Worse Than Being Blind Part 3
Part 3:
It’s not that he doesn’t believe Gen.
He does and that’s part of the problem. He totally believes her and that what she’s saying is true.
But she’s still dating Jared.
And Jared is the master of pranks and jokes and he would totally do something like that just to freak Misha out, never mind that he’d be bringing Jensen in on the joke. Jensen might even already know.
So Misha has to get verification.
He just sort of wishes verification weren’t Torri and Hill.
He likes them. He can see being friends with them even after the movie wraps and they’re all off to the next project. It’s just that Torri’s been weirdly giggly around Jensen and Hill can’t stop calling Jensen Misha’s BFF. He’s pretty sure he should have asked them about this the day after it happened, but he remembers that hangover and he doesn’t even think he remembered to put his shoes on right the next day.
So he’s just going to have to ask now.
He sits down at the bench across from them. He thinks they were maybe discussing guest stars their shows both had in common, which seems to be their favorite topic, but they both look up when he clear his throat.
“May we help you Mister Collins?” Torri asks.
Misha nods.
“Yeah, you can tell me about this startling chunk of time I seem to be missing from my memory,” Misha says.
“And which time is that?” Torri asks.
“The one and only time we let you pick the bar.”
Hill groans.
“Yeah, I remember that night. You were really drunk. Hell, I was really drunk. I wasn’t until someone came over with Jell-O shots,” Hill mutters.
Torri grins.
“They were tasty and you enjoyed them,” she says.
Misha nods.
“Yeah they were… possibly loaded with enough alcohol to kill a small elephant, but I can’t remember past that. What I’m interested in is the after.”
Hill frowns.
“Why? I mean it’s been like two weeks man,” Hill says.
“Because apparently I left a very dirty message on Jensen’s phone.”
They give him blank looks.
“And?” Torri says.
Misha frowns.
“What do you mean and? And does that mean I did leave a dirty message on Jensen’s phone?”
They give him the same blank looks.
“I… I mean it wasn’t that dirty. Slightly vulgar, I guess,” Torri says.
“Slightly vulgar?” Misha says.
Torri’s looking at him, eyes narrowed and confused and Hill’s biting on his fingernail like he’s trying to keep himself from laughing and that’s when it hits him. This is not a joke. This is not some cleverly crafted prank by Jared Padalecki. This is real and apparently it doesn’t even warrant some surprise from his current co-workers.
“Yeah. You talked about his crotch.”
“His crotch?” Misha says.
He looks over at Hill who’s shaking his head.
“Don’t look at me, man. I barely remember what happened that night myself. Like, I remember getting drunk. That’s about it,” Hill says.
“Yet you don’t seem at all surprise to hear that I left a dirty message on Jensen’s phone.”
Hill shrugs.
“Figured it was a thing.”
“A thing?”
“Yeah, like a you and Jensen thing. You showed me a picture he sent you that had a stuffed armadillo with the caption ‘I saw this and thought of you’,” Hill says.
“And from that you inferred me leaving a dirty message on Jensen’s phone was appropriate to our relationship?”
Hill rolls his eyes.
“Dude, you were texting him all the time. You’d get this look on your face every time he texted you like it was the brightest spot of your day. That’s the way I look when I’m talking to my wife on the phone.”
Misha feels very confused.
“I’m confused.”
Torri rolls her eyes.
“Yes, I think we were beginning to realize that.”
Misha frowns.
“What are you guys trying to say?”
“We’re trying to say that we both thought you and Jensen were dating. So excuse us if the fact that you left a highly inappropriate message on his phone didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. We just assumed it was par for the course,” Torri says.
Misha still feels confused.
“Why would you think that?”
Torri and Hill sigh.
“I think I answered that question with the whole brightest spot of your day comment,” Hill says.
“And the fact that you didn’t disagree when Hill referred to Jensen as your boyfriend. Or when I made innuendos. Or when that Jared guy made innuendos. You actually seemed very happy to see him. Like your whole face just lit up when he walked on set,” Torri says.
“I’m apparently doing a lot of glowy things,” Misha mutters.
Torri shakes her head.
“It’s just clear that you care about him a lot. And the way you were always on the phone with him and the way he looked at you… it just seemed like you were a couple.”
Misha goes over every conversation he’s ever had with them about Jensen to see if maybe he was gushing like a fourteen year old school girl with her first crush. He doesn’t think he had been, but it looks like his feelings for Jensen had been obvious to them.
