FIC: More Things in Heaven and Earth (RPF, NC-17, Kris/Cale, 4/4)

[cjmarlowe]

"We have ten minutes," said Cale. "Wanna do it?"

Kris looked at him, then at the door behind him, then at the mirror to the side of them. "What kind of a question is that even?" he said, reaching past him to lock the door. It wasn't much a dressing room, just a cubby, really, but it did the job. Kris could dress in it.

More importantly at the moment, Kris could undress in it.

"So that's a yes, then," said Cale, reaching for his shirt. "You just got dressed, didn't you?"

"It's not like it's complicated," said Kris. "I can put it back on in two minutes, tops. A minute if I'm pressed."

"Nine minutes, then," said Cale, pulling it off over his head. It messed up Kris's hair a little, but it was kind of hard to notice. Kris's hair pretty much always looked like that these days, and if it got bad enough he'd just shove a beanie on and didn't even care. That was the kind of guy Kris was.

That was part of the reason that Cale liked him as much as he did.

"Nine whole minutes," said Kris, yanking open his belt. "We've done it in five before. With nine minutes we can even get naked."

"I don't need you naked to go down on you," said Cale, "but I kind of like it."

"Yeah, I know you do," said Kris, stepping out of his jeans. He left his socks on, which was kind of unsexy but Cale didn't want to think about what was on this floor, actually. He wasn't keen on going barefoot on it either. "Don't get too distracted. You're the one who made the offer."

"And have I ever gone back on it before?" said Cale. "I won't get too distracted staring at you, I promise."

He pressed Kris up against the door, careful not to slam him so that nobody came looking, and dropped straight to his knees. It was the only reason he'd left his pants on-to cushion the blow when he went down. He didn't waste any time, just slid his mouth straight over Kris's already-hard cock and reached around to take a handful of his ass and pressed his tongue along the vein before sucking hard on the head, the way that always made Kris wail.

He should have thought about the wailing.

"Bite your fist or something," he said, letting Kris's cock slip out of his mouth only long enough to say those few words. And if anyone asked about the bite marks later...well, they'd worry about them later. Kris could say he got his hand caught in anything. No one could prove it was a bite mark, after all. And if they could, well, at least it was Kris's own teeth.

As if they were going to do a cast of his teeth to prove it.

Cale swallowed him down again before he could think about this too hard, let him slide right back to his throat, as far as he could before his gag reflex kicked in (and maybe he would work on that one of these days but the idea of deep throating was still one that intimidated him, still something Other People did but not him). One hand still clutching at Kris's ass, he used the other to fondle his balls because Kris would never admit it out loud-as if Kris ever said all that much of this out loud-but he really liked that too.

Some how, Cale had come to know an awful lot about what Kris Allen liked in bed. It didn't scare him much to realize that at all. It just kind of turned him on, because as much as he knew about Kris, Kris kind of knew a lot about what he liked too.

He wasn't counting minutes at this point, but he knew they didn't have much time at all, and that every thought was another second passing them by. He clutched him and fondled him and sucked him hard and rubbed him with his tongue until he heard Kris gasp around his fist, felt him arch off the door to push just a little further down his throat, and just when Cale was worried he was going to have to pull back Kris was coming, hot and hard enough to feel it.

He swallowed quickly and let Kris slip out of his mouth again and paused to gasp for breath.

"Sorry," whispered Kris, as though there was anything to be sorry for.

"Only be sorry if we used up all our time on you," said Cale, licking his stomach playfully until Kris squirmed and petted his hair. "If I have to go on stage hard...."

"Again."

"If I have to go on stage hard again...."

"There were some really good pictures of that," said Kris. "I saved them."

"I wonder what people would think if they knew how naughty you really are," said Cale, and pulled off his pants.

He wouldn't thrust at all, because Kris needed to be singing, and he would even let Kris pull off if he needed to. Even though they very rarely did that. Okay, pretty much never. They'd started out swallowing and just never turned back. But they usually did this after a show, and not a few minutes before they were due to warm up.

"Are you going to be the one to tell them?" said Kris, and it was so completely adorable to Cale, still, that he blushed a little bit when people said that about him. As if he and Cale hadn't been fooling around-okay, a lot more than fooling around-for weeks, even months, now. They were doing things that Kris couldn't even say, or maybe he could say them just fine and he knew Cale liked to see him blush.

But all coherent thoughts on the subject were cut short when Kris dropped to his knees, using Cale's pants to cushion him, and started licking up his cock. Licking, not sucking. Licking right from root to tip, licking at the head, licking along the vein, pressing his tongue to the cluster of nerves and rubbing it enough to make Cale hiss and almost swear from the sparks of pleasure.

"I'm going to come all over your face, if you keep that up," said Cale.

"Maybe," said Kris, and kept it up.

Cale tried to hold off, he did, but Kris's mouth was insistent and Cale's body was desperate and they were working against a clock here.

