FIC: Every Day In Every Way (AI RPF, Kris/Katy, NC-17, 1/3)
yuppielawyer was the runner-up in my Donors Choose auction for a story of 5000+ words, and since it was for a fantastic cause I offered to write for my runner up as well as my winner. Well, okay, it wasn't entirely altruistic; I was 99.9% sure she was going to ask for something that I'd really want to write. And sure enough, she requested Kris/Katy babyfic (with Kradam friendship) which made me squee with delight. (*squee*) This story has been such a long time coming that I finally decided RL can suck me and stopped making changes to it based on Kris's ever-changing circle and schedule. :) I'm sorry you had to wait, and I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: No disrespect intended to any of the persons depicted herein, who I hope are all living happy and fulfilled lives with their partner(s) of choice. This is purely fictional, and not in any way intended as an accurate representation of reality.
Every Day In Every Way
Kris is about to go on tour and Katy is just starting a new career. A baby wasn't in their plans.
American Idol RPF. 25,700 words. NC-17. Kris/Katy, and baby makes three.
Kris was snapping the lid on the big tub of Christmas decorations when he heard a key in the lock behind him, and abandoned it there in the middle of the living room floor to greet Katy at the door.
"Wow, are you finished already?" she said. "I would've helped you."
"Putting up Christmas decorations is a family activity," said Kris. "Taking them down is just a chore. It's not like we had all that many to begin with."
The fairly large storage tube in the middle of the floor belied that, though. Still, there was only one, which in Kris's experience was much, much less than it could have been. They were hardly even home over the holidays to enjoy the decorations but they put them up anyway; it was the principle of the thing.
"Still," she said, leaning up to give him a kiss. "Thank you."
"Are you okay?" he said. "You're looking a little pale again."
"I'm fine," she said. "But maybe we could sit down? We should probably sit down." When Katy said 'we should sit down' Kris heard 'I'm going to faint soon' and grabbed her arm to lead her over to a kitchen chair. "Kris, what...?"
"What's wrong?" he said. "Are you sick?"
"Kris, I'm just tired, I've had a long day," she said, but he didn't believe her. He didn't think she was lying but he did think she was placating him. And okay, maybe the ushering her had been a bit of an overreaction, but still. "I'm not sick."
"Okay," he said, and he believed her this time.
"I'm pregnant."
Kris wasn't entirely sure he heard her right. In fact, after a few moments of silence following her announcement, he wasn't sure he'd heard anything at all. "I'm sorry?"
"Pregnant," she said. "I've suspected for a couple of weeks. I got it confirmed this afternoon. I'm pregnant, Kris. We're having a baby."
"Now?"
"Well, in roughly eight months, give or take," she said, "so you don't need to go boil water or whatever you're thinking about doing right now."
"I wasn't thinking about...guys don't really do that, do they?" Kris was pretty sure they were at least fifty years or so past that. Which didn't mean he knew what he was supposed to do right now, except go and give his wife the biggest hug of her life, which-after nearly stumbling over the chair legs in his haste to get up-he did. "Oh my God, we're having a baby!"
Katy laugh-sobbed into his shoulder and he just pulled her up out of her chair and hugged her harder.
"Okay, so what does this mean?" he said. "When are you due? I seriously can't do math right now. I'm not sure I remember my middle name right now."
"September," she said. "Early September. I know we didn't plan this, but-"
"We didn't plan a lot of things," said Kris, finally letting her go so she could sit down again. He didn't, crouching down in front of her instead, unwilling to completely let her go. "Unplanned doesn't mean unwanted. Wow."
"Could we have picked a worse time?" said Katy, laughing a little again and wiping a few tears from the corners of her eyes. "Seriously, Kris, we bring new meaning to the words."
"We really do," he says, and impulsively leans up to kiss her. "But it's going to be okay. If this is what's happening, then this is what we're meant to do."
:::
He and Adam didn't have plans to get together this week, not with everything they both had going on despite being in the same city, but Kris left him a message at seven in the morning and by noon they had plans to go for drinks some time after ten, which worked for Kris just fine. There must've been something in his voice that told Adam this was serious, even though he was trying to be casual about it.
Maybe it was the fact that he called at all, instead of just texting him.
The bar they went to was definitely off the beaten path, and once again Kris was grateful for how well Adam knew this city, and how many hidey-holes he had stashed away in his back pocket, to be pulled out at times like this when neither of them wanted to be bothered.
"So what's up?" said Adam as he planted an overly large drink in front of Kris. "Trust me, you'll like it."
If there was ever a time for an overly-large drink, this was it.
"Sit down first," said Kris. "I'd hate to make you fall over when you have a drink in your hand."
"I would never fall over with a drink in my hand," said Adam indignantly, but he did sit down anyway, taking a sip of his own overly-large drink. "I have far too much practice."
"Yeah, well, I bet you don't have much practice with this one," said Kris, then took a sip of his drink before finishing with, "Katy's pregnant."
Adam's drink stopped almost exactly halfway to his mouth and he stared for what felt like a very long time. "What, now?"
"No, a couple years from now, I'm just practicing telling you," said Kris dryly, then took another sip of his drink and wondered if it was big enough. "She told me yesterday."
"Holy shit," said Adam. "Who knows?"
"So far just our parents and, well, you," said Kris. Because Kris might've had friends much older than Adam, but Adam was the one who would completely get why Kris was freaked out about this. "I'm going on tour, Adam. I can't not."
"I don't think she's expecting you to stay home with her day and night," said Adam, reaching out to wrap his hand around Kris's, and it was then that Kris realized his hand was trembling a little. "That's amazing news."
"I'm terrified I'm going to mess this up."
"Of course you are," said Adam. "Would it be poor form to get you trashed tonight? Will Katy hate you? Because I feel like you need to get trashed tonight."
"Katy knows where I am," said Kris. "Heck, she even encouraged me to come. She's spending the evening skyping with her sisters, which I think is what she needs to do right now. Girl talk."
"So how is she doing? How are you doing? Other than the sheer terror, I mean."
Kris laughed and was grateful for the fact that Adam wasn't letting go of him. He was solid, when Kris needed something solid. "She's excited. We're excited. I always figured this was something that was going to happen a few years down the road, but...I guess God had other plans."
"His plans seem to have worked out pretty well for you so far," said Adam. "So what can I do for you? Other than buy a ridiculous number of adorable baby clothes to prevent you from dressing him in plaid."
"Or her."
"I don't think that would stop you," said Adam. "Seriously. I think I've got about two free days in the next, oh, year, but they're yours if you want them."
Kris just laughed again and took an even larger sip of his drink, because wasn't that just the problem? He had about two free days in the next year too. "Next stop is breaking the news to my publicist before someone else does," he said. "I don't think we should...I mean, nobody really talks about pregnancies too early, right? The only reason we are is because we kind of have to."
"Need to know basis right now," agreed Adam. "Not that I know anything at all about the situation."
"Not one you're likely to find yourself in," said Kris wryly.
"Much more likely to be found in a compromising position in a public bathroom," said Adam. "I don't think anyone's going to be weird about it, when it gets out. You're married. People are probably expecting babies at some point."
Just the mention of babies kind of pushed Kris's panic button again, and he just felt so overwhelmed by it, worried and scared and excited and joyful. "Yeah," he said softly, losing himself in it for a moment.
"Hey," said Adam, squeezing his hand. "Okay, breathe. You totally have time to get ready for this."
"Do I?" he said, letting out a nervous huff of a laugh. "I feel like I'm going to get caught up in everything else I'm doing and one day I'm going to look up and suddenly there's going to be a baby there."
"That's not how it's going to happen," Adam promised him. "You'll find a way to do both."
Kris was grateful he didn't lie and say it was going to be easy, because that would make him suspect everything else Adam'd said to him. If he was honest about that, though, Kris could believe he was being honest about the fact that he believed Kris could do this, and do it right.
"I may have regular freak outs," he warned him.
"May?" said Adam. "I'd be worried if you didn't. You made a person, Kris. It's kind of a big deal."
Kris smiled at him, a little easier this time, and for a moment let himself just be glad he had someone like Adam in his life. Especially right now, but also always.
:::
Kris was steering the cart because Katy kept wandering off, running her fingertip over shelves of breakfast cereal and cans of soup and ignoring the list in his pocket. And in spite of the fact that he was the American Idol, somehow this was still his life too, buying groceries with his wife and debating the merits of store brand versus brand name.
"Do we even need this much?" he said. "You can't eat all this on your own."
"It's called optimism," she said. "I choose to believe you're actually going to be home once in a while. And that you're going to cook when you are so that I don't actually starve to death."
"Somehow you've managed so far," he said, tapping her behind with the cart.
"Besides," she said. "None of it's perishable. I'm pretty sure peanut butter actually keeps forever."
"Peanut butter theoretically keeps forever," he said, "not that I expect us to ever put that to the test. You know, we have a list."
"We need everything," said Katy, "and I don't need a list to tell me that. Our cupboards are frighteningly bare. It's like an apartment that no one lives in."
"It is an apartment no one's been living in," he said, pulling a honey bear off the shelf and throwing it in the cart before moving on, trailing after Katy who'd already turned the corner into the next aisle. "We could have had stuff delivered. We should have had stuff delivered."
"C'mon it's fun," she said, kissing his cheek. "I've missed this."
"My mom still makes me run to the store for her when I'm home," he said, but it wasn't the same. The time he should've been spending building a home with Katy had been spent on television, or flying back and forth across the country, and he had to grab these little moments where he could.
As Katy smirked at the quirky little honey bear he'd picked up, he reached past her to grab a bottle of vitamins off the shelf. "You're supposed to be taking these now, right?" he said. "Do you know which ones? There are so many."
