The Ice Warriors
Previous: The Abominable Snowmen
The Ice Warriors
Oh wow. After several serials of slick modern Tom and Sylv, these opening titles feel almost overly science-fictiony.
But it really is a cool and different sequence. Seems like they did that every now and then for Troughton and late-Hartnell.
Hello, Control Room Full of People in Zebra Suits! And what's that weird voice-over that sounds like a dying Dalek?
But seriously, I can barely understand a word that thing's saying.
I can only assume that the odd fashion choices were yet another victim of the 60s. But SO MUCH WHITE. EVERYWHERE.
Ice Warrior helmet! Wow, from here that thing actually does look pretty creepy. Big blank eye sockets...
The TARDIS just materialized on its SIDE. With the top angled DOWNWARD. And it SLID. I don't think we've ever seen this before. o_O
"OWW!"
"What's the matter?"
"YOU'RE ON MY HEAD!"
*fall*
Well, that explains what Two was standing on. Poor Jamie's head.
Wait. Now all three of them are up and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE STANDING ON. The console isn't that close to the door, is it?
Jamie's knee on Two's hand. Revenge for earlier, but I don't think Two will be in a very clingy mood after this. But more importantly...
TEN. THOUSAND. TWEETS!!!
Aww, Victoria is such a pretty snow princess in that cloak. I wonder if Jamie actually has anything on his legs this time.
Answer: not really. Except his socks. And you know when he's down to just his socks what time it is. IT'S BUSINESS...IT'S BUSINESS TI-*gack*
That was another installment of Hannah Making References to Shows She Hasn't Actually Seen. #flightoftheconchords
Also, it is just me, or does every TV show ever have exactly the same wolf/coyote howl effect?
"There's something wrong with its pitch."
"Oh no. Now look, it might be dangerous. Now let's LEAVE it."
"No!"
"Doctor..."
"Let's go in."
And who could say no to that voice? :D
PEOPLE. LISTEN TO THE COSMIC HOBO IN THE GIANT COAT. HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
"Warriors of the ice...who stood over seven feet tall...DOCTOR IN DISTRESS..."
So I'm assuming these two bearded guys in the big fur coats are real scavengers. Weren't they stealing food from the base earlier?
AVALAAAAAAAANCHE.
Oh wait, the guy with the stubble was the one they were talking about earlier who was presumably exiled from the base for some reason.
This story is making me wonder: exactly how many Earth's Future scenarios has this show thrown our way over the years?
Agh, having American ears, it's really weird hearing "glaciers" pronounced "GLASS-ee-ers" every ten seconds instead of "GLAY-shers."
"Now you wait here and don't touch anything!" But they're certainly allowed to Cling.
"Ah, Victoria, did you see how those lassies were dressed?"
"Yes I did, and trust YOU to think of something like THAT!"
"Oh I...I couldn't help thinkin' about it!"
"Well I think it's disgusting, wearing that kind of...thing!"
"Oh, so it is, so it is! You...you don't see yourself dressed like that then?"
"JAMIE!"
"Oh I'm sorry it was just an idea."
"We will now change the subject please."
The Ice Warrior awakens! And he looks pretty grumpy, too.
Barely a minute and a half into the episode and everybody's already unconscious.
Oh wait, Jamie's up and about again. Mini info-dump time, and of COURSE Victoria's been kidnapped.
Good ol' Jamie, always the first to make all the science people stop technobabbling and Save The Girl.
Ah, first time in over a year I've heard the Ice Warrior's voices. Still not that fond of them.
So it SOUNDS like the Ice Warrior wants to find its crewmates and leave in peace, which of course means that SOMETHING is going to go wrong.
So he isn't sure whether they want to go back or conquer Earth. NOW we know.
"Victoria's important too, ye know!"
"You don't seem to realize, boy, the whole fate of the world could be at stake!"
I'm not gonna lie, I was totally expecting a "your girlfriend isn't more important than the whole universe - SHE IS TO ME!" moment.
Wait, what does that guy mean by "flat on his back for weeks?" That avalanche only happened maybe a couple hours ago.
"I'm going for drugs, but if I don't get them you're as good as dead." ...? What is this "context" that you speak of?
"What is that??"
"Sonic gun. It'll burst you brain with noisssssssssse."
Ah yes, forgot about the Ice Warriors' snake-like hissing thing.
I'm really impressed with this reconner. They got a great snow effect going for this scene.
"I trust no one, Doctor. Not anymore. Human emotions are...unreliable."
*sad Troughton-face* :(
This is going to sound like a really really strange observation during this scene but...that Ice Warrior has quite unusual buttocks.
