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Save the children...for later.
I just got Twitter follow requests from not one, but two pedophiles.
Not confirmed... but when your website is this and your profile picture looks like this, I'm not really sure what conclusion you're wanting me to arrive at.
Maybe one's going for "I'm srs, strict but secretly warm inside." (My sincere apologies for the phrasing; I'm not really sure ( Read more... ) -
The next person who says "Twitter" is going to get a nasty little surprise...
Nah, they won't. I keed.
Livejournal has been missing from my life... I haven't been on here since Election Day, which means that I know almost no celebrity gossip that has occurred in the past 4.5 months, which is really the most disturbing part of all of this ( Read more... ) -
The Idaho Spud: Worse candy ever most resembling a turd.
In honor of the fact that President Obama will likely not be winning the completely irrelevant state of Idaho, I think it would be appropriate for me to discuss a nasty little treat named in honor of said state and it's favorite product: shit.
A co-worker of mine came back from a weekend trip to Austin, TX bearing gifts of old-timey candy, including ( Read more... ) -
I'm your scat man! Dee-da da-da da-da-daa, baba-deee-da-da da-da-daaa.
First things first. Why the hell is Ian Crosland still so funny?
It's been so long, but if I'm bored at home, I can always count on Ian Crosland to make me laugh. He's my scat man. And what kind of itch does he have about 3/4 of the way through the video that appears to begin at his ass crack and spiral forward to somewhere between his nipples? ( Read more... ) -
KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLLLL!!! Kill.
I could survive for 1 minute, 28 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor
I've always wondered how 'raptors are in bed.
My concert-going hiatus begins today after having seen Ratatat. No review necessary, except to say that I hate their fans (in New York, anyway) and I'm probably never going to see them again unless I'm tripping balls. ( Read more... ) -
David LAME?
Dear David Blaine,
I’m not sure who told you that hanging upside down for 50 minutes an hour for 60 hours would be cool, but…yeah. Your stunts are only cool if there’s a chance you might die. Having a full EMT crew checking you every hour is no where near dangerous and, thus, is not cool. Nobody wants to see you do safe things; they flock to have ( Read more... ) -
Today had a smack of fail.
Terribly verbose people should never be hired to write blurbs.
I've spent the last two days writing blurbs. Literally. I fell asleep last night thinking of taglines: "a gut-wrenching saga," "a heart-stopping adventure," "a beloved treasure." I can't think of more adjectives that more or less mean, "exciting" or "great." Today, I thought of " ( Read more... ) -
ALL NIGHT LONG!
Jambo. This is exactly what happened last night:
ALL NIGHT LONG! ALL NIGHT!
NIkolaj wants me to write song lyrics so he can set music to it, so any suggestions for topics are welcome. Also, what do they feed their children in Denmark? The ratio of average height or smaller women to men who are literally over a foot taller than you is bizarre ( Read more... ) -
Feminism is for pussies. Literally.
What? WHAT?
This whole paragraph irks me:
“One reason I live in the leafy suburbs of Philadelphia and have never moved to New York or Washington is that, as a cultural analyst, I want to remain in touch with the mainstream of American life. I frequent fast-food restaurants, shop at the mall, and periodically visit Wal-Mart (its bird-seed ( Read more... )
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