"I don't get my vitamins up at the grocery store, Kris," she said, though she did take a moment to look them over. "Don't worry, it's being taken care of. I'll be fine."
"Yeah, but...vitamins," he said, but she just laughed at him and grabbed the front of the cart to pull them along further. Maybe he would pick some up later anyway. You know, just in case.
He didn't think they needed both bags of cookies, but he definitely wasn't going to argue the point, and after they grabbed some baking things ("Are you really going to bake a cake?" "I might! I want to be ready if the urge strikes.") they ended up paused right in front of the jars of baby food.
There were so many of them, and Kris was completely baffled by the variety. What were the differences? Which were the best ones? Which ones were they supposed to get? What if the baby didn't like any of them? What if the baby only liked one? Were they even supposed to feed baby food? Was he supposed to be reading books about this?
They both realized they were staring at the same time, and almost simultaneously turned to look at one another instead. Kris laughed and pulled Katy closer and gave her a brief, soft kiss on the lips.
"Not yet," he said, and they moved on past it, all the way to the next aisle, but it never quite left his head and he was pretty sure it never quite left hers either.
:::
Every morning Katy woke to a new email from her mother, a story from one of her own pregnancies or from another family member, or something she saw on television or read in a book. Parts of it were adorable and parts of it were useful, and parts of it were way too much information too fast. So far, the most evidence Katy had of her pregnancy was the nausea that came and went at all hours of the day.
Morning sickness was definitely a misnomer.
Kris was gone all day, a photo shoot and then meetings and then rehearsal, and maybe if they were lucky he'd dash home to have a meal with her but she wasn't holding her breath. Meals weren't exactly her favorite time of day right now anyway; she'd probably be happier if he dashed home just to sit with her for a little while, but that felt like a lot to ask. Every hour, though, or every other hour if he couldn't get away, Kris would send her a little 'thinking of you' text, and Katy never forgot how lucky she was.
Well, when she was hunched over the toilet she forgot momentarily, but then Kris would text her again and it would make her a little bit lighter.
It was times like these, when she knew she wasn't going to see Kris for hours and her sandwich refused to sit well and she wanted to burst into tears that Katy wished she was back in Arkansas, or that her mother was here. Forget emails, she wanted someone to rub her back and get her water and tell her that everything was going to be okay.
She definitely didn't want emails detailed all of the various discomforts she could come to expect over the next few months until the baby was born, and then the myriad discomforts she could expect after that, too. At some point she would appreciate it, but right now she just wanted some comfort.
She didn't even really care where it came from.
It was the middle of the work day so she couldn't just call her mother, though. Well, she could, but pregnant or not, her mother wasn't going to appreciate her daughter pulling her out of class so that she could complain about the fact that she couldn't hold her lunch down. Or that she was exhausted all the time. Or that for a few minutes she couldn't remember the names of the things that you used on your shoes to tie them.
She even held the phone in her hand and looked at the number, then sighed and rolled her eyes at herself and set it back down on the table which she thought of someone other than her mother-or Kris-to call. But before she could, her stomach started to roll again and she was back in the bathroom once more.
Apparently, this was her life right now.
:::
Kris never really expected music to involve so many meetings. Before Idol, before all of this, the only time Kris had a meeting was booking studio time for his self-produced album. This was a whole new ball game.
He tried to focus most of his energy on the music part of the music business, but the business part of it was unavoidable and Kris wanted to at least get a handle on it because he didn't want to get screwed. The one good thing about spending that kind of time in offices instead of rehearsing or recording was that he ran into Adam fairly regularly.
"Hey," said Adam, bumping his shoulder against Kris's and grinning when Kris scowled briefly before he realized who it was. "Who's Mr. Grumpypants today?"
"Sorry," said Kris, and managed a smile pretty easily now that it was Adam. "My mind's somewhere off the planet right now, I think."
"Bad day?"
"Nah," said Kris, "just wishing I was pretty much anywhere but here."
"You mean with Katy."
Kris instinctively looked left to right to make sure they were alone, even though Adam hadn't said anything at all to suggest why Kris might want to be with Katy. It was just reflex.
"I'm pretty sure the last thing Katy wants is to see me right now," he said with a self-conscious chuckle. "We got into it this morning."
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, no, it's fine," said Kris. "We're not really fighting, we just needed a little time apart. She's...you know."
"Not really?" admitted Adam, but he gave Kris an understanding smile anyway, and it helped. "You got time for a coffee? Well, water, anyway."
"Yeah, I got a few minutes," he said. He'd make time. They couldn't begrudge him a bottle of water to take care of his best asset. "She's uncomfortable and irritable and doesn't like me to see her that way. Everyone tells us it'll pass, though."
"Do a lot of people know now?"
Kris shook his head vehemently. "There's this thing, you're not supposed to tell anyone until after the first trimester, just in case...."
"Oh," said Adam, catching what remained unsaid.
"Not that anything's going to," Kris added quickly. "It's just a superstition or precaution or something. I haven't even told the guys yet, just our families. And you."
"You want me to check in on her while you're gone?" said Adam, and Kris shouldn't have been surprised that Adam knew what was on his mind.
"Maybe?" said Kris. "I'm going to talk to her every day, of course, and I think her mom's coming out for a weekend, but...if you aren't too busy."
"Nah, I'm taking some vacation time," said Adam. "She's my friend too. It's not a chore to visit her, you know. In fact, it's been way too long. It's kind of scary how the time slips by, huh?"
"Yeah, tell me about it," said Kris. "And I have a feeling it's not going to get any better for a while, you know? Or ever."
"You've just got to make the most of every moment," said Adam, and Kris had to twist his lips up a little to have his song thrown back at him like that. "I'll have coffee with her. Can she have coffee? Or juice or whatever. I probably shouldn’t be having coffee either."
"Whatever she can keep down," said Kris, a little pointedly. They'd probably be having tea.
"And think about telling someone who's going to be on tour with you. It might help."
"Lizzie knows," said Kris. "And she's probably had to tell a couple of other people."
"I meant someone for you," said Adam, but Kris knew what he meant. He just felt like he needed to say that he wasn't completely alone with some deep dark secret. It was all just a matter of timing right now. His whole life was a matter of timing.
"Mr. Lambert?"
They both looked over at the voice, a head poking out of a nearby doorway. Adam didn't even say anything just angled his head towards it and Kris knew he had to go. He was probably late for something himself, and would probably be hearing his name any moment. But Adam didn't go anywhere before pulling Kris into a quick hug.
He didn't have to explain that either.
:::
Kris hadn't been planning to tell the band until after Katy's first trimester. That was what he'd discussed with Katy and that was what they were going to do for a lot of very good reasons. But when he was pacing the floor backstage, half a world away from home and obviously anxious, it was clear to anyone who knew him that it wasn't about the show. He got more still and centered before shows, he didn't get restless like this.
"What's wrong?" said Cale, pulling him aside by the elbow, into a private corner where they were left alone by band and crew alike. He probably looked like a diva, which was the last thing that Kris wanted, but no matter how much he tried his focus was elsewhere.
"Nothing," he said, "just nervous."
Kris didn't like to lie, but it was possible to skirt the edges of the truth sometimes without outright lying, and that was the place he was trying to inhabit right now.
"Yeah," said Cale, "but about what?"
"You know," said Kris, waving his hand vaguely. "It'll pass."
"Actually, I don't know," he said, then looked back over his shoulder at something but Kris wasn't sure what. Maybe some kind of private signal between him and Andrew, who was standing back there with his back against the wall. "Why don't we sit down?"
Their only option without leaving their corner was a couple of metal folding chairs, which Cale dragged over with a painful screech on the floor. "What are you doing?" said Kris, even as he sat down.
"Trying to figure out what's wrong," he said, "and I'm not above blackmail to do it, but I hope it doesn't get that far."
"I'll be okay when we're on stage," Kris said. "You know I will. I've played through all kinds of things."
"I'm not doing this because I'm worried about your performance," he said, "I'm doing this because I'm worried about you. And I know it's not homesickness, so don't even try that one."
"It is, though," said Kris, which was true in its way. "It's just stress. Pacing helps." Cale sighed, and Kris almost thought he was going to leave it at that, but then he lingered and the longer he was quiet the more Kris felt like he needed to say something. "This isn't...this needs to be just between us, all right? Not even the other guys."
It did absolutely nothing to reassure Cale, that much was clear. "What's wrong?" he said. "Is it that serious?"
"Yeah," said Kris, and actually laughed for a second. "But not in the way you're thinking." Cale just sat there, now worried and perplexed. "Katy's pregnant. About nine weeks. And where am I? In southeast Asia."
"Holy shit," Cale blurted out, then clapped a hand over his mouth when he realized how loud it came out. Kris couldn't really blame him. "How long have you known?"
"Almost a month," he said. "We weren't going to say anything for at least a couple more weeks, though. Just...you know. We didn't want to jinx anything."
"And she's okay? She's good?"
"She says she's living on watermelon and toast right now," he said, "but other than that, yeah."
"I won't tell the guys," Cale promised him. "Not before you do. I'll just tell them that you're okay and not to worry about it. I'll just tell them that you're missing Katy."
"You don't have to lie for me."
"That's not a lie," said Cale. "Isn't that how we play your game? You are missing Katy. Nobody else needs to know why."
"Except you."
"Yeah, but you feel better having told me, right?" said Cale. "You look better. A little."
"I feel a little better," Kris admitted. "I feel like I've been going a little crazy. I want to be there, but I want to be here too. I want it all. Everything was already complicated enough, you know?"