Because they don’t seem at all fazed by the message he left on Jensen’s phone while drunk out of his mind.
“I… me and Jensen aren’t together.”
Torri nods sagely.
“Yes, we had picked up on that.”
Misha has other words, other questions he wants to ask but his mind is still stuck on the fact that Torri and Hill had thought he was dating Jensen and he can’t get past that fact no matter how hard he tries.
“Okay,” he says because, really, he’s caught off guard.
He’d been expecting them to say they knew nothing of the message, that it was all just an elaborate hoax by Gen and Jared and they’d come running out from behind a building to laugh at him. He wasn’t expecting them to say they had thought he was dating Jensen all along and Misha usually prides himself on knowing all possible outcomes to a situation before he enters it.
Except when he doesn’t.
“I… I have to go to makeup.”
Torri snorts.
“Maybe you should think about why you aren’t together. See if you can come up with any viable reason.”
Misha frowns.
“Makeup,” he says, pointing to the makeup trailer.
Hill and Torri start to laugh and Misha frowns.
His life just got a whole lot weirder.
~*~
He doesn’t need to see Jensen to know he’s milling around with the crew.
Jensen’s approach to getting people to do things for him is vastly different from Misha’s and Misha still isn’t fully capable of understanding it. He’s watched Jensen in action, but all he can see is Jensen being friendly and nice.
Perhaps that’s what people respond to.
He knows Jensen’s on location with them and it’s starting to get ridiculous. It’s not that Jensen is showing up a lot or any more than usual, but even the usual is weird enough because he shouldn’t be here at all.
His presence is messing with Misha’s flow.
Okay, maybe not so much his presence as the new information Misha has on why his presence is on set.
Jensen hadn’t been back since that day that Gen had been there. He’d claimed that the script for the premiere episode on Supernatural was really juicy and required his attention and Misha had almost had a panic attack and called Gen to see if she had spilled the beans about spilling the beans to Misha because now Jensen seemed to be avoiding him.
Misha’s really glad he tapered down that urge because Jensen had shown up on the set again two days later and that would’ve just been embarrassing. Jared would have bought a house right next to Misha’s just to be able to taunt Misha with that information for the rest of Misha’s life and that’s just not something Misha would ever look forward to.
So it’s a good thing.
Except Jensen being on set is kind of a bad thing.
He doesn’t blend in with the rest of the crew. Not that he’s being obvious, but Misha feels like he can pick him out anywhere, like he could close his eyes and point his finger and find it pointing at Jensen. Misha’s not exactly sure what this super awareness of Jensen says about him and he’s even less sure he likes it.
He’s lucky that the scene they’re filming today doesn’t require him to say much. Jacob Glaser makes a last ditch attempt to convince Joseph that what he’s doing is stupid and then there’s a fight for the gun and then Joseph dies. It’s pretty simple, all things considered. Misha’s never been so happy that he’s used to being in someone’s space, fighting for dominance.
The scene goes on for slightly longer than they had anticipated. The director lets Misha and Hill’s faces do the acting and Misha feels the intensity, even if it’s hokey and predictable. He feels the struggle, slips right into Jacob’s skin and feels how he doesn’t want it to be like this. He doesn’t want to fight Joseph and he’s pretty sure Joseph doesn’t want to fight him, but Joseph will. Joseph’s lost it and there’s no saving him and all Jacob can do is fight to not be killed by someone he considers his best friend.
When the director yells cut, Misha’s still in that weird character headspace and thinking about how it’s going to tear apart his soul to shoot Joseph.
“That was really good,” Hill says.
Misha nods.
“Yeah.”
“Think they’ll make us redo it?”
Misha shrugs.
“Probably. Just to be sure they really have it. I heard one of the camera guys talking about there being some weird glare and them wanting to set up again.”
Hill nods because he’s probably very used to weird lighting messing up shots.
“Didn’t know they were going to let your life partner watch the scene today. I thought on location sets were closed?” Hill says.
“I guess they didn’t object and life partner? That’s worse than boyfriend.” Misha says.
“So then what do you call him?”
Misha frowns.
“Why don’t you just call him Jensen? Didn’t we already go over this? He’s not actually my boyfriend.”
Hill frowns but then shakes his head.
“Right. Jensen. He’s a pretty cool dude. I’d like to know how he keeps getting to be everywhere, but whatever.”
“He has ninja training,” Misha says.
Hill raises an eyebrow.
