Comments | citizen_crass: There Is Nothing Left To Hate

citizen_crass

There Is Nothing Left To Hate

May 17, 2004 22:45

Today was yet another day in the life of a struggling, former junkie. Just trying to make it through another day. Searching for a steady job and trying to keep enough money on hand to have a pack of cigarettes in my pocket and gasoline in the truck. Going to my court appointed "drug diversion" (I was sentenced to the class for a September 2002 ( Read more... )

Comments 2

Well... ravenjane May 18 2004, 00:46:42 UTC

Well my dear ( ... )

I'll Tear Out My Heart, To Prove I'm Sincere citizen_crass May 18 2004, 13:26:06 UTC

Jasmine. You have - just like most everyone I have ever met - misunderstood what I was saying. So, I shall try and clearify. As far as staying clean, I am and have been doing it for ME! No one or thing or whatever else, just for me! Because yes, I am full of a lot of self-loathing and hate but I don't want it anymore. I don't want to die a slow death anymore. I want life and love and happiness. The fear of incarceration is why I attend my drug diversion, not why I stay clean. The class is pointless and expensive, just a bunch of people who are there despite the fact that they clearly are still using. And at first it really pissed me off that they would use before coming to class. Now, I just pray for them and hope that they can find sobriety before it is too late. I have been clean and sober from all narcotics and alcohol even since Jan. 25, so damn near four months. I have been clean from heroin for almost ten months! I know that doesn't seem like a very long time but when you consider that in the last five years I had only managed ( ... )