"Do it," murmured Kris and he had his cheek pressed to the head of Cale's cock, licking around the rim, and that was what did it. Cale choked on his next breath and came, streaks of it along Kris's cheek, dripping onto his chin, and even in his hair.

"Shit."

"Guess I need to clean up now," said Kris, licking his lips, but as soon as he stood up Cale was taking Kris's face between his hands and licking his cheek. He didn't even think about it, just licked him and sucked at his skin and cleaned all of it up. If he thought about it too hard he might stop, and they were both too into it to want to stop. Kris was still going to have to wash his face afterwards, but because it was sticky with saliva and not anything else.

Cale kissed him afterwards, for as long as he dared before he had to pull his clothes on and straighten up and try to look like he hadn't just come on Kris Allen's face.

Kris had water droplets on his eyelashes when he turned back to Cale, and Cale kissed those away too.

"One minute," said Kris. "That was good. We even have time for afterglow."

"We're getting pretty good at this," agreed Cale, and they took advantage of every second of it.

:::

Kris was still sleeping when Cale snuck into his room, leaving the light off and letting the door snick closed quietly behind him. Kris was supposed to be up by now anyway, but he had the blackout curtains closed and not even the vibration of his phone was making him budge. Cale almost didn't have the heart to wake him.

Finally he pushed the covers up over Kris's feet, spread near the foot of the bed and taking up an impossible amount of space for someone his size, like a cat or something. Once upon a time, when they were younger, when they were just college friends who hung out and did work together and sometimes crashed after parties, Cale would've tickled his feet. He wouldn't have even had to think about it.

Now, instead, he dropped to his knees and kissed the inside of Kris's ankle, caressing the top of Kris's foot with his thumb and trying not to feel ridiculous. Nobody could see him. Not even Kris. No one could see him acting like a total lovestruck dork or something, who kissed his whatever's ankles when he was sleeping.

Kris shifted in his sleep and Cale almost took a heel to the jaw until he caught Kris's ankle in his hand and held him there, pushing the blankets up a little bit higher and kissing the side of his calf.

He wondered if Kris was wearing anything, and wondered if it would be inappropriate to find out. Sure he'd seen Kris in just about every way possible, but this was some kind of new frontier of intimate and they hadn't talked about these kinds of boundaries yet.

Actually, they kind of hadn't talked about much.

Cale moved to the other side, kissing almost as far as Kris's knee before he finally heard Kris's drowsy voice go, "That better be Cale."

"That would've been way funnier if you'd said 'that better be Andrew'," said Cale, giving his leg one last kiss before sitting back to look at him. Kris just kind of let out a muffled laugh into his pillow before even turning his head to look at him.

"What're you doing?" he said, squinting and looking adorably sleepy as he scratched his chin and then stretched one arm out over his head, fingers scrabbling against the wall as he stretched them too.

"I'm not sure," admitted Cale, pulling the blankets down past his feet again and then standing up at the foot of the bed. "Waking you up?"

"Could've just called," said Kris, groping the night stand for something, probably his phone that had stopped vibrating.

"Yeah, I think someone tried that," said Cale. "You must've been tired."

"Hm, someone kept me up late," mumbled Kris, and finally settled on his glasses, taking two tries to get them on and even then they were crooked.

Cale couldn't just stand there watching anymore, and moved around the side of the bed to fix them before Kris could. Kris just batted at his hand and yawned.

"I'm not late for anything, right? Someone would've woken me up if I was late for something."

"And it wouldn't have been by kissing you," said Cale.

"You were kissing my feet?" said Kris, still a little blearily though he was clearly actually waking up. Now that Cale was close he could see sleep creases on his cheek. "You're so weird. You had me at your mercy."

"Yeah, I was just debating whether or not to take advantage of that when you woke up," said Cale, kneeling by the side of the bed again so he could kiss Kris's lips this time. It felt a little awkward that he was completely dressed and Kris...well, he wasn't wearing a shirt, that much Cale could tell. Probably boxers, though. This was a hotel bed and not his own.

"I would've taken advantage of you," said Kris, finally sitting up and stretching a little more. "Maybe I will, now that you've got the idea in my head."

"You'd have to get up first," said Cale, "and that's just never going to happen."

"I'm sneaky," said Kris, reaching for his water bottle next. "You'll never see it coming. What time is it anyway?"

"After seven," said Cale, searching for the alarm clock then finally just checking his watch. "Seven-thirty almost."

"Aww, shit," said Kris. "Is Lizzie mad?"

"If Lizzie was mad she'd be in here herself," said Cale, stealing the water when Kris was done with it and draining most of the rest. "What would she be mad about even?"

He finally found his way to his phone, checking to see who'd been calling. But he guessed it wasn't anything super important because Kris just put it back down again and reached for Cale's wrist.

"So did you come here just to be weird and kiss my feet," he said, "or were you looking for something else?"

