Big Bang 2013: Leaving Footprints behind Chapter 11

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“I’ve run every test I can think of and everything checks out,” Dr. Robert told them. After another late night run to the fully equipped doctor’s office, he even did tests on the baby and everything was normal there as well. Everything was fine with the exception that Dean was turning into a girl. In the space of a few months, Dean has gone from a man standing an inch over six feet to five feet ten inches of well, androgyny.

Sitting on the sofa in their den Dean watched as Sam paced back and forth after he made a phone call to someone called Garth, a friend that Dean was supposed to remember, but he couldn’t. Frankly, he was tired of pretending that he remembered the people that Sam mentioned, but it was better than having to deal with that look of hurt and disappointment on Sam’s face when he couldn’t.

Dean knew that something was wrong but at this point, he couldn’t figure out what it was and why Sam’s so worried. Even though everything is becoming hazy to him the doctor assured Sam that he and the baby were fine and that was all the mattered right? When Dr. Robert left he didn’t seem to worry, so why was Sam. Wait, could it be the way Sam kept talking about how his looks had changed was because… was Sam not attracted to him any longer, did the alterations to his body change the way Sam felt about him?

Because Sam kept talking about his looks, Dean was just trying to navigate his way through the fog in his mind and catalog the changes. He knew he was shorter because of the way his clothes fit him, but that’s the only change he was aware of, everything else seemed normal to him.

When his frayed nerves couldn’t take it any longer, Dean stood up, walked to Sam, and wrapped his arms around the big man. He just wanted to bring him some comfort, to do his job and take care of him.

“Sam,” Dean asked as he looked up at the younger man, “am I. Am I not what you want anymore? Is this body not what you want?”

“Oh God baby, no, don’t ever think that.” Sam promised. “No matter what form you’ve taken, you’re still you and I love you. You. I’m just worried about all of the changes you’re going through. It’s just that when I get used to one, there’s another coming close behind. I’m worried that’s all.”

Dean gave a sigh of relief at Sam’s words because he wasn’t sure what he would have done if Sam decided he no longer wanted him. Dean was so busy showing his relief, that he didn’t notice the small smile on Sam’s face when he didn’t automatically correct being called ‘babe’.

To their relief of the both of them the next few days were remarkably normal. Well normal for them. Thankfully, there had been no changes that required an emergency visit to Dr. Robert, but there were visits from Eva. Since their talk, Eva had become a frequent visitor and while Sam was in Omaha, she and Dean had grown closer and had become friends.

“You know Dean you called me on my bullshit, so, please let me return the favor,” Eva told him on one of her visits, “You’re hiding something from Sam and somehow I don’t think that it’s going to end well.”

“I’m worried about the baby, about me and if… if Sam stills wants me,” Dean confessed.

“Did you talk to Sam,” she probed.

“I did, and he said that nothing’s changed, but he acts different, so I’m not sure what to think,” he explained.

“The first time I met you I knew that you were a bad ass, and you’ve never proved me wrong. Where is that bad assery now?” Eva prodded. “Since you’ve been pregnant, you sat back and let Sam take over, handle everything and make your decisions, well fuck that. Be the Dean Winchester that I know you are and get answers for yourself.”

“Smith,” Dean corrected.

“Huh?” Eva asked.

“My name, its Smith, not Winchester,” Dean clarified.

“It’s Winchester, but we’re not going to argue about this right now. Instead of waiting for Sam, why don’t you go talk to Missouri and let her read you,” Eva suggested.

“I’ll think about it,” Dean told her because at that moment it just occurred to him, he had just the thing to help him, his journal. He’s been keeping it for years and it should have all of the answers that he needed.

Dean raced up to his bedroom where he kept his diary… no journal and began to flip through the pages. There were mentions of Sam and their dad and some of the things that happened while they hunted. There were mentions of this Garth that Sam was always talking to and someone called Castiel. The name was familiar, yet foreign at the same time, and for some reason he pictured wings in his mind.

The further back he went the hazier things were, and there were two times where he let large periods of time elapse before he wrote in the journal. Once he didn’t write for a year and even further back, he didn’t write for about four months, but he didn’t know the reason for the lapse. The one entry that caught his eye was the noting of the first time he and Sam kissed since before the night he left for Stanford.

