AU: December - Unfold
// locked //
It's almost weird to think about where we all are now. I've always had my personal demons that come up to scare me in my dreams, but I guess it's been different than what I know everyone else always had. I used to think of myself as a strong willed person. I might be tiny but I could hold my ground better than you might think. I survived five years locked away in a hell dimension and lived to tell the tale about it. I wasn't just some little girl who always needing saving.
Now I get where the others are coming from more than I ever thought possible. I get more than ever why Faith had the tendency to pull away at first. Why she left for those few weeks and had to figure things out on her own. I get why Connor feels he's lived three different lives. I get why Angel keeps to himself and Spike too to some degree. They all had their scars that no one else was supposed to see. Scars and imperfections and things they've done that no one else should know about, especially not those they want to keep safe.
I was a vampire without a soul for only a couple days, but it was enough. This soul hurts more sometimes than any amount of torture Angelus could think up to lay on me like he did in the basement.
When I found out Faith had come back from hell, my first instinct was to run away and never let her see me for what I was now. I wasn't the same person she knew and cared for and I wasn't something "good" like I know she thought me as. I get why it was hard for her then and for everyone else who gets close enough to someone to let them see those imperfections. And as much as I want to hide them away, I can't. Not if I want that something back again that I had with her. I want to let her see me.
It's almost weird to think about where we all are now. I've always had my personal demons that come up to scare me in my dreams, but I guess it's been different than what I know everyone else always had. I used to think of myself as a strong willed person. I might be tiny but I could hold my ground better than you might think. I survived five years locked away in a hell dimension and lived to tell the tale about it. I wasn't just some little girl who always needing saving.
Now I get where the others are coming from more than I ever thought possible. I get more than ever why Faith had the tendency to pull away at first. Why she left for those few weeks and had to figure things out on her own. I get why Connor feels he's lived three different lives. I get why Angel keeps to himself and Spike too to some degree. They all had their scars that no one else was supposed to see. Scars and imperfections and things they've done that no one else should know about, especially not those they want to keep safe.
I was a vampire without a soul for only a couple days, but it was enough. This soul hurts more sometimes than any amount of torture Angelus could think up to lay on me like he did in the basement.
When I found out Faith had come back from hell, my first instinct was to run away and never let her see me for what I was now. I wasn't the same person she knew and cared for and I wasn't something "good" like I know she thought me as. I get why it was hard for her then and for everyone else who gets close enough to someone to let them see those imperfections. And as much as I want to hide them away, I can't. Not if I want that something back again that I had with her. I want to let her see me.