AND WE WANTS TO GET OUR ANAESTHESIA ON.
Now here’s the thing. I think this episode holds a record:
MOST TIMES I HAD TO CHANGE MY PANTS Narf.
raychelnina, don't even tell me you didn't have to once. I know you.
"Holy Majoly, Britt-Britt rocks my socks right off my feet. THROUGH MY FRICKING CONVERSE.">
First of all, Finn nodding at Britt's answer only confirms my suspicions that THOSE TWO SHOULD BE BEST FRIENDS EL PRONTO.
She could show him her favourite sewer haunts, and he could teach her how to be an awesomesauce dinosaur and they'd just have good times. Good platonic, blissfully ignorant times.
RYAN, GET ON THIS.
And: No, easy listening is not for my Glee Club.
WILL, DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO VOCAL ADRENALINE IS?!
They are awesome, cancer-curing, leather-wearing sexypants, who previously homed the most gloriously-coiffed man ever to grace the Glee-screen. YOU WILL NOT BEAT THEM WITH FRICKING ENYA. Come on.
Jesse should come back and beat you, just for mentioning it.
In fact if he could just come back? I'd be much obliged.
WHY THE SPEARS HATRED, SCHUE? Is it because she rocked the shaved head that you're not man enough to try?
Now, here's where my thoughts on O Britney come in.
The first single I ever purchased was Baby, One More Time. And then Oops, I Did It Again!
And then Alanis Morrissette. I'm not entirely sure what happened then.
BUT OMG. IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO MADONNA, YOU HAVE TO DO BRITNEY. JUST SHUT UP AND LET IT HAPPEN, WILL! My bb gets to siiiiiiiiiiiiiing.
Plus, Kurt wants it.
Did anyone love awesome deadpan logic aka Britney Susan Pierce?
I love how expressive HeMo is, and how she reigns it in to play Brittany. Because it's kind of like she can't be bothered to talk; like the world is so slow and so dull in comparison to how amazing I know the inside of her brain is. So when she has to talk, it's only the essentials. Like facts about gay sharks.
Aw, defensive!Santana. Nice.
NEVER TALK ABOUT MICHAEL BOLTON.
PAMPHLETS ARE BACK!
AND THEY ARE MAGNIFICENT.
I love this flirty, antagonistic-y relationship Will and Emma have come to.
Like, they don't forget that they have feelings there, but their scenes aren't spent entirely mooning over each other. Or in angsty mode. I mean, I get it, Emma has massive eyes. But does this really mean they have to be watering all the time?
No! Show, you can do romance with angst! I always believed in you! AND IT WAS LOVELY.
IT WAS MADNESS, SHEER MADNESS
Emma, I missed you!
But I totally understand why you went away. I'd have ran off with Uncle Jesse too.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, Carl's entrance is like so cute. Omg. I would totally watch John Stamos/John Stamos, John Stamos! You're adorable! Stay forever. You're apparently very good with the lovely Emma.
Which, actually, was one of the things that annoyed me about Will this episode. Hey, if she wants to eat grapes mixed, that's her shizznick. And it irritates me that he obviously really doesn't get OCD and Emma because otherwise he would see what a big deal that is for her and congratulate her. YAY.
At the end of the day, Schuester, you were a douche.
She can't wait for you forever.
However, I choose to believe the only reason why he was annoyed was because he wasn't able to help her and because now she's with someone else and because he's one of the jealous people. And I think he went to apologise and say all this but then The Magnificent Carl turned up and you can't mess with that. Nope, you can't.
BUT ONTO IMPORTANT THINGS:
CARRRRRRL.
Is John Stamos. YES. I love it.
And I love how he's all non-baby-steppy around her, he is very much of the LET'S JUST DO IT camp; which I might say, as a member of the NO LET'S NOT team, it is actually a very useful technique for getting out of routines. I.E. Having someone there to push you out of them.
And then the way he kisses her, and it's so "I LOVE YOU SO I'M GOING TO GRAB YOUR FACE BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST NOT PULLING AWAY FROM ME NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY-- OPEN UP. THIS IS GOOD." and I think Mr. Stamos plays it wonderfully.
I really loved his 'DAMMIT'; it was totally something out of a comic book. DAMMIT, ANOTHER CAVITY. AND TIMMY'S IN THE WELL.
