Shada
Previous: The Horns of Nimon
Shada
Hello, Tom! No seriously, that's the actual Tom Baker. Looks like this is some sort of special hosted by him.
"Giant robot...beat you, cock." WAIT A SEC DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT
"I was irresistible in those days, irresistible." I should point out that this is also close-to-present-day Tom Baker with short white hair.
Yes, this does appear to be the uncompleted Shada narrated by Tom. Talking about Douglas Adams now, wonder if this happened before he died?
Ah, here we go: an actual episode!
Now that's something I've never seen before: a countdown in roman numerals.
This show really likes killing people off in its opening scenes, doesn't it?
Well there's the TARDIS, sitting very conspicuously in a library, but...where's the Doctor?
I should've started a stopwatch or something to time exactly how long it takes for someone to ask about THE BLUE POLICE BOX IN THE LIBRARY.
"Where did you get that?"
"Oh, I don't know. Someone must've left it there when I was out."
FINALLY.
And cut to Four and Romana II gliding by the willows down a river on a gondola with a gramophone playing. CANON. CANON I SAY.
"I do love the spring. All the leaves, all the colors..."
"It's October."
"I thought you said we were coming here for May Week."
"I did. May Week's in June."
"......I'm confused."
"So is the TARDIS."
"I do love the autumn. All the leaves, all the colors..."
I knew the escaped guy from before could pass for a bishie in an anime: he appears to be disguised as a woman.
The Doctor got an honorary degree from Cambridge in 1960? Oxford must be pretty jealous.
"I WAS here in 1958...but in a different body." Why should that prompt creepy laughter and dramatic music?
"I've heard so much about you!"
"Have you really?"
"Well, I will have done."
Wait...did he just say "when Time Lords get to my age"? If the professor is a Time Lord that would certainly explain some things.
"Professor...if you didn't send a signal, who did?" It's possible that they came to the wrong time. Then again, this IS Classic Who...
And yes the professor is indeed a fellow Time Lord.
Interesting realistic touch that Romana seems to be silently giggling at every other thing.
Ah, I see what they're doing. Tom's filling in the gaps for scenes that weren't filmed, which so far all seem to center around that student.
Actually he's doing more narration than that. And it seems that bishie-man is Skagra, the villain I heard about.
"'On some nights, New York is as hot as Bangkok,' I've read that...'Once upon a time,' read that..."
Huh! I didn't know "Time Tot" was a canon term. I thought it was just a fan nickname taken from the novels. And Now I Know.
INVISIBLE SPACESHIP.
"Oh dear, I've got a memory like a...oh dear, what IS it I've got a memory like? What's that thing you strain ice with?"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Four on a bicycle. I approve. So hard.
And of COURSE he just happens to nearly run headlong into the guy who has the missing book.
For some reason, they really love zooming in on that manbag...I mean, handbag repeatedly.
"Kitchens are too far from the control chamber." Why don't we get this much knowledge of the TARDIS interior in New Who?
The professor's going to get pwnt in that short span of time when Romana just happens to NOT be in the room. Calling it now.
Once again, DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL.
Called it. Also, K-9! But, is it just me or is your voice different?
"Negative, mistress. He is alive, but he is in a deep coma." OH MY GOD JOHN LEESON WHERE DID YOU GO.
"He's beating his hearts in Gallifreyan Morse! Professor, I can hear you! What do you want to tell us?" ...O___O
"The...secret...is in...the..."
"He is dying, mistress."
Dead mid-important-message. Why doesn't that surprise me?
I'm amazed that these guys can go from an important dead character to TOM BAKER ON A FUCKING BICYCLE in two seconds flat. I mean WOW.
Just to be clear: mood whiplash much?
Holy crap. Skagra is the only man I've ever seen pull off Dramatic Villain Pose while carrying a handbag. This show.
"I am Skagra. I want the book."
"...Well, I'm the Doctor and you can't have it."
That just might be the best chase I've ever seen on this show. Four. On a bicycle. Running from a flying mind-reading ball.
CLIMB, DOCTOR! CLIMB THAT FENCE! ESCAPE FROM HAPPY FUN BALL!
So I just checked wikipedia and it turns out this was an actual video release, not just a special. Wonder if it'll make it to DVD someday.
So Four's scarf FINALLY got caught in the TARDIS doors as it was taking off. I KNEW that HAD to happen eventually.
So Time Lords just...un-happen when they die? Also, I love how Tom keeps referring to Four in the first person when he narrates.
"Well Mr. Skagra, you've killed a Time Lord and a very old friend of mine. It's time you and I had a little chat." Pre-Asskicking One Liner?
Oh come on, Happy Fun Ball, that guy was just fishing! You didn't have to kill him!
Also, I think this is the first time I've seen the TARDIS with a rotating blue light on top instead of its usual flashing white light.
"Did you just see what I didn't see?"
"No."
"Neither did I."
Oh man, you could make so many stupid DJ Doctor jokes out of the hand motions that Four is making here.
Okay, I don't think that green-screen effects are supposed to actually turn the actors green.
So that shot of Four flipping through the book makes me wonder whether the look of Gallifreyan writing changes with every showrunner.
