Clever Mischief Chapter 7: The Advantage of Surprise
Clever Mischief, Chapter 7: The Advantage of Surprise
Date: Friday, September 2, 2005
Location: Three Broomsticks, Secret Passage, Hogwarts Castle
Character: Fred, George, Peeves
Rating: Any Age
"I don't know if this is such a good idea."
Fred turned to stare at his twin incredulously. "Excuse me?"
"This," George said vaguely, waving his hand at the large crimson banner between them, the colour of its shining letters constantly undulating and altering itself so that the banner was a tumult of ever-changing colour.
"The banner? The shop? The move back to England?" Fred asked, leaning against the counter and looking aghast.
"The grand opening," George clarified.
"Ah," Fred said with a knowing nod. "Had it been the shop or the move back to England, I'm afraid I'd have had to murder you quite painfully."
"Nonsense," George laughed. "What would you do without the brains of the operation?"
"The brains? The brains?"
"That's right."
"What the hell am I, then?"
George shrugged. "The lackey?"
"The brawn, more like," Fred said, flexing his biceps.
George rolled his eyes. "Could you not point those things at me?"
Fred grinned. "What on earth is your problem with the grand opening? Not enough confetti?"
George nearly choked. Fred, after all, had order ninety-five pounds of glittering, multicoloured confetti that just happened to stain clothing and skin. "Trust me, it's not that."
"Our stock is ready," Fred said, trying to sound patient.
"Yes."
"The store is exactly, exactly, exactly the way we want it."
"I agree- it's perfect."
"What, then?" Fred asked, exasperated.
"I don't think we should lose the advantage of surprise."
Fred shot him an incredulous look. "Huh?"
"The teachers. Filch. They haven't a clue we're here yet." An evil grin split George's face. "Wouldn't it be better to get our products into the school first and confuse the hell out of them before they hear we're in town and ban the little buggers from visiting our shop on Hogsmeade weekends?"
The grin that spread across Fred's face matched George's in its evilness. "You're a genius."
"I told you I was the brains of the operation."
"Well, Brains, just what did you have in mind?"
~*~
"I really fucking hate you sometimes, you know that?" Fred scowled. His face was covered in a fine layer of grime. His eyes were stinging from thousands of tiny rock particles that hung suspended in the air. His muscles ached.
"You do not," George said dismissively, frowning at the solid barrier in front of them.
Fred looked at his bleeding hands. "I'm quite certain I do."
"Shut it a moment."
Fred stuck his tongue out, but George ignored him as they looked over the mountain of rock in front of them. The only way, they had reasoned, to get their products into Hogwarts without any of the staff finding out that they were back in business, was to bring the products into Hogwarts themselves. And who knew the secrets of the castle better than the Weasley twins? Well, Ron and his friends, maybe. Harry. And Hermione Granger.
"Look, you know we can't use Honeyduke's," George reasoned as he sat down on the cold rock floor, Fred following suit. "It'd be a bit suspect, two of us disappearing into their cellar all the time."
"I don't see why we can't make it through the Shrieking Shack," Fred said. "Ron told us how to immobilize the Whomping Willow."
"I don't fancy sneaking across the grounds for everyone to see, arms full of packages," George said patiently. "Unlike Mister Potter, we haven't an invisibility cloak in our possession."
"We bloody well should."
"Yes, well."
"What about through the-"
"We're not swimming through the underground passages from the lake."
Fred sighed, shoving his sweaty, filthy fringe out of his eyes. "So this is our only choice."
"If we want to peddle our wares directly to the students? Yeah."
They were silent for a moment, the stone passageway lit by Fred's wand, cool blue light flickering across their faces and casting distorted, twisting shadows on the walls. "Just have to keep blasting at it then, I expect," Fred said after a time, looking at the blockage.
"Just have to," George agreed. He shoved himself off the floor, offering a hand to his brother and pulling him up as well. "You know, we should owl Harry, see if he still has our map."
"Not like he needs a map of Hogwarts these days, is it?" Fred said thoughtfully.
"Much easier for us to evade The Man with it, that's certain."
"Oliver better not have said anything about us being back," Fred said, aiming his wand and starting the loosening charm again, trying to make the rubble in front of him budge. It seemed quite bent on staying precisely where it was.
"He promised he wouldn't," George said, focusing a more concentrated attack on the top lefthand corner of the blockage. "Solvum! Solvum!"
"I wonder if Hermione said anything," Fred said. He winced slightly at the odd strain in his tone. He hadn't been expecting to see her that day, after all. And really, it wasn't as though he still had... not feelings, no. Once there had been a crush, just a small one. Hermione smiling up at him, looking almost perplexed as she complimented them on the daydream charms... God, that'd been so long ago. They'd all been so much younger.