Also: UNF.
I would tap that.
Fuck off, football players. You suck.
Also, continuity fairy, you've been slacking. You know they used to slushie and put Artie in port-a-potties!
I have no doubt that they're douchey enough to punch Artie in the face.
OH. Emma. You look so pretty.
It's all that lovin'.
"Pretty easy on the eyes"-- Stamos, you really don't need to push the inappropriate lusting. IT'S HAPPENING. ALL THE TIME.
Now as much as I don't like the Chang alliance (only because it takes me away from my lovely Artie/Tina. AND I HAVE SHIPPED THAT FOR DAMN TOO LONG TO LET IT GO WITHOUT A FIGHT), I loved the way Tina was chewing like something out of a toothpaste ad and Mike was just staring; because I totally see them as the kind of couple where she just talks and talks and talks at him and he is listening but has nothing to add so then they just make out. SHIRTLESS.
AND then they did adorable toothy kissing. And I need stuff like that in my life.
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SELL ME ON THIS, MURPHY?!
(Added: did anyone else love how Quinn and Puck were after each other in like quick (nah) succession and OMG THEIR BABY WILL HAVE THE WHITEST TEETH)
"There you go, bluetooth"
Santana, stop making me love you!
I have totally had one of those dye things, and they are such a bitch. Because at the end of the day everyone has plaque; and everyone else had like these big pink blobs but then like I just had this pink tint to my teeth, so I was obvs the cleanest but then I still felt dirty and ashamed.
"I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist."
YESSSSSSSS.
AND OMG! SHE WAS PROBED BY ME ALIENS!
HeMo, why are you so awesome at everything?
"Oh no, not Britney."
WHY WOULD YOU FIGHT THIS, BB?!?!?!?!?!
SLAVE 4 U
Not my favourite of the Britney catalogue, but my gosh if HeMo isn't the sexiest of all the sexy people.
ABS.
GIRL, WHY AREN'T THOSE OUT MORE?!
Sidenote: HOW GENIUS WAS STAMOS IN THE CHAIR?! WITH AWKWARD 'Oh, that's nice Brittany' faces! GUH.
UNNNNNNF. GLITTERY BODYSUIT. UNNNNNF.
This is the point where I have to tell you I was originally one of the extras in this video, but they had to cut me because I was too inappropriate and handsy.
I was actually meant to be that one she rolls around with, but then you know-- well, you don't. And I'd like to keep it that way.
OMG. As a little dancing-groupie, I LOVE THAT WE FINALLY GET SOMETHING SO EPIC AND AMAZING AND HEMO YOU ARE FABULOUS IN EVERYWAY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW SYTYCD EVER PASSED YOU UP!
(OMG. PINS AND NEEDLES IN MY FOOT SO BADLY.
I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE.)
John Stamos, you have the most awesome smile lines.
Ahem.
Continue with what you were doing.
Erm, here's where I divulge probably character-bashing info on myself.
The way she says 'are you a cat?' is exactly what I was like the last time I was entirely entirely inebriated.
I had lost the group of people I was with, and went to the toilet and there was this woman with green hair.
And I'm sat, crouched on the floor, my knees about my chin saying "is that your real hair?" and she's smiling oh so wonderfully at me and may as well be saying "no, you drunken pixie, you" and then Sophie finds me and I'm saying "Sophie, this woman is exactly who I would be if I had green hair."
Anyways. Yeah, Britt reminded me of her. Her, being that version of me.
Oh. Finn/Rachel.
I find your physicality so so darling. The height difference makes me crazy happy. And the way Lea buried her face in his shoulder and it was all "yeah, I baked you banana bread, omg, I'm embarrassed that you liked it, like me, can't we stay like this forever".
But then they talk and it makes me fucking rageful.
Cheerleader comment. That's okay.
But then weird co-dependency and royalty of passive aggressiva, not cool. STOP IT, YOU TWO.
If I can't have St. Berry, at least be fucking cute.
I love that the storyline of this episode is essentially: everyone goes to a place and have Britney-cameo hallucinations.
Like this is some weird, kooky Being John Malkovich thing.
ME AGAINST THE MUSIC
I'll tell you where the issue comes with having a Britney episode.
You can't really hear Heather Morris' voice.
But, what can you hear is damn sexy.
