Fic: "Unfortunate," Torchwood (1/1)
Title: Unfortunate
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Mature (themes)
Warnings: Non/dub-con
Word count: 2200
Summary: An unplanned sexual experience leave both Ianto and Jack feeling regretful. But it's hard to fix something that was an accident.
Notes: Written for dark_fest, for the prompt: Any Science Fiction fandom, any characters, Non/dub-con, "aliens made them do it" scenario, except instead of helping our characters discover true love, it has realistic, messy consequences.
Ianto woke up on the sofa in the Hub. His body came around before his head did, and he was still half-asleep when Jack said, "Ianto, you really need to get up."
The urgency in his tone implied he'd said it several times already, but if he had, Ianto hadn't heard him. Or he didn't remember.
Ianto's eyes felt too heavy to open, but he managed it somehow and tried to blink away the blurriness. Jack was standing a few feet away, pushing his shirt into the waist of his trousers. He pulled his braces up his shoulders.
His boots were untied and the laces flopped around on the floor when he walked. Except Jack wasn't walking as much as pacing.
Seeing Jack's disarrayed clothes made Ianto realize how naked he was. When he looked down, he could see his own clothes on the floor. The careless way they'd been strewn about cemented the certainty in his mind that something bad had happened.
He couldn't articulate why his clothes, of all things, brought it home. Maybe it was that he knew he hadn't wanted to take them off in the first place. Maybe the wrinkled mess was easier to process than the aches in his muscles and the stickiness on his thighs.
"What time is it?" Ianto asked. His voice cracked, and he covered it up with a cough.
It was the least important question in Ianto's mind, but it was the only one he could bring himself to ask.
Jack started to look at him but stopped. "'Bout midnight."
Ianto sat up slowly and picked his boxers up from the floor. While he pulled them up his legs and over his hips, he tried to piece everything together so he wouldn't have to ask Jack to fill in the blanks. He was going to keep it together until he knew exactly what he was dealing with.
He knew they'd had sex. He also knew, or was pretty certain at least, that he didn't agree to it.
But he was pretty sure Jack hadn't, either. It didn't make things okay, exactly. Ianto wasn't sure how it made things. Part of him wished he didn't have to be awake at all right now.
"You all right?" Jack asked. There was some grogginess in his voice, too, but it seemed like it'd mostly passed for him.
"Yeah. Fine." Ianto reached for his shirt. He tried to think, to remember everything they'd been doing before it happened. Only one possibility came to him. "That stuff we brought in earlier?"
Jack nodded. "I think we were exposed to the aphrodisiac."
That. . .made sense. At least, it seemed possible, in a strange, Torchwood way. They'd raided a flat that afternoon, a makeshift shop where some people had been selling alien pharmaceuticals. They'd tried to be careful with the stuff, but accidents could always happen. And the last thing Ianto could remember was working with Jack, handling those boxes they'd collected.
"Are you sure?" Ianto asked.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
At least nobody else had been in the Hub. Ianto couldn't even think about that.
He wondered what was supposed to happen now. Was there a protocol for this? Was there some form that had be filled out when alien drugs made you have sex with your boss? Ianto stood and finished dressing. He didn't take the time to put on his tie or tuck in his shirt. Jack didn't look at him, but he didn't really turn away, either.
The funny thing was, Ianto hadn't thought that the aphrodisiac was actually real. Not everything in that shop had been genuine, and of course Ianto had pegged that particular drug as being a fake. Even after all he'd seen, there were still some things that were too hard to believe, sometimes.
Ianto closed his eyes. He rolled up his tie and put it in his pocket. He needed to get out of there.
"I'm going home," he said.
"You sure you're all right?"
"Yeah. Fine." He paused and asked, "Are you?"
Jack smiled, his grin broad and white even though it didn't reach his eyes.
"You kidding? Takes a bit more than an alien aphrodisiac to wear me out."
That wasn't what Ianto meant. Or maybe it was. He wasn't sure he knew.
So he nodded and left. When he got home, he got in the shower and stayed there until the water started to run cold.
* * *
Jack told a lot of ridiculous stories and jokes. At first, Ianto had been taken aback by it, because at Torchwood One a lot of what Jack said would have been considered inappropriate and unprofessional. At least during working hours.
Torchwood Three was more. . .intimate, perhaps, so there was some charm in it. Ianto never took anything Jack said completely seriously.
