Congratulations Chapter 3
Standing in line at the pharmacy felt like déjà vu. This wasn’t unfamiliar to him. Jensen knew the drill, he knew the diet, that coffee and alcohol were out and that he needed to take his prenatal vitamins, and oh yeah, he had to tell Jared. The thought scared the hell out of him.
There was a Barnes & Noble next to the pharmacy, so Jensen ducked in to see if he could find a book to help navigate him through this pregnancy. He knew about a regular pregnancy, but with his age and history, he needed to know what the risks were for him. This was his last chance, he knew it, and he would do whatever it took, including praying until his knees were bloody, if it meant in six months’ time that he gave birth to a healthy child.
While he was there, he found a book about adoptions for Steve and Chris. Unlike him with his need to research, they would probably just wing it. Upon seeing the books that he’d chosen, the clerk advised him that there were also books for kids of adoption, so he purchased those as well. When he finally made it to the register, he was looking at the journals and decided that keeping one would be a good thing to do this time. He smiled to himself as he chose one that was similar to the one John Winchester had.
When Jensen arrived home, he realized that he was smiling in a way he hadn’t in a long time because he’d managed to get pregnant. Even though he was sick and could barely hold his head up, he felt so goddamned wonderful. He’d heard others say it, and at one time he’d said it, but this time he meant it. It didn’t matter what the sex was, as long as this baby was healthy.
He put the books down on the coffee table and ran upstairs to the bathroom where he could look at himself in the mirror. He’d barely entered the room before he rid himself of his shirt and began inspecting his body. How could he not know he was pregnant? It wasn’t as though he’d never experienced it before. But then again, he hadn’t had the usual symptoms and the only time he’d actually thrown up was when he’d eaten that salad the other day. He knew he was about ten pounds heavier than the last time he was pregnant, but he was almost three months pregnant and not even showing. The next appointment he had, he would get a sonogram and Jared would be there with him to see their miracle for the first time.
Walking from his bedroom, Jensen traipsed down the hall to the room that they’d set aside for the nursery. It was mocking him now. All of those years that he’d had it set up for a baby to use, he’d always lose it at the fourth month. The fourth month to the day and it always started the same; there was cramping and then heavy bleeding followed by an empty womb and months of depression, leaving him to wonder what he’d done wrong this time.
There would be no nursery this time; well, not until at least the eighth month. If he made it that far. He would wait, because it would kill him if he had to dismantle a nursery again. The book would be the only thing he would allow himself to purchase until then.
Jensen was not sure how long he stood there, looking into the room and thinking about what could be, when his phone rang. A quick glance at the caller id told him that it was Jared. It would be so easy to blurt out the news, but he wanted to see the look in Jared’s eyes when he told him that, for some reason, they were being granted on more chance.
“Hey babe,” Jensen greeted with a smile.
“Well hello to you,” Jared chuckled. “Someone’s in a good mood.”
“Yeah, don’t tell anyone, but my lover is coming home in eight days, twelve hours and twenty-five minutes.”
“Damn, he must be good if he’s got you counting down time.”
“You have no idea, man, you have no idea. God, I miss you.”
“Same here, Jen,” Jared agreed and then went on to the reason for the call, “So, what did the doctor say?”
“I’m good, Jared, I promise, I’ll be over it in no time.” He said, glossing over the truth. He would be over it, just in six months. In the scheme of things, that wasn’t long.
“That’s great! You have no idea how worried I was Jen. You’re always telling me I need to watch what I eat and to take care of myself, but you need to do the same,” Jared softly admonished.
They talked for another hour and would have talked longer if someone in the background hadn’t reminded Jared about their plans for a late dinner.
“Sure Tom, I’ll be there in a minute,” Jared told the person, and Jensen was sure that it was Thomas Dekker.
“I’ll let you go Jared. I don’t want to hold up your co-star. I’m sure he’ll need to be tucked into bed soon,” Jensen snarked and hung up before Jared could respond.