It's that whole 'I could be saying this while I chew on your earlobe' thing. And if anyone's going to do it, it's going to be Brittany. Or Quinn, but this is because I'm a perv.
PUCK IS THE DJ.
Favourite part. Hands down.
But then, OMG. WHO DOES SEXUALLY AMBIGUOUS DANCING BETTER THAN HEMO?! No one, that's who.
MARK FROM SYTYCD, I SEE YOU THERE ON THE SOFA.
AND I LOVE THAT YOU'RE BEING GRINDED AGAINST.
I may also be a little jealous.
Oh, and Finn, being all "Holy!Shit!Girls!" is cute. He's so cute, that giant of ours.
Seriously, Naya. We don't need a Mercedes with you around.
In fact, I think the world would be better without her.
WHATTTTT?!
Yeah. And I'm not taking it back.
OH. Britney Spears. I love it when you cameo. You're my favourite seriously.
OMG. KURT. YOU BITCH. I LOVE IT.
Now here's the thing: Kurt shouting at Will does call for a time-out.
But Will yelling back, is kind of hellza bad for a teacher, yes?
Though I love everyone's 'Oh Snap!' faces and the fact that he's wearing a skirt like WOAH.
More than that though, is the sing-off at the dentist office. AHHHHHH!
So cute.
And then I kind of wanted Will and Carl to make out. AH! Jeez, I'm sorry.
WILL AND RACHEL, YOU FLIRTY LITTLE BIYOTCHES.
The only thing I like more than you is when Will is holding Quinn back from a catfight. BECAUSE OMG HE HELD HER FOR LONGER THAN HE NEEDED TO AND IT WAS GLORIOUS.
BABY ONE MORE TIME
I'm going to say this now; this was not my favourite of the Berry numbers.
Just because my particular kink with regards to Lea Michele all lies in the OMG SHE'S BLOWING THE SKIN FROM MY FACE WITH HER SINGING! And this just didn't do that for me.
However, I am not above noting how perfectly formed she is in that video.
AND HOW FUCKING SCARY THAT GIRL NEXT TO HER'S ABS ARE.
WHAT?
In fact, I wasn't really paying attention, and I thought it was a guy at first and rewound and saw it wasn't and was like holy!she-hulk!
How much would I love to wake up to John Stamos.
IS THIS REAL LIFE?!
RACH, YOU ARE AMAZING.
Oh, and omg, I love Finn putting his jacket around her because it's just so cute. I know, feminist in me is screaming "NEVER LET A MAN TELL YOU HOW TO BE" but the little girl says "aw, he wants her all to himself, he doesn't want people to personify her". Also, Cory does this whole face-fall-thing when he's thinking real hard and it's just so adorable.
And then I kind of like how everyone is like YES. RACHEL IS THE SHIZZ. Because I really love when people appreciate her particular brand of sexy. She's unconventional, methinks. But gorgeous all the same.
Also: APPROVAL FROM SANTANA. AW. And Brittany loves it.
"You have my blessing"? Ugh. Guys, it doesn't need to be this way.
Erm. How cringeworthy is this entire car scene? Seriously.
Topping it off is the smooth jams he puts on and then dances and sings to. Ugh. I can't help it, stuff like that makes me need to die.
Will, you can't buy me with Dickens references. It won't work. Because I know you secretly only watched the Muppets version.
WE'RE MARLEY AND MARLEY! WOAAAAAAAAH!
Did he say Enema?
But then crazy!Terri turns up and my gosh, she is the best when she is truly crazy.
"HOMEWRECKER!"/"WE ARE DIVORCED!"-- aw, your argument is comic genius. Matty-Matt, I really want you to be funnier. I want to laugh with you. Not at the one dance move you choose to pull out at every song. YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN.
I love Brittany's nod of approval.
Like, yes, you have seen the light.
I'm actually thinking of killing the actor who plays Jacob Ben Israel just so I never have to see him again.
OMG. I NEED ONE OF THOSE MEN IN BLACK TORCH FLASHLIGHTY THINGS.
I NEED THIS GONE.
Although I appreciate any time Sue is given the opportunity to say: HORROR.
*ugh, I need to vomit. Fucking Ben Israel and your Jewish cloud.*
STRONGER
is one of those songs where I really love the audio, and don't particularly like seeing it.
It just does nothing for me.