"It's not a complication, it's a baby."
"Yeah, well, get back to me when you're having one," said Kris, but he smiled a little. Felt that momentary spike of terror, but that momentary spike of joy, too.
"Not for a while yet, God willing," said Cale.
"Yeah, that's what I used to say, too," said Kris, tilting his head up to give Cale a bit of a smirk. "You never know what He's got in store for you."
"Just like we never expected to be right here right now either," said Cale, "but look at us. I guess He knows what he's doing."
Kris just nodded and looked at his hands for a moment. "It's just hard being away from her right now. Usually it's nothing for us to be separated for a week or two, but right now I just feel...."
"Guilty," Cale supplied, and it wasn't even a question. "But I'm willing to bet she was the first person to tell you how much she wanted you to keep doing this, am I right?" Kris had to nod. "Because that's what she's always said to you, even when you were doing those lousy gigs back home. And you'll be home to feed her watermelon in no time."
"Yeah, that's exactly what she said," said Kris. "Watermelon and all."
"Don't feel guilty for working to give them a great life," said Cale. "It's what she wants too."
"I know," said Kris. "Our timing's just terrible. Even next year...." But it wasn't next year, it was now. "It's probably going to get worse when we go out on tour."
"You'll work it out," said Cale. "You know how I know that? Because you're Kris Allen, and Kris Allen is one of the best people I know."
:::
Katy never thought it would be her, she always thought she might be the first to get married but she never thought she'd be the first one of her friends to have kids. Even before Idol they always had a plan to be more settled first, for Kris to finish college and get a good job, to be personally and financially secure. They wanted kids, but in the eventual sort of a way. She always figured her friends would go through it first.
But her friends in LA had no idea what it was like to be pregnant, to be getting ready for a child. Most of them weren't even thinking about marriage yet. Most of them weren't even in relationships. And her friends back in Arkansas wouldn't have been all that much different, she had to admit. They'd want to talk about it, if she told them, but they couldn't relate.
There were four of them at brunch at a little bistro that they all loved, talking about relationships and jobs and the last book they read, and though they were vaguely planning it, she told them she was going to have to beg off a shopping trip afterwards. They teased her about wanting to get home to Kris now that he was back from the other side of the world, but the truth was that Kris was in rehearsal all day and she'd probably be asleep before he even got home.
Heck, she'd probably be asleep before she got home at this rate.
Part of her really wanted to tell them, to let them know why she only ate about two bites of her lunch and avoided breathing too deeply around theirs, but part of her wanted to keep it to herself, too. To keep it close and safe and not let the world at it, because once it was out there it wouldn't be hers anymore.
"You aren't on a diet are you?"
"No, no," said Katy, and forced herself to take another bite. "Of course not."
"Because I don't care how famous Kris is, I'd kick his behind if he ever made you feel like you needed to. I mean, what would that say about the rest of us?"
"Kris?" said Katy, wiping her mouth carefully on a napkin. "You know him better than that. I just had a big breakfast."
"Yeah, I guess you would, with Kris home to cook for you."
"He's a little busy to cook me breakfast every day," said Katy with a little laugh, but actually, she was fairly sure he would have, if she had been up for anything more than dry toast. "I know where the take-out menus are and I know how to use them."
"For breakfast?"
"Okay, maybe not for breakfast, but I'm capable of cooking an egg or two without setting the kitchen on fire."
"That's not what I hear."
And of course Katy laughed and moved the food around on her plate so that it looked like she'd eaten more of her salad than she really had. But she was glad when they finished eating and went their separate ways because all she wanted to do was take a nap and she still had to manage the drive home to get it.
Things were changing in ways she hadn't really thought about, even when she learned she was pregnant, and she still wasn't sure how to handle all of it.
:::
Katy had her feet up on a kitchen chair and Kris was doing dishes, and she was tapping her phone against the kitchen table as she thought, no particular rhythm, just tap tap tap tap tap. She knew Kris knew she was working something through, and he just gave her the space to do that as he cleaned up.
"My mom wants me to come back to Arkansas," she said finally, because that was really the best place to start. Just put it all out there. "Which of course means us. She thinks we should be closer to family."
Kris nodded as he dried off a plate and put it away in the cupboard. "Is that what you want?" he said, and that question was what Katy had been trying to work through before bringing it up. But that was the problem-it wasn't something for her to work through alone.
"It would be nice to be closer to her, and my sisters," she said, "and your family too of course."
"But?"
"But I don't know if it's the right choice," she finished. "You've got a career here, and I want a career here, and would it really be better for us if we were living there but travelling back here all the time? It would be worse with a baby, or impossible, and if it's impossible, then...." Of course, it wouldn't be impossible for one of them to travel. It was a question of both.
She was sure Kris had to have opinions on the subject, but whatever they were, he wasn't voicing them yet. "You're scared that if we move back, you're going to be a housewife."
She could only nod, because it was a very real possibility. "Or that it'll hinder your career when you're just getting started," she said, "and you've worked so hard for this. In a couple of years, even a year, it wouldn't matter as much where you are. But right now it does."
"I would go," he said, "if it was what you really wanted. I wouldn't hesitate."
"Kris, don't put this all on me," she said. "What do you think? What do you want?"
"I want it to be three years from now when we've both established ourselves," he said, drying another plate, putting it away with methodical care. "Because then we wouldn't have to weigh the pros and cons, the answer would be obvious to us."
But it wasn't obvious. They were barely moved to LA, their whole lives were in flux, and they were bringing a baby into this chaos. The answer wasn't clear at all.
"Well, it's not," she said, "so what do you want now? And don't say whatever I want, Kris, don't do that to me."
"I think we should stay," he said after a torturous pause, "and fly them out there when you really need them. But I don't want to make that decision, Katy, when I'm not going to be here for you. I'm going to be gone so much, and maybe you need someone all the time if I can't be with you. Your opinion should carry more weight here. I don't think this should be up to me."
"Well, this is what being married is," she said. "The decision is both of ours."
"Then tell me what you want," he said, "what you really want."
"I want both," she said. "I want to be with them and I want to be here."
"Then which," he said, "do you want more?" And that right there was the question she'd been struggling with all along. "We can make either work, we can make compromises and try to get as much of both as we can, but we have to choose one or the other. It doesn't have to be a forever decision, it just has to be for now. Where do you want to have this baby, Katy? Where do you want to raise this baby?"
A year ago she would have wanted nothing more than to raise her child the way she'd been raised, but everything was different now. Their lives were different now. And when she thought about their future, when she thought about where she wanted them to be in ten years, it became a lot clearer.
"I want to stay," she said, and felt like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders when she did. "If we want to build a future that's ours, then we need to stay. For now."
"Then we stay," he said, finally putting the dish towel down and going over to her to put his hands on her cheeks and kiss her forehead. "I wish I could make it easier."
"There's one more thing," she said, because on the tail end of that decision was another one. "Even if we stay, we're going to need a bigger place."
"I'll get someone on it," he said. "That, at least, I can take off your shoulders. I know you've already invested some time and energy into this place, but-"
"I don't care about this apartment," she said. "It was just a place to live."
"Then I'll have someone find us a new one," he said, "or at least help you find a new one that you like. Just find whatever you like. And I'll arrange movers. As soon as we can get it done, so...so everything will already be ready when the baby comes."
And so it was decided, as easy as that.
"And I could go home in a month or so," she said, "once you really start your tour. An extended visit. I could let my family give me all the advice they want to and fawn over the fact that I'm getting fatter."
"I think that's a great idea," he said. "I hate that I'm going to be away so much."
"You need to do this," she said. "I know that. You need to do this and do it now. It can't wait or you lose this chance. We'll make it work."
"I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be the one reassuring you," he said, "not the other way around."
"It goes both ways," she said. "Are you finished with the dishes?"
"Everything else is in the dishwasher," he said. "Why?"
"Because I want to take you to bed now," she said. "And I know how you don't like to leave things unfinished." It was the first time she'd suggested it since about a week after she told Kris she was pregnant, and she could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't sure he was hearing what he thought he was hearing. "And yes, that means what you think it means."
"Are you sure?" he said, looking almost hesitant to touch her. "I know you don't want-"
"No, I do want," she said, and maybe she'd never asked about this, specifically, but her relatives had offered a lot of sometimes uncomfortable advice all the same, so she'd known that the not wanting would probably pass. "I do want, now."
He looked like he wanted to thank God for that and she had to laugh, because men. "And I'm already pregnant, so you're not going to knock me up again. No stress."
Kris grinned at her and grabbed up both of her hands in his and kissed the back of each of them. "You're feeling better?"
"I'm starting to," she said, "and I'm definitely feeling okay right now. I think we should take advantage of this."
Kris used his grip on her hands to pull her to her feet, then kissed her on the lips. "In that case I'm going to stop arguing," he said, "before I talk you right out of it."
"I think that's an excellent idea," she said, and when Kris didn't move right away to lead them into the bedroom, she did.
:::
The plan had always been to release the news later, at a time of their own choosing, maybe an announcement at one of Kris's shows, or maybe even in an interview with someone they liked and felt comfortable with. But it didn't happen that way. Katy was just barely into her second trimester when the news leaked.
Doctors may have been bound by confidentiality, but people watching the comings and goings from doctor's offices weren't, and when those observations were combined with people noticing her recent purchases, and some cryptic tweets by certain people, well, conclusions were drawn. Correct conclusions were drawn, or at least correct enough that they needed addressing.
"I'm going to do an interview with Jim," said Kris. "I know it's not the highest profile, but everyone will pick up the news from MTV quick enough, and he'll make it easy on me. I'll be comfortable with him. We're going to bundle it with some tour news, not make it any bigger than we have to. Better than a press release."
