stream of consciousness
Hello, it's been a long time! This is the me who has pretty much turned hikikomori and socially stupid after months of hanging out with my best buddies, my studies. I was trying to emulate my O-levels determination where I hardly touched any form of recreation at all, so I banned sites involving most social media, k-pop, tumblr and all that jazz but of course it just had to backfire. (´；ω；`) I wound up creating a weheartit and last.fm, so do add me if you have an account there too! After I revamped my flavors recently, I realised now I have more useless sites added to the list then ever, whut. I must admit I overindulge in impracticalities a little too much...
My writing has started to become rather rusty, and I'm back to that phase where I feel a little uncomfortable talking about myself - time to change that and journal more often again. Here's some things I've been up to!
1. had an awesome birthday
I managed to pull out some time to celebrate with jlyow, who bears the same birthday with me, along with my cute tree, printedapples, this year. I have brought a lot of trouble to you guys this year with my problematic personality and my persistent vulnerability to illnesses, I'm really really sorry. Thanks for staying with me even so, I love you guys. ❤ On two other occasions, I also met up with a few secondary school classmates who have never forgotten me even despite very brief contact over the past two years because of our hectic lifestyles. For that, I'm unendingly thankful too.（≧ｖ≦●）
We went to a Japanese sweets and desserts buffet (and also where I swore to bring numbuh_009 to if she ever comes to Singapore!), and I still can't get enough of it! It's a small, quaint place which serves a free flow of sweets and desserts, but also odd Western dishes like takoyaki pastaaaaa. Man that tasted good. If I don't make it as an artist, I'm so going to become a food photographer. (｡✧‿✧｡)
2. completed my art coursework, and with that
3. had my senior end-of-year art exhibition
thumbnails of my digital painting series, "Sub Rosa"
Ah, coursework; my first real school-based art project and hence, biggest achievement, but also my hugest shame. This year has been horrible - due to my ineptitude to progress in the right direction for my coursework, I spent a good deal of months stagnating, limiting myself by repeatedly by imposing my own assumptions about art class onto myself. "Art must look realistic", "art must take reference in everything" - I had so many opportunities to utilise my imagination (which is also where my love for art really is), but I ran away from it instead. By the time I caught up, it was already June, and I had wasted too much time trying to keep afloat rather than going forwards. At many times I simply couldn't imagine myself completing the work at all.
But somehow, with (a little too) many tears and plenty of (both metaphorical and literal) blood, I did. The day of submission brought some lingering emptiness and disappointment - not that I had time to hold onto that; almost immediately after was hitting the books. While the rest of the school had months to prepare, I only had a month, and it was a do-or-die on the actual exam itself. In addition to my most traumatising prelim exams' grades (which I had no time to study for), the most hopeless feeling overcame me, like I had hit rock bottom but didn't have enough time to surface for a breath. I'm so glad it's over.
I'm still not happy with my coursework outcome. I frequently have to consciously quell that feeling of self-disgust and tides of dispiritedness. The art exhibition was an ego-booster - I honestly cannot describe how exhilarating it is for people to be curious about your work. I'm still uncomfortable about public speaking, but this was different. After all those months of self-accusation, this made it worth it. This is another facet of art which I've never experienced while I was still secretly doodling animu characters just two years back, and I'm just starting to fall in love with.
My biggest dilemma to taking art as a subject was growing to hate it when I couldn't meet with standards, or if it became an obligation - I'm glad this never happened. I'm planning to apply an art university next year, and hopefully, this will hold true even then. (❀◡‿◡｡)
On a more frivolous note: well okay, blood was only shed because I was chopping tape and, quite miraculously, missed while setting up my paintings, but still. Also, after some research on the paper my paintings should be printed on, my teacher and I decided to settle for Hahnemuhle Museum Etching paper, which is 100+$ per A2 piece, no kidding. And seeing as I had six paintings... I was standing in its midst after set up and feeling utterly overwhelmed. Of course, the cost was covered by the school, hur hur. ε(๑◕ ω ◕๑)з
4. completed my A's and SATs
Another of the most horrific experiences - most of the days before my papers were spent tossing and turning, victim to insomnia and nightmares, and while a few papers were slightly satisfying, most were pure torture. Even now, I'm getting nightmares about scenarios where I couldn't finish my H3 Art paper. (shivers)
But after some introspection, the exams were definitely not as painful as its preparation, where the waiting came without an end in sight.
aaaand on a more trivial note, 5. fandommmmm
Remember how I said I isolated myself from k-pop? Well not as planned, I got back into animanga (which I naively thought I wouldn't get addicted to again), when it seems that most people I know have moved on from. It's kind of sad to be keyboard-smashing all alone, y'know. (๑◕︵◕๑) Anyone who happens to be into Reborn, Nabari no Ou, Gintama, please raise your hands... excitedly.
But one thing I realised after two years, was that... my tastes have changed a lot. I mean, Gintoki suddenly seems a lot more attractive compared to my impression of him as the useless oyaji I thought he was before. Hibari who seemed pretty overrated suddenly does have some charm - which only goes to show that my younger sister probably has had a more mature taste than myself, oops. But hey, I'm growing up! My interest no longer solely lies in cute little boy characters with shorts and high socks anymore! orz
I think my update could be pretty much summed up in: tl;dr, I tried my best and most probably failed in all areas. But it's okay, it's only been about three days of freedom and I'm kicking it off like a boss with eight-hour The Sims 3 sessions and movies and... not eating because I put on some weight during the exams, damn. But I could sure get used to this. \m/(︶ε︶メ)\m/
My writing has started to become rather rusty, and I'm back to that phase where I feel a little uncomfortable talking about myself - time to change that and journal more often again. Here's some things I've been up to!
