The Time Monster
Previous: The Mutants
The Time Monster
Volcanic eruptions...okay show, you have my attention.
and then three wakes up within the dream to a giant master laughing at him okay how can people hate this serial with an opening like this
"A real pippin of a dream!" And Jo even brought him a cup of tea. #cuties
Anyone else feel like Jo's outfit here compliments Bessie in a way? Probably all the yellow.
"Look, I know I'm exceedingly dim, but would you mind explaining?" Oh. Oh Jo, honey, please give yourself more credit than that D:
Also, hello Master! What's the betting your Alias of the Week is Greek for "master?" Also, nice lab coat.
Your accent, though.
Huh. Is Yates left-handed? Because he's wearing his watch on his right wrist.
Atlantis? Atlantis!
"Against what exactly am I supposed to be warning the world?"
"The Master. I've just seen him."
"Seen him where? When?"
"...In a dream."
I'm betting the Brig is going to be in full "Doctor can we not" mode for the rest of this episode.
Likewise, I may be in "please for the love of god don't make any bad TOMTIT jokes" mode for the rest of this entire serial.
So, from what I gather, the TOMTIT is like a prototype for the T-mat systems in the Troughton serials...so why can't they just call it that?
"Well SOMEone's got to come!"
*incoming Benton*
Okay, guess I don't need to make fun of the name TOMTIT, the serial is already doing it for me.
Incidentally, I sense an oncoming You Will Obey Me.
Ah, I guess we're going for "you must BELIEVE me" this time.
Oh wait, never mind, we get both.
So we have a male and female scientist talking about feminism, when suddenly the dude turns around and says "Let's do it." #reallybro
"I've asked you a million times, what IS it?" Oh god, that's the Preposterously Phallic Master-Detector, isn't it?
"Why the ffffFOOLS!" The way Delgado was holding that F, I couldn't sworn he was going to say something a lot more...colorful.
EXCUSE ME WHILE I LAUGH FOREVER AT THAT RANDOM GUY AT THE WINDOW SPONTANEOUSLY DECIDING TO JUMP OFF THE LADDER FOR NO APPARENT REASON
and then it turned into a musical for about five seconds with dancing and WE'VE DONE IT WE'VE DONE IT WE'VE DONE IT and what even
By the way, I'm really liking Dr. Ingram. She's almost like Liz Shaw's younger sister.
"You were drawing power from somewhere OUTSIDE of time itself!" Clearly. CLEARLY.
Also, Mr. Hyde is the most 70s person in this serial so far. He's got the collar, the hair, and the 'stache.
okay has no one seriously noticed the probably-dead body just hanging out in the middle of the parking lot
*cue a brief chorus of He Is Not Yet Dead*
"It's a doomy old day. I mean, just look at that sky, just look at it!" Jo. Jo you're in England. Jo pls.
Three just flipped a switch on Bessie that was literally labeled "super drive" and all that was missing was Yakkity Sax. #cruisecontrol
Can we just talk for a second about how adorable Benton is when he's like "look sir I figured out the science!"
Well, if we hadn't gone into "I reject your physics and substitute my own" territory before, we certainly have now.
That's a rather nice teacup, why would you want to experiment on that?
When you start yelling "COME, KRONOS, COME!" in the middle of doing a science, you've probably blown most of your cover.
Three to the rescue, in slowwwww moootionnnnn...
A man just aged about 55 years and you want to take him to the hospital? Somehow I think this is beyond your puny human science.
Greek for "master," to the surprise of exactly no one.
"Kronos...yes of course...I should've known..." Is it just me, or is the Doctor being even more cryptic in this story than usual?
"I said, bring some men with you. I feel as naked as a baby in its bath." ...Brig, please never say that again.
On the other hand, what I wouldn't give to have your confidence in speech when taking over a situation.
Aww, Three goes to check on the lab and Benton mentions he's been lonely :(
"The Crystal of Kronos." I'm going to have a hard time keeping my mind in the direction of science and not magic in this story.
Three's referencing going "outside of spacetime" and I can't help thinking that he's referring to the events of The Mind Robber.
Especially since he's talking about having been there before and that it has "creatures beyond your wildest imagination."
Although, everyone from the Land of Fiction was LITERALLY from humanity's wildest imaginations so...maybe I was wrong.
MOTHAFUCKIN CHRONOVORES
"Are you trying to tell us that the Classical gods are real?"
"Well...yes and no."
#percyjackson
On today's episode of Oh That's Where That Gif Came From, Classy Delgado!Master Puffing His Cigar.
I kinda love just how willing Dr. Ingram is to go along with Three's stories. Ancient Greek gods in my science? Okay, sure.
