13 Höhepunkte mit den Ärzten
Title: 13 Höhepunkte mit den Ärzten
Author: Patti aka slash_kitten
Pairing: Farin/Bela
Rating: about PG-13
Beta: Julie aka glomobius
Summary: Confusion, complicated feelings, music... 13 Höhepunkte mit den Ärzten
A/N: This story basically consists of 13 drabbles. one drabble to each song of the 1987 record fof DÄ, "13 Höhepunkte mit den Ärzten".
~*~oOo~*~
1. Gehen wie ein Ägypter
Ever since we first met, you’ve been watching me watching you. I’ve always been fascinated with the way you move; like a cat- smooth, predatory, dangerous, filled with intention. Whether you work your drums to pieces or parade around in too-tight vinyl pants which leave almost nothing to imagination.
It’s like a meditation for me to gaze at you, to watch your muscles play beneath the fabric of your clothes.
I’m not like you; I feel clumsy compared to you, with my stumbling while you’re still elegant when you’re drunk and shouldn’t be. I fell in love with you because the way you move shows who you are.
*
2. Du willst mich küssen
We sit together in this room, at this table. The tips of your long, dark mane brush over the wooden surface as you bend to scribble down some lyrics. As always, I watch you, and am content with it. Your mouth catches my attention- I can vividly imagine it sucking on me instead of that pencil.
As if you’d felt my gaze, you lift your eyes to stare at me through the black curtain of your hair. Unconsciously, I lick my lips. Your pupils flare, and suddenly you move to kiss me full on the lips, not invading but certainly not chaste enough to be fraternal.
*
3. 2000 Mädchen
I watch you leave the room, leaving me. Even now I can appreciate the sensual swing of your hips, which further adds to my utter confusion. You affect me like nobody has ever done before.
I try to recall the last time I was with a woman. I remember large, warm breasts I loved to cup, and masses of curly brown hair cascading over her shoulders. Some small stars tattooed on her right wrist, and a Gwendoline on the small of her back. But no name. I never remember the names… yours is the only one etched into my mind forever, like the signs etched into her and your skin.
*
4. Mysteryland
A few days after that incident, you drag me to your favourite tattoo artist. It’s certainly not your first visit, but I’ve never been in a tattoo palour.
Once again I watch. As the needle works its way along the lines, your pale skin is decorated with symbols that mean nothing to me.
You’ve done this quite a few times, but though you try to keep still, you writhe and squirm under the hands of the artist. It must hurt, marking the inside of your right thigh with a row of stars.
“Skulls, flames, devils.... don’t you want any angels, Bela?”
“I have you.”
*
5. Zu spät
Sometimes, time is lazy. It’s like that when you wait.
I wait. I watch. I have time. I don’t need to hurry. My time will come soon enough for me to get what I want.
But I’m sick of you teasing me. All those things... I don’t know if you’re serious with them, or if it’s just part of your humour. All those little things- gestures, touches; they could be accidental, but with you, I never know. You love to play with the fire, with danger.
But I can wait. I’ve been waiting for so long, a few weeks don’t add to it too much. One day…
*
6. El Cattivo
I can’t move. Everytime I try, my attempts are stopped by my restraints, the cold metal biting into my skin. I can’t do anything against it. Maybe if I could see, I’d have a chance, but I’ve been blindfolded too.
Control has long slipped out of my grasp. I’m helpless, with no idea of what could come next.
I feel your hot breath ghosting over my bare skin, followed by a lash. You know I’m exposed to you, that you’ve got me in your hands. I can feel that in the way you plunder my mouth with your tongue as the lash crashes down for the first time.
Pain and Passion.
*
7. Radio brennt
My radio alarm goes off. With a start, I sit upright in my bed.
A dream. It was only a dream.
I moan and pull the blanket over my head again. It doesn’t matter to me whether I have appointments or not. I wanna sleep.
Just as I’ve started to doze off, familiar tunes tickle my ear. One of the old songs, I can neither remember interprete or title ; it reminds me of old times. The times when you were still Dirk, not yet Bela, and when there was no barrier of complicated feelings between us.
The radio shatters to pieces against the wall.
*
8. Alleine in der Nacht
You invited me out to our favourite Indian restaurant. Now we sit here in this booth, over our hot curry, looking at each other. Silently.
After some time, you clear your throat. “I was serious about the angels, you know. I’ve been serious all the time.”
I stare at you, disbelieving. We’re both well aware of what that means. We’re both aware of what could become of this.
As I continue waiting for you to say anything else, I see you blanching. “I just wanted you to know.” Your voice is raspy.
Moments later, I’m alone in the dim restaurant.
But I can’t let you go this time.
*
9. Buddy Holly’s Brille
For years we’ve been close. Maybe that’s why our star rose. But now the abyss that’s seperating us can’t be measured in miles. A trench of misunderstandings, of desperation, of insecurity, which will swallow up everything between us if it’s not closed soon.
I hurry through dark, narrow streets, not realizing where my feet carry me until I stop before an all-too-familiar door. Your door.
Probably that’s the only way to be together again. Maybe, for once, I’m doing the right thing. With an effort, I raise my hand to ring on the door. We’ll be together if you open.
Nothing.
I’m about to go when I hear a creak behind me.
*
10. Dein Vampyr
You stand in the door, outlined by the candlelight shining from within.
“Jan.”
“I’m here to say sorry”
“Elaborate.”
“Can I come in first?”
You step aside wordlessly.
There’s a glass of red wine on the table; you lift it to your mouth. Some of the liquid trickles down your pale neck. I stare, mesmerized, before stretching out my hand to wipe it away gently, then lick the red off my finger.
“Jan…” Your question hangs in the silence between us.
I nod slowly.
And suddely, you’re all over me, spilling the wine on my white shirt, licking, kissing, sucking, biting, devouring, until I die in your arms over and over again.
*
11. Erna P.
The next morning, I wake up in a cold bed, without you beside me.
I start to panic. Why are you gone? Was last night a mistake? Was it wrong that you claimed me the way you did and… I break off my thoughts, shivering again thinking of last night. NO, it wasn’t a mistake.
I look around the room to maybe catch a hint where you’ve gone. Clothes scattered everywhere, and loads of heavy drapes and curtains everywhere. But curtains don’t have shoes.
“Hm, and what could be behind Curtain 1?!”
Laughing, you throw yourself on me, deeply kissing me, and repeating last night all over again.
*
12. Wie am ersten Tag
Tempus currit - time runs. It runs especially swiftly if you’re happy and in love. The times of our youth have gone by, we tried to enjoy them, and we succeeded with that.
Occasionally, we cuddle together on the couch, and I read my old diaries from back then to you. But every time, you start to wriggle and squirm against me, until the friction of your ass against my groin, of denim against denim, becomes too much for me to bear; and suddenly, we’re back to the start when I fell in love with the way you moved, only that now, you move over, under, with me.
And I still love you like I did the first day.
*
13. Ist das alles?
Is this everything?
Giving the person you love heart, body and soul? Even if you could never admit or show it in public, apart from jokes?
Wearing the bruises from last night’s games proudly and when being asked why I move so stiffly, I have to force myself to answer something like “ran against a chair/table/cupboard/guitar holder/drum-kit” instead of “my boyfriend kept me tied up half the night to do everything he wanted with me, and I enjoyed every second of it!”?
Love is all about sacrifices. If this sacrifice of silence has to be made to make you and me happy, than so it will be. Then I will gladly answer with yes to everything you ask.
~Fin