1. had an awesome birthday
I managed to pull out some time to celebrate with jlyow, who bears the same birthday with me, along with my cute tree, printedapples, this year. I have brought a lot of trouble to you guys this year with my problematic personality and my persistent vulnerability to illnesses, I'm really really sorry. Thanks for staying with me even so, I love you guys. ❤ On two other occasions, I also met up with a few secondary school classmates who have never forgotten me even despite very brief contact over the past two years because of our hectic lifestyles. For that, I'm unendingly thankful too.（≧ｖ≦●）
We went to a Japanese sweets and desserts buffet (and also where I swore to bring numbuh_009 to if she ever comes to Singapore!), and I still can't get enough of it! It's a small, quaint place which serves a free flow of sweets and desserts, but also odd Western dishes like takoyaki pastaaaaa. Man that tasted good. If I don't make it as an artist, I'm so going to become a food photographer. (｡✧‿✧｡)
2. completed my art coursework, and with that
3. had my senior end-of-year art exhibition
thumbnails of my digital painting series, "Sub Rosa"
Ah, coursework; my first real school-based art project and hence, biggest achievement, but also my hugest shame. This year has been horrible - due to my ineptitude to progress in the right direction for my coursework, I spent a good deal of months stagnating, limiting myself by repeatedly by imposing my own assumptions about art class onto myself. "Art must look realistic", "art must take reference in everything" - I had so many opportunities to utilise my imagination (which is also where my love for art really is), but I ran away from it instead. By the time I caught up, it was already June, and I had wasted too much time trying to keep afloat rather than going forwards. At many times I simply couldn't imagine myself completing the work at all.
But somehow, with (a little too) many tears and plenty of (both metaphorical and literal) blood, I did. The day of submission brought some lingering emptiness and disappointment - not that I had time to hold onto that; almost immediately after was hitting the books. While the rest of the school had months to prepare, I only had a month, and it was a do-or-die on the actual exam itself. In addition to my most traumatising prelim exams' grades (which I had no time to study for), the most hopeless feeling overcame me, like I had hit rock bottom but didn't have enough time to surface for a breath. I'm so glad it's over.
I'm still not happy with my coursework outcome. I frequently have to consciously quell that feeling of self-disgust and tides of dispiritedness. The art exhibition was an ego-booster - I honestly cannot describe how exhilarating it is for people to be curious about your work. I'm still uncomfortable about public speaking, but this was different. After all those months of self-accusation, this made it worth it. This is another facet of art which I've never experienced while I was still secretly doodling animu characters just two years back, and I'm just starting to fall in love with.
My biggest dilemma to taking art as a subject was growing to hate it when I couldn't meet with standards, or if it became an obligation - I'm glad this never happened. I'm planning to apply an art university next year, and hopefully, this will hold true even then. (❀◡‿◡｡)
On a more frivolous note: well okay, blood was only shed because I was chopping tape and, quite miraculously, missed while setting up my paintings, but still. Also, after some research on the paper my paintings should be printed on, my teacher and I decided to settle for Hahnemuhle Museum Etching paper, which is 100+$ per A2 piece, no kidding. And seeing as I had six paintings... I was standing in its midst after set up and feeling utterly overwhelmed. Of course, the cost was covered by the school, hur hur. ε(๑◕ ω ◕๑)з
4. completed my A's and SATs
Another of the most horrific experiences - most of the days before my papers were spent tossing and turning, victim to insomnia and nightmares, and while a few papers were slightly satisfying, most were pure torture. Even now, I'm getting nightmares about scenarios where I couldn't finish my H3 Art paper. (shivers)
But after some introspection, the exams were definitely not as painful as its preparation, where the waiting came without an end in sight.
aaaand on a more trivial note, 5. fandommmmm
Remember how I said I isolated myself from k-pop? Well not as planned, I got back into animanga (which I naively thought I wouldn't get addicted to again), when it seems that most people I know have moved on from. It's kind of sad to be keyboard-smashing all alone, y'know. (๑◕︵◕๑) Anyone who happens to be into Reborn, Nabari no Ou, Gintama, please raise your hands... excitedly.
But one thing I realised after two years, was that... my tastes have changed a lot. I mean, Gintoki suddenly seems a lot more attractive compared to my impression of him as the useless oyaji I thought he was before. Hibari who seemed pretty overrated suddenly does have some charm - which only goes to show that my younger sister probably has had a more mature taste than myself, oops. But hey, I'm growing up! My interest no longer solely lies in cute little boy characters with shorts and high socks anymore! orz
I think my update could be pretty much summed up in: tl;dr, I tried my best and most probably failed in all areas. But it's okay, it's only been about three days of freedom and I'm kicking it off like a boss with eight-hour The Sims 3 sessions and movies and... not eating because I put on some weight during the exams, damn. But I could sure get used to this. \m/(︶ε︶メ)\m/