(I won't be surprised if I'm the first American since Forrest Gump to say "buttocks")
"Well, he's a scientist and he's a bit inclined to have his head in the air. You know what they're like!"
"Aye, I certainly do."
#JAMIIIEEEE
Hello, what's this? The head scientist is actually showing a bit of concern for another person? Hell really HAS frozen over.
"This is a formal establishment and our regulations..."
"Oh, regulations do not apply to me. I work in my own way, freely."
Tell 'im, Two.
Wait, the woman from the base found her way to the plant museum, but she doesn't seem to be wearing protective gear. Are they connected?
Maybe it's just me, but this is turning out to be one of those more talkative serials. And it's still a recon episode.
Oh wait, I take that back. Someone's being threatened with a gun now.
Actually, have they explained yet what that bearded Scottish guy's deal is?
Uh oh, we've got a small troop of Ice Warriors on our hands. And Victoria's valiant attempts to reason with them are failing miserably.
Oo, um, hey, uh...you've got something under your nose.
Back to Two in the work room and suddenly FAST MUSIC.
Also, he sounds HORRIBLY sleep-deprived. Someone get this man some coffee.
"Omega...now what does he mean...Omega..." After seeing The Three Doctors all those months ago, that's all I can think of.
Aww, Two has his big breakthrough and then someone else is all "DENIED."
Looks like the Ice Warriors have found their ship. It's probably just the shadows, but from here it looks like a giant bunch of grapes.
OI. ICE WARRIORS. GTFO OF JAMIE. BAD MARTIANS. BAD.
Lying on the ground like that, Jamie almost looks like he's wearing shorts.
("Jamie, partially shielded by Arden's body, is still alive.") YAAAAY! Hurray for meat shields!
"Somewhere out on that ice face are two young people for whom I have considerable affection!" Awwwwwwww...
Having another moment where I wouldn't mind having Polly around to mother Jamie.
Come to think of it, I'd like to be there mothering him right about now too. Poor lamb, all a wreck and he just wants to save his girl.
("Victoria, meanwhile, has managed to escape from her captors.") ...Wow. When did THIS happen?
Oh. Maybe this Ice Warriors know about this already. OH RIGHT. She's bait. Of course.
Oh my god. Two's face. When he's trying to find out about Jamie. My heart. It is break.
And now we're out of recon territory and back to the Land of the Moving.
Two shakes his head in disapproval of these shenanigans as Clent tries to get a grieving Victorian girl to describe rocket engines to him.
So now I'm wondering how much of the Ice Warriors' faces are prosthetics and how much isn't. I'd thought the mouths were natural, but...
Need a chemical? Just dial it on the rotary phone! (No really, that's what they're doing.)
"Yes, there's something I need rather desperately." *dials* *vial drops*
"Well, what's that?"
"Water." *glug*
The Doctor: off to take on fully-armed hostile aliens with just a coat, his wits, and a vial of ammonium sulfate. #science
Victoria, that was way too deliberate a scream for someone trying to hide. Making an avalanche? Making an echo? Or just luring it off?
Aaaaand now she's dropped the communicator. How that Ice Warrior hasn't spotted her black cloak against the ice yet, I have no idea.
Wow. Multi-purpose avalanche. It's also a scene transition!
Oh goodness, Jamie is like a cornered cat. Kitty wants OUT. Kitty doesn't WANT to take his medicine. Kitty will BITE you.
"I'm a loyalist!"
"A loyalist!"
Maybe Kitty's made a new friend! (Someone please stop me from calling Jamie "Kitty" for the whole story.)
"But what is it, then?"
"Well their weapons must have affected your central nervous system."
"You mean I'm paralyzed?"
NONONONONONONONONONO
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO
NONONONO
(okay, stopping there because I know he'll be alright, but the idea of Jamie thinking he'll never walk again is not good for my happy)
Huh. With all those circles on the walls, the Ice Warrior ship almost looks like the TARDIS interior.
Seriously, the Ice Warriors are like giant turtles. They could very easily slip their heads inside their big bulky shell-like bodies.
...oh. I've seen this screencap of Jamie sprawled out like that with the caption "draw me like one of your French girls" soooo many times.
Of course, now that I actually know the context, it's quite a bit less Terrible and more terrible. #tumblrinjokes
Ah, looks like Victoria's going to get rescued by the hairy Scottish guy. Maybe he can reunite her with Jamie!
Hello again, Two! Found the Ice Warriors' ship yet?
Why do I have an uncomfortable feeling that Storr is going to be the Well-Intentioned Extremist who sides with the bad guys?
Ugh. I can't stop thinking about how the Ice Warriors have probably my least favorite monster design in the history of Doctor Who.
I apologize to everyone who likes them, but...I'm sorry, I really don't care for them very much.
