passively ranting
"Here are some of the more challenging aspects I've experienced living a highly sensitive introverted life:
I avoid spending long hours at public events, which often causes problems as Armando could happily hang out in a big noisy crowd for days. I agreed to go in order to please him and to avoid my usual role of party-pooper.
As Armando pushed through the sardine-packed throng to get near the stage, I started to panic and decided to stay by myself near the periphery. I was still surrounded and pushed against by people I couldn't see over, and felt overwhelmed by smells of beer and smoke (that's an HSP thing) as unfamiliar eardrum-shattering country music assaulted me. Too much noise, too many smells, too many people. I was on the verge of tears and if I could have walked home, I would have."
----
Sometimes, I reluctantly agree to go to events/outings that really-really-really matter to people that I care about very much. After hours or days of praying for courage and convincing myself that I can just tough it out and 'eventually enjoy myself,' the reality is too stressful and uncomfortable to be worth it. A free Issey dress (gorgeous, wearable, but 2+ sizes too large) is just not worth the overwhelming feeling of tearing up alone in the crowded streets of Soho on effing fashion's night out. If I had known that I would be dressed in such an attention grabbing fuchsia, I would not have allowed myself to be coerced to go.
----
"I don't want to share a hotel room with you because I want us to stay friends
A few years ago, a well-meaning acquaintance suggested we rent a one-room apartment during an extended stay in Europe, though I was already happily ensconced in a cheap but cute hotel.
"We'll save so much money," she urged me, "and it'll be so much fun!"
At first, I said no. I tried to explain that when I don't have my own space, I get really stressed out, and often end up damaging the relationship.
...if I don't have my own space to retreat to and recharge, I'll eventually have a meltdown."
----
I share apartments with friends because it's cheaper than living by myself, which my parents would never considering allowing me to do anyway. I hate knowing things too late, if earlier understanding of an aspect about myself could have prevented a broken/strained friendship or a burdenous personal struggle. From the earliest experience of regret I can remember, ignorance has always been more of torment than of bliss. Not to say that I drown myself with regret of words or decisions [anymore], instead, I appreciate the difficulty of learning to accept my weaknesses and faults as well as the trying process of overcoming the consequences of my shortcomings. I have been very slowly coming to enjoy change. Not changes for a whole new self or personality or lifestyle, but changes to correct my self. 'Correcting' my self meaning fighting against my current understanding, mentality, habits, expectations, and outward expression in a never-ceasing effort to grow toward my aspirations and be a better me.
----
"Armando's family in Mexico frequently complain that I don't call them enough, and take it as a sign that I love them less. What they don't realize is that I really don't call almost anyone "just to chat", unless I have a specific reason that I need to to talk to them - it's not personal, and I keep asking Armando to explain that to them!
it got me thinking about how difficult it can be to live in a world of extroverts. Add being highly sensitive to the mixture and you may feel like you want to hide from everything and everybody (partially to avoid trying to explain yourself to others)."
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201008/why-it-s-hard-be-highly-sensitive-hsp-introvert
----
Honestly, I lie too often to friends and family. Not by telling lies, but by holding back a hefty amount of truth. As selfish, impolite, and mean as it is, I feel less stressed when I ignore social networking and stay offline-- off facebook, gmail, aim, tumblr. This journal isn't subjected to as huge a public gaze as facebook's live update and profile page (at least, as far as I know...). Although the purpose of this lj has come a long way from venting/rambling/documenting my journey through design school, I have kept it public in an effort to be a more open and honest person to myself and to others. Even though my presence and presentation on this lj is different, larger, but more calm and complete than I actually am in my everyday life, it's seriously helped my sanity to keep posting knowing that somebody will hear what I have to say and hopefully understand my quirks a little more completely.