But it made for an interesting shift in perspective. In London, he'd learned to see aliens as threats, or as something that could provide them with useful technology. In Cardiff, Ianto couldn't help but get the added impression that what aliens really liked wasn't invading Earth, but shagging and occasionally dropping their sex toys through the rift.
The thing was, Jack's stories always seemed harmless enough.
Ianto returned to work six hours later, freshly showered and dressed, but not rested.
He'd hoped Jack would call him, tell him not to come in that day, but just stay home and sleep off what had happened between them. Of course, he didn't.
He could have just called in himself, and told Jack he couldn't come in. But he didn't think he had the right to days off just now. He'd only just come back from a four-week suspension, and after all that -- well, he couldn't slack off, could he? And there'd be questions about his absence, and he didn't know yet how Jack was going to handle what happened last night.
Jack was in his office when Ianto arrived at the Hub. He looked up when Ianto came in, but didn't say anything to him until Gwen, Owen, and Tosh went out to the pub on their break. Ianto didn't go, because when they invited him it never sounded quite sincere to his ears.
Today, Ianto wondered if he should have gone when Gwen asked him. Because Jack stayed behind, too, and called Ianto into his office once they were alone.
"I probably should have said something last night," Jack said. "But you know how it was."
Ianto didn't reply, and Jack continued. "I know it was awkward. And I know I'm probably not your favorite person right now. So I'm sorry it happened."
"Well. . .it did. Nothing we can do about it now."
Jack nodded. Maybe it was his imagination, but Jack looked a little relieved, like he took Ianto's response for him being okay with it all. In the pause that followed, Ianto considered excusing himself somehow, and maybe taking his own break, or asking to go home early for the day.
"Is there going to be a report on what happened?" he asked.
He immediately wished he hadn't asked. Maybe there wasn't a procedure regarding this, but all alien events had to be documented. He'd decided before he even came in this morning that he wouldn't ask about it. He wouldn't question it.
Jack hesitated. "There should be," he finally said. "But I don't think it's necessary. I made sure all that stuff we collected was properly stored after you left, and I was thinking I'd talk to you guys about being careful with it. But there's no need to say what happened."
Ianto nodded, and kept his face impassive, but it felt like a vise had loosened in his chest.
Before leaving Jack's office, he swallowed and said, "I'm sorry."
Jack shrugged. "You don't have anything to be sorry about."
* * *
It seemed like a stupid thing to get hung up over. A couple months ago, after Gwen got snogged by that bloody sex alien, Owen had teased her afterward about it being a Torchwood rite of passage. Ianto figured Owen would probably see this as a rite of passage, too, and maybe he was even right about that.
Maybe you weren't really a member of Torchwood Three until the job led to you shagging someone.
Jack didn't seem upset by it. Maybe for Jack, it was nothing at all, just some story he could tell someday to make people laugh.
So Ianto didn't know what upset him. He told himself it was because of everything that had happened, with Jack and Lisa. Jack was right - he still wasn't Ianto favorite person. Things weren't hostile, but they couldn't be called good yet, either.
He told himself it was because Jack was his boss, and that made things awkward.
But he'd wanted it once. There'd been a time when he wouldn't have given a damn that Jack was his boss. For months, he'd smiled at Jack's flirting and flirted back. Now, it seemed like he'd wanted the wrong thing, like he'd made a mistake even though he'd never chosen this, never could have prevented it. It still felt like his mistake, somehow.
Jack didn't bring it up again, after that one afternoon. Not days later, not a week later. And Ianto tried to follow his lead, and let it go.
* * *
When Jack did bring it up again, three weeks had passed. Ianto was in the Hub after the others had gone home, something he'd tried to avoid lately, consciously or not. Jack came over to his workstation and leaned against the desk, his arms crossed.
"Everything all right, Ianto?"
"Fine, sir."
Jack glanced at floor. "What I meant was, I can tell everything isn't all right. Hasn't been for a while. It's probably time we talked about that."
"I don't think there's anything to say." Ianto kept his eyes on the computer screen, glancing over the file he'd brought up. A minute ago it'd been important, but now it was just a distraction.
"You know I didn't plan it, right? 'Cause I'd never do that."
Was that what Jack thought? That Ianto blamed him for it? He hadn't meant to give that impression.
"Of course not. We were both drugged. I know that. I just -- I need time to process it. Not all of us are fond of stuff like that."
"What?" Jack said. He stiffened and crossed his arms. "You think I liked what happened?"
