Status Quo

[cindy9000]

I tend to only think of writing here when I'm extremely happy or extremely depressed and I keep the depressed entries friend locked because no one needs to stumble upon those thoughts by accident. Today I'm sort of in between, not thrilled with life but not despondent. I'm trying this crazy new fangled thing called eating somewhat healthily and exercising regularly. So far this is the sixth week of me doing this and while my actions are far from perfect, I've made myself exercise 5-6 days a week during this time no matter what. I find that the time when I exercise is the only portion of the day when I'm not thinking about anything beyond the movements of my arms and legs and the sounds of me gasping for air. It's kind of refreshing to be able to clear my mind and just let myself be for 30 minutes or an hour. Logically I know it's good for me and it's becoming less of a struggle to put on my workout clothes at the end of the day. I feel like it's something I have to do, that it's not an option, and I don't even resent the fact that I'm going to give up some of my free time in order to do so. I'm not seeing too many changes in my body yet beyond a bit more muscle, but I'm ok with that, oddly so. I'm actually surprised how zen I'm being about the notion of a long path to becoming healthy and happy with how I look. I've been reading pastaqueen's journal and find her inspiring. She makes the excellent point here that, "I'm getting older no matter what. I may as well use my time getting healthier and skinnier." And that's really it, isn't it? I'm going to age regardless, might as well try and enjoy how I feel being me while I do so.

So that's where I'm at. Still rather cynical and bitter about many things, but a bit more vitamin fortified.

P.S. I've been commenting more than usual in various places the last few weeks with my URL. If you happen to be reading this because of that, I'll friend anyone who's interested, just comment here.