"No, just the feet," said Cale. "I'm gonna go now, actually. It's just not the same now that you're awake."

"Shut up," said Kris, grinning at him and tugging him closer to the bed, practically onto it. "Were you gonna wake me up?"

"I was kind of hoping you were already going to be awake, actually," said Cale. "I have all these moral issues about sucking you off when you're sleeping."

"Hey, if you want to do that when I'm sleeping, you go ahead," said Kris. "That's, like, permission forever. If we're alone. If we're not alone then maybe you shouldn't."

"Because that would be weird."

"And awkward," said Kris. "And then there'd be pictures on the internet and it'd all be a big mess."

"And what if it wasn't a good one, right?" said Cale. "I'd have to have my worst blowjob ever immortalized. That would just suck."

"Nice choice of words," said Kris, finally pushing the covers back. So he was wearing boxers after all, the ones with the black polka dots on them. Cale smiled.

"You're smiling at my shorts and not my dick, aren't you?" said Kris. "Because if you smile at my dick like that, that's just weird. It's not there for your amusement."

"No, it's there for your amusement," said Cale. "So how about now? Or are we having a no-sex morning?"

"I don't believe in no-sex mornings," said Kris. "Especially not when nobody's rushing me out the door. Nobody's rushing me out the door, right?"

"I think they want you to get dressed first," said Cale. "I don't know. Everyone's down at breakfast. I said I had stuff to do."

"You do have stuff to do," said Kris, and he patted his thigh and Cale just had to laugh.

"I like you when you're sleepy," he said, and Kris just smiled at him and Cale finally joined him on the bed. Fully dressed. He probably wasn't getting any this morning, but that was okay. It didn't always have to be like that. Sometimes he could just give Kris a good morning blowjob and it didn't have to turn into anything else.

And that was a whole new kind of intimate for them too. Actually, it was a whole new kind of intimate for Cale in general.

"Just lie back," said Cale, and Kris didn't seem to have any complaints about that. He seemed like he was still only half awake anyway, and as soon as he was lying back his glasses were askew again and Cale couldn't help kissing him before pulling down his shorts. Even with morning breath. He didn't even care.

"You're the best," said Kris, and scratched his fingers fondly over Cale's arm as Cale pulled his shorts down just to mid-thigh, not even all the way off. "If you could wake me up like this every day...."

"Don't push your luck," said Cale, but if they woke up together every day, if Cale didn't have to sneak into his room like this, then maybe...maybe it would be nice. As it was he didn't waste any more time. Kris was half hard already and Cale kissed him the rest of the way, Kris's skin warm from sleep and a little damp along the creases of his legs. He licked those, and licked up his cock when it was hard.

Kris just sighed, a kind of a content, happy sigh, and let his fingertips brush over Cale's cheek, then his hair, just wandering over him.

It wasn't reckless and passionate it was just...nice. It felt really good. When Cale started sucking him off it just felt natural in some kind of a weird way. He was sort of half hard in his pants but he didn't feel desperate or anything, he could wait. He just wanted to do this.

Eventually Kris started to make those little gaspy noises, his breath hitching in his throat and his fingers moving a little more desperately against Cale's skin, fingernail catching along his shoulder. And Cale just slipped a hand between Kris's legs, rolled his balls in the palm of his hand and slid a finger between his cheeks to just press at his hole. Kris was coming moments later, and Cale was completely ready for that.

As Cale pulled away and licked his lips, as he wiped his hand on the bedspread just out of habit and looked up at Kris, he saw he had his eyes closed and he was smiling. No, he was laughing a little.

"What?" said Cale, feeling a little languid himself now despite the fact that Kris was the one who'd just gotten off. "Come on, what?"

"Nothing," said Kris, eyes still closed, reaching blindly for him and grazing his fingertips along Cale's arm. "Good morning."

"Isn't it?" said Cale, stretching out next to him again, still entirely clothed. He ran his hand down the center of Kris's chest almost absently, and completely comfortably.

"Do you want me to-?"

"Nah, it's okay," said Cale, and it wasn't like he was going to say no if Kris insisted, it wasn't like he wasn't turned on right now, but it was kind of nice to just lie here too. To get Kris off and be with him and not actually have any other expectations.

He'd sort of never had that before. He sort of never wanted to go without it anymore.

:::

Spending so much time in LA, and being so busy the rest of the time he hardly even remembered what state he was in, Cale didn't really notice the changing of the seasons like he used to. But one day he looked up and took a deep breath and realized they were well into summer now. Hot, sunny summertime.

They weren't performing for about five hours, and no way was Cale going to be here and not enjoy the foods of summer. Cotton candy and funnel cakes and stuff on a stick. Food on a stick was automatically awesome.

He had already enjoyed meat on a stick and ice cream on a stick and was currently enjoying cotton candy on a stick when Andrew caught up with him hovering by the line for the roller coaster. Not in it, because after that much food on a stick he wasn't sure his stomach could handle it for at least an hour, but watching the ride.