I mean, I appreciate footballers dancing, but erm-- I'm just not feeling a whole Rocky Montage.
Although if it had ended with Artie wheeling himself up a really steep ramp and then waving his arms, I might have been more inclined to love it.
Because I love me some KevyMac.
Also, did anyone find it kind of painful to watch them really struggle with that chair?
That's not the way to win games!
ASIAN FUSION! YES!
Beaste. I really love her.
QUINN, YOU MAY ONLY HAVE ONE LINE BUT IT IS PERFECT AND YOU LOOK SO PRETTY DOING IT!
Oh, Will, I died for you a little bit then.
Please don't do this.
Except do. Because my inappropriate senses are tingling.
Rach, that dress is adorable.
But you really need to leave off this whole thing. Either be with each other and be lovely or go find Jesse.
I really want a hug from Finn. He's so tall and lovely.
RACHEL BERRY, THIS ULTIMATUM DOES NOT LOOK GOOD ON YOU.
Did anyone think Will was kind of losing his marbles a bit by this point?
But saying that, I really love him being the crazier of the two for once.
TOXIC
Okay, so this is officially one of my favourite Glee numbers ever. I have listened to it non-stop since I got it.
BECKY'S THE SPY! I really like to think that Brittany stayed behind one day and taught her all her secrets.
BUT OMG IF I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL THAT FUCKING JEWFRO BEFORE, I WOULD NOW.
WHY RUIN THINGS?! WHY?!
OMG. It was a Fosse-esque sex mess! I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT MORE THAN YOU.
But I missed Puck/Quinn sexiness. WHY WON'T YOU LET IT BE, SHOW?!
Including this, because well-- it's significantly Quinn. And Quinn humping a hat is fantasticalz.
LEAVE HIM! LEAVE HIM TO DIE! I WANT JACOB TRAMPLED!
Sue only moving in right angles kills me
He's not a great teacher though, Emma. Like, just know this.
EE! RACHEL AND QUINN TOGETHER AT LAST!
AND OMG I FUCKING LOVE HBIC HEAD CHEERIO QUINN. SHE IS THE BEST KIND OF QUINN.
And then all nonchalant and pissy, omg. Diana, you are just the prettiest. The prettiest ever.
Does anyone else feel like Will is jealous? Yeah?!
TRIANGLE OF DIRTY TIMES WILL COMMENCE.
Aw, I kind of liked that Mercedes stood up for Rachel. Nice.
THE ONLY EXCEPTION
I, erm, I really like Paramore. But this is just not one of my favourites of theirs. It's a little EHHHHHHH. I don't know. Mellow. I'm not really a fan of mellow.
Even the slow songs/ballads/other such things I like have like an intensity to them. It's not just a lullaby or something.
BUT ANYWAYS. I love Lea Michele and she was pretty rocking in it. And I liked that they had a slow-mo walk because it felt very One Tree Hill/The OC/generic teen drama, and I'm a sucker for these kind of things.
AND THEN OMG PUCK IS LOOKING AT QUINN AND SHE’S LOOKING BACK AND SHE’S SINGING THAT AND IT SO MEANS “You are the only exception.” in every way.
You are the only person I’ve ever cared about more than I could use them for.
You are the only person I’ve ever let touch me like that.
You are the only person who I can be real with.
You are the only person I’ve loved.
You are the only person I’ve had a baby with.
IT’S JUST MAGICAL.
I mean, you guys. This is my ship and it is ALIVE.
BUT YES. I LOVED IT.
IT WAS AMAZING.
TO SUMMARISE:
* Much preference to this Will/Emma development than the Back 9. This is pretty lovely.
* John Stamos. Let's keep him.
* Brittany should get all the solos! AND MY GOD, I WANT THAT KE$HA ONE SO BADLY.
Imagine TAKE IT OFF OMG. THE UNF-ABILITY. YES.
* I actually loved Santana a significant amount in this episode. WHAT IS THE SECOND SEASON DOING TO ME?!
* Erm. HeMo is pretty much sex personified. OH HO!
* PUCK AND QUINN JUST ROCK THE BACKGROUND.
I'm almost reluctant to ask for a storyline because I don't think this show knows how to handle these kids; so maybe I'll just stick with my background squee.
* I want Jacob Ben Israel to die. Actually.
He ruined Toxic. He's a disgusting creature. I want him fucking gone.