Ianto looked up at the surprise in Jack's voice. "I don't know. You're the one who's always talking about the amazing sex everyone gets up to in the future and on other planets. All I've seen is -- is aliens who feed off sex and kill people. And this drug that makes it so you can't even control yourself, no matter what you want. And people get hurt. I'm not saying I was, but other people. It's not fun. It's horrible."
Jack nodded slowly. Then he smiled sheepishly and said, "That drug, the one we were exposed to, it's different if you do want it, and you're with someone who does. Then it is fun. A lot of fun."
"And that's really the main purpose for it?"
Jack didn't answer.
Ianto felt like he'd said too much. If some part of him, in the back of his mind, might have thought that talking to Jack would make this better, he was wrong. He clicked the X in the corner of his screen and stared at his computer desktop. There was nothing more to do tonight, but he couldn't get up and leave just now. Not without looking like he was storming out, and he wasn't going to play it like that.
"I'm sorry," Jack said.
Ianto shrugged. "Why? Like you said, you didn't plan it."
"I should have done more to make sure that stuff was properly contained. I was in charge. That was my fault."
Maybe that was true, but in that case, they were all to blame for something. Mistakes and lapses in security happened all the time, but blame was only given when something happened as a result. That didn't seem entirely right.
"I was affected first," Ianto said. "I think I hurt you."
Jack shook his head. "You didn't hurt me."
"Does it make a difference? It still happened." Ianto shook his head. "I'm sorry. Maybe I'm making it into a big deal. I don't know."
"You're not. It was. . .unfortunate."
That was what it was. Unfortunate. Ianto didn't know how to fix "unfortunate." Accidents were unfortunate. It seemed like, if neither of them were to blame, there shouldn't be anything to fix. But that wasn't right, either.
Ianto stood up. He took his jacket off the back of his chair and slipped into it.
"You wanna take some time off?" Jack asked.
"Not necessary," Ianto said with a brusque shake of his head.
Jack lifted a hand, as though he meant to touch him, but let it drop. For a second, Ianto was sorry he did. But maybe it wasn't the time for that.
Before he turned to leave, Ianto said, "I don't blame you, you know."
Jack put his hands in his pockets. "Well, I'm sorry anyway."
"Me too."
While Ianto walked out, he didn't know if he felt better or worse or completely unchanged.
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Mature (themes)
Warnings: Non/dub-con
Word count: 2200
Summary: An unplanned sexual experience leave both Ianto and Jack feeling regretful. But it's hard to fix something that was an accident.
Notes: Written for dark_fest, for the prompt: Any Science Fiction fandom, any characters, Non/dub-con, "aliens made them do it" scenario, except instead of helping our characters discover true love, it has realistic, messy consequences.
Ianto woke up on the sofa in the Hub. His body came around before his head did, and he was still half-asleep when Jack said, "Ianto, you really need to get up."
The urgency in his tone implied he'd said it several times already, but if he had, Ianto hadn't heard him. Or he didn't remember.
Ianto's eyes felt too heavy to open, but he managed it somehow and tried to blink away the blurriness. Jack was standing a few feet away, pushing his shirt into the waist of his trousers. He pulled his braces up his shoulders.
His boots were untied and the laces flopped around on the floor when he walked. Except Jack wasn't walking as much as pacing.
Seeing Jack's disarrayed clothes made Ianto realize how naked he was. When he looked down, he could see his own clothes on the floor. The careless way they'd been strewn about cemented the certainty in his mind that something bad had happened.
He couldn't articulate why his clothes, of all things, brought it home. Maybe it was that he knew he hadn't wanted to take them off in the first place. Maybe the wrinkled mess was easier to process than the aches in his muscles and the stickiness on his thighs.
"What time is it?" Ianto asked. His voice cracked, and he covered it up with a cough.
It was the least important question in Ianto's mind, but it was the only one he could bring himself to ask.
Jack started to look at him but stopped. "'Bout midnight."
Ianto sat up slowly and picked his boxers up from the floor. While he pulled them up his legs and over his hips, he tried to piece everything together so he wouldn't have to ask Jack to fill in the blanks. He was going to keep it together until he knew exactly what he was dealing with.
He knew they'd had sex. He also knew, or was pretty certain at least, that he didn't agree to it.
But he was pretty sure Jack hadn't, either. It didn't make things okay, exactly. Ianto wasn't sure how it made things. Part of him wished he didn't have to be awake at all right now.
