worth
Title: Worth
Author: circusses
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Romance, Smut
Pairing: Taemin/Minho
Summary: Taemin had insisted that they take things a step at a time but will he end up risking everything as a result?
Taemin wasn't sure how things turned out this way. It all happened too fast, way too fast for him to even pause and figure out something; anything. It was not until he felt a sudden coldness enveloped him, an unfamiliar jabbing at his heart and the tears that started rolling down his cheeks again that he realized he had forgotten to breathe. That he had held onto his breath for god knows how long. As he hears the slam of the front door, he knows that he can finally breathe but then again, he wasn't sure if he wants to anymore because oh god, he's gone.
~
It started out simple and pure. Minho would drop by Taemin's rented apartment daily to keep his boyfriend companied. They would watch a movie together in the living room with Taemin nestled in the older boy's lap, or make food with Taemin's weirdest collection of recipes, or play Monopoly or simply just lay in each other's embrace.
They would make out on Taemin's couch, with light kisses and gentle touches. Minho's hands would sneak beneath the back of Taemin's shirt occasionally, caressing the tender expanse of baby-like skin. And that was as far as they had went.
Taemin had wanted to keep things simple and take their relationship slowly a step at a time. He had insisted that Minho does not move in with him. And Minho was fine with doing as Taemin pleased.
For three years, Minho faithfully kept to Taemin's wishes, never once pushing the boy into something he wasn't ready for. For three years, Minho swallowed all his protests and displeasure. For three years, Minho religiously went over to Taemin's every calendar day, only to stroll back to his own house late into the night, after Taemin had fallen asleep; cold and alone. And for three years, Minho had been constantly chanting to himself as long as he's happy.
It was easy at first and Minho was truly happy. The mere thought of keeping Taemin happy was enough to keep him going no matter how exhaustive it may prove to be. But there's a limit to how much a person can take and for how long. Minho's patience was wearing thin and all of a sudden he was painfully aware of how their relationship is barely hanging on a loose thread, with little to no promise of holding on for much longer.
Minho was scared. He was insecure and he desperately needed some sort of reassurance from the younger boy. He wasn't exactly sure what he wanted, he just knew that he needed Taemin to do something, anything in fact, to remind him why he was still holding on and waiting and that everything was still worth it.
-
They were making out on the couch as usual, light kisses and gentle caresses. Everything was the same, everything except the feelings. Minho didn't get that shock of ecstasy down his spine when his lips touched Taemin's soft plump ones. He didn't get that familiar wave of pleasure coursing throughout his body when his skin came into contact with Taemin's. He didn't get the irregular fast beating of his heart. All that that previously came with simply kissing the other boy and holding him in his arms, Minho couldn't feel them anymore. Everything was lacking in something and Minho wanted more.
Without much thought, he slowly slipped his hand down to cup Taemin's groin, massaging and rubbing him. Minho was so tender he made Taemin buck into his touch, head lightly thrown back while he let out a silent moan.
Then it hit Taemin that this wasn't their usual and he wasn't sure if he wanted more. He jumped back; startled, violently shoving Minho off him and onto the tiled floor.
For a while, no one moved or made a sound. They both sat there, Taemin on the couch and Minho still on the ground, staring at the other. The air was beginning to get awfully thick that they could both choke on the awkwardness surrounding them.
Minho was the one who broke the silence, muttering an "I'm so sorry" before scrambling to his feet and dashing out of the apartment.
And Taemin stayed in the same spot for the rest of the night, feeling more broken inside than ever.
-
Four days had passed since that incident and Minho still had not looked Taemin up. He was mad at the younger for rejecting him, for not sparing a thought for how he felt when he heartlessly pushed him away. He was upset that Taemin seemed not to care about him, about them. But more than anything, he was disappointed in himself for doing the very one thing he had sworn against: make Taemin unhappy.
Minho's heart was aching and his mind hurts with all those thoughts of Taemin and himself. He needed to make the pain go away and what could be a better painkiller than alcohol? So he found himself chugging down mugs after mugs of strong liquor and before he knew it, he was drunk and stumbling outside Taemin's apartment, fist unrelentlessly banging on the wooden door.
Taemin's heart swelled with hope when he heard the sound of knuckles against wood. After all, it had been four freaking days since Minho came and Taemin didn't realize he had grown so used to seeing the older boy every other day. He had took Minho for granted, treated his daily visits as something the older boy ought to do. Now that this privilege was ripped away from him then he realized how unappreciative he was, how helpless he was without Minho.