"You're in a good mood," said Andrew. "You got some of that to share with the rest of us?"

"The mood, or the spun sugar?" said Cale. "Actually, never mind, there's plenty of both to go around. Why shouldn't I be in a good mood?"

"Well, I think your shoulders are getting sunburned, for one," said Andrew, pressing a cold finger into Cale's admittedly warm shoulder.

"I prefer to think of that as a red-hued tan," said Cale, trying to get a look. At worst, it was slightly pink. "I put sunscreen on." Or had had it put on him, anyway, before he'd headed out into the sunshine. Best part of his day so far. Not counting the food on a stick.

"Not enough," said Andrew. "Guitar strap's going to hurt like a bitch."

"It's not like I'm going to be shirtless on stage," said Cale. Though it was actually something he was considering now. Kris would probably kill him, but then more than make up for it later. Maybe kill him then thank him. He knew if Kris decided to pull his own shirt off on stage, it would kill him a little. "Cotton candy?"

"I've already been stealing it while you weren't looking," said Andrew, taking another hunk and stuffing half of it in his mouth, staining his lips pink and blue. "You're so easily distracted."

"So many shiny things," agreed Cale, as the light glinting off the roller coaster railings caught his eye. "I just can't help myself."

"All the better for me to take advantage," said Andrew. "I like how cheerful you are. And not just because of the opportunities for larceny."

"Uh, thank you, I think," said Cale.

"Apparently the touring life agrees with you."

Of course, there were a lot of reasons he was in a good mood, not the least of which was the fact that they were back in a hotel tonight, and Kris would be waiting for him there after the show. Possibly waiting naked if he got back first, which was the best way to wait. That was definitely good-mood-making.

Not that Cale could tell anyone that. Not even Andrew. Maybe especially not anyone in the band.

"So are you getting in line or not?" said Andrew. "Because I want to ride this baby."

"Unless you want me to throw up on you, I think you're on your own there," said Cale. "So much food, so little time."

"You can just stand in line with me, then, so I don't get bored," said Andrew.

"You just want to steal more of my cotton candy," said Cale.

"Busted."

"Too bad I already finished off the peanuts and the...oh wait, actually I do have a couple of mini-donuts left, but they're kind of squished," said Cale.

"Hey, I'm not picky," said Andrew, and Cale just cheerfully handed one over.

And maybe he couldn't know why but Andrew was definitely right. Cale was in a permanently good mood, and there was very little that could put a damper on that.

:::

It finally happened when they were at Niagara Falls, which Torres thought was just hilarious. Seriously, they were never going to hear the end of it.

They weren't even thinking about it. Or, as would later be pointed out, they weren't thinking at all. It wasn't even that it was a romantic spot (seriously, Torres was just never going to get over that) or that they were feeling particularly romantic. One moment they were just standing side by side doing that touristy thing with the whole entourage around, someone filming their adventure on a little flip camera and getting damp with spray, and then the next moment they were leaning towards one another, stopping just shy of a kiss.

They weren't even thinking about it. It just happened.

And then, instead of casually pulling away like normally people, they just hovered there, staring at each other like each was waiting for the other to pull away first. Cale didn't even know why he did it, it just happened that way.

"Wait, seriously?" said Andrew, and Torres just cracked up.

Cale facepalmed and Kris ducked his head as he took a (small) step back, and Torres was still laughing.

"I can't believe we just did that," said Kris.

"Okay, sightseeing's over," said Lizzie. "I think it's time to go back to the hotel to rest up before the show, don't you?"

"Wait," said Kris, though. "Wait. Can we just...I'm not finished enjoying this place. We don't have to go yet. There's no reason to go yet."

"Oh, you were enjoying it all right," said Torres, but it was Andrew who backed them up.

"I'll chaperone," he said, with a tiny little smirk. "I'm not done enjoying this place either."

"We're not going to-" Cale started, then had to laugh. "Okay, we're not going to again."

And so they finished up checking out the falls in the end, and they let their hands brush up against each other like stupid lovestruck teenagers but they didn't do anything else. Not in front of anyone, anyway. To make up for the aborted kiss they did find a moment of semi-seclusion, because now that the idea was in their heads, they kind of did want to kiss by the falls. For kicks.

"So is this going to be a thing?" said Lizzie when they did get back to the hotel, holding an impromptu meeting. "Do we need to talk to Gina?"

"Not now," said Kris. "Not yet. So...don't put that stuff up on youtube or anything."

"No, do it. Put it on youtube," said Cale, and in the midst of a pair of incredulous looks he went on, "No, hear me out, okay? If it's going to get out anyway, we can do it first. We put it up on youtube and it goes viral, and it would be making a statement without making a statement. Because it's kind of official, but not all stuffy. Everyone would know that it didn't go up by accident, but it would feel kind of secret and special anyway. Best of both worlds."

"Yeah, if you want to be tabloid fodder," said Kris. "They'd make out like it was a secret affair."