However, I AM grateful that their sonic guns don't have the same wobbly effect here that they did in The Seeds of Death.
WHEW. Two sounds really confident about Jamie's recovery. Although he hasn't really explained how. Just "a matter of time."
TWO. PLEASE GET YOUR FACE AWAY FROM THE GIANT GUN STICKING OUT OF THE DOOR.
Also, please answer the Ice Warrior's question before you literally explode.
"One...two...three..."
"Oh, alright, alright!"
...wow. That defused the cliffhanger pretty efficiently.
"That's very civil of you oh my word..." Ahn ahn, sorry Two, it's too late to leave now.
Victoria! Hug times now!
There's those wolves again, and this time we actually see their paw prints. Maybe they're actually going to be plot-relevant soon?
Yup. The last stretch through open country back to the base. And Jamie still can't walk. I sense an impending miraculous recovery.
OH WAIT. THAT'S NOT A WOLF. THAT'S A BEAR. THEY SAID WOLVES. BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S A BEAR.
Ah, clever Two, hiding the communicator in his massive epic coat and sneaking instructions to the base.
I still can't understand about 70% of that frigging computer voice.
YES THAT IS TOTALLY A BEAR AND THE TRANQ GUN ISN'T WORKING ON IT AND IT'S GETTING CLOSER AND THEN CUTAWAY
Uh oh, it sounds like Mrs. Garrett is almost about to loose her cool about this. #honestlynopunintended
Oh. I guess the tranquilizer gun kicked in after all. Run from sleeping bear!
Classic classic scene. The baddies are demanding information "OR THE GIRL DIES." Cue "DON'T TELL THEM!" and the hero giving in anyway.
"You won't succeed! You CAN'T be so inhuman!" Victoria, while I admire your faith in other races, they're from MARS.
Nice glass hat. What exactly is that for? Is that an interface? No that can't be it, you've talked to the computer without it before...
Oh my god. Jamieâs face when heâs told that the Doctor and Victoria are going to be left to die...
Dramatic escalation of tensions and then MORE TRANQUILIZING!
So are we ever going to find out specifically what happened between Clent and Penley? Or is that being left to subtext and overtones?
Oh Two, that's so improper of you! Making a lady cry! (diversion diversion diversion SCIENCE)
You know, that's probably the best subversion of "the bad guys are just a few feet away, we can just stage-whisper" I've seen on this show.
Aaaaaaaand Two can't get the vial open! This is not a good thing! MORE DIVERSIONS!
WAIT WHY DON'T YOU JUST THROW IT ON THE GROUND AND SMASH IT OR SOMETHING IT MIGHT BE YOUR ONLY OPTION NOW
Attagirl, Victoria! But wait, why was Two trying to get the dying Warrior's hand onto that control panel?
This is interestingly anachronistic: the base's computer room, with all its nice shiny future white-ness, has a chandelier on the ceiling.
And finally somebody stands up and calls out the computer as a load of bull. So, naturally, he gets shot.
Well, at least Clent is making a solid effort at diplomacy. Now if it wasn't for That One Dude on the Floor With the Gun...
This is probably just me failing utterly at science, but couldn't they just MAKE the mercury they need from that chemical synthesizer?
"What are your qualifications for existencccccce?" Woah. That's...that's actually pretty deep.
Something I've noticed about Clent: he walks around with a cane, but it's never explained or integrated into his character.
I mean, One carried a cane sometimes, but that was just for show. Clent actually *needs* it to walk right.
Two, creatures with "much greater fluid contents" than human beings would have to be a metric crapton of water.
"There is just a vague risk that it will kill everybody." Ahhhhh ha. Good to know, I guess.
Oh. Well, thank you, camera. Thank you for opening with a shot that could easily be angled up Jamie's kilt. #TerriblePeopleClub
So all Penley had to do was crank up the heat? Maybe Two doesn't need to launch his possible-death-ray after all.
On the other hand, we've reached the only-10-minutes-left-still-room-for-one-more-thing-to-go-wrong point in the story.
And there goes the gun after all. JESUS Clent sounds like he's in a ton of pain o_O
Ah, looks like Jamie's up and about again JAMIE'S UP AND ABOUT AGAIN HE CAN WALK IT'S A PLOT-CONVENIENT MIRACLE!
*insert "I'M MEEEEEELTING" joke here*
"Penley, you are the most...insufferably...irritating and...infuriating...person...I've ever...been privileged...to work with."
"Thank you."
Wait...did Victoria somehow put the TARDIS right-side-up while all that was going on? Because it's standing up again.
Also, this is the first time I've seen the top of the end credits hovering at the bottom of the screen while waiting for the music to start.
Next: The Enemy of the World
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