At any rate, the war had moved him on, if nothing else had. And there'd been other women since. He just hadn't expected to see her there at Hogwarts, hard at work in the library and looking so determined and casual and lovely all at once. He swore under his breath.
"Not budging?" George asked, hearing the muttered curse.
"Huh? No. Not at all."
George chuckled. "Keep at it, brother. We shall prevail. Just think about what's on the other side- unlimited access to Hogwarts, day or night, and a captive audience for every trick in our admittedly large repertoire."
"Do you think Peeves is still there?" Fred asked, deciding to direct the conversation away from strangely persistent thoughts of the librarian with the distinctive hair.
"Hope old McGonagall hasn't exorcised him," George said with a laugh. "Really, he's almost an ally, isn't he?"
"Except for when he decides to pelt you with eel scales," Fred agreed.
"Or chuck opened ink bottles at you."
"Or make you slip on jellied squid excretions."
"Actually, I could do without meeting up with him again."
"Too right."
~*~
They almost met up with Peeves after all that night, just after nine. It had taken the better part of six hours to get through the caved in tunnel, and another two to rebuild the rock ceiling and reinforce it so that it wouldn't collapse again.
They returned to their room at the Three Broomsticks- truly the worst one in the establishment, just as Madam Rosemerta had promised- cleaned themselves up, and then made a pit stop at the shop. They loaded themselves down with price lists and catalogues, along with samples of their most beloved products, as well as some of their newer ideas. And then back through the tunnel and into Hogwarts proper.
They hustled from shadow to shadow, avoiding the torches bracketed to the great stone walls and the moonlight streaming in through the windows, doing their best not to make a sound.
"How are we going to get in?" Fred mouthed. "No password."
"Must be Quidditch related," George whispered back. "If Oliver's setting it."
"Predictable little bugger. Good point."
Around the corner along the quickest route to Gryffindor Tower, they heard an unmistakable cackle.
"Naughty, naughty Natey Jones
Wicked to his very bones
Smashed the windows with some stones
Hes going to be caught by McGonagall's drones!"
"Peeves! Shut up!" a small voice cried desperately.
"Naughty, naughty, little Nate," Peeves crowed. "Going to be expelled, I expect. Expect expulsion, old Peevsie does. Shall I call Mr Filch for you?"
"Don't! I didn't mean to- It was an accident!"
"You broke Hogwarts! Broke the castle, down it falls!"
Fred and George exchanged a look. Poor kid. Reaching into one of his bags, Fred withdrew an Insta-Flare and chucked it as hard as he could into the hallway. It sailed passed Peeves' ear, spinning his orange bowler around on his head and smashing into the wall in a shower of flame-retardant sparks. Peeves twisted around, distracted by the light and hissing at the insulting attack upon his person, and the twins took the opportunity to dash into the hall, snatch the kid, and bundle him out of sight. They didn't stop running until they were halfway to Gryffindor Tower.
The boy, who looked to be in his third or fourth year and most certainly out of bounds at this time of night, stared at them wide-eyed. "Thanks!"
"Any time," Fred said with a grin. "What'd you do?"
"I was trying to knock Peeves out of the air," the boy said with quiet but amused determination. "He keeps making fun of how short I am. But he caused my rocks to go wide and they broke a window."
"Ouch," George said sympathetically. "Look, lead on to your common room and maybe we can help you out with Peeves."
The boy was looking between the two of them, realisation dawning in his eyes. "I know who you are! You're the Weasley twins! You're bloody legends in my house!"
The twins exchanged pleased grins. "Gryffindor, are you?" asked George.
"Legends, you say?" asked Fred.
"The things you've done! The swamp that took up the entire fifth floor! The time you tamed that rabid hippogriff!"
Both twins were mightily pleased that they had such excellent poker faces. Apparently stories of their past exploits truly had grown into legend over the years. "That's us," Fred said.
"In the flesh," George added, sketching a showy bow.
"I'm Nathan Jones," the boy said. "C'mon, then. Hey, can you tell me about the time you flushed that ghost down the toilet and she ended up at the bottom of the lake all winter?"
The twins enjoyed exaggerating their various pranks in hushed voices until they reached the Fat Lady. She eyed them both with barely disguised interest. "You two look familiar."
"Returning students," Fred said.
"Just found out we never passed Potions," George explained.
"Wronski feint!" Nathan chirped, and the portrait swung open. George sent Fred a 'what'd I tell you?' look and they clambered through the portrait hole and into the inviting, familiar warmth of the Gryffindor common room. A babble of voices greeted them, though the din gradually dropped off as the children realised that something was up.
"Hello, hello, hello," Fred said, beaming at the curious students.
George pulled out a Headless Hat and popped it on, his entire head disappearing. The students gasped.