Hey Benton, could you go in and touch that dangerous glowing rock for us? K thx. #whywouldyoudothat
"Do you know why you can't shift it? Because that crystal isn't really here at all." are you completely serious right now
Dr. Ingram isn't even blinking oh my god
Wait, are we in flashback mode now?
On a completely unrelated note, it was interesting hearing Benton say "yeah."
"Doc, am I really an old man?" No, you just have prosthetics on your face.
Granted, it's a pretty good makeup job when the camera's not zoomed in for tight shots.
Wait, can Benton seriously not hear the Master hissing over the director's shoulder to "just do as I say?"
oh nO THE MASTER'S GOING TO DO THE PHONE THING AGAIN
Okay they clearly dubbed Nicholas Courtney's voice over this but sinCE WHEN CAN THE MASTER DO VOICE MIMICRY LIKE THIS I MEAN
For a few seconds, I was sure that Benton was readying for a running jump out the window.
Oh. Actually I wasn't that far off. Benton, I really don't know why anyone calls you dim.
"Nothing can stop me now!"
"...Put your hands in the air."
Where's the Mission Impossible music when I need it.
Also, I love how honestly impressed the Master looks.
"DOCTOR! What a very...*knocks Benton into the lockers* You're wrong, Sergent Benton, THAT is the oldest trick in the book!" did yOU JUST
A new challenger appears. Greetings, dude from Atlantis!
So the Master went through all that trouble to bring an Atlantian up and his first thought seems to be "shit did I summon the wrong dude."
Master you literally just met this guy why are you offering him part of the universe
Huh. The markings on the Seal of the High Priest look kinda like a precursor to circular Gallifreyan.
"FEMALES, UNDER COVER!" brig no
kronos is here and jesus fucking christ this is one of the most beautifully terrible scenes I've ever seen on this show
"You stay in your kennel till I have need of you!" the master summoned a giant paper-bird-god-of-time and just decided to put it away how
Also, nobody in the cast is very good at running in real time pretending to be slow motion. Not even Nick Courtney.
he's not even really runniNG HE'S JUST JOGGING IN PLACE REALLY SLOWLY HELP THIS IS BEAUTIFUL
"It's safe to go in now, most noble high priest." Yes now that I've put the GOD OF TIME ITSELF INTO A CRYSTAL we can go back in this room.
"I am not slave that I should serve you! I serve only the gods!"
"You will serve me, Krasis, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT."
Krasis, I don't care how confident you are in the defenses around the rest of the crystal, you DON'T TELL THE BAD GUY WHERE IT IS. RULE #1.
Now this is interesting. The temple looks like a studio-bound set, but the video quality is clearly film. Where did they go to shoot this?
why is everyone keeping gods as pets in this story
Oh hey, Stuart's back to normal!
"This isn't a picnic! One minute you're talking about the entire universe blowing up, the next you're going on about TEA!"
Huh, looks like Three got his fill of sandwiches from The Sea Devils. He was just handed a plate of them and turned it down.
Not sure how he's going to delay the Master with a wine bottle and cork, unless he's going to offer him a congratulatory glass of burgundy.
Wait now he's sticking forks in the cork and OH WAIT I RECOGNIZE THIS THING.
"But there's nothing to be afraid of! Do as I tell you!" Yeah, Krasis, give the guy a hand lifting that GOD IN A BOX.
I will probably never get tired of the Brig's "Doctor, can we please not" face.
Did Jo just say "what's up?" She's actually one of the last companions I'd expect to use that phrase.
"It's just like jamming a radio signal, Jo. We used to make them at school to spoil each other's time experiments." Brig, still unimpressed.
*FOOF* "...Well, it was fun while it lasted." Jesus Christ I'm not going to miss that noise it was making.
"Images that move and speak!" That's a good question, Krasis: since when has the Master had a CCTV wristwatch?
Suddenly, knighttime.
"Greyhound Three? We're stuck in the mud. Pushed off the road by some goon in fancy dress...I think. Over."
"...Are you suffering from hallucinations, Captain Yates, or have you been drinking? Over."
"I could do with one, I don't mind telling you."
And then, "Another hallucination, sir. Roundheads attacking us with full ammunition. Cannonballs, in fact."
I absolutely love how Yates sounds so nonchalant about this. Like, yup, just another day on the job. Welp.
"Cheers, see you there. Try not to be too far behind." Please tell me this is going where I think it's going.
Called it. #superdriveforcruisecontrol
ALSO THAT WAS THE BEST WHIZZING-GRENADE SOUND EFFECT I HAVE EVER HEARD. AND BY BEST I MEAN FUNNIEST BECAUSE WAS THAT A SLIDE WHISTLE.
