Comments | citizen_crass: Beyond All Hope... is despair

citizen_crass

Beyond All Hope... is despair

Jul 27, 2004 00:35

I am never going to be normal. I will never grow old. I will never become what I want(ed) to be. This chemical imbalance in my head is sliding further and futher towards full fledged insanity. I used to be bi-polar (type I) but now I no longer suffer from the mania, just the manic depression. I hate myself and all that consumes me is thoughts of ( Read more... )

Comments 7

suburbstoslums July 27 2004, 02:12:05 UTC

im sorry youre down, paul. i know how it feels when your chemicals are all fucked and you just cant help the way you see the world. dont let it get you down though, b/c if you write down every thing you like about life youll see theres a lot more good than it seems sometimes. feel better <3

citizen_crass July 27 2004, 03:11:02 UTC

thank you. i miss you jen!

suburbstoslums July 27 2004, 03:28:58 UTC

wyldorchid July 27 2004, 20:11:51 UTC

That's a selfish attitude, snap out of it! The world needs you, you are part of the balance...<3 Jayde

citizen_crass July 27 2004, 22:46:13 UTC

It is selfish but it isn't an attitude but a forced mental state, that I can't seem to break free of. Being alone all of the time doesn't really help either. Trust me, I add absolutely NOTHING to this world or its balance. I am the leech that sucks the bitch dry. I am not needed. Euthanize! I hate myself for this. So many people have it worse than me and there are people fighting to avoid death. I am (sorta) physically healthy and young and I just want out. I have no way to cope with all of this internal strife and pain. No way to exorcise it. Perhaps, one day, I will be free from these demons... nice to hear from you by the way.

wyldorchid July 28 2004, 20:12:11 UTC

All i can say is this, if you have managed to stay clean for 5 months, you have already beat the biggest demon, and anything else that you may be feeling now is cake to deal with. You know it's true...but still, i do feel your agony, i trully do, just don't let it take you down.
Peace, Jayde <3

Jaydedgirl24@aol

population_six July 28 2004, 08:38:24 UTC

not growing old and never being what you want to be seems pretty normal these days, actually.

day by day is the key here. watcha wanna be?

don't worry about it. we'll think of something. =)