And so he told himself to apologize and patch things up with Minho. Bracing himself and gathering up whatever pathetic amount of courage he had left in his system, he sucked in his breath before turning the door knob.
The door gave way and Minho fell forward, pinning Taemin down beneath him onto the cool tiled floor. He had no idea what took over him but before he knew it, his lips were crashed roughly against Taemin's; chapped and disgusting in contrast to the boy's tender ones. He stuck his tongue forcefully down the boy's throat, teeth scraping against his lips and bruising him. He felt a pair of weak hands on his chest, struggling to push him off but Minho was unrelenting. He continued his assault on Taemin's neck instead, biting and sucking and scarring the flawless skin while his hands travelled mercilessly all over the boy's defenseless body, touching him inappropriately in places he never dared touch.
For a moment when Minho's eyes met Taemin's, he seemed to sober up a little. Taemin's eyes were filled with tears, a look of pure helplessness and was that fear? Taemin was...terrified of him?
Stop it, you're hurting him! His conscience screamed at him but Minho couldn't find it in himself to stop whatever he was doing. He was too overwhelmed by his anger to care about logic and he let his emotions get the better of him. He ripped Taemin of his clothing and continued molesting him and violating him in ways too degrading.
Then he felt it. A stinging pain in his right cheek.
The slap brought him back to his consciousness. Extreme guilt washed over him as he stared down at a naked Taemin, cheeks stained by tears and shaking uncontrollably.
Then he felt Taemin deliver yet another slap and that set him off. He felt all his previous anger fill him up with double the intensity and he exploded.
"Why the fuck do you keep rejecting me! Do you not give a fucking damn about me? About us? Do you not want more? Have I not done enough for you? Have I not waited long enough? It's been three fucking years, Taemin, three! Or do you simply not love me anymore?"
Minho took Taemin's silence as a yes to all his questions. He let out a bitter laugh before getting up on his feet and slamming the door to the apartment shut. Shutting the love of his life behind him without looking back.
~
Oh god, he's gone.
Taemin let out the breath he was holding in all the while and allowed himself to breathe. He couldn't comprehend what had just happened and he couldn't think straight because damn, his mind was filled with Minho's gone s. He curled himself into a ball on the floor, not bothering to get some new clothes to cover himself, letting the feeling of emptiness and coldness swallow him whole.
-
Six months passed without either of them contacting the other. Taemin thought it was a good chance for them both to sort themselves out and so he left Minho alone. He did lots of thinking on his part and he still waited for Minho to return to him. He convinced himself that in the end, it will all be worth it, Minho will be worth it. He stubbornly waited simply because he didn't want to be the first to give in. But six months was really long and Taemin was starting to get uneasy. What if Minho had already moved on? What if Minho had forgotten him? What if Minho no longer loved him? What if Minho hated him? The thought made Taemin sick and he wanted to barf.
Fuck my ego, he thought as he slipped on a jacket and ran out of his house. He didn't realize he was sprinting till he stopped in front of Minho's doorsteps, palms on knees and bending over himself, panting and breathing heavily.
Taemin was about to knock when the door swung open and he looked up only to have his gaze met by another questioning one. Minho looked the same, if not better. He had his hair dyed chestnut brown and he kept his bangs swept to the side. His face looked more aged and haggard though but damn, he was beautiful.
"Get over yourself and quit staring. What are you here for?"
The coldness in Minho's voice made Taemin cringe inwardly and he almost turned around and ran back to the safety of his own apartment. But he didn't. Instead, Taemin threw himself onto Minho, backing the older boy into the house and against the nearest wall.
Tears fell from his eyes as he kissed Minho with all his might, pouring all his emotions into it and hoping that the kiss could convey all unsaid words and feelings. In that minute, everything was forgotten as they tasted each other, melting into the sensations of having the other so close.
Then Taemin started taking off his clothes, grabbing Minho's hand and placing it over his groin. He massaged himself with Minho's hand, all the while pressing hungry kisses along his neck.
Something's wrong with him. The realization hit Minho and he jerked his hand away.
"Taemin, stop. Why are you doing this?"
Taemin wasn't listening. He continued trailing kisses all over Minho's neck and face as more tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Please don't push me away, please Minho, I'll have sex with you if it makes you happy. Just please don't hate me, please."