* John Stamos. John Stamos. John Stamos.
MOST TIMES I HAD TO CHANGE MY PANTS Narf.
raychelnina, don't even tell me you didn't have to once. I know you.
"Holy Majoly, Britt-Britt rocks my socks right off my feet. THROUGH MY FRICKING CONVERSE.">
First of all, Finn nodding at Britt's answer only confirms my suspicions that THOSE TWO SHOULD BE BEST FRIENDS EL PRONTO.
She could show him her favourite sewer haunts, and he could teach her how to be an awesomesauce dinosaur and they'd just have good times. Good platonic, blissfully ignorant times.
RYAN, GET ON THIS.
And: No, easy listening is not for my Glee Club.
WILL, DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO VOCAL ADRENALINE IS?!
They are awesome, cancer-curing, leather-wearing sexypants, who previously homed the most gloriously-coiffed man ever to grace the Glee-screen. YOU WILL NOT BEAT THEM WITH FRICKING ENYA. Come on.
Jesse should come back and beat you, just for mentioning it.
In fact if he could just come back? I'd be much obliged.
WHY THE SPEARS HATRED, SCHUE? Is it because she rocked the shaved head that you're not man enough to try?
Now, here's where my thoughts on O Britney come in.
The first single I ever purchased was Baby, One More Time. And then Oops, I Did It Again!
And then Alanis Morrissette. I'm not entirely sure what happened then.
BUT OMG. IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO MADONNA, YOU HAVE TO DO BRITNEY. JUST SHUT UP AND LET IT HAPPEN, WILL! My bb gets to siiiiiiiiiiiiiing.
Plus, Kurt wants it.
Did anyone love awesome deadpan logic aka Britney Susan Pierce?
I love how expressive HeMo is, and how she reigns it in to play Brittany. Because it's kind of like she can't be bothered to talk; like the world is so slow and so dull in comparison to how amazing I know the inside of her brain is. So when she has to talk, it's only the essentials. Like facts about gay sharks.
Aw, defensive!Santana. Nice.
NEVER TALK ABOUT MICHAEL BOLTON.
PAMPHLETS ARE BACK!
AND THEY ARE MAGNIFICENT.
I love this flirty, antagonistic-y relationship Will and Emma have come to.
Like, they don't forget that they have feelings there, but their scenes aren't spent entirely mooning over each other. Or in angsty mode. I mean, I get it, Emma has massive eyes. But does this really mean they have to be watering all the time?
No! Show, you can do romance with angst! I always believed in you! AND IT WAS LOVELY.
IT WAS MADNESS, SHEER MADNESS
Emma, I missed you!
But I totally understand why you went away. I'd have ran off with Uncle Jesse too.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, Carl's entrance is like so cute. Omg. I would totally watch John Stamos/John Stamos, John Stamos! You're adorable! Stay forever. You're apparently very good with the lovely Emma.
Which, actually, was one of the things that annoyed me about Will this episode. Hey, if she wants to eat grapes mixed, that's her shizznick. And it irritates me that he obviously really doesn't get OCD and Emma because otherwise he would see what a big deal that is for her and congratulate her. YAY.
At the end of the day, Schuester, you were a douche.
She can't wait for you forever.
However, I choose to believe the only reason why he was annoyed was because he wasn't able to help her and because now she's with someone else and because he's one of the jealous people. And I think he went to apologise and say all this but then The Magnificent Carl turned up and you can't mess with that. Nope, you can't.
BUT ONTO IMPORTANT THINGS:
CARRRRRRL.
Is John Stamos. YES. I love it.
And I love how he's all non-baby-steppy around her, he is very much of the LET'S JUST DO IT camp; which I might say, as a member of the NO LET'S NOT team, it is actually a very useful technique for getting out of routines. I.E. Having someone there to push you out of them.
And then the way he kisses her, and it's so "I LOVE YOU SO I'M GOING TO GRAB YOUR FACE BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST NOT PULLING AWAY FROM ME NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY-- OPEN UP. THIS IS GOOD." and I think Mr. Stamos plays it wonderfully.
I really loved his 'DAMMIT'; it was totally something out of a comic book. DAMMIT, ANOTHER CAVITY. AND TIMMY'S IN THE WELL.
Also: UNF.
I would tap that.
Fuck off, football players. You suck.