Ah yes, Fred thought, knowing that George would be thinking the same, this was definitely going to work.
Date: Friday, September 2, 2005
Location: Three Broomsticks, Secret Passage, Hogwarts Castle
Character: Fred, George, Peeves
Rating: Any Age
"I don't know if this is such a good idea."
Fred turned to stare at his twin incredulously. "Excuse me?"
"This," George said vaguely, waving his hand at the large crimson banner between them, the colour of its shining letters constantly undulating and altering itself so that the banner was a tumult of ever-changing colour.
"The banner? The shop? The move back to England?" Fred asked, leaning against the counter and looking aghast.
"The grand opening," George clarified.
"Ah," Fred said with a knowing nod. "Had it been the shop or the move back to England, I'm afraid I'd have had to murder you quite painfully."
"Nonsense," George laughed. "What would you do without the brains of the operation?"
"The brains? The brains?"
"That's right."
"What the hell am I, then?"
George shrugged. "The lackey?"
"The brawn, more like," Fred said, flexing his biceps.
George rolled his eyes. "Could you not point those things at me?"
Fred grinned. "What on earth is your problem with the grand opening? Not enough confetti?"
George nearly choked. Fred, after all, had order ninety-five pounds of glittering, multicoloured confetti that just happened to stain clothing and skin. "Trust me, it's not that."
"Our stock is ready," Fred said, trying to sound patient.
"Yes."
"The store is exactly, exactly, exactly the way we want it."
"I agree- it's perfect."
"What, then?" Fred asked, exasperated.
"I don't think we should lose the advantage of surprise."
Fred shot him an incredulous look. "Huh?"
"The teachers. Filch. They haven't a clue we're here yet." An evil grin split George's face. "Wouldn't it be better to get our products into the school first and confuse the hell out of them before they hear we're in town and ban the little buggers from visiting our shop on Hogsmeade weekends?"
The grin that spread across Fred's face matched George's in its evilness. "You're a genius."
"I told you I was the brains of the operation."
"Well, Brains, just what did you have in mind?"
~*~
"I really fucking hate you sometimes, you know that?" Fred scowled. His face was covered in a fine layer of grime. His eyes were stinging from thousands of tiny rock particles that hung suspended in the air. His muscles ached.
"You do not," George said dismissively, frowning at the solid barrier in front of them.
Fred looked at his bleeding hands. "I'm quite certain I do."
"Shut it a moment."
Fred stuck his tongue out, but George ignored him as they looked over the mountain of rock in front of them. The only way, they had reasoned, to get their products into Hogwarts without any of the staff finding out that they were back in business, was to bring the products into Hogwarts themselves. And who knew the secrets of the castle better than the Weasley twins? Well, Ron and his friends, maybe. Harry. And Hermione Granger.
"Look, you know we can't use Honeyduke's," George reasoned as he sat down on the cold rock floor, Fred following suit. "It'd be a bit suspect, two of us disappearing into their cellar all the time."
"I don't see why we can't make it through the Shrieking Shack," Fred said. "Ron told us how to immobilize the Whomping Willow."
"I don't fancy sneaking across the grounds for everyone to see, arms full of packages," George said patiently. "Unlike Mister Potter, we haven't an invisibility cloak in our possession."
"We bloody well should."
"Yes, well."
"What about through the-"
"We're not swimming through the underground passages from the lake."
Fred sighed, shoving his sweaty, filthy fringe out of his eyes. "So this is our only choice."
"If we want to peddle our wares directly to the students? Yeah."
They were silent for a moment, the stone passageway lit by Fred's wand, cool blue light flickering across their faces and casting distorted, twisting shadows on the walls. "Just have to keep blasting at it then, I expect," Fred said after a time, looking at the blockage.
"Just have to," George agreed. He shoved himself off the floor, offering a hand to his brother and pulling him up as well. "You know, we should owl Harry, see if he still has our map."
"Not like he needs a map of Hogwarts these days, is it?" Fred said thoughtfully.
"Much easier for us to evade The Man with it, that's certain."
"Oliver better not have said anything about us being back," Fred said, aiming his wand and starting the loosening charm again, trying to make the rubble in front of him budge. It seemed quite bent on staying precisely where it was.
"He promised he wouldn't," George said, focusing a more concentrated attack on the top lefthand corner of the blockage. "Solvum! Solvum!"
"I wonder if Hermione said anything," Fred said. He winced slightly at the odd strain in his tone. He hadn't been expecting to see her that day, after all. And really, it wasn't as though he still had... not feelings, no. Once there had been a crush, just a small one. Hermione smiling up at him, looking almost perplexed as she complimented them on the daydream charms... God, that'd been so long ago. They'd all been so much younger.