After he hung up the phone, Jensen hoped that he wasn’t sending Jared to tuck Thomas in his bed.
As soon as the call with Jared ended, Danneel called him. Their friends had seemingly decided that Jensen couldn’t spend an evening on his own. Apparently it was Danneel’s turn, because she invited him to dinner. For a moment, he forgot about Thomas Dekker, because he was so excited. He wanted to tell someone about the baby, and came close to telling her, but he felt that it wouldn’t be right if he told someone else before he told Jared.
That night when he went to bed, he pulled out the journal he’d nabbed from the coffee table on his way upstairs and began to write:
Hello Little One,
Let me introduce myself. I’m your daddy and I just found out about you today. You’re the miracle that I thought that I didn’t believe in anymore, but a visit to the doctor has given me new hope and made me believe again.
From the day I met your Papa, I’ve wanted you, and God waited until now to give you to us. I can’t wait to meet you and until you’re here I’ll wonder about what you’ll be like, and who you’ll look like. Will you be tall like me or a gigantor like your Papa? Will you be quiet and shy or bubbly and extroverted. I can’t wait to find out.
Love, Daddy
With his hand on his stomach and a smile on his face, Jensen drifted off to sleep.
***
The next day was long and tedious. Jensen both loved and hated editing and putting together what he’d spent months filming to tell the story he’d envisioned when he first read the script. Today was one of those days that he hated, because one of the key scenes was going to have to be reshot. He hoped he could get his actors back when he needed them, and on top of it all, he was tired.
The drive home was horrible, and halfway there he’d needed to go to the bathroom. He’d gotten stuck in traffic for so long that he’d seriously thought about getting out of his car and taking a piss right there. The only thing that kept him in his car was the thought of someone with a cell phone recording it and selling it to TMZ. When he finally pulled into his drive, he was so tired that he would have seriously considered sleeping in his car, had it not been for the uncomfortable pressure of his bladder.
Grudgingly, he made his way inside and noticed lights that he knew he hadn’t left on. Jared always laughed at him, because he always left the same lights on so he didn’t come home to a dark house.
“Jared?” He hesitantly called out.
“Yeah Jen, in here,” Jared answered back.
“Jay,” he yelled excitedly as he ran towards his husband’s voice, his tiredness and bladder forgotten. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home early? I’d have picked you up from the airport.”
“If I’d done that, then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, and I wouldn’t have seen these, would I, Jensen?” Jared asked as he held up the books Jensen had purchased earlier in the week. “What the hell Jensen? I thought that we were through with this, and as soon as I leave, you start all over again?”
“No, Jared, it’s not what you think…” Jensen tried to explain.
“Jared, I’m on my way out,” a voice said from the entryway.
Jared gave Jensen a look filled with pure unadulterated anger and said, “Hold on Tom. There’s been a change of plans, and I will be able to go with you.” Before Jensen could understand what had happened, Jared was gone. With Thomas Dekker.
Jensen called Jared almost all night only to have his calls ignored. Eventually Jensen swallowed his pride and called Chad, only to be told that the blonde hadn’t seen him. He finally gave up around four a.m. and went to sleep. So much for this being a stress-free pregnancy.
The next day, he snapped at anyone that even breathed wrong, until he finally realized that he wasn’t getting anything accomplished, except making people hate him. He gave up and went home hoping Jared had finally came back.
When he walked into the house, he was surprised to find not only Jared, but all of their friends as well. It surprised him because there were no cars outside to indicate that they were there. As he came further into the room, he recognized everyone except the woman sitting in a chair at the far end of the room. But she seemed to know him, because she called his name.
“Jensen,” she greeted, “I’m Doctor Anna Moore, and this is an intervention.”
“Yes…what?” he asked as he turned and looked at Jared. “An intervention for what?” he asked.
Holding up the books again, Jared said, “Your inability to give up trying to have a baby. Jensen you’re forty-five years old. Chances are they you can’t get pregnant anymore, so you’ve got to stop, please.”