Also, continuity fairy, you've been slacking. You know they used to slushie and put Artie in port-a-potties!
I have no doubt that they're douchey enough to punch Artie in the face.
OH. Emma. You look so pretty.
It's all that lovin'.
"Pretty easy on the eyes"-- Stamos, you really don't need to push the inappropriate lusting. IT'S HAPPENING. ALL THE TIME.
Now as much as I don't like the Chang alliance (only because it takes me away from my lovely Artie/Tina. AND I HAVE SHIPPED THAT FOR DAMN TOO LONG TO LET IT GO WITHOUT A FIGHT), I loved the way Tina was chewing like something out of a toothpaste ad and Mike was just staring; because I totally see them as the kind of couple where she just talks and talks and talks at him and he is listening but has nothing to add so then they just make out. SHIRTLESS.
AND then they did adorable toothy kissing. And I need stuff like that in my life.
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SELL ME ON THIS, MURPHY?!
(Added: did anyone else love how Quinn and Puck were after each other in like quick (nah) succession and OMG THEIR BABY WILL HAVE THE WHITEST TEETH)
"There you go, bluetooth"
Santana, stop making me love you!
I have totally had one of those dye things, and they are such a bitch. Because at the end of the day everyone has plaque; and everyone else had like these big pink blobs but then like I just had this pink tint to my teeth, so I was obvs the cleanest but then I still felt dirty and ashamed.
"I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist."
YESSSSSSSS.
AND OMG! SHE WAS PROBED BY ME ALIENS!
HeMo, why are you so awesome at everything?
"Oh no, not Britney."
WHY WOULD YOU FIGHT THIS, BB?!?!?!?!?!
SLAVE 4 U
Not my favourite of the Britney catalogue, but my gosh if HeMo isn't the sexiest of all the sexy people.
ABS.
GIRL, WHY AREN'T THOSE OUT MORE?!
Sidenote: HOW GENIUS WAS STAMOS IN THE CHAIR?! WITH AWKWARD 'Oh, that's nice Brittany' faces! GUH.
UNNNNNNF. GLITTERY BODYSUIT. UNNNNNF.
This is the point where I have to tell you I was originally one of the extras in this video, but they had to cut me because I was too inappropriate and handsy.
I was actually meant to be that one she rolls around with, but then you know-- well, you don't. And I'd like to keep it that way.
OMG. As a little dancing-groupie, I LOVE THAT WE FINALLY GET SOMETHING SO EPIC AND AMAZING AND HEMO YOU ARE FABULOUS IN EVERYWAY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW SYTYCD EVER PASSED YOU UP!
(OMG. PINS AND NEEDLES IN MY FOOT SO BADLY.
I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE.)
John Stamos, you have the most awesome smile lines.
Ahem.
Continue with what you were doing.
Erm, here's where I divulge probably character-bashing info on myself.
The way she says 'are you a cat?' is exactly what I was like the last time I was entirely entirely inebriated.
I had lost the group of people I was with, and went to the toilet and there was this woman with green hair.
And I'm sat, crouched on the floor, my knees about my chin saying "is that your real hair?" and she's smiling oh so wonderfully at me and may as well be saying "no, you drunken pixie, you" and then Sophie finds me and I'm saying "Sophie, this woman is exactly who I would be if I had green hair."
Anyways. Yeah, Britt reminded me of her. Her, being that version of me.
Oh. Finn/Rachel.
I find your physicality so so darling. The height difference makes me crazy happy. And the way Lea buried her face in his shoulder and it was all "yeah, I baked you banana bread, omg, I'm embarrassed that you liked it, like me, can't we stay like this forever".
But then they talk and it makes me fucking rageful.
Cheerleader comment. That's okay.
But then weird co-dependency and royalty of passive aggressiva, not cool. STOP IT, YOU TWO.
If I can't have St. Berry, at least be fucking cute.
I love that the storyline of this episode is essentially: everyone goes to a place and have Britney-cameo hallucinations.
Like this is some weird, kooky Being John Malkovich thing.
ME AGAINST THE MUSIC
I'll tell you where the issue comes with having a Britney episode.
You can't really hear Heather Morris' voice.
But, what can you hear is damn sexy.
It's that whole 'I could be saying this while I chew on your earlobe' thing. And if anyone's going to do it, it's going to be Brittany. Or Quinn, but this is because I'm a perv.