It seemed that at the time Dean was jealous over some girl named Ruby. Apparently, Sam had been spending too much time with her while they were supposed to be hunting and Dean discovered that they were more than the friends that Sam had told him they were. He didn’t have proof, but he suspected that she was more than a source of information for their hunt, and in anger at Dean’s supposedly misplaced jealousy, Sam kissed him.

According to his journal, that was the first time the two of them admitted that they still had feelings for each other and hadn’t been separated since, even when Sam didn’t have soul. His Swiss cheese memory was driving him crazy. He could remember that Sam didn’t have a soul, but people that he’d known for years were slipping away from him and he couldn’t stop it.

Just like with Ruby. Her name confused him because, for some reason, he pictured both a tall blonde and a short brunette when he thought of her, but he was sure that they were the same person. But how could that be? He used to think that Sam didn't want anyone but him, but that was before. Before Dean started changing and becoming someone else. Unfortunately, the journal didn’t give him the answers he wanted. If anything, it just confused him even more. So he closed the book and placed it back in the bedside table, fully aware of where he needed to go and who he needed to see. Missouri. He would go to see Missouri and hopefully find the answers he so desperately wanted.

Since Sam had time off from work, Dean would have to find a time when Sam wasn’t around to so see the medium, because if he told him that he was going to see her, then he’d insist that he tag along and that would defeat the purpose.

He finally got his chance to go see Missouri the next day when Garth arrived for his visit. He came bearing the false papers they were going to need to document their baby’s birth. He had prepared duplicate papers for a boy or a girl. They had chosen names- John for a boy and Mary if it was a girl. Dean looked at the papers and then rubbed his belly, even though he could feel their son moving, the birth certificate somehow made it seem real that he and Sam were going to have a baby.

Once Sam and Dean were satisfied with the papers, Sam and Garth went into the room that Sam used for an office to discuss some research on a case. Normally Dean would be pissed that they were leaving him out but this gave him the chance to go see Missouri.

As soon as he arrived at Missouri’s door, he raised his hand to knock, but the door opened before his knuckles connected with the wood.

“Boy, I knew you were coming before you did, so get in here and let’s get this over with,” she greeted him.

“Then you know why I’m here?” Dean asked.

“I told you I was good, of course I know,” Missouri told him, offended at the slight to her abilities.

Dean walked in and saw that she was indeed expecting him because she had prepared a cup of ‘fake’ coffee for him along with a light snack.

“Well, Dean eat,” she instructed. “Don’t make me waste my cooking skills by you not eating.”

Dean picked up the cup of coffee and drank, surprised that she’d prepared it just as he liked it.

“I need you to do a reading, Missouri,” he pleaded. “I need to find out what’s really going on with me. I know that you’ve discussed it with Sam, and that he’s hiding things from me because he’s worried, but please. I. I need to know.”

“You may be changing, but you’re still like a dog with a bone when you’re trying to suss out something. Are you going to be a nagging wife?” Missouri chuckled. “I don’t need to do a reading, I know what’s going on, what going to happen, and you’re wrong, Sam doesn’t know. He’s too busy trying to save you from the inevitable and that can’t be done.”

“I don’t understand?” Dean questioned her statement.

“I knew you would come looking for answers, and so did the people who blessed you, because as I keep telling you, Dean this is not a curse, it’s the answers to your prayers. The people you’ve lost are making it so you won’t have to suffer their fate, that you’ll raise a family, grow old and die together.”

“My heads spinning Missouri; I can’t remember shit I’m supposed to and things I wrote in a journal are of no fucking help, so can you please be a little bit more specific.”

“You always were the hard headed one, had to plunge in heart first,” she mock chastised. “Once you’d gone they came back and explained everything and it’s really simple, you’re turning into a woman Dean.”

“What the fuck?” Dean sputtered. He knew that that’s what the changes were, but to hear her say it took away the hope that this would be reversed, that he would be the old Dean again. “This-this blessing won’t reverse itself once the baby is born?”

“No Dean it won’t,” she softly confirmed. “This is what you wanted; a way to be with Sam without people looking down on you because you’re brothers and you get to have the family you wanted. It took a lot of souls to pull this off, so be happy Dean you’re getting what you wanted.”

