31 words

[majestic_lies]

Even I, crushed for a while
(you hang out with the right
crowd, to be liked)
dirty deeds outwiegh all that

with every word;
every breath
you make my stomach churn

like most of my work i might expand on this, I might not. for the most part it is meant to be short. thoughts?

Comments

[ilovepoetry725]

i like it...who is is about???

[majestic_lies]

A "friend" of mine. well not really a friend but someone i know. whos a big jerk and messes around with the ladies.

[majestic_lies]

thank you, I am curious to know why you deleted everything in the community of yours but this comment.

[majestic_lies]

i am not tuanting. I see no need for that. Wh ydid you delete everything? even when you helped other people?

I really dont understand.

[forgottenevil]

I enjoy your style immensely, because it is not something that is common place in my domain.
Such simple words create such a large story.

[woodsmans_wife]

I enjoy the shortness of this poem and I think it works well. Good job being concise with your language, but I think some of the wording such as "dity deeds" are overused. You could find a more original way to say it and still keep with the style of brevity in the poem. Overall, it is successful in style and communicating the emotion/message.