The Dominators
Previous: Season 5: The Wheel in Space
The Dominators
How to Start a Story: Characters appear, explain their intentions in detail, and state their names to each other for our convenience.
Ahhhh, so these are the Men Wearing Curtains that my Tumblr friends were talking about.
In other news, welcome to the Island of Death! It's full of poison and deadliness and deathy death death!
I'm still trying to figure out the best way to describe the outfits here. It's like if heavy-curtain weavers were trying to make togas.
Yikes. The Quarks may be cute, but the graphics of their death rays is pretty damn creepy.
FINALLY the TARDIS. And I thought Two talking about "projecting mental images" was actually "giving those men lemons." I don't even know.
Awww, I love how this Team TARDIS is so much more beach-prone than all the others. Countdown till things go wrong...
You never know when you'll need a lawn chair and a beach ball while traveling through time and space.
Wow. For black-and-white Who, that was a pretty impressive explosion.
"Looks like some sort of museum."
"Yes, you're right again, Zoe: a WAR museum!"
DRAMATIC PULL-BACK TO REVEAL...a couple guns on a table.
Ah yes, all this talk of atomic warfare: the 60's indeed.
"They've outlawed war!" Outlawed war? OUTLAWED war? Outlawed WAR? HOW DO YOU EVEN OUTLAW WAR?
Considering the Quarks were supposed to be the new Daleks, I can see some story parallels already. Notably all the radiation stuff.
Not sure why the student girl needs to be reciting the planet's history word-for-word. Can't she just tell us the SparkNotes version?
Also, is it really necessary for Rago and Toba to keep saying their names to each other? They're the only ones there.
Still trying to figure out if their outfit is supposed to make them look like a specific shape. They're kind of...domed.
"Yer not thinking what I think you're thinking, are you?"
"That, I think, Jamie, depends on what you think I AM thinking."
AAAAWWWWW THE QUARKS HAVE THE CUTEST VOICES. C'MERE YOU LITTLE SPIKY BOXES OF DEATH.
Wow. Rago and Toba have the most psychedelic monitor screens ever.
Ouch. The clinger has become the clung. That wall's very attracted to you, Jamie.
A bit daft to automatically assume that Two and Jamie are the same species, isn't it?
I'm becoming increasingly convinced that Dulcian art and fashion was modeled after the Greeks and Romans. #TOGAS
I know this story gets panned a lot, but I'm actually really liking the character set-up they have for Cully.
Well, the Quarks may have cuter voices, but they're harder to understand than the Daleks.
PLAY WITH THESE BLOCKS OR WE'LL SHOCK YOU. PLAAAAY.
"Just act stupid. Do you think you can manage that?"
"Oh aye, it's easy."
Science: You're Doing It Wrong.
"How many of these Clever Ones are there?"
"Well, there're not many, you see, we don't like them much. They tell us what to do, you see."
And yet all I can think about is how Pat's hair appears to be ballooning into a big fluffy mushroom.
Ah. The Quarks have now officially been incorporated into Jamie's Registry of Nasty Beasties.
After all that, the Dominators let Two and Jamie leave of their own accord, more or less. ...Well okay then.
I love how Zoe calls out the dresses for being "impractical." Also, she and Cully seem to like holding hands a lot.
On the other hand, Zoe, trust me, you're being a LOT more practical than most other Classic female companions by not wearing HEELS.
So I only just realized: FINALLY we have men (other than Jamie) wearing skirts above the knee!
Well, okay, I've noticed since the beginning that all Dulcians wear dresses/skirts, but some of them are about as long as Jamie's kilt.
Dulcians have two hearts! #TIMELORDS
Apparently the Quarks need to stop every once in a while to "recharge." Good. Give our heroes a chance to escape getting asploded.
So this must be that scene they were talking about on @tardistavern where Zoe's outfit becomes "a little too see-through."
Actually, I'm going to take this moment to regress to an elementary school student so I can make the following joke:
I see Dulkis, I see France, I see Zoe's underpants.
Another weird thing I've noticed about Rago and Toba, they almost never look at each other while talking.
"Why should these people wish us harm?" Because, my dear sir, they are dicks.
With this plan of stealing ancient guns, I'm suddenly getting flashbacks to The Space Museum.
According to Wikipedia, the Dulcians' laid-back and peaceful manner was based on hippie subculture. Huh...