"You all right?" Jack asked. There was some grogginess in his voice, too, but it seemed like it'd mostly passed for him.
"Yeah. Fine." Ianto reached for his shirt. He tried to think, to remember everything they'd been doing before it happened. Only one possibility came to him. "That stuff we brought in earlier?"
Jack nodded. "I think we were exposed to the aphrodisiac."
That. . .made sense. At least, it seemed possible, in a strange, Torchwood way. They'd raided a flat that afternoon, a makeshift shop where some people had been selling alien pharmaceuticals. They'd tried to be careful with the stuff, but accidents could always happen. And the last thing Ianto could remember was working with Jack, handling those boxes they'd collected.
"Are you sure?" Ianto asked.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
At least nobody else had been in the Hub. Ianto couldn't even think about that.
He wondered what was supposed to happen now. Was there a protocol for this? Was there some form that had be filled out when alien drugs made you have sex with your boss? Ianto stood and finished dressing. He didn't take the time to put on his tie or tuck in his shirt. Jack didn't look at him, but he didn't really turn away, either.
The funny thing was, Ianto hadn't thought that the aphrodisiac was actually real. Not everything in that shop had been genuine, and of course Ianto had pegged that particular drug as being a fake. Even after all he'd seen, there were still some things that were too hard to believe, sometimes.
Ianto closed his eyes. He rolled up his tie and put it in his pocket. He needed to get out of there.
"I'm going home," he said.
"You sure you're all right?"
"Yeah. Fine." He paused and asked, "Are you?"
Jack smiled, his grin broad and white even though it didn't reach his eyes.
"You kidding? Takes a bit more than an alien aphrodisiac to wear me out."
That wasn't what Ianto meant. Or maybe it was. He wasn't sure he knew.
So he nodded and left. When he got home, he got in the shower and stayed there until the water started to run cold.
* * *
Jack told a lot of ridiculous stories and jokes. At first, Ianto had been taken aback by it, because at Torchwood One a lot of what Jack said would have been considered inappropriate and unprofessional. At least during working hours.
Torchwood Three was more. . .intimate, perhaps, so there was some charm in it. Ianto never took anything Jack said completely seriously.
But it made for an interesting shift in perspective. In London, he'd learned to see aliens as threats, or as something that could provide them with useful technology. In Cardiff, Ianto couldn't help but get the added impression that what aliens really liked wasn't invading Earth, but shagging and occasionally dropping their sex toys through the rift.
The thing was, Jack's stories always seemed harmless enough.
Ianto returned to work six hours later, freshly showered and dressed, but not rested.
He'd hoped Jack would call him, tell him not to come in that day, but just stay home and sleep off what had happened between them. Of course, he didn't.
He could have just called in himself, and told Jack he couldn't come in. But he didn't think he had the right to days off just now. He'd only just come back from a four-week suspension, and after all that -- well, he couldn't slack off, could he? And there'd be questions about his absence, and he didn't know yet how Jack was going to handle what happened last night.
Jack was in his office when Ianto arrived at the Hub. He looked up when Ianto came in, but didn't say anything to him until Gwen, Owen, and Tosh went out to the pub on their break. Ianto didn't go, because when they invited him it never sounded quite sincere to his ears.
Today, Ianto wondered if he should have gone when Gwen asked him. Because Jack stayed behind, too, and called Ianto into his office once they were alone.
"I probably should have said something last night," Jack said. "But you know how it was."
Ianto didn't reply, and Jack continued. "I know it was awkward. And I know I'm probably not your favorite person right now. So I'm sorry it happened."
"Well. . .it did. Nothing we can do about it now."
Jack nodded. Maybe it was his imagination, but Jack looked a little relieved, like he took Ianto's response for him being okay with it all. In the pause that followed, Ianto considered excusing himself somehow, and maybe taking his own break, or asking to go home early for the day.
"Is there going to be a report on what happened?" he asked.
He immediately wished he hadn't asked. Maybe there wasn't a procedure regarding this, but all alien events had to be documented. He'd decided before he even came in this morning that he wouldn't ask about it. He wouldn't question it.
Jack hesitated. "There should be," he finally said. "But I don't think it's necessary. I made sure all that stuff we collected was properly stored after you left, and I was thinking I'd talk to you guys about being careful with it. But there's no need to say what happened."
Ianto nodded, and kept his face impassive, but it felt like a vise had loosened in his chest.
Before leaving Jack's office, he swallowed and said, "I'm sorry."