"It kind of was," said Cale. "I'm just saying."

"Yeah, but that makes it sound all...."

"Secret, and an affair?"

"Neither of us were involved with anyone else when it started," said Kris, which was a fair point, if not the main point of this conversation. "I don't want anyone saying we were."

Kris was still married, technically, but separated for long enough now that it wouldn't be scandalous for him to be seeing someone else. And Cale...he wasn't sure when he'd transitioned from missing Kate as his girlfriend to just missing hanging out with her but it was definitely a point he'd passed a while ago.

"People are going to say whatever they want to say," said Cale. "They always have. It never bothered you before."

Okay, it bothered him before, but it never stopped him. Even if no one else really noticed, Cale could tell when Kris was bothered and trying to hide it. People always talked about Kris not being able to hide anything, but Kris hid everything when he didn't think it was any of anyone's business.

"Yeah, but that was just about me," he said. "This would be about you."

"But did you think we were never going to tell?" said Cale. "Because, I mean, there was never going to be a time when it wasn't like this."

"I didn't even know you wanted to tell," said Kris.

"Okay, I feel like I shouldn't be here for this conversation," said Lizzie, with impeccable timing and instinct. "I'm going to get a cup of coffee downstairs. One of you can call me when you figure out what page you're on."

She wasn't asking them if they needed this time, she was telling them they needed this time, and Cale had to agree. He didn't say anything else until the door closed and it was just him and Kris in a room where there was no feasible way they could put off the conversation and have sex on the conference table. Even though the thought crossed his mind.

"I didn't," said Cale. "I didn't want to tell yet. But I didn't want to tell never. I mean...."

"You mean what?" said Kris. "Because I don't think I know what you mean."

"I mean we're not just having sex," said Cale. "You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that!" said Kris. "I don't know what to call it, but it's never been just that, not really."

"Why is it so hard to figure out what to call it?" said Cale, and he wasn't even sure where this was coming from, but now that it was coming it was coming hard. "We're involved. We're dating. We're boyfriends. Why am I the one who finds it so easy to say this when you're the one who's known he was into guys his whole life?"

"We're not actually dating," said Kris, which really wasn't the point. Cale just frowned at him. "If we said something, though, if we said something then we could date. I don't even know where I'd take you on a date. You'd probably try to open doors for me or something because I'm shorter than you."

"Shut up," said Cale, but at least that turned his frown into a smile again. "We've been dating forever. For months. We've been dating in everything but name, but everyone expects you to be that affectionate with your friends so no one got it. Except me, apparently."

"I'm not sure whether we're fighting or not," said Kris. "Are we fighting?"

"I'm trying to get you to admit you're my boyfriend," said Cale, "because I'm kind of in love with you and I'd really like to hear it. I don't think that's a fight. I hope that's not a fight. It shouldn't be."

"You have the worst timing ever," said Kris, but Cale knew him, he knew him really well, and he could see Kris was on the verge of cracking up.

"I have bad timing?" said Cale. "You told me you were into me by blowing me backstage after a show. You couldn't think of a better way to do that?"

"Not at the time, no," admitted Kris, sliding his chair closer to Cale now that they weren't trying to keep a respectable distance for propriety's sake. Even if they definitely weren't going to do the sex-on-a-conference-table thing. "So yeah, I love you too. I really do. And I didn't plan to tell you like this, but I'd feel like a real jerk if I didn't let you know that after you did it first."

"And the boyfriend thing?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm that too," said Kris. "And that wasn't a grudging yes, either, I just really didn't know what to call what we were. It doesn't feel like anything I've had before."

"Well yeah," said Cale, "it's all new, but that doesn't make it all special and nothing anything in the world's ever had before us. Our love isn't a special snowflake."

"Shut up," said Kris, and reached for his hand. "Do you really want to tell people?"

"Not yet," admitted Cale. "Not today. But when we do, I want to do it like that. I want it to not be an announcement or a huge deal. As much as we can."

"I like low-key," said Kris, which wasn't anything Cale didn't already know. "I think we've got a lot of people we need to tell before that happens, though."

"Wow, yeah," said Cale, and sure he'd thought about that, but only as a sort of an abstract, future concept. Talking about it now made it real. "Maybe that...maybe that we should start."

"Are you sure?"

"We're doing this, aren't we?" said Cale. "If we're together, then I guess we'd better be ready to tell people about it unless we want it to have secret affair status forever. If we can't do that, then maybe we have a lot to think about."

"I can do that," said Kris. "I'm not ashamed of being with you."

"Me neither," said Cale. "So...I guess we both know what we want to do, then."

"I'll call Lizzie back in," said Kris. But not before Cale gave him a long kiss that just restated a lot of things they'd already, finally said. They were together. And they were ready for this.