"I don't want it to be high profile," said Katy. "This isn't what I want to be famous for."
"We knew it was going to come to this sooner or later," said Kris, though they'd both been kind of hoping more for later than sooner. "But I need to know if there's anything you want me not to say."
"Like what?" she said. "You probably don't need to talk about my morning sickness."
"I mean...do you want me to lie and say it was planned?"
"No," she said right away. And it wasn't like she hadn't thought about how they were going to phrase it when they did talk about it, but when it came down to it, she knew the answer to that question. "No, I don't want to lie about anything. It's okay to say it's unplanned. It's better to say that."
"I just don't want anyone giving you a hard time."
"That's not something that's going to change no matter what you say," she says. "Either they will or they won't, and we will be better people for being honest about it. Even if we leave out a few details."
"Like morning sickness."
"And the fact that my pants don't fit."
"They don't?" said Kris, and he was trying to hide it but he was smiling a little at that. She could tell.
"Stop!" she said, laughing and giving him a little shove. "You're not supposed to be happy about that!"
"Yeah, but..." he said, then just reached for her to lay a hand on her not-quite-flat belly. "Wow."
"It only gets 'wow' when it looks less like I overate and more like a baby," she insisted, but she lay her hand overtop of his anyway. "When are you doing the interview?"
"Tomorrow," he said. "I have a flight first thing in the morning. Do you want to come?"
She was about to say no, because when Kris did things like that the last thing she usually wanted to do was tag along. There wasn't a chance to get much time together anyway, especially on these same-day trips, and it was usually more frustrating than anything, for both of them. But not this time.
"I do, actually," she said. "If that's okay."
"Of course it's okay," he said. "I just need to make some calls. And stuff."
"Me too," she said, and squeezed his hand before she let it go. "I don't want to interview or anything, I don't want it to be a joint thing. That would be weird. I just want to...."
"I know," he said. "I want to be with you right now too."
"I wasn't ready for this."
"I don't think we're going to be ready for most of this," he admitted, leaning in to give her a kiss, "so we've just got to do our best."
:::
Katy liked New York, though she felt worlds away from those days when she dreamed of going to school here. She'd been disappointed once that her life hadn't gone in that direction. Now it felt like maybe that was just because there were better things in store for her.
"Do you want to watch?" said Kris, and Katy almost giggled because the last time Kris had said that to her had been under very different circumstances. Kris caught the look on her face and grinned at her, shaking his head. "You know what I mean."
"As long as I won't be in the way," she said.
"Don't worry," he said. "This is about you too, you can be there if you want to be there. Lizzie will take care of you."
"I won't need taking care of," she said. "Just sit me down somewhere and I promise I won't make faces at you when you're trying to be serious with Jim."
"When am I ever trying to be serious with Jim?" said Kris, looking back over his shoulder in case Jim was coming up behind him or something. Which of course he wasn't, because Jim was many things but stealthy was not one of them. "We'll go out afterwards. Dinner."
"We should probably have gone out before," she said. "After this airs, there's no way we're going to get any privacy."
"It's New York," said Kris. "No one will even notice us."
"Promise?"
Kris hedged on that, because he wouldn't make her a promise he couldn't be absolutely sure he could keep, but he did lean in and kiss her. "Ninety-nine percent," he said finally, just as someone finally came over to call him away to get him miked up.
Katy found her own seat for the duration of the interview, and got a big hug and congratulations from Jim afterwards, which was another reason this was better with him. Sure, he was media first and foremost, but he also actually cared about what happened to them. And it didn't hurt that Kris, when the interview came around to the baby, was so visibly excited about it on camera that just about everyone on set was smiling for them.
And Kris was usually pretty go-with-the-flow when trips like this were planned for him, because he knew that there were a lot of people who knew a lot better than him how these things worked, but he put his foot down on this one. He wasn't doing a whole round of interviews. He wasn't going to keep talking about this over and over. He was going to break the news and then he was going to have a night out in the city with his wife.
Katy wondered if he made some other concessions somewhere else down the line to make up for it, or if they just let him have this one, but either way Kris didn't tell her. And they really didn't get bothered at dinner, which was nice. She would've killed for a glass of wine with her meal, though.
Well, that was a change that was going to be easier to make than the rest, at least.
:::
Katy kept forgetting the name of the woman she was talking to, which she knew wasn't really her fault but she sort of felt bad about it. Even though she didn't really want to be on this call in the first place. All she knew was that it wasn't Gina. Gina she could've remembered.
"-so we think it would be a good idea if you accepted a couple of those interviews."
"I don't know," said Katy, and normally she felt completely comfortable making these decisions but that was when she could talk them through with Kris. 19E was actually happy she was pregnant, though apparently there had been a number of meetings about the whole situation. 'Meetings' about the 'situation', like it was their problem to worry about.
"There's been a lot of interest," she went on. Anna, maybe? No, Anna wasn't quite right, but now that she'd thought of it, it was stuck in her head. "And he's getting increased spins on Christian radio."
Kris Allen, family man. A lot of family and friends were acting that way now too, so she wasn't surprised. And it wasn't that she was unhappy about it, but it was all a little too much on the path of wife-as-career-accessory for her. She supported Kris in every way she could, but she was still a person.
Well, maybe she could get that across in an interview. Though she was a little more media savvy than she used to be, so she suspected any interviews were just going to say what they wanted to say, no matter what she said to them. Almost everything could be given just the right spin, if that was what they were going for.
"I'm sure Kris would be interested in a couple of joint interviews," she said finally.
"I think the maternity magazines are more interested in talking to you," she said. Katy still had 'Anna' stuck in her head. "You're just enough of a name to sell magazines."
And wasn't that a mixed blessing too. They couldn't get anyone actually famous in their own right, but Katy was the next best thing.
"I'll have to talk to Kris about it all the same," she said. And Kris's actual PR team-the people she knew-who she wasn't entirely sure were in on these sort of sideways deals. They were Kris's PR after all, not hers.
Far from being forgotten while Kris was away doing shows all over the country-all over the world-19E seemed to have a renewed interest in Katy, and a vested interest in what her pregnancy was going to do for Kris's career. At least the general consensus seemed to be 'for' and not 'against' or she might've had a harder road.
"Of course," she said. Not Anna, not Anna, maybe Emma? "They're looking for an answer as soon as possible, though."
But Katy knew this game at least. "If they want me and I'm not being pushed on them, then they won't mind waiting a couple of days. Kris has a very busy schedule right now."
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, then, "I'm being called into a meeting. I look forward to hearing from you soon."
Katy was willing to do what it took to help Kris's career, so she was about ninety percent certain she was going to do it, of course. But just at the moment, she didn't want to give them the satisfaction. She did have choices, after all. And in a time when a lot of what was going on was completely outside of her control, she was going to take what control she had.
:::
"So what does she even look like right now?" Adam asked Kris when they finally managed to connect with each other after a couple of days of phone tag. Kris's team hadn't even finished securing him an actual tour yet but he'd been scheduled right through March, shows and appearances and events not even on the continent again. Not that he was complaining, but it felt like every day his plans were changing when what he really needed was for them to stabilize a little.
"I'd tell you if I knew," said Kris with a sigh, but she'd sent him a picture just that morning and she was definitely showing now, and he'd be home again in a few days. Maybe not for long, but he'd be home. "You should call her."
"I do call her," said Adam, "but she refuses to tell me when I ask and I'm smart enough not to push the subject."
Kris had to laugh imagining that particular conversation. "It's...complicated," he said. "There's a lot going on." He wasn't going to tell Adam about Katy's insecurities, but he had a feeling that Adam could guess. "I want to be there. Tell me something good."
"I have a date?" said Adam. "Does that count as something good?"
"An actual date, or did you try to pick someone up on twitter again?" said Kris.
"Okay, it's just a hook-up," said Adam, "and not via twitter, thank you very much," he added before Kris could ask. Kris just smirked and was glad Adam couldn't see it. "You asked for something good, I gave you something good. This didn't used to be that complicated."
"Yeah, television would have you believe it would be way easier than that."
"You have no idea," said Adam. "A hundred times the attention, and a hundred times the complications."
Kris really did have no idea. Not about the attention, because he got that too, but about how hard it would be to meet someone after becoming as famous as he is, let alone as famous as Adam is. His own complications were of an entirely different sort.
"How's the band situation going, then?"
"Oh, it's great," said Adam. "We love her. Hoping we manage to keep her for the tour. Actually, I'm hoping we manage to keep everyone for the tour right now; we're getting pretty tight and breaking in someone new takes time."
"Any more news on that?"
"If I knew, I'd tell you," said Adam, and Kris felt the same way. Soon, though, soon he'd know, soon things would be signed and pinned down and he could actually plan the next few months of his life with some certainty. He'd already negotiated for certain things, like substantial time off around Katy's due date, and he knew that added some time to tour planning and negotiations, but he didn't consider it optional.
"I know you're eager to get on the road again," said Kris, though it wasn't so much that Adam was eager to get on the road so much as it was he was eager to be performing regularly again.
"Sometimes I think some people forget I'm in this for the music," said Adam. "Okay, and the fame, but mostly the music. I have this huge chance to show people what I can do and I just want to do it."
"One day when you least expect it, I'm going to show up in your audience," said Kris.
"Well, ditto," said Adam. "I'll go incognito."
"Your idea of a disguise is a hood and big sunglasses," said Kris. "If you showed up with bedhead, no makeup and badly-fitting clothes, then I'd think you were trying to blend."
"Bite your tongue," said Adam. "There are limits. Badly-fitting clothes, Kris? Really?"