Jack shrugged. "You don't have anything to be sorry about."
* * *
It seemed like a stupid thing to get hung up over. A couple months ago, after Gwen got snogged by that bloody sex alien, Owen had teased her afterward about it being a Torchwood rite of passage. Ianto figured Owen would probably see this as a rite of passage, too, and maybe he was even right about that.
Maybe you weren't really a member of Torchwood Three until the job led to you shagging someone.
Jack didn't seem upset by it. Maybe for Jack, it was nothing at all, just some story he could tell someday to make people laugh.
So Ianto didn't know what upset him. He told himself it was because of everything that had happened, with Jack and Lisa. Jack was right - he still wasn't Ianto favorite person. Things weren't hostile, but they couldn't be called good yet, either.
He told himself it was because Jack was his boss, and that made things awkward.
But he'd wanted it once. There'd been a time when he wouldn't have given a damn that Jack was his boss. For months, he'd smiled at Jack's flirting and flirted back. Now, it seemed like he'd wanted the wrong thing, like he'd made a mistake even though he'd never chosen this, never could have prevented it. It still felt like his mistake, somehow.
Jack didn't bring it up again, after that one afternoon. Not days later, not a week later. And Ianto tried to follow his lead, and let it go.
* * *
When Jack did bring it up again, three weeks had passed. Ianto was in the Hub after the others had gone home, something he'd tried to avoid lately, consciously or not. Jack came over to his workstation and leaned against the desk, his arms crossed.
"Everything all right, Ianto?"
"Fine, sir."
Jack glanced at floor. "What I meant was, I can tell everything isn't all right. Hasn't been for a while. It's probably time we talked about that."
"I don't think there's anything to say." Ianto kept his eyes on the computer screen, glancing over the file he'd brought up. A minute ago it'd been important, but now it was just a distraction.
"You know I didn't plan it, right? 'Cause I'd never do that."
Was that what Jack thought? That Ianto blamed him for it? He hadn't meant to give that impression.
"Of course not. We were both drugged. I know that. I just -- I need time to process it. Not all of us are fond of stuff like that."
"What?" Jack said. He stiffened and crossed his arms. "You think I liked what happened?"
Ianto looked up at the surprise in Jack's voice. "I don't know. You're the one who's always talking about the amazing sex everyone gets up to in the future and on other planets. All I've seen is -- is aliens who feed off sex and kill people. And this drug that makes it so you can't even control yourself, no matter what you want. And people get hurt. I'm not saying I was, but other people. It's not fun. It's horrible."
Jack nodded slowly. Then he smiled sheepishly and said, "That drug, the one we were exposed to, it's different if you do want it, and you're with someone who does. Then it is fun. A lot of fun."
"And that's really the main purpose for it?"
Jack didn't answer.
Ianto felt like he'd said too much. If some part of him, in the back of his mind, might have thought that talking to Jack would make this better, he was wrong. He clicked the X in the corner of his screen and stared at his computer desktop. There was nothing more to do tonight, but he couldn't get up and leave just now. Not without looking like he was storming out, and he wasn't going to play it like that.
"I'm sorry," Jack said.
Ianto shrugged. "Why? Like you said, you didn't plan it."
"I should have done more to make sure that stuff was properly contained. I was in charge. That was my fault."
Maybe that was true, but in that case, they were all to blame for something. Mistakes and lapses in security happened all the time, but blame was only given when something happened as a result. That didn't seem entirely right.
"I was affected first," Ianto said. "I think I hurt you."
Jack shook his head. "You didn't hurt me."
"Does it make a difference? It still happened." Ianto shook his head. "I'm sorry. Maybe I'm making it into a big deal. I don't know."
"You're not. It was. . .unfortunate."
That was what it was. Unfortunate. Ianto didn't know how to fix "unfortunate." Accidents were unfortunate. It seemed like, if neither of them were to blame, there shouldn't be anything to fix. But that wasn't right, either.
Ianto stood up. He took his jacket off the back of his chair and slipped into it.
"You wanna take some time off?" Jack asked.
"Not necessary," Ianto said with a brusque shake of his head.
Jack lifted a hand, as though he meant to touch him, but let it drop. For a second, Ianto was sorry he did. But maybe it wasn't the time for that.
Before he turned to leave, Ianto said, "I don't blame you, you know."
Jack put his hands in his pockets. "Well, I'm sorry anyway."
"Me too."
While Ianto walked out, he didn't know if he felt better or worse or completely unchanged.