Wait. Two. You LITERALLY just saw a Quark at the survey station. WHY did you need Jamie to remind you of this fact?
Also hey are those Jelly Babies. That bag looks like Jelly Babies.
I swear, Zoe's being the spitting image of Vicki in this scene.
Well, maybe not the SPITTING image since I think the people from The Space Museum were preparing a revolt already, but you know what I mean.
Meanwhile, back to Tech Talk With Two and Jamie.
AND NOW AFTER ALL THESE MONTHS I FINALLY HAVE CONTEXT FOR THAT GIF.
You know, the folks working at the debris site are moving lots of big bricks and rocks, why don't they try attacking the Quarks with those?
The boys have landed. In a manner of speaking. Wow, Pat, those are some flexible legs you've got on you.
"Look at Kando." Well, we would if you'd just change the camera angle so we could see her.
JAMIE I KNOW YOU HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS BUT JUST LET CULLY FIRE THE GUN OH GOD.
Ooooo, Jamie's gonna be a big man now and shoot a gun at the bad man and his beasties.
Wow. That worked pretty well. SHOOT THEM SOME MORE.
Or not.
Wow. See what I meant about eye contact earlier? Rago's standing RIGHT in front of Toba but his eyes are fixed on the ceiling.
Actually, maybe it wasn't the ceiling. Toba's just a few inches taller than Rago.
"I submit." Holy crap. Holy crap holy crap. I actually get to say this:
The Dom has become the Sub.
Oh, hello Jamie and Cully! Hello, conveniently-placed bunker that saved your lives!
You know, considering all the hard manual labor she's had to do so far, I'd say Zoe's having one of the worse First Trips in the TARDIS.
Jamie, I'm not quite sure comparing Quarks to redcoats is really the best analogy.
On the other hand, Bunging A Rock At It seems to be doing something to them after all.
SO THAT'S WHERE THAT ACTION-JAMIE GIF CAME FROM (where we totally don't try to look up Jamie's kilt in slow motion.)
Awww, poor Quark. Also, Cully must've had OBSCENELY good aim with that giant boulder at the top of that hill. #seriously
"Somebody destroyed a Quark? But who?"
"Only one person headstrong enough to do that."
"Jamie!"
":DDDD"
So of COURSE Two just HAPPENS to have a Geiger counter to pull out of his pocket and lower into a vent.
You know, I think one of the problems with this story is that the Dominators aren't appealing villains. They're basically just assholes.
Seriously, if that Quark wasn't there I'd be waiting for someone to just punch them in the face.
Out of context, I just have to say: Two be pimpin'.
Meanwhile, back on That Set I Could've Sworn Was From The War Games, the valiant Men in Skirts continue their campaign.
Jamie. What are you even eating. That looks like something I used to buff my nails with.
Also, what are you planning to do with those sheets? Attack disguised as ghosts?
Wait, Two, don't get distracted by the adorable Highlander, keep telling us what the Dominators' plans are!
Okay, covering the Quark's head with a sheet, I guess that works too.
OOOOHHHHHH, I think I just figured out what their Evil Plan was all along.
"The whole planet will become one vast molten seething mass of radioactive material!"
"Well, we'll...just have to stop 'em, then."
Well, I have to admit, I never would've seen that one coming.
":DDD Jamie, it's a BRILLIANT idea! It's so simple only you could've thought of it!"
"Oh! ...ayyyye?"
#thesetwo
For a second I thought Two was going to pull a Nine and be all "um, Jamie, I'm trying to resonate concrete," but WAIT HOW IS HE BURNING IT.
Two's doing a lot of Science To It in this scene, isn't he?
So THAT'S where that happy!Two gif comes from! (I've been saying that a lot this serial, haven't I?)
I'm starting to feel bad for the people who had to walk around in the Quark suits. That had to've been rough.
Ho boy, have we actually reached the "just go on and leave me" part of the plot? Don't leave Cully, he's done so much!
Whew, alright, he's safe.
This is actually building to quite a close climax...
Getting the seed off the planet without harming any of "US" at all...Two, are you planning what I think you're planning?
You are. That's...actually quite a dark course of action. Not much of a choice, but still...
"There's just going to be a localized volcanic eruption. It only affects the island."
"Maybe so, but WE happen to be ON the island!"
And so I leave you with one of Patrick Troughton’s greatest reaction faces ever.
Next: The Mind Robber