"Well, that's the point," he said. "No one would believe it's you. Oh, they just called my flight, I've got to go."
"Try to get some sleep on the flight," Adam advised him, "and give Katy a huge hug and kiss from me when you get home."
"I always do," Kris promised him, and actually had a smile on his face again when he put the phone away.
Part Two
Disclaimer: No disrespect intended to any of the persons depicted herein, who I hope are all living happy and fulfilled lives with their partner(s) of choice. This is purely fictional, and not in any way intended as an accurate representation of reality.
Every Day In Every Way
Kris is about to go on tour and Katy is just starting a new career. A baby wasn't in their plans.
American Idol RPF. 25,700 words. NC-17. Kris/Katy, and baby makes three.
Kris was snapping the lid on the big tub of Christmas decorations when he heard a key in the lock behind him, and abandoned it there in the middle of the living room floor to greet Katy at the door.
"Wow, are you finished already?" she said. "I would've helped you."
"Putting up Christmas decorations is a family activity," said Kris. "Taking them down is just a chore. It's not like we had all that many to begin with."
The fairly large storage tube in the middle of the floor belied that, though. Still, there was only one, which in Kris's experience was much, much less than it could have been. They were hardly even home over the holidays to enjoy the decorations but they put them up anyway; it was the principle of the thing.
"Still," she said, leaning up to give him a kiss. "Thank you."
"Are you okay?" he said. "You're looking a little pale again."
"I'm fine," she said. "But maybe we could sit down? We should probably sit down." When Katy said 'we should sit down' Kris heard 'I'm going to faint soon' and grabbed her arm to lead her over to a kitchen chair. "Kris, what...?"
"What's wrong?" he said. "Are you sick?"
"Kris, I'm just tired, I've had a long day," she said, but he didn't believe her. He didn't think she was lying but he did think she was placating him. And okay, maybe the ushering her had been a bit of an overreaction, but still. "I'm not sick."
"Okay," he said, and he believed her this time.
"I'm pregnant."
Kris wasn't entirely sure he heard her right. In fact, after a few moments of silence following her announcement, he wasn't sure he'd heard anything at all. "I'm sorry?"
"Pregnant," she said. "I've suspected for a couple of weeks. I got it confirmed this afternoon. I'm pregnant, Kris. We're having a baby."
"Now?"
"Well, in roughly eight months, give or take," she said, "so you don't need to go boil water or whatever you're thinking about doing right now."
"I wasn't thinking about...guys don't really do that, do they?" Kris was pretty sure they were at least fifty years or so past that. Which didn't mean he knew what he was supposed to do right now, except go and give his wife the biggest hug of her life, which-after nearly stumbling over the chair legs in his haste to get up-he did. "Oh my God, we're having a baby!"
Katy laugh-sobbed into his shoulder and he just pulled her up out of her chair and hugged her harder.
"Okay, so what does this mean?" he said. "When are you due? I seriously can't do math right now. I'm not sure I remember my middle name right now."
"September," she said. "Early September. I know we didn't plan this, but-"
"We didn't plan a lot of things," said Kris, finally letting her go so she could sit down again. He didn't, crouching down in front of her instead, unwilling to completely let her go. "Unplanned doesn't mean unwanted. Wow."
"Could we have picked a worse time?" said Katy, laughing a little again and wiping a few tears from the corners of her eyes. "Seriously, Kris, we bring new meaning to the words."
"We really do," he says, and impulsively leans up to kiss her. "But it's going to be okay. If this is what's happening, then this is what we're meant to do."
:::
He and Adam didn't have plans to get together this week, not with everything they both had going on despite being in the same city, but Kris left him a message at seven in the morning and by noon they had plans to go for drinks some time after ten, which worked for Kris just fine. There must've been something in his voice that told Adam this was serious, even though he was trying to be casual about it.
Maybe it was the fact that he called at all, instead of just texting him.
The bar they went to was definitely off the beaten path, and once again Kris was grateful for how well Adam knew this city, and how many hidey-holes he had stashed away in his back pocket, to be pulled out at times like this when neither of them wanted to be bothered.
"So what's up?" said Adam as he planted an overly large drink in front of Kris. "Trust me, you'll like it."
If there was ever a time for an overly-large drink, this was it.
"Sit down first," said Kris. "I'd hate to make you fall over when you have a drink in your hand."
"I would never fall over with a drink in my hand," said Adam indignantly, but he did sit down anyway, taking a sip of his own overly-large drink. "I have far too much practice."
"Yeah, well, I bet you don't have much practice with this one," said Kris, then took a sip of his drink before finishing with, "Katy's pregnant."
Adam's drink stopped almost exactly halfway to his mouth and he stared for what felt like a very long time. "What, now?"
"No, a couple years from now, I'm just practicing telling you," said Kris dryly, then took another sip of his drink and wondered if it was big enough. "She told me yesterday."
"Holy shit," said Adam. "Who knows?"
"So far just our parents and, well, you," said Kris. Because Kris might've had friends much older than Adam, but Adam was the one who would completely get why Kris was freaked out about this. "I'm going on tour, Adam. I can't not."
"I don't think she's expecting you to stay home with her day and night," said Adam, reaching out to wrap his hand around Kris's, and it was then that Kris realized his hand was trembling a little. "That's amazing news."
"I'm terrified I'm going to mess this up."
"Of course you are," said Adam. "Would it be poor form to get you trashed tonight? Will Katy hate you? Because I feel like you need to get trashed tonight."
"Katy knows where I am," said Kris. "Heck, she even encouraged me to come. She's spending the evening skyping with her sisters, which I think is what she needs to do right now. Girl talk."
"So how is she doing? How are you doing? Other than the sheer terror, I mean."
Kris laughed and was grateful for the fact that Adam wasn't letting go of him. He was solid, when Kris needed something solid. "She's excited. We're excited. I always figured this was something that was going to happen a few years down the road, but...I guess God had other plans."
"His plans seem to have worked out pretty well for you so far," said Adam. "So what can I do for you? Other than buy a ridiculous number of adorable baby clothes to prevent you from dressing him in plaid."
"Or her."
"I don't think that would stop you," said Adam. "Seriously. I think I've got about two free days in the next, oh, year, but they're yours if you want them."
Kris just laughed again and took an even larger sip of his drink, because wasn't that just the problem? He had about two free days in the next year too. "Next stop is breaking the news to my publicist before someone else does," he said. "I don't think we should...I mean, nobody really talks about pregnancies too early, right? The only reason we are is because we kind of have to."
"Need to know basis right now," agreed Adam. "Not that I know anything at all about the situation."
"Not one you're likely to find yourself in," said Kris wryly.
"Much more likely to be found in a compromising position in a public bathroom," said Adam. "I don't think anyone's going to be weird about it, when it gets out. You're married. People are probably expecting babies at some point."
Just the mention of babies kind of pushed Kris's panic button again, and he just felt so overwhelmed by it, worried and scared and excited and joyful. "Yeah," he said softly, losing himself in it for a moment.
"Hey," said Adam, squeezing his hand. "Okay, breathe. You totally have time to get ready for this."
"Do I?" he said, letting out a nervous huff of a laugh. "I feel like I'm going to get caught up in everything else I'm doing and one day I'm going to look up and suddenly there's going to be a baby there."
"That's not how it's going to happen," Adam promised him. "You'll find a way to do both."
Kris was grateful he didn't lie and say it was going to be easy, because that would make him suspect everything else Adam'd said to him. If he was honest about that, though, Kris could believe he was being honest about the fact that he believed Kris could do this, and do it right.
"I may have regular freak outs," he warned him.
"May?" said Adam. "I'd be worried if you didn't. You made a person, Kris. It's kind of a big deal."
Kris smiled at him, a little easier this time, and for a moment let himself just be glad he had someone like Adam in his life. Especially right now, but also always.
:::
Kris was steering the cart because Katy kept wandering off, running her fingertip over shelves of breakfast cereal and cans of soup and ignoring the list in his pocket. And in spite of the fact that he was the American Idol, somehow this was still his life too, buying groceries with his wife and debating the merits of store brand versus brand name.
"Do we even need this much?" he said. "You can't eat all this on your own."
"It's called optimism," she said. "I choose to believe you're actually going to be home once in a while. And that you're going to cook when you are so that I don't actually starve to death."
"Somehow you've managed so far," he said, tapping her behind with the cart.
"Besides," she said. "None of it's perishable. I'm pretty sure peanut butter actually keeps forever."
"Peanut butter theoretically keeps forever," he said, "not that I expect us to ever put that to the test. You know, we have a list."
"We need everything," said Katy, "and I don't need a list to tell me that. Our cupboards are frighteningly bare. It's like an apartment that no one lives in."
"It is an apartment no one's been living in," he said, pulling a honey bear off the shelf and throwing it in the cart before moving on, trailing after Katy who'd already turned the corner into the next aisle. "We could have had stuff delivered. We should have had stuff delivered."
"C'mon it's fun," she said, kissing his cheek. "I've missed this."
"My mom still makes me run to the store for her when I'm home," he said, but it wasn't the same. The time he should've been spending building a home with Katy had been spent on television, or flying back and forth across the country, and he had to grab these little moments where he could.
As Katy smirked at the quirky little honey bear he'd picked up, he reached past her to grab a bottle of vitamins off the shelf. "You're supposed to be taking these now, right?" he said. "Do you know which ones? There are so many."
"I don't get my vitamins up at the grocery store, Kris," she said, though she did take a moment to look them over. "Don't worry, it's being taken care of. I'll be fine."
"Yeah, but...vitamins," he said, but she just laughed at him and grabbed the front of the cart to pull them along further. Maybe he would pick some up later anyway. You know, just in case.