“Okay. Ninja training. I just hope they decide quickly because I still have to sit through makeup. And it would be stupid to sit through all that make up, just to swipe it off and then redo the scene before it.”
Misha quirks his lips.
“Yeah, but the scene where I stand over you is a pick up shot anyway. Takes like two seconds.”
“Except Torri still can’t remember that one line.”
“She’s weird like that. Still… I don’t wanna get any of that fake blood on my shirts. You know, if they decide to do the struggle scene again after you get all gory. They could. Your chest doesn’t show during the struggle.”
Hill rolls his eyes.
“You’re still thinking about stealing those shirts, aren’t you?”
Misha shrugs.
“They’re comfy.”
Hill laughs.
The director makes them do the scene four more times and then gives everyone but Hill a break. Hill goes directly to the makeup department, glaring when Misha mentions eating so much during their break that he feels like bursting.
He’s walking toward the food service table when Jensen steps in front of him. Misha smiles because it’s Jensen and he wants to tell Jensen about how Misha’s almost got Hill convinced that Jensen’s a ninja.
Jensen doesn’t look happy.
And, for a second, Misha thinks maybe Gen did tell him and he’s pissed because he spent all this time trying to get Misha to notice him.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” Jensen says.
“You know, most people don’t usually spend this much time on sets when they don’t have to,” Misha says.
He’s going for lighthearted. He’s going for easy banter so this doesn’t get weird.
Jensen shrugs.
“I’m invested.”
“You can watch it on the SyFy channel like everyone else,” Misha says.
“Why do that when I can watch it live? The fight scene are always more intense that way.”
“Yeah. Hill and I really didn’t discuss how we were going to do it. I think that first take was pretty good though. We got into a rhythm.”
Jensen smiles tensely.
“Yeah. You guys looked real close.”
Misha frowns.
“Jacob and Joseph were best friends. That doesn’t just go away because Joseph went insane.”
Jensen nods.
“Yeah, no, you’re just… you like to get into people’s space. It wasn’t written that way when we did the Dean and Cas scenes, but you did it anyway.”
“This is kind of different. We’re fighting for a gun. And everyone loves the way we play Dean and Cas. Hell, you know Kripke added that part about Cas slamming Dean into the wall because of it.”
Jensen still looks tense, still has his lips pursed in that tight smile and Misha’s not sure what the heck is going on here.
He hasn’t been sure for a really, really long time.
“Just thought I was special,” Jensen says.
His tone is joking, but it sort of falls flat and Misha frowns.
“You know you’re super special to me, Jensen.”
Misha tries for joking, but it just makes Jensen’s face look even more pinched and Misha thinks it has to be because of that stupid message.
“Bet you say that to all your male co-workers,” Jensen mutters.
And now Misha’s thinking that Jensen thinks he’s some kind of big slut or something, dirty talking all his male co-workers and, okay, maybe all the stories he told Jared and Jensen about his wild escapades is probably coloring that opinion, but Misha’s not. Misha’s only messed around with maybe one guy he worked with and they both knew what that was and Misha’s not going to feel bad about that fact.
“No. I don’t,” Misha says and he says it seriously, with his most serious expression so Jensen knows he’s not talking out of his ass here.
Jensen frowns.
“I didn’t mean anything by it. You can do whatever you want. It’s not like you owe me anything. I just…”
“ No, stop. It’s not… look, I know okay.”
Jensen frowns.
“You know what?”
Misha bites his bottom lip.
“About the message. That I left on your machine.”
Jensen’s eyes widen, eyebrows crinkle a bit and Gen was right. Jensen convinced himself that Misha had been serious or not drunk or whatever and Misha’s not even sure why Jensen stuck around for so long afterward when Misha didn’t acknowledge it right away. Misha feels terrible, feels like he let Jensen down and that pink elephant with the purple spots was probably glaring at him the whole time he didn’t even acknowledge what was going on.
It’s not his fault, though, a part of his brain tells him. It was a drunk dial. People drunk dial their friends all the time. He’s gotten a ton of calls from Jared and most of them had been vaguely disgusting and creepy. He doesn’t understand why Jensen didn’t just come out and tell him about the message except for the fact that he’s Jensen and sometimes he’s like that.
“I… you never said anything. I thought maybe you… I guess I don’t know what I thought.”
Jensen’s frowning and looking at Misha like he just ruined Christmas and Misha doesn’t know what to do with that.
“I was drunk,” Misha blurts out.
Jensen frowns.