"Don't. Taemin, please just stop and look at me, please."
Desperation was evident in his voice. By now, Minho was tearing up as well. Seeing Taemin in this state broke him more than anything and his heart felt as though it was run over by a truck. Knowing that he was the cause of it all was even more heart-shattering because he had never wanted to see Taemin cry.
Minho gripped Taemin's shoulders and forced him to look him in the eye. The amount of sadness in Taemin's eyes nearly killed him. Minho sank down to the floor, pulling Taemin into his embrace.
"Silly boy, I could never bring myself to hate you," Minho whispered while stroking Taemin's head. "I love you so much, more than my life, more than my parents, more than anything in the entire universe, more than...damn I just love you so much I'm going insane."
"I'm so sorry, Minho. I-I was afraid. I was scared that you will leave me after I gave myself to you. I-I..."
"Hush baby, it's not your fault. I was the jerk. Fuck, I could kill myself for hurting you like that and it still wouldn't be en-..."
Taemin cut him off with a light peck on the lips. "I wouldn't want to live if you're dead."
Minho chuckled.
"I've missed you, a lot."
"Me too."
Taemin stared into Minho's eyes and in that moment, everything just clicked right into place. Slowly, he stood up and led Minho to the bedroom. He knew he wanted this and he knew that no matter what the outcome will be, he will never regret it, regret Minho.
Minho wanted to prove that he was worthy of Taemin's trust. He didn't want to rush things for fear of hurting him again. So he lets Taemin take charge, lets himself by led by the younger boy at whatever pace he was comfortable with.
They stopped in front of the bed and Taemin took his time in removing Minho's clothes along with the remnants of his own. He laid Minho down onto the soft mattress, crawling atop him till their faces touched. Reaching down, he took hold of Minho's cock and stroked him gently, never once breaking eye contact.
"Minho, touch me."
And Minho did just as told. He flipped them over, hovering above Taemin. The sight beneath him was unbelievably beautiful, Taemin was beautiful. Stark naked and laying under him, Minho could see exactly how flawless Taemin was. His skin was transparent porcelain white and he looked so fragile that it was as though he was screaming for Minho to protect him.
Minho took Taemin's cock in his hand, pumping and stroking it to life. He ran his thumb over the slit, collecting the drops of pre-cum that leaked out and smearing them over Taemin's entrance, circling his fingers over and over again, teasing the tight ring of muscles.
Taemin was so damn responsive. He had his head lolled back, eyes shut tight, plump lips parted, back arching off the bed and letting out soft mewls and moans as Minho touched him in the most intimate ways possible. He felt something wet probing at his entrance and he forced his eyes open to glance below. His eyes were briefly met with beautiful chestnut brown locks and he closed them almost immediately as the wet sensation wriggled itself into him, eliciting a loud moan from him. The wet appendage soon let his hole, only to lick up along his shaft and then he felt himself being swallowed whole. The sensations he was feeling were too much for him to handle and Taemin bucked his hips wantonly, shooting his load down Minho's throat without warning.
While he was still coming down from his high, he didn't feel Minho inserting two fingers into his hole. It was only after a third finger was added that he felt the intense shocks of pain rippled through him and he jerked his eyes open, only to be met by Minho's reassuring ones. He reached up and kissed Minho passionately while Minho worked his digits in and out of him. Then Minho pulled away and the look he gave Taemin was one full of doubt, uncertainty and fear of hurting him.
Taemin simply nodded his head and smiled, a smile so genuine and warm it could melt the coldest heart and it was all the assurance Minho needed.
He aligned himself with Taemin and pushed in as gently as he could possibly handle. He waited for Taemin to adjust and he slowly rocked them both towards their orgasms.
And as Minho held Taemin close to his heart while they drifted off to sleep, they both know that it was all worth it.
-End-
Wow I can't believe I actually completed this within a day. I never managed to. I have like a million incompleted fics in my folder that were there since 5 months ago simply because I couldn't continue writing without feeling the need to abandon that shit. Okay anyway, I wasn't feeling all that good and I needed some angsty and smutty fic to read but I couldn't find any so I wrote myself one. Though I'm pretty sure I didn't achieve the angst part and the smut was just horrible because it's like 3AM now and I can't think of 2 men having sex properly. It's time to hit the sack now so bye.