Being home with family for break is soo much more stressful than living in a shared apartment.. I always forget about the severity of my home life. But, I was born for this. I was designed and grown to be exactly the way I am for this. AFKSDFJALKSDJFklejflaksdjfaklsdjfkjfakladaad;klfadl
I avoid spending long hours at public events, which often causes problems as Armando could happily hang out in a big noisy crowd for days. I agreed to go in order to please him and to avoid my usual role of party-pooper.
As Armando pushed through the sardine-packed throng to get near the stage, I started to panic and decided to stay by myself near the periphery. I was still surrounded and pushed against by people I couldn't see over, and felt overwhelmed by smells of beer and smoke (that's an HSP thing) as unfamiliar eardrum-shattering country music assaulted me. Too much noise, too many smells, too many people. I was on the verge of tears and if I could have walked home, I would have."
----
Sometimes, I reluctantly agree to go to events/outings that really-really-really matter to people that I care about very much. After hours or days of praying for courage and convincing myself that I can just tough it out and 'eventually enjoy myself,' the reality is too stressful and uncomfortable to be worth it. A free Issey dress (gorgeous, wearable, but 2+ sizes too large) is just not worth the overwhelming feeling of tearing up alone in the crowded streets of Soho on effing fashion's night out. If I had known that I would be dressed in such an attention grabbing fuchsia, I would not have allowed myself to be coerced to go.
----
"I don't want to share a hotel room with you because I want us to stay friends
A few years ago, a well-meaning acquaintance suggested we rent a one-room apartment during an extended stay in Europe, though I was already happily ensconced in a cheap but cute hotel.
"We'll save so much money," she urged me, "and it'll be so much fun!"
At first, I said no. I tried to explain that when I don't have my own space, I get really stressed out, and often end up damaging the relationship.
...if I don't have my own space to retreat to and recharge, I'll eventually have a meltdown."
----
I share apartments with friends because it's cheaper than living by myself, which my parents would never considering allowing me to do anyway. I hate knowing things too late, if earlier understanding of an aspect about myself could have prevented a broken/strained friendship or a burdenous personal struggle. From the earliest experience of regret I can remember, ignorance has always been more of torment than of bliss. Not to say that I drown myself with regret of words or decisions [anymore], instead, I appreciate the difficulty of learning to accept my weaknesses and faults as well as the trying process of overcoming the consequences of my shortcomings. I have been very slowly coming to enjoy change. Not changes for a whole new self or personality or lifestyle, but changes to correct my self. 'Correcting' my self meaning fighting against my current understanding, mentality, habits, expectations, and outward expression in a never-ceasing effort to grow toward my aspirations and be a better me.
----
"Armando's family in Mexico frequently complain that I don't call them enough, and take it as a sign that I love them less. What they don't realize is that I really don't call almost anyone "just to chat", unless I have a specific reason that I need to to talk to them - it's not personal, and I keep asking Armando to explain that to them!
it got me thinking about how difficult it can be to live in a world of extroverts. Add being highly sensitive to the mixture and you may feel like you want to hide from everything and everybody (partially to avoid trying to explain yourself to others)."
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201008/why-it-s-hard-be-highly-sensitive-hsp-introvert
----
Honestly, I lie too often to friends and family. Not by telling lies, but by holding back a hefty amount of truth. As selfish, impolite, and mean as it is, I feel less stressed when I ignore social networking and stay offline-- off facebook, gmail, aim, tumblr. This journal isn't subjected to as huge a public gaze as facebook's live update and profile page (at least, as far as I know...). Although the purpose of this lj has come a long way from venting/rambling/documenting my journey through design school, I have kept it public in an effort to be a more open and honest person to myself and to others. Even though my presence and presentation on this lj is different, larger, but more calm and complete than I actually am in my everyday life, it's seriously helped my sanity to keep posting knowing that somebody will hear what I have to say and hopefully understand my quirks a little more completely.
Being home with family for break is soo much more stressful than living in a shared apartment.. I always forget about the severity of my home life. But, I was born for this. I was designed and grown to be exactly the way I am for this. AFKSDFJALKSDJFklejflaksdjfaklsdjfkjfakladaad;klfadl