By the time Jared had finished his speech, he’d walked towards Jensen with his free hand was reaching out to touch him. Jensen stepped back out of his reach, suddenly finding his husband’s touch repulsive. Jared hadn’t given him a chance to explain the books yesterday, and now this. When he’d walked into the house the day before, he’d wanted nothing more than Jared’s touch and to bask in their joy as he made his announcement. But standing here amongst all of his friends, it almost made him believe that baby was a figment of his delusional mind. He touched the slight swell of his stomach to remind himself that the baby was real.
“Tell him what the consequences are if he doesn’t stop. Jared, you can’t sugar coat this,” The doctor encouraged. “Not if you want this negative behavior to stop.”
As Jared began to speak, Jensen yelled, “Shut up, Jared, don’t do this, please.”
“Jensen I’m sorry, but man…”
“That means you too, Chris,” Jensen turned and growled at his friend.
He stepped towards Jared and grabbed to books from his hands, separating the books on adoption and handed them to Chris. “I bought these for you and Steve, because like the dumbasses you are, you would rather fumble through the entire process rather than ask questions.”
Turning back to Jared, he blinked back the tears and explained, “And this one on high risk pregnancies? I bought it for me after the doctor told me I was pregnant. Congratulations Papa,” he spat at Jared before turning and walking out of the room to the sound of gasps from his friends and Jared calling his name.
After he entered the bedroom, Jensen closed the door behind him. He went to use the bathroom and then lay down on the bed as he tried to digest what had just happened. When he heard the soft knock on the door a few minutes later, he knew it was Jared. Suddenly, the tiredness he’d felt when he came home invaded his bones once more, sapping him of the strength to argue.
“Come in Jared.”
Jensen didn’t look up, but he knew Jared was in the room when he heard the quiet snick of the door as it closed behind him. He wasn’t sure if Jared was waiting for him to speak, but he was going to let Jared take the plunge first.
“I’m so fucking sorry Jensen,” Jared apologized.
“For what Jay? I mean you gotta be a little more specific than that?” he asked, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in his voice. “Are you sorry for the baby or for convincing all of our friends that I’m bat-shit crazy enough to need an intervention.”
“I never thought you were crazy Jen, just obsessed. When I left, I thought you were okay, that you’d given up on the idea of a baby, and when I saw those books, well… I kinda lost it.”
“Yeah, so you left me all alone, wouldn’t answer my calls while you were off with another man who could give you a baby.” Jensen accused.
“Another man… Tom? Jeez, Jensen, surely you don’t think that I slept with him?” Jared questioned as he walked to the bed. “Oh God, you do. Jensen, in twenty years, there has never ever been another man, and as mad as I’ve been about this baby business, it never occurred to me to look elsewhere.”
“You’ve been gone for nine months Jared. Nine! And I know that it was to get away from me. Nine months that I spent alone while you spent them with Tom, taking him out to dinner and going to movie openings, and all I got was the occasional phone call.”
Kneeling beside the bed, Jared reached and turned Jensen’s face towards him, looked him in the eyes and repeated, “Never, Jensen, never.”
Looking in Jared’s eyes, Jensen saw the truth there and he felt a weight lifted. A part of him knew that Jared wouldn’t cheat, but distance, time, and pictures in magazines had fucked with his mind.
“I’m sorry for the accusation, but I was so scared that you would turn to someone else.”
“Let’s just put this behind us Jen. We have more important things to concentrate on. Like the fact that we’re pregnant hmm?” Jared stated more than asked, but it was the smile on his face that chased away all of the shadows and the hurt from moments before. Those damned dimples got him every time.
Jensen turned on his side, carded his fingers through Jared’s hair and whispered, “Please tell me you’re happy about the baby.”
“Just because I gave up on the idea, never meant that I didn’t want a child with you. I just wanted you to stop obsessing over it, stop letting it consume you. You did and looked what happened.”
They just lay there in silence, smiling at each other and basking in the blessing that this child was, until someone knocked on the door.