:::

Apparently Katy wasn't really all that surprised when Kris told her, which maybe told Cale more about their relationship-or sex life-than he was really comfortable knowing. Adam was way more surprised-which basically killed any notions Cale had about the existence of gaydar-and insisted that Kris bring him along the next time they got together in LA. But Cale didn't have any idea when or if Kris was planning on telling his parents when he decided that he didn't want to put off telling his own.

Whatever happened, happened, and putting it off any longer wasn't going to make it easier.

His parents were reasonably open-minded people, and they'd never given him any reason to think they possessed the kneejerk prejudices he knew a lot of people had, but that didn't actually make this easy. Cale was a pretty open-minded person too, but it had still taken him a while to get used to the idea of certain things.

He called them in the early evening from his hotel room, a day off when Kris had PR duties but the rest of the band just got to hang out or rehearse or take care of anything they needed to take care of. Cale usually went with Kris on these days, but today he begged off without saying why.

It was definitely not the easiest conversation he'd ever had. He hadn't anticipated all the questions, all the insinuations that the touring lifestyle and all the people he'd met had changed him, that somehow this wasn't really him but the fault of some kind of negative influence. And this despite the fact that Kris was one of the most decent people they knew, too.

He ended the call feeling both loved and judged, and that left an uneasiness he couldn't seem to shake. He wouldn't say he'd had a charmed life. He'd had his problems, he'd had his difficulties, but he always knew where he could go and who he could go to for help. This time he wasn't so sure.

"What did you do?" said Kris when he met Cale back up in his room later. And at that, too, Cale felt a wave of uneasiness that something had gone wrong somewhere. But then Kris went on, "That came out wrong. I didn't mean you had done anything wrong, just...."

"No, I know," said Cale, though his knowing had been in his head and not in his gut until Kris had clarified. "I did do something, though."

"You told someone," said Kris, and it wasn't really a question.

"My parents," said Cale, nodding slowly. "I had to. I should've talked to you first."

"You didn't need my permission," said Kris, but Cale shook his head.

"I know," he said, "but I should've talked to you first. I wasn't ready for that, I just didn't know it." And that was the problem, wasn't it. He ran a hand over his face and let the truth of that sink in. He knew that whatever had gone on between him and his parents was something they could work on, and he loved them as much as they loved him. He just wasn't ready to talk about it yet, which kind of sucked because he was obviously ready to do it. He felt ready. He'd been sure he was ready.

"So what happened?"

Cale shrugged. "It wasn't terrible," he said. "They aren't your biggest fans right now, though. I should've waited. Even a couple more weeks, and I would've known what to say to some of their questions. I just got it in my head that I wanted to get it over with."

"And you did," said Kris. "That's got to feel at least a little bit good."

"Maybe tomorrow it will," said Cale. "Today it just feels like my family thinks a little less of me than they did yesterday. I'm playing concerts all over the world, but apparently there are some things that matter more."

"I'm sure they don't," said Kris. "Not in the long run. I've met your family. I like your family. I'm sure they just need some time. If you didn't see this whole thing coming, I'm pretty sure they didn't either."

"Have you...?"

Kris shook his head. "But now I feel like a real coward because I haven't," he admitted. "I figured I'd do it next time I'm home. You know, face to face."

"That's probably smart," said Cale. "Smarter than me." Instead of arguing, Kris just leaned in and kissed him. "You're not going to fix this by having sex with me."

"Are you sure?" said Kris. "Maybe it'll remind you everything that's good about this whole thing, to make today's conversation worthwhile."

"The good stuff happens outside of bed, too," said Cale, but of course Kris had just been kissing him so Cale's body had already starting paying attention, and he scowled at his stiffening cock. "And you're no help."

"Just to take the edge off," said Kris. "Because you're all tense and I'm all tense and we should just do it now and talk afterwards. If you still want to."

"I don't know if I will," said Cale. "I've been thinking about it all day. I don't want to think about it anymore."

"Even better reason, then," said Kris, unbuttoning his shirt. "You need a break from it. I'm here to give you a break from it. Because that's what boyfriends do. See what I did there?"

And finally, Cale had to smile. "It is worth it," he said. "You know, even when the conversation kind of sucked and I wasn't ready for the questions they were asking me, it was still worth it."

"Then maybe you were readier than you thought you were," said Kris, "and we can go over some practice questions before the next time you guys talk. But right now I'm just going to...." He reached for Cale's belt, slowly undoing it.

"You were going to finish that with 'suck your cock' right?" said Cale. "I really hope that's where that sentence was going."

"Going to do something with it, anyway," said Kris, "and that's a promise."

"And don't tease," said Cale, running his hand through Kris's hair and over his cheek. Normally he would never ask, because that was half the fun, but tonight...tonight he just wanted something more straightforward. He wanted something predictable and familiar.

"Wasn't planning to," said Kris, pulling the belt right out of his pants and leaning in to kiss Cale again, soft and slow and tender. "I just want to get you naked."