He didn't think they needed both bags of cookies, but he definitely wasn't going to argue the point, and after they grabbed some baking things ("Are you really going to bake a cake?" "I might! I want to be ready if the urge strikes.") they ended up paused right in front of the jars of baby food.
There were so many of them, and Kris was completely baffled by the variety. What were the differences? Which were the best ones? Which ones were they supposed to get? What if the baby didn't like any of them? What if the baby only liked one? Were they even supposed to feed baby food? Was he supposed to be reading books about this?
They both realized they were staring at the same time, and almost simultaneously turned to look at one another instead. Kris laughed and pulled Katy closer and gave her a brief, soft kiss on the lips.
"Not yet," he said, and they moved on past it, all the way to the next aisle, but it never quite left his head and he was pretty sure it never quite left hers either.
:::
Every morning Katy woke to a new email from her mother, a story from one of her own pregnancies or from another family member, or something she saw on television or read in a book. Parts of it were adorable and parts of it were useful, and parts of it were way too much information too fast. So far, the most evidence Katy had of her pregnancy was the nausea that came and went at all hours of the day.
Morning sickness was definitely a misnomer.
Kris was gone all day, a photo shoot and then meetings and then rehearsal, and maybe if they were lucky he'd dash home to have a meal with her but she wasn't holding her breath. Meals weren't exactly her favorite time of day right now anyway; she'd probably be happier if he dashed home just to sit with her for a little while, but that felt like a lot to ask. Every hour, though, or every other hour if he couldn't get away, Kris would send her a little 'thinking of you' text, and Katy never forgot how lucky she was.
Well, when she was hunched over the toilet she forgot momentarily, but then Kris would text her again and it would make her a little bit lighter.
It was times like these, when she knew she wasn't going to see Kris for hours and her sandwich refused to sit well and she wanted to burst into tears that Katy wished she was back in Arkansas, or that her mother was here. Forget emails, she wanted someone to rub her back and get her water and tell her that everything was going to be okay.
She definitely didn't want emails detailed all of the various discomforts she could come to expect over the next few months until the baby was born, and then the myriad discomforts she could expect after that, too. At some point she would appreciate it, but right now she just wanted some comfort.
She didn't even really care where it came from.
It was the middle of the work day so she couldn't just call her mother, though. Well, she could, but pregnant or not, her mother wasn't going to appreciate her daughter pulling her out of class so that she could complain about the fact that she couldn't hold her lunch down. Or that she was exhausted all the time. Or that for a few minutes she couldn't remember the names of the things that you used on your shoes to tie them.
She even held the phone in her hand and looked at the number, then sighed and rolled her eyes at herself and set it back down on the table which she thought of someone other than her mother-or Kris-to call. But before she could, her stomach started to roll again and she was back in the bathroom once more.
Apparently, this was her life right now.
:::
Kris never really expected music to involve so many meetings. Before Idol, before all of this, the only time Kris had a meeting was booking studio time for his self-produced album. This was a whole new ball game.
He tried to focus most of his energy on the music part of the music business, but the business part of it was unavoidable and Kris wanted to at least get a handle on it because he didn't want to get screwed. The one good thing about spending that kind of time in offices instead of rehearsing or recording was that he ran into Adam fairly regularly.
"Hey," said Adam, bumping his shoulder against Kris's and grinning when Kris scowled briefly before he realized who it was. "Who's Mr. Grumpypants today?"
"Sorry," said Kris, and managed a smile pretty easily now that it was Adam. "My mind's somewhere off the planet right now, I think."
"Bad day?"
"Nah," said Kris, "just wishing I was pretty much anywhere but here."
"You mean with Katy."
Kris instinctively looked left to right to make sure they were alone, even though Adam hadn't said anything at all to suggest why Kris might want to be with Katy. It was just reflex.
"I'm pretty sure the last thing Katy wants is to see me right now," he said with a self-conscious chuckle. "We got into it this morning."
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, no, it's fine," said Kris. "We're not really fighting, we just needed a little time apart. She's...you know."
"Not really?" admitted Adam, but he gave Kris an understanding smile anyway, and it helped. "You got time for a coffee? Well, water, anyway."
"Yeah, I got a few minutes," he said. He'd make time. They couldn't begrudge him a bottle of water to take care of his best asset. "She's uncomfortable and irritable and doesn't like me to see her that way. Everyone tells us it'll pass, though."
"Do a lot of people know now?"
Kris shook his head vehemently. "There's this thing, you're not supposed to tell anyone until after the first trimester, just in case...."
"Oh," said Adam, catching what remained unsaid.
"Not that anything's going to," Kris added quickly. "It's just a superstition or precaution or something. I haven't even told the guys yet, just our families. And you."
"You want me to check in on her while you're gone?" said Adam, and Kris shouldn't have been surprised that Adam knew what was on his mind.
"Maybe?" said Kris. "I'm going to talk to her every day, of course, and I think her mom's coming out for a weekend, but...if you aren't too busy."
"Nah, I'm taking some vacation time," said Adam. "She's my friend too. It's not a chore to visit her, you know. In fact, it's been way too long. It's kind of scary how the time slips by, huh?"
"Yeah, tell me about it," said Kris. "And I have a feeling it's not going to get any better for a while, you know? Or ever."
"You've just got to make the most of every moment," said Adam, and Kris had to twist his lips up a little to have his song thrown back at him like that. "I'll have coffee with her. Can she have coffee? Or juice or whatever. I probably shouldn’t be having coffee either."
"Whatever she can keep down," said Kris, a little pointedly. They'd probably be having tea.
"And think about telling someone who's going to be on tour with you. It might help."
"Lizzie knows," said Kris. "And she's probably had to tell a couple of other people."
"I meant someone for you," said Adam, but Kris knew what he meant. He just felt like he needed to say that he wasn't completely alone with some deep dark secret. It was all just a matter of timing right now. His whole life was a matter of timing.
"Mr. Lambert?"
They both looked over at the voice, a head poking out of a nearby doorway. Adam didn't even say anything just angled his head towards it and Kris knew he had to go. He was probably late for something himself, and would probably be hearing his name any moment. But Adam didn't go anywhere before pulling Kris into a quick hug.
He didn't have to explain that either.
:::
Kris hadn't been planning to tell the band until after Katy's first trimester. That was what he'd discussed with Katy and that was what they were going to do for a lot of very good reasons. But when he was pacing the floor backstage, half a world away from home and obviously anxious, it was clear to anyone who knew him that it wasn't about the show. He got more still and centered before shows, he didn't get restless like this.
"What's wrong?" said Cale, pulling him aside by the elbow, into a private corner where they were left alone by band and crew alike. He probably looked like a diva, which was the last thing that Kris wanted, but no matter how much he tried his focus was elsewhere.
"Nothing," he said, "just nervous."
Kris didn't like to lie, but it was possible to skirt the edges of the truth sometimes without outright lying, and that was the place he was trying to inhabit right now.
"Yeah," said Cale, "but about what?"
"You know," said Kris, waving his hand vaguely. "It'll pass."
"Actually, I don't know," he said, then looked back over his shoulder at something but Kris wasn't sure what. Maybe some kind of private signal between him and Andrew, who was standing back there with his back against the wall. "Why don't we sit down?"
Their only option without leaving their corner was a couple of metal folding chairs, which Cale dragged over with a painful screech on the floor. "What are you doing?" said Kris, even as he sat down.
"Trying to figure out what's wrong," he said, "and I'm not above blackmail to do it, but I hope it doesn't get that far."
"I'll be okay when we're on stage," Kris said. "You know I will. I've played through all kinds of things."
"I'm not doing this because I'm worried about your performance," he said, "I'm doing this because I'm worried about you. And I know it's not homesickness, so don't even try that one."
"It is, though," said Kris, which was true in its way. "It's just stress. Pacing helps." Cale sighed, and Kris almost thought he was going to leave it at that, but then he lingered and the longer he was quiet the more Kris felt like he needed to say something. "This isn't...this needs to be just between us, all right? Not even the other guys."
It did absolutely nothing to reassure Cale, that much was clear. "What's wrong?" he said. "Is it that serious?"
"Yeah," said Kris, and actually laughed for a second. "But not in the way you're thinking." Cale just sat there, now worried and perplexed. "Katy's pregnant. About nine weeks. And where am I? In southeast Asia."
"Holy shit," Cale blurted out, then clapped a hand over his mouth when he realized how loud it came out. Kris couldn't really blame him. "How long have you known?"
"Almost a month," he said. "We weren't going to say anything for at least a couple more weeks, though. Just...you know. We didn't want to jinx anything."
"And she's okay? She's good?"
"She says she's living on watermelon and toast right now," he said, "but other than that, yeah."
"I won't tell the guys," Cale promised him. "Not before you do. I'll just tell them that you're okay and not to worry about it. I'll just tell them that you're missing Katy."
"You don't have to lie for me."
"That's not a lie," said Cale. "Isn't that how we play your game? You are missing Katy. Nobody else needs to know why."
"Except you."
"Yeah, but you feel better having told me, right?" said Cale. "You look better. A little."
"I feel a little better," Kris admitted. "I feel like I've been going a little crazy. I want to be there, but I want to be here too. I want it all. Everything was already complicated enough, you know?"
"It's not a complication, it's a baby."
"Yeah, well, get back to me when you're having one," said Kris, but he smiled a little. Felt that momentary spike of terror, but that momentary spike of joy, too.
"Not for a while yet, God willing," said Cale.
"Yeah, that's what I used to say, too," said Kris, tilting his head up to give Cale a bit of a smirk. "You never know what He's got in store for you."
