BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF MY AND DANYELLALOT'S CRACK YET.
WHY SHOULD CHUCK NORRIS GET ALL THE FUN FACTS?
SO, I PRESENT...
FEI WONG REED FACTS. ALL OF THEM ARE TRUE. WE CHECKED. AND THEN DOUBLE CHECKED.
1. IF YOU HAVE FIVE DOLLARS AND FEI WONG REED HAS FIVE DOLLARS
YOU'RE GOING TO GET CLONED.
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2. THERE IS NO 'CTRL' BUTTON ON FEI'S COMPUTER. JUST A 'PLN' BUTTON.
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3. APPLE PAYS FEI WONG REED 99 CENTS EVERY TIME HE LISTENS TO A SONG JUST SO HE WON'T TAKE IT AND COPY IT.
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4. FEI CAN'T SNEEZE WITH HIS EYES OPEN LIKE CHUCK NORRIS CAN. FEI DOESN'T SNEEZE.
HE PLANS.
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5. FEI CAN'T EAT JUST ONE LAY'S POTATO CHIP. ONE DOESN'T MAKE NEARLY ENOUGH WINE.
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6. FEI WONG REED IS SUING MYSPACE FOR ALLOWING SYAORAN TO GET ONE, WHEN SYAORAN'S SPACE IS CLEARLY FEI'S.
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7. FEI WONG REED DESTROYED THE PERIODIC TABLE, BECAUSE THEY JUST DIDN'T FIT INTO HIS PLANS.
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8. FEI WONG REED CAN KILL/MUTILATE TWO PAWNS WITH ONE CLONE.
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9. GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE. CHUCK NORRIS KILLS PEOPLE. FEI WOULD KILL PEOPLE TOO, BUT THAT'S NOT PART OF HIS PLAN
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10. THERE IS NO THEORY OF EVOLUTION. JUST A TEST TUBE OF ANIMALS FEI DECIDED WOULD BE A BLAST TO MIX.
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-
11. FEI WONG REED DOES NOT SLEEP. HE PLANS.
AND THEN SLEEPS.
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12. THE CHIEF EXPORT OF FEI WONG REED IS ACTUALLY, CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF OF IT BEING 'CHEESE', CLONES.
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13. THERE IS NO CHIN UNDER FEI'S BEAR-- OH WAIT WE LIED. THERE IS DEFINITELY A CHIN UNDER THERE.
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14. FEI WONG REED HAS TWO SPEEDS. STALK, AND PLAN.
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15. THE LEADING CAUSES OF DEATH IN THE UNITED STATES ARE: 1. HEART DISEASE 2. EYE INFECTION 3. SUFFOCATION IN A TEST TUBE
TWO OF THOSE THINGS ARE CAUSED BY FEI WONG REED. I WON'T TELL YOU WHICH ONES.
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16. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T DRIVE AN ICE CREAM TRUCK COVERED IN HUMAN SKULLS, LIKE CHUCK NORRIS DOES. HE HAS HIS HAREMMOBILE.
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17. FEI WONG REED IS YOUR HOMEBOY. YOU AND YOUR CLONES.
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18. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T GO HUNTING. FEI WONG REED EITHER GOES KIDNAPPING/CLONING, OR STABBING
-
19. FEI WONG REED USES PEPPER SPRAY TO SPICE UP HIS CROWS.
-
20. FEI WONG REED ONCE ROUNDHOUSE CHINNED SOMEONE SO HARD HIS CHIN MADE A DIMENSIONAL RIP IN TIME, AND BY ACCIDENTALLY KILLED AMELIA EARHART WHILE SHE WAS FLYING OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
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21. CROP CIRCLES ARE FEI WONG REED'S WAY OF TELLING THE WORLD THAT SOMEONE'S BIRDS GOT HUNGRY.
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22. FEI WONG REED IS NOT TEN FEET TALL, DOESN'T WAY TWO TONS, DOESN'T BREATH FIRE, AND COULD NOT EAT A HAMMER AND TAKE A GUN SHOT BLAST STANDING, BUT THAT'S OKAY, SINCE IT WASN'T PART OF HIS PLAN ANYWAY.