PUCK IS THE DJ.
Favourite part. Hands down.
But then, OMG. WHO DOES SEXUALLY AMBIGUOUS DANCING BETTER THAN HEMO?! No one, that's who.
MARK FROM SYTYCD, I SEE YOU THERE ON THE SOFA.
AND I LOVE THAT YOU'RE BEING GRINDED AGAINST.
I may also be a little jealous.
Oh, and Finn, being all "Holy!Shit!Girls!" is cute. He's so cute, that giant of ours.
Seriously, Naya. We don't need a Mercedes with you around.
In fact, I think the world would be better without her.
WHATTTTT?!
Yeah. And I'm not taking it back.
OH. Britney Spears. I love it when you cameo. You're my favourite seriously.
OMG. KURT. YOU BITCH. I LOVE IT.
Now here's the thing: Kurt shouting at Will does call for a time-out.
But Will yelling back, is kind of hellza bad for a teacher, yes?
Though I love everyone's 'Oh Snap!' faces and the fact that he's wearing a skirt like WOAH.
More than that though, is the sing-off at the dentist office. AHHHHHH!
So cute.
And then I kind of wanted Will and Carl to make out. AH! Jeez, I'm sorry.
WILL AND RACHEL, YOU FLIRTY LITTLE BIYOTCHES.
The only thing I like more than you is when Will is holding Quinn back from a catfight. BECAUSE OMG HE HELD HER FOR LONGER THAN HE NEEDED TO AND IT WAS GLORIOUS.
BABY ONE MORE TIME
I'm going to say this now; this was not my favourite of the Berry numbers.
Just because my particular kink with regards to Lea Michele all lies in the OMG SHE'S BLOWING THE SKIN FROM MY FACE WITH HER SINGING! And this just didn't do that for me.
However, I am not above noting how perfectly formed she is in that video.
AND HOW FUCKING SCARY THAT GIRL NEXT TO HER'S ABS ARE.
WHAT?
In fact, I wasn't really paying attention, and I thought it was a guy at first and rewound and saw it wasn't and was like holy!she-hulk!
How much would I love to wake up to John Stamos.
IS THIS REAL LIFE?!
RACH, YOU ARE AMAZING.
Oh, and omg, I love Finn putting his jacket around her because it's just so cute. I know, feminist in me is screaming "NEVER LET A MAN TELL YOU HOW TO BE" but the little girl says "aw, he wants her all to himself, he doesn't want people to personify her". Also, Cory does this whole face-fall-thing when he's thinking real hard and it's just so adorable.
And then I kind of like how everyone is like YES. RACHEL IS THE SHIZZ. Because I really love when people appreciate her particular brand of sexy. She's unconventional, methinks. But gorgeous all the same.
Also: APPROVAL FROM SANTANA. AW. And Brittany loves it.
"You have my blessing"? Ugh. Guys, it doesn't need to be this way.
Erm. How cringeworthy is this entire car scene? Seriously.
Topping it off is the smooth jams he puts on and then dances and sings to. Ugh. I can't help it, stuff like that makes me need to die.
Will, you can't buy me with Dickens references. It won't work. Because I know you secretly only watched the Muppets version.
WE'RE MARLEY AND MARLEY! WOAAAAAAAAH!
Did he say Enema?
But then crazy!Terri turns up and my gosh, she is the best when she is truly crazy.
"HOMEWRECKER!"/"WE ARE DIVORCED!"-- aw, your argument is comic genius. Matty-Matt, I really want you to be funnier. I want to laugh with you. Not at the one dance move you choose to pull out at every song. YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN.
I love Brittany's nod of approval.
Like, yes, you have seen the light.
I'm actually thinking of killing the actor who plays Jacob Ben Israel just so I never have to see him again.
OMG. I NEED ONE OF THOSE MEN IN BLACK TORCH FLASHLIGHTY THINGS.
I NEED THIS GONE.
Although I appreciate any time Sue is given the opportunity to say: HORROR.
*ugh, I need to vomit. Fucking Ben Israel and your Jewish cloud.*
STRONGER
is one of those songs where I really love the audio, and don't particularly like seeing it.
It just does nothing for me.
I mean, I appreciate footballers dancing, but erm-- I'm just not feeling a whole Rocky Montage.
