beginning
day 1: beginning (full list here)
she doesn’t skip her meals that day, just traverses around the city, buys pistachio flavoured ice-cream and watches the sun rise above the horizon. she doesn’t recall the scars on her wrist nor the ones carved into her bones, neither does she remember her friends, her family, her ballet teacher. their expectations aren’t the same hands wrapped around her sandpaper throat anymore. she dips into the sea and forgets to come up for air, and she doesn’t know what feels heavier, her body or the water pressing down on her but she doesn’t care. the water is clear and faint sunlight filters through and that’s all that matters. her mouth is wet and her chest is open and that’s all that matters. the scars don’t sting anymore, and it’s more empty than calm, and she thinks the water tastes salty but she doesn’t remember to associate it with her tears. she’s fifteen and drowning and death is her new beginning.
she doesn’t skip her meals that day, just traverses around the city, buys pistachio flavoured ice-cream and watches the sun rise above the horizon. she doesn’t recall the scars on her wrist nor the ones carved into her bones, neither does she remember her friends, her family, her ballet teacher. their expectations aren’t the same hands wrapped around her sandpaper throat anymore. she dips into the sea and forgets to come up for air, and she doesn’t know what feels heavier, her body or the water pressing down on her but she doesn’t care. the water is clear and faint sunlight filters through and that’s all that matters. her mouth is wet and her chest is open and that’s all that matters. the scars don’t sting anymore, and it’s more empty than calm, and she thinks the water tastes salty but she doesn’t remember to associate it with her tears. she’s fifteen and drowning and death is her new beginning.