The Godmother - Primeval Drabbles
“Who are you?” Jess squeaked, as the anomaly opened and someone stepped out.
“Obviously,” said the woman in pink with the very sparkly and attractive wand. “I am your fairy godmother.”
This was interesting, as Jess had only been aware that she had one godmother, a woman who lived on a smallholding in Kent, wore odd clothes from a charity shop that were never pink, and lived with far too many cats. She also had never shown any signs of being a fairy.
“You’ve missed many birthdays,” Jess pointed out.
“Indeed. Here, have three wishes to make up for it.”
Pirate AU
The first wish was easy. She’d shown Emily the delights of Pirates of the Caribbean on DVD the previous night. They’d both agreed Becker would look quite delicious as a pirate.
Life on the high seas wasn’t all it was cut out to be. The corset she found herself in was agonising. Her billowing skirts were frankly quite impractical. The motion of the ship quickly made her seasick. And Pirate Becker evidently hadn’t washed since setting out to sea some months before, as she discovered to her horror when he crushed her to his manly chest.
She wished herself home.
Hurricane/typhoon
Apparently you had to wait three days between wishes. Three days with stinky pirate Becker and his equally stinky crew. And then there was the food…
Rations on a ship that had been at sea for several months weren’t good. And anyway Jess didn’t feel like eating with all the overpowering body odour around.
“Oh God,” she squeaked as Becker leaned far too close again. “I wish you’d all have a wash!”
And that was when Connor the cabin boy, high up in the crow’s nest, cried “Storm!”
Three more days… At sea… in what appeared to be a typhoon…
Perpetual motion
It took several days for her to recover from the adventure on the high seas. Every time she lay down it felt as if the floor were still moving. Worse, the smell of the oceans, of the boat, of the stale sweat seemed to have permeated her skin and hair. No matter how many times she showered it was still faintly there. Disgusting.
Annoyingly, the fairy godmother was still there. Apparently she could fly, very well. It was like an irritatingly buzzing insect, human-sized, going round and round…
Jess wondered if she should wish for a giant can of insecticide.
Science and magic
“Wishes!” Connor exclaimed excitedly when he heard about it.
Mostly it had been the pink flying godmother that had tipped him off.
“I have one left,” Jess told him.
“Ooh, what were your first two?”
Jess maintained a dignified pose. “Wishes are private things.”
“Wish for money! Wish for power! Wish to know how it all works, how she does the magic! You could make a fortune out of that!”
Connor’s list of suggestions went on and on. He was worse than the buzzing godmother.
“Wish for Becker, naked!”
“I wish you’d go away!” she snapped, trying not to blush.
Introspection
It could have been worse, Jess thought as she sat in empty flat. At least all that had happened was that Connor walked away whenever she came near.
People thought it strange, especially if he was talking to them at the time. And Abby wasn’t too pleased at having to find somewhere else to live, without any explanation that made sense.
Still, Jess had her flat to herself again, no risk of her wine and chocolate mysteriously vanishing like it had in the Abby and Connor era, and full control of the TV remote.
It wasn’t such a bad life.
“Obviously,” said the woman in pink with the very sparkly and attractive wand. “I am your fairy godmother.”
This was interesting, as Jess had only been aware that she had one godmother, a woman who lived on a smallholding in Kent, wore odd clothes from a charity shop that were never pink, and lived with far too many cats. She also had never shown any signs of being a fairy.
“You’ve missed many birthdays,” Jess pointed out.
“Indeed. Here, have three wishes to make up for it.”
Pirate AU
The first wish was easy. She’d shown Emily the delights of Pirates of the Caribbean on DVD the previous night. They’d both agreed Becker would look quite delicious as a pirate.
Life on the high seas wasn’t all it was cut out to be. The corset she found herself in was agonising. Her billowing skirts were frankly quite impractical. The motion of the ship quickly made her seasick. And Pirate Becker evidently hadn’t washed since setting out to sea some months before, as she discovered to her horror when he crushed her to his manly chest.
She wished herself home.
Hurricane/typhoon
Apparently you had to wait three days between wishes. Three days with stinky pirate Becker and his equally stinky crew. And then there was the food…
Rations on a ship that had been at sea for several months weren’t good. And anyway Jess didn’t feel like eating with all the overpowering body odour around.
“Oh God,” she squeaked as Becker leaned far too close again. “I wish you’d all have a wash!”
And that was when Connor the cabin boy, high up in the crow’s nest, cried “Storm!”
Three more days… At sea… in what appeared to be a typhoon…
Perpetual motion
It took several days for her to recover from the adventure on the high seas. Every time she lay down it felt as if the floor were still moving. Worse, the smell of the oceans, of the boat, of the stale sweat seemed to have permeated her skin and hair. No matter how many times she showered it was still faintly there. Disgusting.
Annoyingly, the fairy godmother was still there. Apparently she could fly, very well. It was like an irritatingly buzzing insect, human-sized, going round and round…
Jess wondered if she should wish for a giant can of insecticide.
Science and magic
“Wishes!” Connor exclaimed excitedly when he heard about it.
Mostly it had been the pink flying godmother that had tipped him off.
“I have one left,” Jess told him.
“Ooh, what were your first two?”
Jess maintained a dignified pose. “Wishes are private things.”
“Wish for money! Wish for power! Wish to know how it all works, how she does the magic! You could make a fortune out of that!”
Connor’s list of suggestions went on and on. He was worse than the buzzing godmother.
“Wish for Becker, naked!”
“I wish you’d go away!” she snapped, trying not to blush.
Introspection
It could have been worse, Jess thought as she sat in empty flat. At least all that had happened was that Connor walked away whenever she came near.
People thought it strange, especially if he was talking to them at the time. And Abby wasn’t too pleased at having to find somewhere else to live, without any explanation that made sense.
Still, Jess had her flat to herself again, no risk of her wine and chocolate mysteriously vanishing like it had in the Abby and Connor era, and full control of the TV remote.
It wasn’t such a bad life.