Although if it had ended with Artie wheeling himself up a really steep ramp and then waving his arms, I might have been more inclined to love it.
Because I love me some KevyMac.
Also, did anyone find it kind of painful to watch them really struggle with that chair?
That's not the way to win games!
ASIAN FUSION! YES!
Beaste. I really love her.
QUINN, YOU MAY ONLY HAVE ONE LINE BUT IT IS PERFECT AND YOU LOOK SO PRETTY DOING IT!
Oh, Will, I died for you a little bit then.
Please don't do this.
Except do. Because my inappropriate senses are tingling.
Rach, that dress is adorable.
But you really need to leave off this whole thing. Either be with each other and be lovely or go find Jesse.
I really want a hug from Finn. He's so tall and lovely.
RACHEL BERRY, THIS ULTIMATUM DOES NOT LOOK GOOD ON YOU.
Did anyone think Will was kind of losing his marbles a bit by this point?
But saying that, I really love him being the crazier of the two for once.
TOXIC
Okay, so this is officially one of my favourite Glee numbers ever. I have listened to it non-stop since I got it.
BECKY'S THE SPY! I really like to think that Brittany stayed behind one day and taught her all her secrets.
BUT OMG IF I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL THAT FUCKING JEWFRO BEFORE, I WOULD NOW.
WHY RUIN THINGS?! WHY?!
OMG. It was a Fosse-esque sex mess! I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT MORE THAN YOU.
But I missed Puck/Quinn sexiness. WHY WON'T YOU LET IT BE, SHOW?!
Including this, because well-- it's significantly Quinn. And Quinn humping a hat is fantasticalz.
LEAVE HIM! LEAVE HIM TO DIE! I WANT JACOB TRAMPLED!
Sue only moving in right angles kills me
He's not a great teacher though, Emma. Like, just know this.
EE! RACHEL AND QUINN TOGETHER AT LAST!
AND OMG I FUCKING LOVE HBIC HEAD CHEERIO QUINN. SHE IS THE BEST KIND OF QUINN.
And then all nonchalant and pissy, omg. Diana, you are just the prettiest. The prettiest ever.
Does anyone else feel like Will is jealous? Yeah?!
TRIANGLE OF DIRTY TIMES WILL COMMENCE.
Aw, I kind of liked that Mercedes stood up for Rachel. Nice.
THE ONLY EXCEPTION
I, erm, I really like Paramore. But this is just not one of my favourites of theirs. It's a little EHHHHHHH. I don't know. Mellow. I'm not really a fan of mellow.
Even the slow songs/ballads/other such things I like have like an intensity to them. It's not just a lullaby or something.
BUT ANYWAYS. I love Lea Michele and she was pretty rocking in it. And I liked that they had a slow-mo walk because it felt very One Tree Hill/The OC/generic teen drama, and I'm a sucker for these kind of things.
AND THEN OMG PUCK IS LOOKING AT QUINN AND SHE’S LOOKING BACK AND SHE’S SINGING THAT AND IT SO MEANS “You are the only exception.” in every way.
You are the only person I’ve ever cared about more than I could use them for.
You are the only person I’ve ever let touch me like that.
You are the only person who I can be real with.
You are the only person I’ve loved.
You are the only person I’ve had a baby with.
IT’S JUST MAGICAL.
I mean, you guys. This is my ship and it is ALIVE.
BUT YES. I LOVED IT.
IT WAS AMAZING.
TO SUMMARISE:
* Much preference to this Will/Emma development than the Back 9. This is pretty lovely.
* John Stamos. Let's keep him.
* Brittany should get all the solos! AND MY GOD, I WANT THAT KE$HA ONE SO BADLY.
Imagine TAKE IT OFF OMG. THE UNF-ABILITY. YES.
* I actually loved Santana a significant amount in this episode. WHAT IS THE SECOND SEASON DOING TO ME?!
* Erm. HeMo is pretty much sex personified. OH HO!
* PUCK AND QUINN JUST ROCK THE BACKGROUND.
I'm almost reluctant to ask for a storyline because I don't think this show knows how to handle these kids; so maybe I'll just stick with my background squee.
* I want Jacob Ben Israel to die. Actually.
He ruined Toxic. He's a disgusting creature. I want him fucking gone.
* John Stamos. John Stamos. John Stamos.