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23. THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA WAS ORIGINALLY CREATED TO KEEP FEI WONG REED OUT. IT FAILED, FEI STILL GOT A HOLD OF SYAORAN.
-
24. MOST PEOPLE HAVE 23 PAIRS OF CHROMOSOMES. FEI WONG REED HAS 72, AND THAT'S WITHOUT THE HELP OF HIS CLONES.
-
25. IF YOU ASK FEI WONG REED WHAT TIME IT IS, HE WILL ALWAYS SAY "TWO SECONDS 'TIL." AFTER YOU ASK "TWO SECONDS 'TIL WHAT?", YOU'LL EITHER SEE TIME AND SPACE RIP ITSELF APART, OR YOU'LL WAKE UP LATER WITH A MISSING EYE AND A DEAD TWIN.
-
26. WHEN FEI WONG REED SENDS IN HIS TAXES, HE SENDS A CROW WITH BLANK FORMS AND INCLUDES A PICTURE OF THE LAST TAX COLLECTOR IN A TEST TUBE. FEI WONG REED HAS NOT HAD TO PAY TAXES, EVER.
-
27. CNN WAS ORIGINALLY CREATED AS THE "FEI WONG REED BROADCASTING CHANNEL", BUT THEN XING SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THAT COULD NOT POSSIBLY FIT IN CNN, AND WE DON'T HEAR FROM HER ANYMORE.
-
28. FEI WONG REED CAN WIN A GAME OF CONNECT FOUR WITH JUST THREE MOVES AND A PLAN.
-
29. FEI WONG REED ONCE ATE THREE 72 OZ. STEAKS IN ONE HOUR. HE SPENT THE FIRST 45 MINUTES CLONING THE WAITRESS.
-
30. WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH THE MINDS OF ALL FEI WONG REED'S VICTIMS BEFORE THEY DIED? WE'D TELL YOU, BUT WE DON'T THINK FREE PORNOGRAPHY IS ALLOWED ON THIS COMM.
-
-
31. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T WASH HIS DISHES. HE CLONES THE CLEAN ONES.
-
32. IF YOU SPELL FEI WONG REED IN SCRABBLE, YOU WIN: 52 POINTS, 3 EYES, A CLONE, AND A SURE-FIRE WAY TO MAKE YOUR MOTHER PROUD WITH THE TIME YOU WASTED IN HER BASEMENT.
-
33. FEI WONG REED ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE "STREET FIGHTER II" VIDEO GAME, BUT WAS REMOVED BY BETA TESTERS BECAUSE EVERY BUTTON CAUSED THE OPPOSITE PLAYER TO STOP HAVING THE ABILITY TO SEE ON ONE SIDE AND START BLEEDING PROFUSELY. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THIS "GLITCH", REED SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HOW HE TRAINED KYLE WELL.
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34. FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL FEI WONG REED ONCE AND HE'LL SEND YOURSELF AFTER YOU TO FOOL YOU BACK.
-
35. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, AMERICA IS NOT A DEMOCRACY, IT IS A CLONETATORSHIP.
-
36. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY: FEI WONG REED HAD ONCE CLONED AND EXPERIMENTED ON SOME TURTLES, AND WHEN HE WAS DONE, THE TURTLES WERE SIX FEET TALL AND HAD LEARNED KARATE.
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37. IN THE BIBLE, JESUS TURNED WATER INTO WINE. WHAT WASN'T IN THE BIBLE, THOUGH, WAS HOW FEI WAS THE ONE WHO ORDERED HIM TO DO SO.
-
38. IN AN AVERAGE LIVING ROOM THERE ARE 1,242 OBJECTS FEI WONG REED COULD USE TO KILL YOU, INCLUDING THE ROOM ITSELF AND THE VERY CLONABLE DNA YOU ARE MADE OF.
-
39. ACCORDING TO THE ENCYCLOPEDIA BIRTTANICA, THE NATIVE AMERICAN "TRAIL OF TEARS" HAS BEEN REDEFINED AS THE TRAIL WHERE THE EYELESS VICTIMS OF FEI WONG REED HAVE WALKED, IN AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY WERE USED AS CLONE PRODUCTION AS WELL.
SO, I PRESENT...
FEI WONG REED FACTS. ALL OF THEM ARE TRUE. WE CHECKED. AND THEN DOUBLE CHECKED.
1. IF YOU HAVE FIVE DOLLARS AND FEI WONG REED HAS FIVE DOLLARS
YOU'RE GOING TO GET CLONED.
-
2. THERE IS NO 'CTRL' BUTTON ON FEI'S COMPUTER. JUST A 'PLN' BUTTON.
-
3. APPLE PAYS FEI WONG REED 99 CENTS EVERY TIME HE LISTENS TO A SONG JUST SO HE WON'T TAKE IT AND COPY IT.
-
4. FEI CAN'T SNEEZE WITH HIS EYES OPEN LIKE CHUCK NORRIS CAN. FEI DOESN'T SNEEZE.
HE PLANS.
-
5. FEI CAN'T EAT JUST ONE LAY'S POTATO CHIP. ONE DOESN'T MAKE NEARLY ENOUGH WINE.
-
6. FEI WONG REED IS SUING MYSPACE FOR ALLOWING SYAORAN TO GET ONE, WHEN SYAORAN'S SPACE IS CLEARLY FEI'S.
-
7. FEI WONG REED DESTROYED THE PERIODIC TABLE, BECAUSE THEY JUST DIDN'T FIT INTO HIS PLANS.
-
8. FEI WONG REED CAN KILL/MUTILATE TWO PAWNS WITH ONE CLONE.
-
9. GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE. CHUCK NORRIS KILLS PEOPLE. FEI WOULD KILL PEOPLE TOO, BUT THAT'S NOT PART OF HIS PLAN
-
10. THERE IS NO THEORY OF EVOLUTION. JUST A TEST TUBE OF ANIMALS FEI DECIDED WOULD BE A BLAST TO MIX.
-
-
11. FEI WONG REED DOES NOT SLEEP. HE PLANS.
AND THEN SLEEPS.
-
12. THE CHIEF EXPORT OF FEI WONG REED IS ACTUALLY, CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF OF IT BEING 'CHEESE', CLONES.
-
13. THERE IS NO CHIN UNDER FEI'S BEAR-- OH WAIT WE LIED. THERE IS DEFINITELY A CHIN UNDER THERE.
-
14. FEI WONG REED HAS TWO SPEEDS. STALK, AND PLAN.
-
15. THE LEADING CAUSES OF DEATH IN THE UNITED STATES ARE: 1. HEART DISEASE 2. EYE INFECTION 3. SUFFOCATION IN A TEST TUBE
TWO OF THOSE THINGS ARE CAUSED BY FEI WONG REED. I WON'T TELL YOU WHICH ONES.
-
16. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T DRIVE AN ICE CREAM TRUCK COVERED IN HUMAN SKULLS, LIKE CHUCK NORRIS DOES. HE HAS HIS HAREMMOBILE.
-
17. FEI WONG REED IS YOUR HOMEBOY. YOU AND YOUR CLONES.
-
18. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T GO HUNTING. FEI WONG REED EITHER GOES KIDNAPPING/CLONING, OR STABBING
-
19. FEI WONG REED USES PEPPER SPRAY TO SPICE UP HIS CROWS.
-
20. FEI WONG REED ONCE ROUNDHOUSE CHINNED SOMEONE SO HARD HIS CHIN MADE A DIMENSIONAL RIP IN TIME, AND BY ACCIDENTALLY KILLED AMELIA EARHART WHILE SHE WAS FLYING OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
-
-
21. CROP CIRCLES ARE FEI WONG REED'S WAY OF TELLING THE WORLD THAT SOMEONE'S BIRDS GOT HUNGRY.
-
22. FEI WONG REED IS NOT TEN FEET TALL, DOESN'T WAY TWO TONS, DOESN'T BREATH FIRE, AND COULD NOT EAT A HAMMER AND TAKE A GUN SHOT BLAST STANDING, BUT THAT'S OKAY, SINCE IT WASN'T PART OF HIS PLAN ANYWAY.
-
23. THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA WAS ORIGINALLY CREATED TO KEEP FEI WONG REED OUT. IT FAILED, FEI STILL GOT A HOLD OF SYAORAN.
-
24. MOST PEOPLE HAVE 23 PAIRS OF CHROMOSOMES. FEI WONG REED HAS 72, AND THAT'S WITHOUT THE HELP OF HIS CLONES.
-
25. IF YOU ASK FEI WONG REED WHAT TIME IT IS, HE WILL ALWAYS SAY "TWO SECONDS 'TIL." AFTER YOU ASK "TWO SECONDS 'TIL WHAT?", YOU'LL EITHER SEE TIME AND SPACE RIP ITSELF APART, OR YOU'LL WAKE UP LATER WITH A MISSING EYE AND A DEAD TWIN.
-
26. WHEN FEI WONG REED SENDS IN HIS TAXES, HE SENDS A CROW WITH BLANK FORMS AND INCLUDES A PICTURE OF THE LAST TAX COLLECTOR IN A TEST TUBE. FEI WONG REED HAS NOT HAD TO PAY TAXES, EVER.
-
27. CNN WAS ORIGINALLY CREATED AS THE "FEI WONG REED BROADCASTING CHANNEL", BUT THEN XING SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THAT COULD NOT POSSIBLY FIT IN CNN, AND WE DON'T HEAR FROM HER ANYMORE.
-
28. FEI WONG REED CAN WIN A GAME OF CONNECT FOUR WITH JUST THREE MOVES AND A PLAN.
-
29. FEI WONG REED ONCE ATE THREE 72 OZ. STEAKS IN ONE HOUR. HE SPENT THE FIRST 45 MINUTES CLONING THE WAITRESS.
-
30. WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH THE MINDS OF ALL FEI WONG REED'S VICTIMS BEFORE THEY DIED? WE'D TELL YOU, BUT WE DON'T THINK FREE PORNOGRAPHY IS ALLOWED ON THIS COMM.
-
-
31. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T WASH HIS DISHES. HE CLONES THE CLEAN ONES.
-
32. IF YOU SPELL FEI WONG REED IN SCRABBLE, YOU WIN: 52 POINTS, 3 EYES, A CLONE, AND A SURE-FIRE WAY TO MAKE YOUR MOTHER PROUD WITH THE TIME YOU WASTED IN HER BASEMENT.
-
33. FEI WONG REED ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE "STREET FIGHTER II" VIDEO GAME, BUT WAS REMOVED BY BETA TESTERS BECAUSE EVERY BUTTON CAUSED THE OPPOSITE PLAYER TO STOP HAVING THE ABILITY TO SEE ON ONE SIDE AND START BLEEDING PROFUSELY. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THIS "GLITCH", REED SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HOW HE TRAINED KYLE WELL.
-
34. FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL FEI WONG REED ONCE AND HE'LL SEND YOURSELF AFTER YOU TO FOOL YOU BACK.
-
35. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, AMERICA IS NOT A DEMOCRACY, IT IS A CLONETATORSHIP.
-
36. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY: FEI WONG REED HAD ONCE CLONED AND EXPERIMENTED ON SOME TURTLES, AND WHEN HE WAS DONE, THE TURTLES WERE SIX FEET TALL AND HAD LEARNED KARATE.
-
37. IN THE BIBLE, JESUS TURNED WATER INTO WINE. WHAT WASN'T IN THE BIBLE, THOUGH, WAS HOW FEI WAS THE ONE WHO ORDERED HIM TO DO SO.
-
38. IN AN AVERAGE LIVING ROOM THERE ARE 1,242 OBJECTS FEI WONG REED COULD USE TO KILL YOU, INCLUDING THE ROOM ITSELF AND THE VERY CLONABLE DNA YOU ARE MADE OF.
-
39. ACCORDING TO THE ENCYCLOPEDIA BIRTTANICA, THE NATIVE AMERICAN "TRAIL OF TEARS" HAS BEEN REDEFINED AS THE TRAIL WHERE THE EYELESS VICTIMS OF FEI WONG REED HAVE WALKED, IN AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY WERE USED AS CLONE PRODUCTION AS WELL.