I'll bet anything the Master just summoned a bomber jet.
AND NOW THE BRIG IS SAYING "WHAT'S UP."
Yup, it's a V-1 bomber jet. Interesting that Three referred to World War II as "the Hitler War."
WAIT. I FORGOT THAT THE V-1'S WERE THE ACTUAL BOMBS AND NOT THE JETS. So THAT'S why when the engines cut out...
"Yates...Yates can you hear me? Yates, can you hear me? CAN YOU HEAR ME? OVER. MIKE, CAN YOU HEAR ME?" #nonononono D:
I mean I know Yates lives, but this feels like the first time the Brig gets frantic enough that he calls an officer by his first name.
So, not only was that a relatively small explosion, but I'm not even sure that anyone died?
Oh god, Yates is actually bloodied up pretty bad. (By this show's standards, anyway.)
And on that note, the Great Master-tracking Phallus is back.
Guys I really love Ingram and Stuart they're so great oh my god.
Ah yes, the infamous Salad Bowl console room.
I think Three's finally figured out that telling Jo to stay put is not a thing that ever works, ever.
"The TARDIS looks different!"
"Just a spot of redecoration, that's all."
please change it back the salad bowls are undignified
And of COURSE there's a perfectly-sized slot on the console for Three to stick the base of the penis detector.
"You still want to come?"
"Tis my job, 'member?"
"Glad to have you aboard, Miss Grant!"
"Glad to be aboard, Doctor!"
guys help that out-sweeted the freaking haribo gummies I'm eating right now
"It always seems to take a long time, but that depends upon the mood, I suppose."
"What, your mood?"
"No, no, hers. No, the TARDIS's!"
"You talk as if she was alive!"
"Well it depends what you mean by 'alive,' isn't it? Take old Bessie for instance."
#help #adorablest
Once again, I'm pretty sure the design of the time vortex changes with each opening sequence.
...Huh. Looks like Logopolis is happening about nine seasons early.
"My TARDIS is inside the Master's."
"Yes, but his is inside yours."
"Of course, they're both inside each other."
Of course. Clearly.
I'm quickly gaining more appreciation for the Brig in slow-mo. Because reasons.
"They won't stop me now!"
*casually strolls in through the door* "Sorry professor, but that's where you're wrong!"
"Ah, my devoted assistants. And are YOU going to stop me?"
"Not by ourselves, no. Take a look behind you."
"...oh come on, REALLY?"
I actually can't with this scene you guys this is so perfect oh my god
"I think I've bruised my tailbone."
"Sorry about your coccyx, Jo, but these little things are said to try us."
#sorryaboutyourcoccyxjo
"I'm sorry about your coccyx, too, Miss Grant!"
Uh oh, looks like turning that thing off didn't unfreeze the Brig and his squadron after all.
PLINGE
Ingram just fiddled with TOMTIT with this big confident grin and told Benton to "just stand there and look pretty." Seriously, I love her.
BENTON MOVE YOUR HAND OH GOD
Welp, the Brig's group is still stuck. Also, BABY BENTON!
("Accurate 'backwards' lines were scripted, but Jon Pertwee chose to talk spectacular gibberish instead.") #ohmygod #ofcoursehedid
also Jo has the best face right now
Oh man, the second Kronos comes out, Three immediately goes into "I HAVE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE" mode.
ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE MASTER LOOKED AND SOUNDED GENUINELY WORRIED WHEN HE HEARD JO CRYING
"But that's the most cruel...the most wicked thing I ever heard!"
"Thank you, my dear!"
The TARDIS is broadcasting Three's subconscious thoughts to Jo? Now that's not very considerate of her, is it?
Oh hi Three, welcome back. #wellthatwaseasy
I can't stop laughing at this Atlantis scene and I don't know why?!? Also, hello Ingrid Pitt!
("Cat-lovers may wish to take this rare opportunity to admire the Queen's pussy.") INFOTEXT DID YOU SERIOUSLY FUCKING JUST
Complaints to the king about "superstition and old wives tales" in Atlantis? ...Didn't we already do this in The Underwater Menace?
Ingrid that's not how you hold a cat...okay, that's better.
The Master and the king have only spoken two lines to each other and they're already embroiled in a fierce battle of sass and eyebrows.
Oh, never mind, that ended quickly.
It is possible to give someone a "dat ass" look from the front? Because I'm pretty sure that's what the Master and Ingrid Pitt just did.
So the king might actually be cool after all? Because he just handwaved the Master's hypnosis and stuck a verbal "fail" sticker on him.