At any rate, the war had moved him on, if nothing else had. And there'd been other women since. He just hadn't expected to see her there at Hogwarts, hard at work in the library and looking so determined and casual and lovely all at once. He swore under his breath.
"Not budging?" George asked, hearing the muttered curse.
"Huh? No. Not at all."
George chuckled. "Keep at it, brother. We shall prevail. Just think about what's on the other side- unlimited access to Hogwarts, day or night, and a captive audience for every trick in our admittedly large repertoire."
"Do you think Peeves is still there?" Fred asked, deciding to direct the conversation away from strangely persistent thoughts of the librarian with the distinctive hair.
"Hope old McGonagall hasn't exorcised him," George said with a laugh. "Really, he's almost an ally, isn't he?"
"Except for when he decides to pelt you with eel scales," Fred agreed.
"Or chuck opened ink bottles at you."
"Or make you slip on jellied squid excretions."
"Actually, I could do without meeting up with him again."
"Too right."
~*~
They almost met up with Peeves after all that night, just after nine. It had taken the better part of six hours to get through the caved in tunnel, and another two to rebuild the rock ceiling and reinforce it so that it wouldn't collapse again.
They returned to their room at the Three Broomsticks- truly the worst one in the establishment, just as Madam Rosemerta had promised- cleaned themselves up, and then made a pit stop at the shop. They loaded themselves down with price lists and catalogues, along with samples of their most beloved products, as well as some of their newer ideas. And then back through the tunnel and into Hogwarts proper.
They hustled from shadow to shadow, avoiding the torches bracketed to the great stone walls and the moonlight streaming in through the windows, doing their best not to make a sound.
"How are we going to get in?" Fred mouthed. "No password."
"Must be Quidditch related," George whispered back. "If Oliver's setting it."
"Predictable little bugger. Good point."
Around the corner along the quickest route to Gryffindor Tower, they heard an unmistakable cackle.
"Naughty, naughty Natey Jones
Wicked to his very bones
Smashed the windows with some stones
Hes going to be caught by McGonagall's drones!"
"Peeves! Shut up!" a small voice cried desperately.
"Naughty, naughty, little Nate," Peeves crowed. "Going to be expelled, I expect. Expect expulsion, old Peevsie does. Shall I call Mr Filch for you?"
"Don't! I didn't mean to- It was an accident!"
"You broke Hogwarts! Broke the castle, down it falls!"
Fred and George exchanged a look. Poor kid. Reaching into one of his bags, Fred withdrew an Insta-Flare and chucked it as hard as he could into the hallway. It sailed passed Peeves' ear, spinning his orange bowler around on his head and smashing into the wall in a shower of flame-retardant sparks. Peeves twisted around, distracted by the light and hissing at the insulting attack upon his person, and the twins took the opportunity to dash into the hall, snatch the kid, and bundle him out of sight. They didn't stop running until they were halfway to Gryffindor Tower.
The boy, who looked to be in his third or fourth year and most certainly out of bounds at this time of night, stared at them wide-eyed. "Thanks!"
"Any time," Fred said with a grin. "What'd you do?"
"I was trying to knock Peeves out of the air," the boy said with quiet but amused determination. "He keeps making fun of how short I am. But he caused my rocks to go wide and they broke a window."
"Ouch," George said sympathetically. "Look, lead on to your common room and maybe we can help you out with Peeves."
The boy was looking between the two of them, realisation dawning in his eyes. "I know who you are! You're the Weasley twins! You're bloody legends in my house!"
The twins exchanged pleased grins. "Gryffindor, are you?" asked George.
"Legends, you say?" asked Fred.
"The things you've done! The swamp that took up the entire fifth floor! The time you tamed that rabid hippogriff!"
Both twins were mightily pleased that they had such excellent poker faces. Apparently stories of their past exploits truly had grown into legend over the years. "That's us," Fred said.
"In the flesh," George added, sketching a showy bow.
"I'm Nathan Jones," the boy said. "C'mon, then. Hey, can you tell me about the time you flushed that ghost down the toilet and she ended up at the bottom of the lake all winter?"
The twins enjoyed exaggerating their various pranks in hushed voices until they reached the Fat Lady. She eyed them both with barely disguised interest. "You two look familiar."
"Returning students," Fred said.
"Just found out we never passed Potions," George explained.
"Wronski feint!" Nathan chirped, and the portrait swung open. George sent Fred a 'what'd I tell you?' look and they clambered through the portrait hole and into the inviting, familiar warmth of the Gryffindor common room. A babble of voices greeted them, though the din gradually dropped off as the children realised that something was up.
"Hello, hello, hello," Fred said, beaming at the curious students.
George pulled out a Headless Hat and popped it on, his entire head disappearing. The students gasped.
Ah yes, Fred thought, knowing that George would be thinking the same, this was definitely going to work.