Dean ran him palm across his face and thought about what Missouri was telling him- that he was going to be a woman. Forever. It was one thing to believe that he would remain a man, but becoming a woman, wasn’t something he was sure he wanted.

“Why am I forgetting people? If this is a blessing why am I forgetting the people I cared about?”

“That’s the glamour part of the spell; some people you’ll have to forget because they would have never had a place in your life had your father not become a hunter, and some the bonds were so strong that their place in your life will be rewritten.”

“Who? Who will I remember and who will be forgotten?” He was desperate now. “What about Sam?”

“I don’t know Dean. I don’t even know if I’ll make the cut, that you’ll remember me.” She admitted. “Sam’s transformation will take place once yours is completed; his job now is to protect you until the baby is born, and then his memory will be changed to match yours.”

“How do we stop this,” Dean asked wildly, terrified at the thought of losing what memories he had left.

“The answer to that is still the same -stop wanting Sam, and the family you’re creating and it will revert back to normal.”

“I’m even confused about my name, it doesn’t seem to fit me. Eva says that it should be Winchester. So the world will know us as Dean Smith and Sam Wesson right?”

“Oh no,” Missouri shook her head dispelling that information, “The world will know you as Winchesters; that’s your daddy’s name and you bore it proudly. You just can’t use that name now because you’re supposed to be dead, but you will.”

“So you’re saying that the world will suddenly just know that we’re Winchesters, just like that?” Dean still had his doubts.

“It’s a spell dumb ass, and that’s the way spells works,” she answered, exasperated with Dean’s questions. “By magic.”

A happier Dean made his way back home after his conversation with Missouri a little calmer because he now knew what the end game was. It still meant drastic changes for him, but as long as he got to keep Sam and this baby, then he was ok with whatever changes that were to be thrown at him.

When he arrived home, Sam and Garth had made a food run to Dean’s favorite Italian place and ordered everything on the menu. While Dean had to be careful about what he ate, because it seemed as though everything gave him heartburn, Sam and Garth did not have the same limitations, and it was like watching an eating contest.

After dinner, Dean made his way upstairs because he could tell that there was still something that Sam needed to discuss with Garth and it was obviously something he wasn’t going to bring up as long as Dean was around. Besides the fact that he really didn’t feel like arguing about why he wasn’t included in whatever they were doing, he believed that Missouri had given him more information than they would get from their books.

Dean prepared for bed and as he readied to shower, he caught a glimpse of his nude body in the mirror. He wasn’t sure if it was the spell, but at this point, the thought of turning into a woman didn’t frighten him as much as the thought of giving birth did.

He took in the changes and wondered what the final product would be like. His hair was now past his shoulders, thick and dark blonde, but it was getting lighter each day from the sun as he worked in the garden. His breasts, or mommy breasts as Sam has called them on more than one occasion, were larger.

Hopefully he wouldn’t get any shorter because Sam was tall and he didn’t want things to be awkward. His nipples were large and darker due to the pregnancy and very sensitive as they prepared themselves to nurse his child. His belly was large and rounded but he could still see his dick, so Dean quickly glanced over his shoulder to make sure he was alone and tucked it away to give him the illusion of being a true woman. He wondered what Sam would think about him like that.

Sam said that he was still attracted to him, but looking at himself now, looking at the ‘end product’ of this glamour, Dean had to wonder whether Sam would still find him attractive when this was all over? Would Sam compare him to real women and would he still flirt with them? He already worried about the women in Sam’s office because they were smart and shared Sam’s love of the law.

“Beautiful,” Sam growled as he walked up behind Dean pulling him into his body and placing his large hands on Dean’s burgeoning belly.

Dean forgot about his insecurities, and about the embarrassment of being caught looking at his changing body, as he ducked his head and blushed in the face of Sam’s praise.

“Really, Sam?” Dean asked, desperate to believe his lover’s words of praise.

“The sight of you swollen with my child, I can’t think of anything more beautiful,” Sam answered as he bent down and placed a kiss behind Dean’s ear.

“Where’s Garth?” Dean asked as he relaxed against Sam.

