Lost
Title: Lost
Pairing: Belafarin
Rating: NC-17
Summary: There’s only one cure for this, and I won’t risk sampling it.
A/N: Not beta'ed, all mistakes are mine. I wrote this yesterday on impulse, a little one-shot.
I’m not doing anything. I know the slightest move towards you could destroy everything… so I wait. I’m patient. What we have is infinitely precious to me, I would waste away if you were taken from me.
So I wait. Thinking of you, in long, dark nights in rooms strange to me doesn’t count. You’ll never even know.
It starts innocently, when I’m too lazy to dress properly after showering. Something itches, and I scratch. I can’t will my fingers to stop moving, they scratch on till one fingernail rakes over a nipple. And again. And again. The scratching changes, becomes pinching, twising. And my body starts to quiver like a leaf in autumn wind.
And so my hands continue their journey over my own body. I close my eyes to shut out the world, and in my head, it’s your fingers, your breath hot on my skin. The nails scrape on, they’re neither long nor sharp enough to cause damage, just a slight pain that fades into a delicious burn after a moment.
My middle finger, your tongue, dips into my navel, slowly begins to trace down under the rim of the boxer shorts, and that is when I have given up all resistance. My will is broken, my mind conquered, and all that shoots through my veins is hot lust.
The fingertips run over coarse pubic hair, so different from your smooth skin. After some moments, I grasp myself, you take me into your mouth, and all that I can do is abandon my body as well, thrusting up into the magnificient friction around my cock.
I see you staring up to me, green eyes huge and luminous in the half-light, lush lips strectched around me, and I realize that I would do anything just to have you like that once.
It’s not sweet, like I would have wished it for us, there’s not a trace of emotion in it besides incredible longing, and my already lust-addles brain conjures up further images that blur before my eyes as soon as they reach the surface…
I come with a stifled cry, biting my lip. I only realize later that my teeth have drawn blood.
I wipe my hand, now sticky with my own semen, on the sheets, then curl into a ball. I don’t care that my shorts are damp, or that I’m cold. Quiet tears start to flow, until I’m sobbing into the pillow. I’m not the master of my body anymore. I’m helpless, lost… numb within. Now that the ecstasy has faded, I feel myself falling into a deep hole, drowning in the nothing that’s within me.
There’s only one cure for this, and I won’t risk sampling it. The only salvation I can find is in your sparkling green eyes, and I can only hope that you will never find out how big the sin is that I carry on my soul, that grows heavier which each night that ends in tears.