I Need the Struggle to Feel Alive
I deal with multiple disabilities.
All of my life I have been legally blind due to myopia, RP, and what my eye doctor has termed macular type changes. These things rarely bother me anymore. This wasn't always the case. In childhood I was teased and bullied mercilessly. At times it got so bad I would tell other kids a false name to try and get them to stop. Because of this I struggled with self acceptance. Junior High was the worst period of time and a topic for another day. By the time I reached high school I had developed a pretty thick skin. Of course there was always one person who always seemed to make my insecurities rear their ugly head. But then I graduated and left all that behind.
As a teenager in my last year of high school, my hearing loss was finally diagnosed. I had Usher's Syndrome type III. It was then that I got my first hearing aid. At first my aids were in-the-ear. This probably saved me from more teasing because I hid my aids with my hair. As an adult my hearing became worse and I was fitted with a stronger behind-the-ear-aids. I thought I would have a problem with self consciousness. But one day something snapped. Why should I care what other people think? These aids are a piece of me. They help me experience the world around me. So in that moment I thought, "If they don't like how they look too bad!"
As an adult I have developed other physical and emotional problems. But finally I am at a point where I can accept myself for who, and what I am.
The bullies didn't beat me. In a twisted way they helped make me who I am. A strong, confident, and faith filled person.
This is my entry for week 1 of LJ Idol