Comments | cimarrondfw: Coming Out in a Personalized Academic Sort of Way

cimarrondfw

Coming Out in a Personalized Academic Sort of Way

Oct 16, 2011 19:30

Partially at the request of designerotter I am going to attempt a written version of what I've been telling for almost five months now in the GLBT Awareness class I help facilitate for Fort Worth city employees ( Read more... )

Comments 8

mrdreamjeans October 17 2011, 00:49:44 UTC

"It's not when they're ready. It's when you're ready."

A powerful insight. I teared up when I read this ... I came out to my parents at 36. I realize the delay says more about me than them ... When I spoke to my Mom, she was horrible, mean, nasty ...This, the parent I've always felt the closest to ... When I told Dad, he asked if there was anything he could do and told me he loved me no matter what. He also aid that he'd always known .. I said, "Why didn't you ask me? I would have told you the truth." His reply astounded me ... He said, "I was waiting for you to show me that you trusted me enough to tell me." To me, this is an example of what your therapist said to you.

cimarrondfw October 17 2011, 01:01:09 UTC

You're so right, Neil. My troubled and very ill mother died in 1988 soon after her 68th birthday and my sister's suicide. Daddy lived until 2000 and age 87 (the first thirteen months of my move back to Texas). I never broached the subject with him. There was too much between us and too little intimacy. I am glad (though curious) I never had to deal with the topic with my parents. No one among family or friends has ever rejected me and some, I think, knew before I told them.

mrdreamjeans October 17 2011, 01:06:34 UTC

I think every friend or family member I've told already knew. I had to fight through a lot internal homophobia. I was afraid that my folks would reject me. I didn't give them enough credit and I should have been braver.

maxauburn October 17 2011, 01:56:12 UTC

First of all, I'm proud of you. I know how it takes courage to tell people whom you love that you are gay. It takes a lot of courage.

No matter how much you love someone, or they, you, you really don't know just how they'll react to hearing that you are gay.

Second -
I told my Mom, my OTHER parent, and my older brother. Reactions ranged from totally freaking out to indifference.

My mom's reaction was priceless: "What? No grandchildren?"

She loves me and accepts me as I am, for who I am. I'm very fortunate!

cimarrondfw October 17 2011, 23:26:32 UTC

You're so kind to share with me and to absorb all of my meanderings about my life's journey. I wish it were easy for us to visit in person in a relaxed manner.

designerotter October 17 2011, 02:40:22 UTC

Awesome! Getting a first-person look back on your journey is such a privilege for all of us. We can't help being mirrors for each other and finding that we share so many of the same fears and hopes ( ... )

cimarrondfw October 17 2011, 17:33:42 UTC

Thanks for the lengthy, thoughtful commentary. I am at a loss to say anything more.

(The comment has been removed)

cimarrondfw October 17 2011, 23:20:04 UTC

Actually there is constant spillover between the various modules, but this one on coming out does include two power points on risks of coming out and benefits of coming out. Since I personalize mine, I tend to emphasize those that were personal to me. I might truly have risked losing my job back then at a Catholic high school (especially as open as I am now), but it was not my chief concern. Mine was family based and my still under-age children. When the power point on benefits comes up, it is bland except for the title. I say before clicking the remote that I feel like writing the word honesty across the screen because it says it all for me, but then I am now almost 70 and far removed from most of the social risks of coming out. I point out that one is being a "role model." I sort of tease about it, but I have noticed that some of our GLBT facilitators never actually say out loud that they are GLBT. I don't hesitate to tell anyone who has a need to know that I am a gay man ( ... )