AND THEN HE ASKED THE MASTER WHAT POSEIDON HAD FOR BREAKFAST AND IF ZEUS AND HERA HAD ANY NEW GOSSIP. #atlantiansmackdown
The king told the Master that he wouldn't give him the crystal and the Master just stormed off like a kid who didn't get dessert oh my god
*sudden Three* "Can't think of anything to say?"
"How about, 'curses, foiled again'?"
do you ever just want to cry because jo grant
IT EVEN HAD A WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAHHH MUSICAL CUE RIGHT AFTER IT OH MY GOD
"Strangers are uncommon in our land. Who are you?"
"Oh, this is Jo, Jo Grant, your majesty."
"You are welcome, Jojo Grant!"
An Atlantian king just called one of his subjects "rednecked." Huh. That's a new one.
Okay, the Master has the bearing of a god. We get it.
Given the way Queen Galleia reacted to Jo's entrance, I wonder if she's as enamored by Jo as she is by the Master.
So I'm honestly not sure if that Greek cityscape in the background of the king's chambers are meant to be wall art or an actual backdrop.
guys there is so much sexual tension in this episode I think I'm going to combust
"What a groovy dress!" Jo where did the rest of that hair come from?
"Look, I'll be as quiet as a...do they have mice in Atlantis?"
"Yes."
"Well, that's what I'll be as quiet as: an Atlantian mouse."
Huh, I didn't know Ingrid Pitt was Polish...
("Because her mother was Jewish, part of her childhood was spent in a Nazi concentration camp.") ...okay this suddenly got very dark.
Ah yes, sounds like we have an incoming minotaur.
Whoops, looks like Jo's stuck in the labyrinth.
Wow. That's actually a MUCH better-looking minotaur than the Nimon (then again, it's not that hard to look better than the Nimon).
Okay, sure, it still looks like a guy with a head on, but it's a much better-looking head.
Your daily reminder that Jon Pertwee is a huge trident-snapping badass.
This is feeling very Curse of Peladon all of a sudden.
Although I wasn't expecting Three to go all Venusian Matador on the minotaur.
"He saved my life!"
"I'm afraid he's dead, Jo."
...but you haven't checked. Even though he DID get thrown through a mirror.
Okay, so the cityscape in the background IS actually meant to be the city. Because there's a sunset...underwater...?
The Master tried to pull a "you must obey me" on Galleia and she basically responded with a G-rated "fuck you, no." I think I love her.
"The point is, that day was not only my blackest, it was also my best." YES WE'VE FINALLY MADE IT TO THIS SPEECH.
Wow. Okay, I was going to quote the whole speech but it's about three times longer than I was expecting it to be.
Yikes, that went from adorable to horrifying REALLY fast. That's no way to treat a king, guys. Jeez.
He looks like he's dying but they really didn't hit him that hard...?
The king is dead. Long live the Mast...NO DON'T DO THAT.
Welp, Galleia's only just finding out that the Master duped her and killed her husband. Good timing, since we only have ten minutes left.
She actually tried to hit him! Aaaand then set the guards on him when that didn't work. oH HI KRONOS WELCOME BACK
wait the palace is starting to crash down and now the master is carrying off jo what is even
WAIT HOW IS EVERYONE IN THE ROOM SUDDENLY DEAD
"Just think of the future: dominion over all time and all space. ABSOLUTE POWER FOREVER." No but seriously, I really REALLY love the Master.
Can I just appreciate how cool it is that this basically comes down to a game of temporal Chicken?
"GOODBYE, DOCTOR!" AND CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT JO WAS COMPLETELY WILLING TO DIE TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE BECAUSE OH MY GOD
"Jo...you alright?"
"Fine! Dead, of course, but I'm fine."
............how
wait why did the sky just turn into a giant face HOLD UP IS THAT...
"I am Kronos." YUP. SO THAT HAPPENED.
"And what about the Master?"
"He stays."
"And what will happen to him?"
"Torment, of course!"
#disgonbgud
Aaaaand the Master rushes out and literally begs Three for mercy on his knees. That's...really sad.
...did he just cop a feel on Jo before making a break for it.
Meanwhile back at the lab...
Aww, Stuart is trying to feed Baby Benton. Although I do have to wonder where they found that diaper on such short notice.
Oh hey, the Brig and his crew are finally moving again! Although the smoking TOMTIT doesn't look like a good sign.
Can we just give a round of applause for Nicholas Courtney existing because
HELLO NAKED BENTON (oh bless John Levene's heart you can tell he's trying so hard not to laugh)
("For this bit, John Levene wore an adult-sized nappy fixed with a giant safety pin.") goodnight friends I am gone
Next: Season 10: The Three Doctors