Strictly speaking nakedness wasn't required for a blowjob, but then strictly speaking Kris never said that was where he was going with this, and truth be told Cale kind of wanted to get naked anyway. Not because he was suddenly over it all and ready to fuck, but because if he was naked then he could really wrap his arms around Kris and feel Kris pressed up close to him.

And maybe that was exactly what Kris had in mind too.

When he was stripped bare, and not just of his clothes, the way he was feeling, Kris led him to the bed and lay him out there and tangled their legs together as he started kissing him again. Kissing him and not stroking him off yet but just fondling him a little, just being handsy with him in a way that was about two steps beyond what he would've done before they started all of this, when they were still just friends.

"You really are the best person I know," said Cale, putting his hands on either side of Kris's face and just kissing him. Kissing him until his lips were swollen and sore from it, but his heart felt infinitely better. And finally, as their faces hovered as close as they could without touching, Kris finally started stroking him.

"I'm going to go down on you," he murmured against Cale's cheek, almost like an apology that they were going to stop kissing for a little while so that Kris could put his mouth somewhere else. And Cale didn't stop him, not at first, but then he tugged a little on Kris's hair just as Kris was nosing at his groin, to get his attention.

"Turn around," he said. "Turn around so we can both...."

"That might not work," Kris warned him. "We might not line up."

"That's okay," said Cale. "I'm sure I'll find something else to do with my mouth and your body. I just want to...you know? I need to."

And those were apparently the magic words today, not that Cale said that to be manipulative. He just really did want to have his hands and face and mouth on Kris's body right now, in any way they could make that work. He ached to have Kris's mouth on his cock, he wasn't going to deny that, but he didn't want to feel disconnected with him, only able to touch his hair or his shoulders or his mouth if he was lucky.

He sank his teeth into Kris's ass cheek a little when it got near enough, and Kris gave a sharp, surprised laugh before finally sliding his mouth down over Cale's cock and sucking on the head, gently, the way he liked to do when he was just getting started. The way Cale very much liked him to do it, sending a signal to his body that this was the real deal now.

Kris wasn't wrong that this didn't quite work, but Cale would make it up to him after. Right now he kissed Kris's thighs, stroked him a little but and tentatively licked a couple of stripes up Kris's ass. Then, when that went over pretty well, Cale bit his lip a little then spread Kris's cheeks, really checking him out and not just fingering him blind.

Kris was making some crazy sounds as he went down on him now, his teeth just grazing Cale's cock but not in a painful way, just in a way that said even though he was driving Kris a little wild, Kris was being careful and a little daring too.

Cale was probably going to save the real thing for the next time they showered together, because there were definitely some limits to his own bravery right now, but at the same time he was starting to feel like there weren't any real limits between him and Kris. Starting to really feel like he could stop telling himself this is okay but that is something that other people do, because they could do anything.

And with that thought in mind he gave just one darting, tentative lick at Kris's hole.

Kris made another strangled sound and practically swallowed Cale down, and that was where Cale's concentration failed him because his balls were tightening and his gut was fluttering and orgasm was definitely imminent. He panted a couple of times and nipped at Kris's ass again, leaving a red mark this time, then gave him one more, slightly less tentative lick before Kris hummed against his cock and swallowed and Cale's orgasm hit hard.

It was all he could do to cling to Kris's thighs and pant and moan softly as Kris kept swallowing till he was done. But then Kris let Cale's softening cock slip from his mouth and panted a little himself and braced himself on one elbow as he reached down to fist his own cock.

"Please don't stop," he said, sounding like the words were almost hard to get out. Sounding faintly embarrassed which was the last thing Cale wanted him to be. "I know it's a little weird and new but oh my God, please don't stop."

And so even if Cale wasn't ready to really tongue him hard there, he spread Kris's cheeks with both hands and licked up against his hole again and it wasn't really that weird. It wasn't weirder than any other sex thing they did. Kris gasped and squirmed and jerked himself hard and fast until, before long at all, Cale felt his come splash down against his chest.

"Mmmm," he said instead of trying to make words, giving him one last lick and then sinking his teeth into Kris's ass again because he really kind of liked that. And Kris seemed to too.

It was an awkward position to sustain for long, and as soon as he could Kris was turning himself around again and stretching out half on top of Cale. Cale was going to suggest maybe they don't kiss, all things considered, but Kris had no hesitation at all. Cale didn't even have the time to get a single word out before Kris's lips were on him again, hot and even more swollen, and if Kris was tasting himself on Cale, well, Cale was tasting himself in Kris's mouth too and that wasn't weird either.

"That," said Kris, "was so good. Seriously, so good. I didn't even know. We've totally, you know, had sex like that and I still didn't know how good that was going to feel."

"It just seemed like a good idea at the time," said Cale. "I wouldn't mind...if we did it again some time. I'd do it again."

"If I didn't already love you, I'd probably love you for that," said Kris. "Oh wow, I made a mess all over you. We should clean you up."