"Just like we never expected to be right here right now either," said Cale, "but look at us. I guess He knows what he's doing."
Kris just nodded and looked at his hands for a moment. "It's just hard being away from her right now. Usually it's nothing for us to be separated for a week or two, but right now I just feel...."
"Guilty," Cale supplied, and it wasn't even a question. "But I'm willing to bet she was the first person to tell you how much she wanted you to keep doing this, am I right?" Kris had to nod. "Because that's what she's always said to you, even when you were doing those lousy gigs back home. And you'll be home to feed her watermelon in no time."
"Yeah, that's exactly what she said," said Kris. "Watermelon and all."
"Don't feel guilty for working to give them a great life," said Cale. "It's what she wants too."
"I know," said Kris. "Our timing's just terrible. Even next year...." But it wasn't next year, it was now. "It's probably going to get worse when we go out on tour."
"You'll work it out," said Cale. "You know how I know that? Because you're Kris Allen, and Kris Allen is one of the best people I know."
:::
Katy never thought it would be her, she always thought she might be the first to get married but she never thought she'd be the first one of her friends to have kids. Even before Idol they always had a plan to be more settled first, for Kris to finish college and get a good job, to be personally and financially secure. They wanted kids, but in the eventual sort of a way. She always figured her friends would go through it first.
But her friends in LA had no idea what it was like to be pregnant, to be getting ready for a child. Most of them weren't even thinking about marriage yet. Most of them weren't even in relationships. And her friends back in Arkansas wouldn't have been all that much different, she had to admit. They'd want to talk about it, if she told them, but they couldn't relate.
There were four of them at brunch at a little bistro that they all loved, talking about relationships and jobs and the last book they read, and though they were vaguely planning it, she told them she was going to have to beg off a shopping trip afterwards. They teased her about wanting to get home to Kris now that he was back from the other side of the world, but the truth was that Kris was in rehearsal all day and she'd probably be asleep before he even got home.
Heck, she'd probably be asleep before she got home at this rate.
Part of her really wanted to tell them, to let them know why she only ate about two bites of her lunch and avoided breathing too deeply around theirs, but part of her wanted to keep it to herself, too. To keep it close and safe and not let the world at it, because once it was out there it wouldn't be hers anymore.
"You aren't on a diet are you?"
"No, no," said Katy, and forced herself to take another bite. "Of course not."
"Because I don't care how famous Kris is, I'd kick his behind if he ever made you feel like you needed to. I mean, what would that say about the rest of us?"
"Kris?" said Katy, wiping her mouth carefully on a napkin. "You know him better than that. I just had a big breakfast."
"Yeah, I guess you would, with Kris home to cook for you."
"He's a little busy to cook me breakfast every day," said Katy with a little laugh, but actually, she was fairly sure he would have, if she had been up for anything more than dry toast. "I know where the take-out menus are and I know how to use them."
"For breakfast?"
"Okay, maybe not for breakfast, but I'm capable of cooking an egg or two without setting the kitchen on fire."
"That's not what I hear."
And of course Katy laughed and moved the food around on her plate so that it looked like she'd eaten more of her salad than she really had. But she was glad when they finished eating and went their separate ways because all she wanted to do was take a nap and she still had to manage the drive home to get it.
Things were changing in ways she hadn't really thought about, even when she learned she was pregnant, and she still wasn't sure how to handle all of it.
:::
Katy had her feet up on a kitchen chair and Kris was doing dishes, and she was tapping her phone against the kitchen table as she thought, no particular rhythm, just tap tap tap tap tap. She knew Kris knew she was working something through, and he just gave her the space to do that as he cleaned up.
"My mom wants me to come back to Arkansas," she said finally, because that was really the best place to start. Just put it all out there. "Which of course means us. She thinks we should be closer to family."
Kris nodded as he dried off a plate and put it away in the cupboard. "Is that what you want?" he said, and that question was what Katy had been trying to work through before bringing it up. But that was the problem-it wasn't something for her to work through alone.
"It would be nice to be closer to her, and my sisters," she said, "and your family too of course."
"But?"
"But I don't know if it's the right choice," she finished. "You've got a career here, and I want a career here, and would it really be better for us if we were living there but travelling back here all the time? It would be worse with a baby, or impossible, and if it's impossible, then...." Of course, it wouldn't be impossible for one of them to travel. It was a question of both.
She was sure Kris had to have opinions on the subject, but whatever they were, he wasn't voicing them yet. "You're scared that if we move back, you're going to be a housewife."
She could only nod, because it was a very real possibility. "Or that it'll hinder your career when you're just getting started," she said, "and you've worked so hard for this. In a couple of years, even a year, it wouldn't matter as much where you are. But right now it does."
"I would go," he said, "if it was what you really wanted. I wouldn't hesitate."
"Kris, don't put this all on me," she said. "What do you think? What do you want?"
"I want it to be three years from now when we've both established ourselves," he said, drying another plate, putting it away with methodical care. "Because then we wouldn't have to weigh the pros and cons, the answer would be obvious to us."
But it wasn't obvious. They were barely moved to LA, their whole lives were in flux, and they were bringing a baby into this chaos. The answer wasn't clear at all.
"Well, it's not," she said, "so what do you want now? And don't say whatever I want, Kris, don't do that to me."
"I think we should stay," he said after a torturous pause, "and fly them out there when you really need them. But I don't want to make that decision, Katy, when I'm not going to be here for you. I'm going to be gone so much, and maybe you need someone all the time if I can't be with you. Your opinion should carry more weight here. I don't think this should be up to me."
"Well, this is what being married is," she said. "The decision is both of ours."
"Then tell me what you want," he said, "what you really want."
"I want both," she said. "I want to be with them and I want to be here."
"Then which," he said, "do you want more?" And that right there was the question she'd been struggling with all along. "We can make either work, we can make compromises and try to get as much of both as we can, but we have to choose one or the other. It doesn't have to be a forever decision, it just has to be for now. Where do you want to have this baby, Katy? Where do you want to raise this baby?"
A year ago she would have wanted nothing more than to raise her child the way she'd been raised, but everything was different now. Their lives were different now. And when she thought about their future, when she thought about where she wanted them to be in ten years, it became a lot clearer.
"I want to stay," she said, and felt like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders when she did. "If we want to build a future that's ours, then we need to stay. For now."
"Then we stay," he said, finally putting the dish towel down and going over to her to put his hands on her cheeks and kiss her forehead. "I wish I could make it easier."
"There's one more thing," she said, because on the tail end of that decision was another one. "Even if we stay, we're going to need a bigger place."
"I'll get someone on it," he said. "That, at least, I can take off your shoulders. I know you've already invested some time and energy into this place, but-"
"I don't care about this apartment," she said. "It was just a place to live."
"Then I'll have someone find us a new one," he said, "or at least help you find a new one that you like. Just find whatever you like. And I'll arrange movers. As soon as we can get it done, so...so everything will already be ready when the baby comes."
And so it was decided, as easy as that.
"And I could go home in a month or so," she said, "once you really start your tour. An extended visit. I could let my family give me all the advice they want to and fawn over the fact that I'm getting fatter."
"I think that's a great idea," he said. "I hate that I'm going to be away so much."
"You need to do this," she said. "I know that. You need to do this and do it now. It can't wait or you lose this chance. We'll make it work."
"I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be the one reassuring you," he said, "not the other way around."
"It goes both ways," she said. "Are you finished with the dishes?"
"Everything else is in the dishwasher," he said. "Why?"
"Because I want to take you to bed now," she said. "And I know how you don't like to leave things unfinished." It was the first time she'd suggested it since about a week after she told Kris she was pregnant, and she could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't sure he was hearing what he thought he was hearing. "And yes, that means what you think it means."
"Are you sure?" he said, looking almost hesitant to touch her. "I know you don't want-"
"No, I do want," she said, and maybe she'd never asked about this, specifically, but her relatives had offered a lot of sometimes uncomfortable advice all the same, so she'd known that the not wanting would probably pass. "I do want, now."
He looked like he wanted to thank God for that and she had to laugh, because men. "And I'm already pregnant, so you're not going to knock me up again. No stress."
Kris grinned at her and grabbed up both of her hands in his and kissed the back of each of them. "You're feeling better?"
"I'm starting to," she said, "and I'm definitely feeling okay right now. I think we should take advantage of this."
Kris used his grip on her hands to pull her to her feet, then kissed her on the lips. "In that case I'm going to stop arguing," he said, "before I talk you right out of it."
"I think that's an excellent idea," she said, and when Kris didn't move right away to lead them into the bedroom, she did.
:::
The plan had always been to release the news later, at a time of their own choosing, maybe an announcement at one of Kris's shows, or maybe even in an interview with someone they liked and felt comfortable with. But it didn't happen that way. Katy was just barely into her second trimester when the news leaked.
Doctors may have been bound by confidentiality, but people watching the comings and goings from doctor's offices weren't, and when those observations were combined with people noticing her recent purchases, and some cryptic tweets by certain people, well, conclusions were drawn. Correct conclusions were drawn, or at least correct enough that they needed addressing.
"I'm going to do an interview with Jim," said Kris. "I know it's not the highest profile, but everyone will pick up the news from MTV quick enough, and he'll make it easy on me. I'll be comfortable with him. We're going to bundle it with some tour news, not make it any bigger than we have to. Better than a press release."
"I don't want it to be high profile," said Katy. "This isn't what I want to be famous for."
"We knew it was going to come to this sooner or later," said Kris, though they'd both been kind of hoping more for later than sooner. "But I need to know if there's anything you want me not to say."
