Straddling the bar like it's a quarter a ride...
This has become very important to me. It isn't about aligning myself with the left and distancing myself from the right (at least not all of it, hehe). I'm not pushing an agenda for my own greed. I admit I would rather associate with this group than the alternative, but I don't believe it's all about that because in this case, either side could potentially cause shy little me a great deal of discomfort at some point. There is just this feeling I can't shake, a tugging at my heart. A stabbing in my gut when I think about Jesus going to those who were outcast, defiled, unclean, unwanted. He reached out his fingers and touched people that no one else would come near. This is a group that has literally been shut out of the church. It doesn't get much more anti-Jesus than that. I guarantee you He wouldn't be sitting with his ass resting on a pew cushion while there were other people outside, completely shunned and stigmatized by those in the pews around Him. I have to believe it this way. It's the difference between a life of bondage and a life of freedom & love. It's spending your whole life, every moment of every day, trying to change who you are, change the way you feel on a very primal level; vs. believing you were created intentionally, in His very image, every detail, every idiosyncrasy, that He appreciates all of it, and loves all of it, and you are a gift and unique and special and amazing. It's the difference between feeling like you will never be right, never get it right, and feeling the unconditional love of a spouse, only the kind that will never divorce you or tell you it's all your fault or give up on you. I could be waxing melodramatic here, but if I have learned anything from my life up till now, it's all of this. I just can't go back to the way I was. I know I have to turn my overactive intellectualism off sometimes and let my gut guide me. My acrylic designs sucked while I was overanalyzing them; I had to let go and let my creative intuition guide me. Sometimes you have to go with what feels right, because maybe it is. Don't discount the feeling of love when it swells up in your chest. We are longing for something...