“Come in,” they said in unison never taking their eyes off each other.
“You guys okay?” Chris probed as he stuck his head inside of the door. “Everyone is worried ‘bout you Jensen.”
Jared stood up and reached for Jensen’s hand. “Come on babe. They are not gonna leave until you show your pretty face.”
“Fuck you, Jared,” Jensen mock-threatened as he allowed Jared to pull him up from the bed.
“Later,” he whispered, as they followed Chris from the room.
Once downstairs, Jensen was surprised that everyone except for the doctor was still there, waiting for him, to both apologize and to make sure that he understood that they did this because they cared.
“Congratulations sweetie,” Danneel broke the ice, “I’m so happy for you two.”
That was the way the rest of the evening went, everyone offering their congratulations, but he knew that some of them were wondering if this pregnancy would end in heartbreak the same way the other five had.
“So Jensen,” Chad started, “what’s it like to be fifty and pregnant?”
“You’re such an ass Chad,” Jensen told him, “I am forty-five not fifty, and besides you’re only four years younger than me.”
“Maybe, but you’re still closer to fifty than I am, grandpa.”
“Leave my baby-daddy alone,” Jared defended Jensen, causing everyone else in the room to groan.
Sleep had been a long time coming last night. It was the night before he was officially sixteen weeks. Jensen had never kept a baby past this stage. He felt as though maybe if he stayed awake this time, kept guard, he could prevent this baby from rejecting him as well. Jared said that he was staying awake to keep Jensen company but he knew that the younger man was worried as well. His mother had flown in from Texas two days ago to be with him, just in case.
The next morning when the sun rose in the east, there were no cramps, no bleeding and no tears of recrimination. There were tears, but they were joyous tears being shed by both men and Donna Ackles. This baby had made it past this critical point and was still safe and sound in Jensen’s body where it belonged.
Because of Jensen’s past miscarriages and his age, this pregnancy was considered risky and he had to see the doctor once a week to be monitored on how the pregnancy was progressing. Jared, much to his agent’s dismay, had decided not to take on anymore projects that would take him away from Jensen.
That day, he was going to have an amniocentesis to check for birth defects such as Downs Syndrome and spina bifida. Jared was going to meet him at the doctor’s office, so Jensen was trying to relax by having lunch with his mom, Chris and Danneel.
Chris pretended he was mad that Jensen had invited him to a girl’s day out, but once he was there, he couldn’t stop talking about the siblings that he and Steve were in the process of adopting.
“Jensen, honey, are you going to learn the sex today?” his mom asked.
“Yes, we decided that would be best, and we’re doing an amniocentesis as well,” he grimaced.
Having gone through this process with her oldest child she asked, “I know how much you love Levi, but it’s also different when it’s your child. Have you thought about options, about what you’d do if the baby had Down’s?”
“Just put away the dreams we had for him and find some new ones,” he said as he rubbed his stomach and smiled.
He glanced up at his mother and found her beaming as though someone had told her she had won a million dollars. Jensen didn’t realize that having a son who could give her an answer like that was just as good. Maybe better.
“It’s a boy,” the doctor told them as he pointed to a fetus on the screen of the 3-D ultrasound. “Or rather baby A is, but if you look here-” he pointed at another fetus, “-baby B is kind of shy so we don’t know the sex yet.” Jensen looked at the picture the doctor left on the screen and took solace in knowing that no matter what pain he had to go through he was going to have not one, but two babies. He held on to Jared’s hand as the doctor withdrew the fluid. They would get the results during his next visit.
As the three of them entered the house that afternoon, happily staring at the picture from the ultrasound. Jensen was on his way upstairs to take a nap before they went to dinner when Jared called for him to stop.
He had an urgent message from Bill Walker, their attorney, telling them that Sarah Pond, the surrogate they’d used before, was giving up her parental rights. Amanda would become legally theirs as soon as they signed the papers.
chapter 2 chapter 4