((IC Entry of No Specific Title))
The children are fine. Uja had accidentally turned the cards upside down. Loas be praised.
The demon has been destroyed; truly destroyed in the Twisting Nether. Ruka, however, is still free and still killing. It will soon end, however, I have no doubt. It cannot happen soon enough.
Though I did not know most of those she has murdered, I still mourn for them. They were family of those I now call family; how could I not?
Though I do not love her, my heart goes out to Tara. She feels each death to be a failure on her part, despite the fact that it is, and has been, largely out of her hands. She looks on each of these people who share her curse as family of the closest sort, and she has lost so much of her family because of Ruka.
...
"We do not want you to change who you are."
The more time goes by, the more hollow those words appear to be. That, or they become more apparant as a lie.
It would have been more accurate for them to say, "We do not want you to change who you are, until we find something about you that we do not like."
I do not dress well enough. That must be changed.
I am not clean enough. That must be changed.
I spend too much time in the wilds, and sleep accordingly. That must be changed.
I think too independantly. That must be changed.
Though perhaps it is, as Yue and Tortrix both said, a misunderstanding. So perhaps now, while most are sleeping and things are quiet, and I have a moment nearly to myself, I should order my thoughts on the subject and put them to paper.
No, people of the Venomwind. I do not think of Tara as my leader. I do not set her above myself, or anyone else. That is not a mark of disrespect, or disloyalty. That is a mark of respect and loyalty... And friendship.
I view her as an equal; almost as a sibling, even.
I respect that she has made, and will continue to make, choices that should not be thrown at a person. I respect that she has shown the strength to remain standing despite so much loss.
Should she ever ask anything of me, I would willingly oblige, provided I do not find it unequivocally wrong. And I highly doubt she would ask such a thing of me.
I have no designs on Tara's power or position. I would not have either if they were offered. There is too much pain and too much responsibility where she sits. I have too much of the one and just enough of the other, already. I have no wish to be faced with the decisions she has had to make.
Beyond that, I am too independant. Having such a position would chafe just as much as (if not more-so than) being expected to bow to such a position.
I am forced to draw parallels between this and another situation.
Caeryn saw fit to remind me, and tell Yue, that she used to be my boss at the Kodo. She felt the need to stress that I still act as though she is.
That is, oddly, both accurate and inaccurate at the same time.
I treat Caeryn much the same because I have the same respect for her, and I still view her as a friend despite the fact that she has made it clear she does not view me in the same light.
I would do nearly anything Caeryn asked of me. Not, mind you, because she is my "boss" or my "leader", but because she has my respect, and because I know that she does not ask things lightly. If Caeryn asks me to do something, it is always something that needs to be done.
If Caeryn ever asked me to do something I felt was wrong, however? I would tell her to fuck off.
I find it unlikely that Caeryn will ever do that, however. We may not share the same morality, and she may not even like me, but she knows me well enough to know where I would draw the line.
I feel much the same for Tara (though knowing that she DOES respect me). Were she to request something serious of me, I would likely oblige her. Not because she is my "leader", but because I respect her, and suspect that it would likely be something that needed to be done.
By the by, Yue? I am not angry or upset with the things that I have changed, or with the things that I will later change, despite that earlier segment of this writing. Most of these are things that needs must change in preparation for the children, and the others are things that I know make you happy. And I like to see you happy.
But I am still independant. And I will remain so.
You may be taming me, but I am far from domesticated. And a tamed wild animal is still wild.
Perhaps later, I will show you just how wild. Rawr.