“He was tired after his long drive so he’s turned in for the night and it looks like it was just in time.”

“In time for what?” Dean asked, still blushing.

“To help make you dirty before I help you clean up,” Sam teased as he placed his hand on the small of Dean’s back and guided him away from him while he disrobed.

He got a private strip show as Sam pulled off his shirt, the large muscles rippling with each movement and making Dean’s fingers itch to touch, to feel them underneath his hands. Dean hadn’t realized that he was actually reaching towards Sam until Sam said, “Touch me Dean, let me feel your hands on me.”

Dean didn’t have to be told twice, his hands knew the landscape, but they roamed over Sam’s chest as though they were mapping out new terrain. For some reason Dean could remember when Sam first began working out, and it wasn’t for vanity, or to be noticed by girls; it wasn’t even to get stronger and better for the job. It wasn't until Sam noticed the effect his new body had on Dean that he began to torture his older brother with it; he began to go shirtless so often when they were alone that Dean felt like he'd been walking around half hard for years.

Sam stood immobile as the muscles of his stomach clenched and unclenched as Dean’s hands moved over them, and when Dean unbuttoned the low-slung jeans he was wearing, it seemed as though Sam stopped breathing. When Dean slowly unzipped Sam’s jeans, Sam released the breath he was holding and moved Dean’s hands and slid his jeans and boxers down until he was naked as well so they were both naked.

Sam couldn’t believe it when he walked into the bathroom and saw Dean checking out his pregnant body. He wondered, not for the first, time if Dean saw himself as Sam did. He’d always been gorgeous, but now, there just weren’t any words to describe Dean’s beauty.

This new smaller more effeminate version of Dean was just as appealing as the muscular version had been. He and Garth had spent most of the day looking for a reversal of the spell but had found nothing, but proof or not, Sam was convinced that Dean was becoming a woman.

Earlier, when he’d had his hands around Dean’s bump, Sam admitted that he liked, no loved this new version of Dean, because for once he was able to be the care giver, the protector and it made him feel strong. Needed.

Stepping away from Dean, Sam turned the water on and adjusted the temperature before turning back to Dean, picking him up bridal style and placing him in the tub. Once he joined Dean in the shower under the warm spray, he put his back to the water to block Dean and grabbed the soap; he then quickly lathered his hands and slowly began to soap Dean’s body.

His soap slick hands found their way to Dean’s breasts and lathered them, loving the feel and the weight of the firm flesh in his hands. Dean’s breasts were beautiful like the rest of him. The areolas were dark pink, swollen and sensitive if the moans Dean was letting out was anything to go by.

“Please tell me that’s from pleasure, that I’m not hurting you,” Sam had to ask because the way things had been going with Dean’s body, he needed to be sure.

“You’d think that after all of our years together, you’d be able to tell the difference by now,” Dean teased. “Of course that was pleasure, idjit.”

“Please don’t bring Bobby into this,” Sam groaned.

Dean knew that Bobby was important in their lives, but right now, he had other things to worry about - things like the magic that Sam was performing with each touch of those ridiculously large hands of his.

Wanting more, Dean leaned into Sam’s touch, purring at the pleasure his brother was creating with his light caresses and gentle massages. It seemed that Dean’s belly was more sensitive since the pregnancy, and suddenly he had all of these new erogenous zones and Sam was finding them all. Dean felt alive, felt like he was one big ball of electricity and Sam was the conduit. One of those large hands had barely wrapped around Dean’s dick before he was coming all over it.

After coming so hard, Dean felt weak and wanted to rest, but Sam wasn’t through with him yet. While Dean was coming down from his orgasmic high, Sam pushed a finger into Dean’s hole and worked it into the knuckle.

Unable to move, Dean just leaned back and let Sam open him up, and soon that one finger became two. Even though he loved what Sam was doing, Dean wasn’t so sure that he wasn’t going to fall asleep, at least up until Sam pulled his fingers out and added a third. This time he deliberately stroked over his prostate, infusing Dean’s entire body with so much energy that Dean’s dick began to twitch as it thickened up.

The water from the shower was starting to turn cold, so with his free hand, Sam gently pulled Dean under the spray with him to rinse away the soap before turning the water off.