Apparently all those voices people hear around Happy Fun Ball are those of the people who get mind-raped by it.
"Are you positive, K-9? Absolutely negative?"
"Affirmative."
Why do I love that line for some reason?
Did...did Romana just WISH herself out of that holding cell? That's certainly what Chris seems to think. Doesn't seem to be working for him.
Okay it wasn't wishing, it was Skagra + very convenient timing.
"Insufficient data, insufficient data...oh, why did I ever let myself get involved in this?"
"...Insufficient data?"
K-9, I love you.
Apparently, Time Lords keep a hold on non-sonic screwdrivers as well.
Hello? Why do I have a feeling that that bookcase is actually the remains of the professor's TARDIS?
And then there was kind of a s'plosion!
"It had taken a copy of my mind, but the original was intact." Wow. Time Lords have the most ridiculous control over their organs ever.
Yes I KNOW the mind isn't an organ, shut up.
"With a fascinating display of illogic logic, I convinced the ship that I was dead." ...WHY DIDN'T WE GET TO SEE THIS?
In case anyone was wondering, yes I do intend to watch the Eighth Doctor BBCi remake of this so I can make comparisons.
Hang on, a few corrections: this was made in 1992, so it's NOT close-to-present-day Tom Baker and Douglas Adams was still alive.
A space journey taking 3 months? That might be the most realistic description of space travel they've had on this show. Kinda almost.
So did the TARDIS pick up the ship? Or did Four just TEACH THE SHIP to jump through time/space?
Wait. Professor. Alive again. Pajamas. WHAT.
HIS OFFICE IS A TARDIS. CALLED IT. Also, picking up TARDISes from scrap heaps seems to be a popular pastime for oddball Time Lords.
"Think of me as a paradox in an anomaly and get on with your tea."
Also, what's the betting that Saliyavin, the Doctor's "boyhood hero," is the really-super-epic-dangerous person being held at Shada?
"What? Do you understand Einstein?"
"Yes."
"What? And quantum theory?"
"Yes!"
"What? And Newton?"
"Yes!"
"Well you've got a lot to unlearn."
So the sounds that we thought were the TARDIS engines (and River says were the brakes) were just the sounds of general time-warping. ...kay.
And Skagra's tank-mates from before not only aren't dead but are REALLY REALLY OLD? That does sound remarkably Adams-ish.
Saliyavin. Called it.
Not cut off mid-important-sentence! And LOVE how Four's voice drops a little each sentence so you could barely hear him whisper "Saliyavin!"
So finally after all this time of footage-not-happening, we finally get to SEE a Krag in action.
Defiant!Four stands DEFIANTLY between Krag and really-really-old-genius-people. YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS.
Well that plan failed miserably.
And then there was a HUGE s'plosion!
Glowing yellow eyelids. For serious. Was that hypnosis or a psychic transfer of craptons of Gallifreyan mechanics?
So the office is now magically on Skagra's ship and Four why were you stroking Chris' face like that.
"He's got Romana, he's got the TARDIS, he's got the book, I thought you were dead, professor!"
"So did I!"
"Did you really?"
"Something the professor did to me. To my mind." Wait...didn't they just say that Saliyavin could do that? IS THE PROFESSOR SALIYAVIN?
HOLY SHIT I WAS RIGHT. That...wasn't very long to wait.
"Quiet, I'm thinking! I'm thinking, and it depresses me. Skagra's little zombie gang..." Guys, thank you for FINALLY making him say "zombie"
That's the first time I've seen the Doctor LITERALLY give one of his companions a medal for having a REALLY good idea.
Okay, that's probably the weirdest time-vortex graphic I've seen on this show.
Four is CRAWLING/SWIMMING ACROSS THE TIME VORTEX to get to his own TARDIS. Hardcore Doctor is HARDCORE.
I have to admit, this is getting remarkably epic for a Classic story. Four may have just un-happened in the time vortex.
Except he didn't. He made it back to his TARIDS, some-wibbly-wobbly-how.
So Tom, will we actually get to SEE this "strange helmet" you speak of?
Considering how long this narration scene is going on, I wonder if we've seen all the actual footage they filmed by this point.
Okay, there's still some more. And we FINALLY get to hear the ship's voice. IT'S A GIRL-SHIP.
"Do you know the Doctor? He is a wonderful WONDERFUL man. He has done the most EXTRAORDINARY things to my circuitry." Cargo-shipping much??
And the cop comes in to find Four reading an old Gallifreyan storybook to his fellows. Including Saliyavin. Yes really.
"I speculated that in a few hundred years someone would meet me and say 'is that really the Doctor?'"
"'How strange. He seemed such a nice old man'." Guys, I officially deem this to be THE most unsettling line to ever end a Classic Who story.
Also, the look that Tom gives us at the end doesn't help much...
So, that was the original Shada! I must say I'm quite impressed! *once again applauds Mr. Adams' remarkable work*
And considering all the craziness that the Doctor goes through in New Who, I think that last line almost counts as a Funny Aneurysm Moment.
Next: Season 18: The Leisure Hive