"Did you just suggest a shower?" said Cale. "You?"

"Well, they're a lot less wasted time when we do it together," said Kris. "I'm just saying."

"You make a compelling argument," said Cale. "And as soon as I can stand up again, I'm absolutely going to do that with you."

"Yeah, I'm not sure my legs are working right now," admitted Kris. "You broke me a little bit with that. In the good way."

"Pretty soon we're going to work our way up to acrobatics," said Cale. "Or at least something kinky. Kinkier. Since that was a little...."

"Yeah, that was a little kinky," agreed Kris, biting on his own lip, then Cale's. "It was kinky for us."

But then again, their relationship had started with a blowjob in a semi-public place, so maybe it wasn't really that kinky after all. Maybe it was just new. Just like Cale felt like there wasn't really anything to keep them from doing things like that anymore, he felt like maybe kinky was a word that he'd been applying a little too liberally all his life. Maybe he'd just been really vanilla and everyone else was doing all kinds of things all along.

"I don't think there are many things I'd say no to," he said, giving Kris's lower lip a little nip in return. "I mean it."

"I don't want to take advantage-"

"No, don't," said Cale. "This isn't about that. This is just about you and me and what we are. I'm not going to go all sappy and speechy on you, I'm just saying. It's all good. When we're together, it's all good."

And wasn't that what Kris had been trying to show him from the beginning anyway? It was worth it, those battles in life, those fights he was going to have to fight, because it was a good thing they had. Because it wasn't just a good thing for them, but because it was it was a good thing. Period. Because even if it was something he felt like he shouldn't have to fight for, it was worth the fight.

"I have a lot to think about," he said, "but I'm not having any doubts here. If you were worried."

"I wasn't," said Kris, nuzzling into his throat and wrapping an arm over his chest, which was starting to get a little itchy, actually. "I was worried about you, but not for us. You told me off pretty soundly on that point already. I know I have nothing to worry about."

And God, that felt good to hear. It felt right to hear, which just made Cale feel more and more like this thing with Kris was the right thing for him. For them. He used to tell himself that it had come out of nowhere, but that might've been the biggest lie he'd ever told himself. It hadn't come out of nowhere, it had come out of everywhere, and if he hadn't seen it coming that was because he hadn't been paying enough attention at the time.

"Shower," he said a few moments later, because he was really starting to feel kind of gross. "And if you need added incentive, just think about where I might be willing to put my tongue after we've scrubbed down.

"I didn't need added incentive," murmured Kris against his throat, "but that is very, very good to know. And I'm going to cry or something if you don't follow through. You have no idea, Cale."

"Well, maybe you'll have to give me an idea some time," he said. "But for now, let me get some more practice in. Come on. Let's go."

:::

It got better. Not overnight, and not with one conversation, but it got better. And when they had a show in Little Rock and Kris took the opportunity to sit down with his parents (alone, saving bringing Cale home with him for next time), Cale was actually in a place where he had some advice to offer, even if Kris's parents weren't his parents and the situation wasn't entirely the same.

Kris said they kind of weren't surprised. About the guys thing, not about the Cale thing-apparently they were very surprised about the Cale thing. The him thing. But only because they were surprised about him and not Kris. And maybe about why, if it was him, it hadn't happened between them years ago.

Cale could answer that, though, and it was an easy one-they weren't ready then. He wasn't ready then. The timing was all wrong for them in college.

But now...however it happened, the timing was all right.

"So can I expect a dinner invitation?" he said as he and Kris made their way back to the group suite. "Or should I keep my distance for a while?"

"They're my family," said Kris. "They're not going to exclude you. They want to be a part of my-of our-lives."

"So that's a yes on the dinner," he said, though he could imagine just how awkward it was going to be that first time. And probably any number of subsequent times. Showing up as friend and showing up as boyfriend were two very, very different things.

They used the group suite in the hotel as a multi-purpose chill-rehearse-do-business room, so everyone seemed to just migrate there when they weren't tied up somewhere else. It was maybe one of the best decisions they'd made on the tour, to always have a collective place for all of them when they stopped for any length of time so they didn't have to invade one person's room or another; it was just the kind of group they were.

It was late afternoon, the angle of the sun leaving sunbeams striping Cale's legs as it shone through the blinds, and he just felt kind of chill. Content. Torres had a pair of headphones on and was tooling around on the keyboard, and Ryland was on the phone with his wife, and Cale was just sitting. He hadn't talked about it with them, not the stuff that didn't directly involve them, like how he and Kris promised not to break up the band, but they knew that he'd been going through some stuff. It wasn't a secret.

"So it's better now, right?" said Andrew, and Cale looked at where his and Kris's fingers were just barely clinging to one another, comfortably, looked at the open, easy smile on Kris's face, and he didn't even have to think about the answer.

It wasn't just about this shift in his life that sort of changed everything, it was about not having to pretend it wasn't happening anymore.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah. Everything is great."

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4