"Like what?" she said. "You probably don't need to talk about my morning sickness."
"I mean...do you want me to lie and say it was planned?"
"No," she said right away. And it wasn't like she hadn't thought about how they were going to phrase it when they did talk about it, but when it came down to it, she knew the answer to that question. "No, I don't want to lie about anything. It's okay to say it's unplanned. It's better to say that."
"I just don't want anyone giving you a hard time."
"That's not something that's going to change no matter what you say," she says. "Either they will or they won't, and we will be better people for being honest about it. Even if we leave out a few details."
"Like morning sickness."
"And the fact that my pants don't fit."
"They don't?" said Kris, and he was trying to hide it but he was smiling a little at that. She could tell.
"Stop!" she said, laughing and giving him a little shove. "You're not supposed to be happy about that!"
"Yeah, but..." he said, then just reached for her to lay a hand on her not-quite-flat belly. "Wow."
"It only gets 'wow' when it looks less like I overate and more like a baby," she insisted, but she lay her hand overtop of his anyway. "When are you doing the interview?"
"Tomorrow," he said. "I have a flight first thing in the morning. Do you want to come?"
She was about to say no, because when Kris did things like that the last thing she usually wanted to do was tag along. There wasn't a chance to get much time together anyway, especially on these same-day trips, and it was usually more frustrating than anything, for both of them. But not this time.
"I do, actually," she said. "If that's okay."
"Of course it's okay," he said. "I just need to make some calls. And stuff."
"Me too," she said, and squeezed his hand before she let it go. "I don't want to interview or anything, I don't want it to be a joint thing. That would be weird. I just want to...."
"I know," he said. "I want to be with you right now too."
"I wasn't ready for this."
"I don't think we're going to be ready for most of this," he admitted, leaning in to give her a kiss, "so we've just got to do our best."
:::
Katy liked New York, though she felt worlds away from those days when she dreamed of going to school here. She'd been disappointed once that her life hadn't gone in that direction. Now it felt like maybe that was just because there were better things in store for her.
"Do you want to watch?" said Kris, and Katy almost giggled because the last time Kris had said that to her had been under very different circumstances. Kris caught the look on her face and grinned at her, shaking his head. "You know what I mean."
"As long as I won't be in the way," she said.
"Don't worry," he said. "This is about you too, you can be there if you want to be there. Lizzie will take care of you."
"I won't need taking care of," she said. "Just sit me down somewhere and I promise I won't make faces at you when you're trying to be serious with Jim."
"When am I ever trying to be serious with Jim?" said Kris, looking back over his shoulder in case Jim was coming up behind him or something. Which of course he wasn't, because Jim was many things but stealthy was not one of them. "We'll go out afterwards. Dinner."
"We should probably have gone out before," she said. "After this airs, there's no way we're going to get any privacy."
"It's New York," said Kris. "No one will even notice us."
"Promise?"
Kris hedged on that, because he wouldn't make her a promise he couldn't be absolutely sure he could keep, but he did lean in and kiss her. "Ninety-nine percent," he said finally, just as someone finally came over to call him away to get him miked up.
Katy found her own seat for the duration of the interview, and got a big hug and congratulations from Jim afterwards, which was another reason this was better with him. Sure, he was media first and foremost, but he also actually cared about what happened to them. And it didn't hurt that Kris, when the interview came around to the baby, was so visibly excited about it on camera that just about everyone on set was smiling for them.
And Kris was usually pretty go-with-the-flow when trips like this were planned for him, because he knew that there were a lot of people who knew a lot better than him how these things worked, but he put his foot down on this one. He wasn't doing a whole round of interviews. He wasn't going to keep talking about this over and over. He was going to break the news and then he was going to have a night out in the city with his wife.
Katy wondered if he made some other concessions somewhere else down the line to make up for it, or if they just let him have this one, but either way Kris didn't tell her. And they really didn't get bothered at dinner, which was nice. She would've killed for a glass of wine with her meal, though.
Well, that was a change that was going to be easier to make than the rest, at least.
:::
Katy kept forgetting the name of the woman she was talking to, which she knew wasn't really her fault but she sort of felt bad about it. Even though she didn't really want to be on this call in the first place. All she knew was that it wasn't Gina. Gina she could've remembered.
"-so we think it would be a good idea if you accepted a couple of those interviews."
"I don't know," said Katy, and normally she felt completely comfortable making these decisions but that was when she could talk them through with Kris. 19E was actually happy she was pregnant, though apparently there had been a number of meetings about the whole situation. 'Meetings' about the 'situation', like it was their problem to worry about.
"There's been a lot of interest," she went on. Anna, maybe? No, Anna wasn't quite right, but now that she'd thought of it, it was stuck in her head. "And he's getting increased spins on Christian radio."
Kris Allen, family man. A lot of family and friends were acting that way now too, so she wasn't surprised. And it wasn't that she was unhappy about it, but it was all a little too much on the path of wife-as-career-accessory for her. She supported Kris in every way she could, but she was still a person.
Well, maybe she could get that across in an interview. Though she was a little more media savvy than she used to be, so she suspected any interviews were just going to say what they wanted to say, no matter what she said to them. Almost everything could be given just the right spin, if that was what they were going for.
"I'm sure Kris would be interested in a couple of joint interviews," she said finally.
"I think the maternity magazines are more interested in talking to you," she said. Katy still had 'Anna' stuck in her head. "You're just enough of a name to sell magazines."
And wasn't that a mixed blessing too. They couldn't get anyone actually famous in their own right, but Katy was the next best thing.
"I'll have to talk to Kris about it all the same," she said. And Kris's actual PR team-the people she knew-who she wasn't entirely sure were in on these sort of sideways deals. They were Kris's PR after all, not hers.
Far from being forgotten while Kris was away doing shows all over the country-all over the world-19E seemed to have a renewed interest in Katy, and a vested interest in what her pregnancy was going to do for Kris's career. At least the general consensus seemed to be 'for' and not 'against' or she might've had a harder road.
"Of course," she said. Not Anna, not Anna, maybe Emma? "They're looking for an answer as soon as possible, though."
But Katy knew this game at least. "If they want me and I'm not being pushed on them, then they won't mind waiting a couple of days. Kris has a very busy schedule right now."
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, then, "I'm being called into a meeting. I look forward to hearing from you soon."
Katy was willing to do what it took to help Kris's career, so she was about ninety percent certain she was going to do it, of course. But just at the moment, she didn't want to give them the satisfaction. She did have choices, after all. And in a time when a lot of what was going on was completely outside of her control, she was going to take what control she had.
:::
"So what does she even look like right now?" Adam asked Kris when they finally managed to connect with each other after a couple of days of phone tag. Kris's team hadn't even finished securing him an actual tour yet but he'd been scheduled right through March, shows and appearances and events not even on the continent again. Not that he was complaining, but it felt like every day his plans were changing when what he really needed was for them to stabilize a little.
"I'd tell you if I knew," said Kris with a sigh, but she'd sent him a picture just that morning and she was definitely showing now, and he'd be home again in a few days. Maybe not for long, but he'd be home. "You should call her."
"I do call her," said Adam, "but she refuses to tell me when I ask and I'm smart enough not to push the subject."
Kris had to laugh imagining that particular conversation. "It's...complicated," he said. "There's a lot going on." He wasn't going to tell Adam about Katy's insecurities, but he had a feeling that Adam could guess. "I want to be there. Tell me something good."
"I have a date?" said Adam. "Does that count as something good?"
"An actual date, or did you try to pick someone up on twitter again?" said Kris.
"Okay, it's just a hook-up," said Adam, "and not via twitter, thank you very much," he added before Kris could ask. Kris just smirked and was glad Adam couldn't see it. "You asked for something good, I gave you something good. This didn't used to be that complicated."
"Yeah, television would have you believe it would be way easier than that."
"You have no idea," said Adam. "A hundred times the attention, and a hundred times the complications."
Kris really did have no idea. Not about the attention, because he got that too, but about how hard it would be to meet someone after becoming as famous as he is, let alone as famous as Adam is. His own complications were of an entirely different sort.
"How's the band situation going, then?"
"Oh, it's great," said Adam. "We love her. Hoping we manage to keep her for the tour. Actually, I'm hoping we manage to keep everyone for the tour right now; we're getting pretty tight and breaking in someone new takes time."
"Any more news on that?"
"If I knew, I'd tell you," said Adam, and Kris felt the same way. Soon, though, soon he'd know, soon things would be signed and pinned down and he could actually plan the next few months of his life with some certainty. He'd already negotiated for certain things, like substantial time off around Katy's due date, and he knew that added some time to tour planning and negotiations, but he didn't consider it optional.
"I know you're eager to get on the road again," said Kris, though it wasn't so much that Adam was eager to get on the road so much as it was he was eager to be performing regularly again.
"Sometimes I think some people forget I'm in this for the music," said Adam. "Okay, and the fame, but mostly the music. I have this huge chance to show people what I can do and I just want to do it."
"One day when you least expect it, I'm going to show up in your audience," said Kris.
"Well, ditto," said Adam. "I'll go incognito."
"Your idea of a disguise is a hood and big sunglasses," said Kris. "If you showed up with bedhead, no makeup and badly-fitting clothes, then I'd think you were trying to blend."
"Bite your tongue," said Adam. "There are limits. Badly-fitting clothes, Kris? Really?"
"Well, that's the point," he said. "No one would believe it's you. Oh, they just called my flight, I've got to go."
"Try to get some sleep on the flight," Adam advised him, "and give Katy a huge hug and kiss from me when you get home."
"I always do," Kris promised him, and actually had a smile on his face again when he put the phone away.
Part Two