't have gone anywhere near it."
"We wouldn't?" Ron asked.
"Too obvious," Harry said. "You-Know-Who is bound to look at magical places eventually. Anything that could give him a bit more power."
Josh looked across at Andrew. "We need to hide the Grove better," he said.
Craig stirred in the chair he was sharing way too closely with, um, John Paul? Something like that. Ron was glad he had a good memory for names, but there were limits.
"I think we might be OK with that," Craig said when Josh looked at him. "You know how Jake said people tend to get turned around whenever they wander into the trees?" The locals all nodded; Ron guessed they must mean some kind of aversion spell. "Well, I think we might have encouraged it to do the same with apparating - that's what you call it, right?"
Ron and Harry both nodded. "What do you mean, encouraged?" Harry asked.
"When we put together the ritual to stop those guys apparating out, we beefed up the turn-around effect as well so they wouldn't be able to run away." Craig said sheepishly. "When we stopped, some of it... stuck?"
"Unwanted visitors will end up in the trees rather than the clearing," John Paul translated. "They won't be able to find a way in any more than normal people can."
"That won't keep out a determined wizard forever," Ron observed.
"No, but it will give us time to get there." Josh leaned back against Ste and looked thoughtful. "Do you think we could figure out how to apparate for ourselves?"
"I think we've done enough experimenting with magic for one day," Xander said firmly. "We're lucky everyone still has all their limbs attached."
"But..." Andrew subsided into silence under Xander's glare. Ron got the impression that Andrew was rather like Seamus; more enthusiasm than sense.
There was an awkward silence, then Amy said, "So what are we going to do with you three then?" She didn't say it threateningly, but Ron couldn't help reaching for his wand. They had been deceived too many times recently for him not to worry. Fortunately Amy didn't seem to notice. "I mean, we don't have any more bedrooms here, and no one else has any space either. I'd offer you the sofa, but there's a party here tonight."
"We've got a tent," Ron blurted out. All this matter-of-fact helpfulness they were getting was making him nervous.
Amy frowned. "I don't know where you could pitch a three-man tent," she said. "They don't allow them in the park."
"It would fit in your garden," Harry explained before Ron could. "No one will notice it anyway once Hermione finishes warding it."
"Won't you be a bit squashed in that little space?" Ste asked, glancing out of the window at the tiny back garden.
"It's bigger on the inside," Ron said, a little confused. Weren't all tents like that?
"Like a TARDIS," Andrew said, nodding. He was trying not to sound excited and failing miserably. Ron had no clue what he was talking about.
Harry laughed. "It's not that big," he said. What's a tardis, Ron wanted to ask, but Xander interrupted.
"No, Andrew."
"But..."
"No. It cannot end well. Besides, they don't have police call boxes in this country any more."
Everybody else was grinning, including Harry and Hermione, except for Malfoy who seemed just as confused as Ron. "Erm...?"
"Don't worry, Ron," Hermione said, "it's not important."
Amy struggled to control her snickering, something that did not endear her to Ron. "You'd better start getting that tent up and hidden, then," she said. "Sasha could be round any time."
"Who... wait, here?"
"Yes, here. Just because it isn't her party doesn't mean she won't try to organise it."
"I think they were talking about where to pitch the tent," Josh said, grinning. Amy looked embarrassed.
"That's a very kind offer," Hermione said. She stood up, nudging Ron with her foot. He scrambled upright, knowing she'd only get less subtle if he stayed there. "We'll do that right away. Then maybe we can help you with your party too."
Ron rolled his eyes. Typical, he thought. They hadn't been here an hour and already Hermione was trying to take over. He looked at Harry, who was frantically shaking his head and mouthing "No," to Amy.
Amy smiled evilly. "That's a great idea," she said. "And we've got all these big strong men to help us, too."
"Run for your lives," Xander told the others.