PC?
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE or Politically Incorrect One-Liners:
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
- Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
- The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
- The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
- Because it's worth it.
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
- One US leader.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
- Doughnuts.
Why is air a lot like sex?
- Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
- Because Janet Reno is her real father.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
- 100 people who don't do dick.
What do you call a smart blonde?
- A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
- Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
- 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
- 45 minutes.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
- None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
- They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
- Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
- The blonde, because she's 18.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
- Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
- A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
- "Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
- Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
- Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
- Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
- Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
- He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
- Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
- "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
- A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
- They named him "Sum Ting Wong."
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
- A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
- They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
- A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
- Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
- A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
- No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
My, my, how times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
- Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
- The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
- The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
- Because it's worth it.
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
- One US leader.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
- Doughnuts.
Why is air a lot like sex?
- Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
- Because Janet Reno is her real father.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
- 100 people who don't do dick.
What do you call a smart blonde?
- A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
- Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
- 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
- 45 minutes.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
- None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
- They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
- Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
- The blonde, because she's 18.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
- Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
- A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
- "Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
- Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
- Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
- Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
- Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
- He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
- Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
- "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
- A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
- They named him "Sum Ting Wong."
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
- A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
- They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
- A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
- Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
- A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
- No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
My, my, how times have changed. Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR.