My first KuroxFai fanfic for a long time~
My first KuroxFai fanfic for a long time~
Title: Snow in Summer
Pairing: KuroxFai
Spoilers: Happens after Acid Tokyo
Rating: Just angst not even a kiss *sobs*
Snow in summer
I look at the sky and I see the sun. I know you look elsewhere but I don't care. You don't see me and that I know. And it hurts like hell.
Fai watched Kurogane out of the corner of his eye, he couldn't see him too clearly but he had seen him so many times before his vivid albeit destructive imagination could picture the rest. The stern eyes, the slightly tanned skin, the complete blackness of his hair. He know he watches. He looks straight at him in a sort of confrontation to shake him out of his resolution. His resolution not to look at him. Not in the way Kurogane wanted anyways. He had noticed over the last months that Kurogane always tended to position himself at his right. He knew why and he tried his best to avoid it, but, perhaps sometimes he didn't. He wanted it to happen and that was what made Fai such a maschocist, he wanted it to happen because he could not help himself. That is how being in love truly was he mused to himself. It makes one do things that is the opposite of the logic of your mind.
It was one of the days when the sun had decided to give it's best on a cloudless sky in July that Fai was leaning against the hem of a tree; a book unfolded on his lap. On his right, as always, Kurogane sat flipping through one of the magazines of his that Fai could not understand. He sighed, he would have loved to read it for him. He would read it with such influence and autencity he would transform himself into the persons on the pages. He was, after all, quite the actor.
"It's so warm," Fai said and stretched his arm as to reach the heavens and his eyes automatically became vary and heavy with sleep.
"It's summer, get over it," the ninja answered turning a page in his magazine.
"Always so grumpy," Fai smiled and mockingly, not lovingly, rested his head on Kurogane's left shoulder. Kurogane did not retreat under his thouch and it made Fai flinch. One step too much.
"Can you read that?" he asked and Fai was shaken out of his thoughts. He nodded looking on the open book in his lap as if woken out of a deep sleep where the importance of the question was too low to even bother answering. The flinch that did not happen was more of a worry, a declaration of love for Fai's heart and a consequence of a great mistake by his mind.
"What's it about?"
Was the questions a joke? He did not care about the book. Fuck he didn't care about if he could read any language or thousand. But did it mean that he cared for, if not for the book, himself? No, it was too bold. Too optimistic. Two steps too much. He was already tumbling over the edge. Playing with fire. He had to retreat.
"Nothing you need to worry your pretty head with Kuro-mi," Fai grinned. He added so much raw fakeness to his behavior it made Kurogane sick. Hell it made the other man want to puke. He smiled with his eye open. That way he could see both. The deep pool of despair within the blue of his eye and the fakeness that was so repulsive to him it made him want to shred the other man to pieces. God how Kurogane hated him right then, Fai was sure of it and it made his heart cringe with pain.
"Stop it," Kurogane said. The colour within Fai's eyes shifted. It was so direct, a command of some sort with no thouch of softness to it. He was angry, no pity involved.
"My, how harsh Kuro-pon!" Fai knew he had said too much. He had set the punctuation after his mess. The end of his skillful act of being cold.
"Asshole," he answered rising to stand by Fai's side. "You are everything I can possibly hate about a person."
"You always say things like that," Fai said his eyes fixed on the cloudless sky, the sun rays somewhat stinging his eye. "I never heard someone say those kind of things back in Celes." Paddling backwards, putting the player on reverse. He had to make his way back. Fishing with the mention of Celes to make him return. Return to his right side where he could see Kurogane if that was what he wished. If that was what he dared. He would always do it. Why? Again the apparent masochistic side of him toyed with him, tortured him to nothing was left but sillyness and the dark. And, after all, he had taken the bait.
"Celes huh," Kurogane said looking down at the blond who had anticipated his movement of sight and had shifted his eye to stare at the grass underneath his feet.
"They would always tell me how great a person I was. They loved me. It was so different from before that. It had to be fake."
Munching on the bait Kurogane did not notice the regret already swimming in Fai's blue eye. He knew he had already fallen deep. He was dying. Why did he have to say so much but still nothing? Why wouldn't he dare to go all the way when he so desperately wanted to cry and tell him all? All about himself, all about everything. Coward. Damn fucking coward.
"If you feel so bad about them being fake I suggest you take a look at yourself," the ninja answered. He reached out his hand in a metaphore to save the already fallen man but his hand shook because he could not but doubt.
"Me? Fake? Nothing is fake about me Kuro-mi. Only, perhaps, the hair colour."
The grin, the smile. The way he now looked straight at Kurogane. Kurogane turned on his heel walking away, against the house they had rented his hands clenched into fists.
"You're leaving Kuro-pon? The house is so warm! You'll melt!"
"I'm freezing," he answered already meters away. He did not turn his head.
"But it's July!" Fai answered genuinely puzzled. Perhaps a bit scared.
"And you somehow manage to make it as cold as fucking December."
The fireflies that had still not found shelter for the previous night, lost and void of energy, fluttered around Fai where he sat under the three. The sun shone as bright as ever and even the branches of the sakura three could not shield it's rays. They hit him with waves of warmth, for all he knew they could have been lava. The warmth, the sting on the skin did not reach him however. They touched his skin nothing more. It was, as Kurogane had said it, as cold as fucking December. Lying there in the bottom of the pit, the outstretched arm withdrawn, Fai was ready to close his eye forever. But in the darkness. In the biting cold darkness he was sure the hand would be offered to him yet again. In blood, in emergencies, always.
It was, after all, Kurogane.
Title: Snow in Summer
Pairing: KuroxFai
Spoilers: Happens after Acid Tokyo
Rating: Just angst not even a kiss *sobs*
Snow in summer
I look at the sky and I see the sun. I know you look elsewhere but I don't care. You don't see me and that I know. And it hurts like hell.
Fai watched Kurogane out of the corner of his eye, he couldn't see him too clearly but he had seen him so many times before his vivid albeit destructive imagination could picture the rest. The stern eyes, the slightly tanned skin, the complete blackness of his hair. He know he watches. He looks straight at him in a sort of confrontation to shake him out of his resolution. His resolution not to look at him. Not in the way Kurogane wanted anyways. He had noticed over the last months that Kurogane always tended to position himself at his right. He knew why and he tried his best to avoid it, but, perhaps sometimes he didn't. He wanted it to happen and that was what made Fai such a maschocist, he wanted it to happen because he could not help himself. That is how being in love truly was he mused to himself. It makes one do things that is the opposite of the logic of your mind.
It was one of the days when the sun had decided to give it's best on a cloudless sky in July that Fai was leaning against the hem of a tree; a book unfolded on his lap. On his right, as always, Kurogane sat flipping through one of the magazines of his that Fai could not understand. He sighed, he would have loved to read it for him. He would read it with such influence and autencity he would transform himself into the persons on the pages. He was, after all, quite the actor.
"It's so warm," Fai said and stretched his arm as to reach the heavens and his eyes automatically became vary and heavy with sleep.
"It's summer, get over it," the ninja answered turning a page in his magazine.
"Always so grumpy," Fai smiled and mockingly, not lovingly, rested his head on Kurogane's left shoulder. Kurogane did not retreat under his thouch and it made Fai flinch. One step too much.
"Can you read that?" he asked and Fai was shaken out of his thoughts. He nodded looking on the open book in his lap as if woken out of a deep sleep where the importance of the question was too low to even bother answering. The flinch that did not happen was more of a worry, a declaration of love for Fai's heart and a consequence of a great mistake by his mind.
"What's it about?"
Was the questions a joke? He did not care about the book. Fuck he didn't care about if he could read any language or thousand. But did it mean that he cared for, if not for the book, himself? No, it was too bold. Too optimistic. Two steps too much. He was already tumbling over the edge. Playing with fire. He had to retreat.
"Nothing you need to worry your pretty head with Kuro-mi," Fai grinned. He added so much raw fakeness to his behavior it made Kurogane sick. Hell it made the other man want to puke. He smiled with his eye open. That way he could see both. The deep pool of despair within the blue of his eye and the fakeness that was so repulsive to him it made him want to shred the other man to pieces. God how Kurogane hated him right then, Fai was sure of it and it made his heart cringe with pain.
"Stop it," Kurogane said. The colour within Fai's eyes shifted. It was so direct, a command of some sort with no thouch of softness to it. He was angry, no pity involved.
"My, how harsh Kuro-pon!" Fai knew he had said too much. He had set the punctuation after his mess. The end of his skillful act of being cold.
"Asshole," he answered rising to stand by Fai's side. "You are everything I can possibly hate about a person."
"You always say things like that," Fai said his eyes fixed on the cloudless sky, the sun rays somewhat stinging his eye. "I never heard someone say those kind of things back in Celes." Paddling backwards, putting the player on reverse. He had to make his way back. Fishing with the mention of Celes to make him return. Return to his right side where he could see Kurogane if that was what he wished. If that was what he dared. He would always do it. Why? Again the apparent masochistic side of him toyed with him, tortured him to nothing was left but sillyness and the dark. And, after all, he had taken the bait.
"Celes huh," Kurogane said looking down at the blond who had anticipated his movement of sight and had shifted his eye to stare at the grass underneath his feet.
"They would always tell me how great a person I was. They loved me. It was so different from before that. It had to be fake."
Munching on the bait Kurogane did not notice the regret already swimming in Fai's blue eye. He knew he had already fallen deep. He was dying. Why did he have to say so much but still nothing? Why wouldn't he dare to go all the way when he so desperately wanted to cry and tell him all? All about himself, all about everything. Coward. Damn fucking coward.
"If you feel so bad about them being fake I suggest you take a look at yourself," the ninja answered. He reached out his hand in a metaphore to save the already fallen man but his hand shook because he could not but doubt.
"Me? Fake? Nothing is fake about me Kuro-mi. Only, perhaps, the hair colour."
The grin, the smile. The way he now looked straight at Kurogane. Kurogane turned on his heel walking away, against the house they had rented his hands clenched into fists.
"You're leaving Kuro-pon? The house is so warm! You'll melt!"
"I'm freezing," he answered already meters away. He did not turn his head.
"But it's July!" Fai answered genuinely puzzled. Perhaps a bit scared.
"And you somehow manage to make it as cold as fucking December."
The fireflies that had still not found shelter for the previous night, lost and void of energy, fluttered around Fai where he sat under the three. The sun shone as bright as ever and even the branches of the sakura three could not shield it's rays. They hit him with waves of warmth, for all he knew they could have been lava. The warmth, the sting on the skin did not reach him however. They touched his skin nothing more. It was, as Kurogane had said it, as cold as fucking December. Lying there in the bottom of the pit, the outstretched arm withdrawn, Fai was ready to close his eye forever. But in the darkness. In the biting cold darkness he was sure the hand would be offered to him yet again. In blood, in emergencies, always.
It was, after all, Kurogane.