courtney. the last three days ive been drowning. and i cant stand that your not with me. becuase i pushed you out, and god its because im so wrong. and everything is falling apart and i wish i could die. i cant stop sobbing and everything is black and i dont want to live. and all i can see is the way ive hurt you and what ive done and i cant even say anything because im a horrible person and you deserve so much more and im so far gone. i think i might need to go to a hospital again, im just so lost and angry and alone and i cant stand it that i pushed you awayu when i needed you the most. and you dont have to forgive me, you probably dont even care that ive done this. but im sorry. and i just.. everything is fucked. and im dying. and i want to die. im sorry.
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