“When I left that message. I was drunk. I… you should have been able to tell because I can’t even remember most of that night so I had to be slurring. And also probably not making that much sense.”
“You never make sense,” Jensen says numbly.
Misha bites his lip.
“I make sense a lot. With something like that… I would have made sense. Did I make sense?”
Jensen frowns, gulps and runs his hand over his face. He looks frustrated and Misha didn’t picture it going down like this.
“I thought you did.”
Misha frowns.
“Look, I… maybe I did make sense. Maybe I didn’t. I don’t know because I don’t remember, but…”
“You wanna take it back,” Jensen says.
Misha shakes his head.
“No, I mean maybe. I don’t know. I don’t know because I don’t remember. But I was drunk so you can’t get mad at me for saying something stupid when I was drunk. It doesn’t count when you’re drunk.”
Jensen’s still frowning and Misha thinks maybe he should try a new tactic.
“I didn’t want…”
“Jared said you were drunk. I… I guess I thought you sounded kind of drunk, but… look, if you wanna take it back…”
“I didn’t…”
“Maybe you should,” Jensen says over him.
Misha frowns.
“Why would I?”
“You said it yourself. You don’t even remember what you said. How can you be sure you were serious if you don’t remember what you said? I just… I can’t do that.”
“Do what?”
Jensen waves him off and starts walking away and Misha follows because he’s genuinely confused and he thinks they might be having two separate conversations here. Misha can’t follow Jensen’s and he can barely follow his own because his words don’t seem to be coming out right.
“Do what?” He says again and Jensen turns around.
“Do any of it. Just… just any of it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Look, you said it yourself. You said that when you’re drunk, it doesn’t count. It’s like a do over. You laugh it off and every one pretends like it didn’t happen. So let’s just skip right to that.”
“I wanna know what I’m doing over.”
“Nothing.”
“Okay now you’re the one who isn’t making any sense.”
“It’s fine,” Jensen says.
Misha shakes his head and he can’t understand what’s going on. He can’t understand why Jensen’s getting that closed off look. And, not just any closed off look, but the closed off looks to end all closed off looks. Jensen’s reserved, quiet and cautious about talking about anything too out of his comfort zone. It’s a look that Misha’s seen Jensen use when he’s being Dean, when he’s slipping into Dean’s skin. Misha’s not sure if it’s character bleed or if that’s just Jensen using what he has and adding it to his character.
“It’s not fine. We should talk about this more.”
“You wanna be serious?” Jensen says.
His tone is full of sarcasm and Misha’s a little angry at that, a little resentful because he’s not all about being flighty and ridiculous. Sure, it’s a big part of who he is, but it doesn’t define him and he’s been more serious with Jensen than he has with any other co-worker in the history of ever.
“Yes, I do. I think it’s very important.”
“Why? I think you said everything you wanted to say. You were drunk. It doesn’t count.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“That’s what you said.”
“But I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I just meant…”
“You just meant that it was a joke. Some drunk dialing between friends, right? That’s it’s my fault for taking it seriously.”
“Whoa, I never said…”
Jensen grabs Misha’s wrist, holds it in his fingers and Misha stops because he thinks it must be important for Jensen to reach out like that.
“It’s not a big deal,” Jensen says.
He looks serious and truthful, but something in Misha’s gut tells him he isn’t.
“Jensen, I…”
“Mister Collins?”
Misha turns his head and sees one of the male PAs standing there, clipboard in his hands and his eyes aren’t focused on Misha, but somewhere off the side of Misha, his hands tapping on his headset.
“Yeah?” Misha asks, suddenly feeling very irritated and exposed at the same time.
“Mister Harper is done in makeup. The director wants to start showing you where your cues are for the next scene.”
Misha feels Jensen’s fingers move away from his wrist, Misha’s hand falling limp and Misha nods and tells the PA okay. He doesn’t watch the PA leave. Instead he turns back to Jensen and Jensen still isn’t smiling, still doesn’t look happy.
“You gotta work,” Jensen says.
“We should…”
“I’ll see you when we get back on set.”
It’s pretty definitive, pretty clear that Jensen is done talking and Misha feels like he may have missed something big here.
He’s been getting that feeling a whole hell of a lot around Jensen lately.
“I…”
“Bye Misha.”
He doesn’t even let Misha say anything before he’s walking away. Misha’s not sure where he’s walking, just that he’s walking away and Misha wants to say something. He wants to tell Jensen that he does want sex and a relationship and everything that comes with it.
Instead, Misha just watches as he walks away.
Part 4