(no subject)
Here's a summary of a post I wrote on the Showtime QAF Boards, with great responses that made me feel a little better and put things into some perspective for me. My comments in Blue...
Surely, there must be a therapist out there to lend a helping hand (for free, of course :)). This show has affected me deeply, has caused me to question so much of my life and decisions, and has ultimately left a void in my life that I am not sure how to resolve. I am an avid tv watcher, reader of fine (and crappy) literature, and have never before been affected like this. I am a 34 y.o. straight, married woman. After periodically watching QAF, on and off, for years, last week I ran out and rented all of S. 1, 2 & 3 to catch up in advance of the finale. Yes, I watched all three seasons in a span of a week. Left little time for nothing else. I was pulled in my the B/J storyline. Not due to the sheer beauty of it, but b/c it caused me to ponder my life. The powerful, self-assured man that I have always been drawn to was perfectly personified in Brian. What is it? About the show…about him, that has touched me so deeply, so profoundly…that has caused me to ponder all that I feel and live. Is it the passion? The longing? His eyes? The embodiment of control and power that he posses and carries within himself and projects onto others? The self-confidence and self-assurance? The strong conviction in what he believes, despite the social consequences? Why has this touched me? The feelings that this show and character has aroused in me is like no other felt before. It has caused me to revisit every decision I have made in my life. To for once, explore my deepest emotions, actions, and rationalizations. It has caused me to revisit my desires for a being that is in control, yet embodies the true meaning of love and passion. Does this mean I am a glutton for punishment or in search of true passion? Or is it that I desire to be like him -strong willed, closed off, yet at complete peace with his emotions and lifestyle. Is it my desire to be the giver or the receiver? Am I losing it here? Is there anyone out there that is experience these types of revelations? Thanks,
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
WOW I don't have any answers but all I know is that Brian was awesome. The fact that I was a depressed for three days after Sunday nights last show says something.
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
Thanks for the response. I know we are not alone in this depression!
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
OK, I will expand my line of questioning in another way....Has anyone been affected by QAF/Brian in a "positive, life-affirming" way? (reference intended) For me, something about this show has caused me to want to start taking better care of myself, lose 10 lbs, get in better shape, quit smoking...you know the drill. Oh, and of course the inevitable make lots of money. I suppose its that glimpse into Brian's gorgeous, passion-filled, lifestyle that has made me want to be a part of that world. I suppose it is more of the mental state I'm looking to partake in as I am not really positioned to sell my house and move into the city, husband in tow, seeking lust and passion in the neighborhood bars. Just a state of mind I guess... Thoughts into this insanity anyone?????
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
i am a striaght woman to and i never thought i could get so so so so hooked on a show but i did remember that they are actors first and formost they touch us so much is because they are good @ there craft don't forget it is acting p.s. i am not a shrink and you are noyt the only one who is down it is all over the board
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
Brian and Justin’s love represents an archetype of pursuit that hooks women. We (as Justin) strive to be recognized in the eyes of a strong and passionate male, and when he says “NO” but acts “Yes,” it's better than heroine. We can never get enough. Gale Harrold infuses flat dialogue and pallid story lines with a wild contrast. Nothing could be more alluring than Brian, the ultimate macho male whose arms embrace us with tender and sensual love. Through his double nature, close to a god, we slip transform into our essential energetic bodies, into starlight, the wind, and the universe. We yearn for him, so hard and so tender, it kills us, and we year for the power he gives us. In life, chasing after this type of myth brings unhappiness. We chase a flame that will be extinguished if caught. Brian as an archetype was not capable of growth and change. More sorrow to us as fans who longed for the fairy tale ending about the transformative power of love (not monogamy mind you, but love). But life and power seems more about harsh wind than happy ends. But the secret to recovery is finding your own inner Brian. Pursuing him is giving your power to a capricious demi-god. If he's mythical why not let him speak through you. Take from him what you want and need by letting him live in you.
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
Thanks again to everyone for their responses. You've made me feel a little better, in a strength in (depressed) numbers, kinda way. I am happy that this show came into my life, and I am (on some level) even happy with the ending. We will all move on from this, and it will have left a mark in a positive way. march21, you really expressed yourself well in your post. Thank you, as you have helped me greatly. That may sound silly, but I think I just needed to hear it. Whatever it is that I am feeling, I must take it at face value and move on. I need to accept that there is a piece of me that desires the elusive "Brian figure", but also recognize that this is not reality. The best way to deal with this is to incorporate some piece of that vision within myself. I used to be very much like the Brian character in my younger years, and I have since grown up, got married, moved to the burbs. I think it is that old piece of myself that I have lost and am now missing a bit. That, along with the passion expressed in the B/J storyline is what I miss so dearly. I think that was my biggest wake-up call with this show. Where is the passion in my life. Time to get it back I guess. Thanks for the therapy!
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...) Y
ou girls are preaching to the choir.Thats exactly how i feel.I'm even going to the gym"for Brian".Isn't that crazy?You also hit it on the head with the comment about passion.Damn,Brian had passion.I don't have a close gay friend anymore and this made me miss that so much.The best "best" friends I ever had where gay men.I still talk to them but its not the same as seeing them all the time.
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
Your welcome, I'm still thinking and writing and dreaming about these characters a lot, they meant so much to me. ...and sorry with the double posting! oops!
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
Thank you for saying this. I have been at a lose as to understand why this series has so affected me - and why I am so upset that it has ended. I have concluded that they did a great job in developing the characters to the point that they became people about whom we care. It was not without major flaws but, like a James Baldwin novel, the flaws did not detract from the power of the art. And they made what started out pretty trashy into art. As for Brian, they did a great job of turning him into someone we can respect and admire - both for his self-love and for his wililngness to sacrifice himself for those he loves. By the end, he was transformed - both by love and by mortality - into someone for whom we have intense compassion.
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
I'm glad you posted this. I can't even watch any of the other episodes because I break out crying. Sigh..they had to end it that way..lksdjlk
re: On-line therapy anyone? (sorry, long...)
If you would like to talk on yahoo let me know, im depressed too. I am so depressed I had to go rent "Particles of Truth." I am a gay male 36.