it's a choice, pretending things are normal, having dinner, talking to people, driving around, getting things done, keeping it all hidden away for private times when no one will see. between that and letting all the craziness flood in, going outside and screaming, ripping my body apart so it matches my inside more, making absolutely no sense to
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& when you are here, you will not (often) have to pretend things are normal. i am fucking sick of doing so. let's go to the grocery store when you get here & buy whatever we want to eat & come home to wear pyjamas & lie on the couch & watch bad tv all night & just be whatever we want to be for awhile, okay?
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