Sam then removed his fingers, picked Dean up, and shoved back against the wet tile. He lined his dick up against Dean’s hole, and slowly lowered Dean down until all of him was buried inside the tight channel.

Once Sam was inside, Dean wrapped his long legs around Sam’s waist and the big man began to fuck into him.

Always having been a large man, Dean was not used to being manhandled, and even though he wasn’t exactly small now the loss of muscle mass as well as some of his height meant it was easy for Sam to move him around. The problem was that as much as Dean loathed to admit it, he loved it and held on for the ride.

And man, what a glorious ride it was. As Dean relished in Sam filling him and stretching him open Dean leaned forward and took Sam’s mouth along for the same ride, setting up a rhythm to match his brother’s thrusts. Their tongues wrestled and slid against each other, moving in and out, mimicking what Sam’s dick was doing to Dean’s hole.

Both of their tongues and Sam’s dick were pistioning in and out, hard and fast, until Sam’s hips began to stutter. A moment later, his balls drew up and Dean gently bit down on Sam’s tongue as they both came.

Dean unwrapped his legs from Sam’s waist and tried to stand but found that he had about as much balance as a newborn colt taking its first step. Sam steadied him before reaching for a washcloth from the towel rack just outside the shower. He turned the water back on and with the aid of lukewarm water, Sam cleaned them both up.

Sam then helped Dean out of the shower and gently dried his body as though he were made of spun glass, before carrying him, bridal style, into their bedroom. He tucked Dean into bed and climbed in after him in for a good night’s sleep.

The next morning, Garth was preparing to leave, but Dean insisted that he stay and eat breakfast. The entire time he was cooking breakfast Dean felt Garth staring at him.

“Okay, Garth, ask me what you want to know or keep your eyes to yourself.”

“It’s not a question really,” Garth began tentatively. “I’m just curious about what going through such a huge change is like for you.”

“It’s weird really,” Dean answered softly as he stopped cracking eggs, “because as intense as things are at the time, they quickly turn into vague or fuzzy memories for me.”

“They don’t for Sam,” Garth informed him.

“Yeah, I know, and I don’t know why that is. As each day passes, the only thing weird about my situation is the fact that I’m a pregnant man. I mean, I know that I’ve gotten shorter and have grown boobs, but it all seems like this is who I am, as though I’ve always been this way. If Sam wasn’t freaking out about everything that’s happening, I wouldn’t give any of this a second thought.”

“You’ve only got a few months…” Garth cut off. He coughed uncomfortably, then he asked, “Dean, you do realize what’s happening to you, right?”

“That I’m becoming a woman?” he asked. “I kind of guessed, but for shits and giggles, I went to see Missouri and had her to confirm it for me.”

Garth nodded before continuing, “Look, I won’t pretend to understand this…this thing between you and Sam. I mean, he’s your brother, but apparently someone with a higher pay grade than me believed that you deserved this, so I consider it an honor to help the two of you anyway I can.”

“Party on, Garth,” Dean smiled at his friend as his memory of the man became just a little stronger.

Thankfully, the next month and a half went by without incident, because there were no more changes that left Dean in pain and Sam in a panic. Things were so normal that Dean wasn’t sure who was more relieved, him and Sam or Dr. Robert.

The doctor still checked on the baby’s progress, and the baby seemed to be developing well, but the doctor did an amniocentesis just to be sure that the changes to Dean’s body and the medicines he’d been taking hadn’t caused any harm to the fetus. Apparently, babies conceived magically could withstand lots of things without being harmed.

Eva and Dean planned to go for lunch at a nearby café that Sam recommended. He’d discovered it while he’d been on a stake out. Eva had suggested that the two of them have lunch to get Dean out of the house and keep him from going stir crazy from being cooped up for so long.

When Eva’s knock came, Dean was more than ready and it was only his pride that kept him from running to the door. Well, that and his seven and a half month baby bump. He was still a little worried about his looks, but it seemed the bigger he became, the more handsy Sam got; and just the thought of the night before made him blush.

When he opened the door, a very British accent and a 9mm pistol greeted him.

“Hello, Dean,” Tamara smiled at him as though she’d come round for afternoon tea. “Going somewhere?”

Chapter 10 Chapter 12