like a diamond in the sky (Jessica/Onew)

[ciel_dao]

like a diamond in the sky
Jessica/Onew. features bits and pieces of SME.
G; angst, fluff and happy!ending love. Predebut-postdebut

the melting of Jessica, induced (unconsciously) by Jinki and observed by Tiffany, Jonghyun and Kibum.

Comments

[yumeyana]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw. <3

[ciel_dao]

d'awwwwww? :)

[hoyah]

*-* that was so pretty and lovely

[ciel_dao]

merci beaucoup :)

[cruel_disorder]

This was recced by hoyah and I thought I'd come and take a look :)

Overall I liked the kind of storytelling you were going for. There was a certain vagueness to the whole thing which was both good and bad for me, in that I could appreciate the way the two seemed to exist in a world where Onew understands and doesn't mind Sica's coldness even without having to talk about it, but I also had trouble trying to make sense of what their words meant (like why Onew said 'No' to the magic and then 'Maybe'; idk maybe I'm missing something lol). I have a feeling you didn't really want us to know because they were communicating something perhaps only they understood, but I found it a bit of a hindrance to my enjoyment of it.

Some critiques:

giving him and everyone cold eyes, cold heart and cold shoulder.
I think "cold eyes and the cold shoulder" sounds better and then in the same paragraph you can work in a sentence about her heart being cold, because "to give someone a cold heart" needs further explaining imo I wasn't sure what you meant.

Then

[ciel_dao]

*dances around*

Yaaay! Thank you SO much for all of your critique- it really helps. I am reading over the story again now, and I realize that it is very vague in some (many) parts. I do believe that my style right now is a little convoluted and heavy (too! much! to! say!) and am working on editing it down. The hurried feeling could also be attributed to the fact that I wasn't willing to put in too much work on really drawing out the characters :p I'm in way too much of a rush.

Again, thank you so much for your help and I will definitely keep it in mind for the future. Hope you liked it!

[shepardlover]

ADORABLE ONSICA YAY! XD

[ciel_dao]

thank you :)

[forevermyworld]

damn, i think i need to add you to my list of favorite writers.