Thursday's Child, Part Nine
Hector and Nia have her debriefing therapy session before Hector reveals his final task of the four (the earlier ones being breakfast, bath and therapy session).
Lavinia wouldn’t let herself lie back on the sofa, but was alert as she perched on the edge. Is this the session? Let’s get it finished. I don’t want to talk, but I can think.
“Is talking too much right now?”
A reluctant nod. It must be.
“Do you remember what happened at your moonlighting career last night?”
I must have made a dire mistake. Something that got me in trouble so you had to look after me, but I have no injuries. Thank you, but…why? When I make mistakes, I get wounds for a reward.
From what or whom? “No physical injuries.”
Was the shrinking violet there again? What did she do to me this time? How could I let-
“No, Violette wasn’t there. She knows to stay away until she can be trusted again. Do you remember the body?” There was nothing. “Do you remember… the two daughters?”
Two… Thank you for making sure I didn’t get in trouble, even though she didn’t deserve any better. I really have no control over myself. Pathetic. I can’t be of any use like this.
“You refer to the body as a person, someone you hate, but the woman was long dead.”
Good! Ungrateful vermin. I have no family, and that monster kills hers- innocent children, no less.
“Are you sure you have no one you consider family?”
She repressed the temptation to hug her knees. Of course I do. That doesn’t change the fact they’re not actually my family. I’m a simple story of how wishing doesn’t make things so. Who would marry or adopt me into their kin? Who could afford it? Who could withstand the risk?
“Not everyone sees people as account ledgers and I do know that for a fact. Remember, gorgeous, you’re not a telepath.”
Stop lying to me.
“I’m not lying. You’re one of them. You value your team members and not because of what they can do for you but who they are. Whereas you always see yourself based on what you can do for them and how to ensure their happiness and safety.”
But they’re fine, aren’t they? I’m the broken one. What am I without them?
“You thought two of them were in trouble, injured, or possibly even dead.”
Yet I just sat there. The best employees don’t do that. Big sisters don’t do that.
“You also knew, due to Sod’s Law, that as soon as you went out to look for them, they would be back and you would have one very angry arsehole of a boss shouting at you for leaving your post.”
He’s not that at all, even if he is mean and grouchy some…most…all the time! Stop being so rude to him! He doesn’t deserve that. She was most likely right, but I’m not apologising.
He has to deal with so much and put up with me too!
If that’s what Dick made her think, I’m definitely not apologising.
“You were scared if that did happen, you would lose control and release all of that hurt you’ve been trying to suppress all week. There would be a scene one way or another and everyone would be upset with nothing gained from it. You didn’t want that because you want a better relationship with your manager and because you care about your team. Your brother, whom you love dearly, is on that team also.”
Stop saying how should I feel!
“I say my theories so you can tell me if I’m wrong.”
He’s not really my brother.
“You don’t believe that and you shouldn’t. Remember how Violette picked you two as siblings right away and neither of you had even said anything to each other? It’s unusual for anyone to change their thoughts from ‘my brother is dead’ to ‘my brother is fine’ right away. Even though it’s happy news and the person is happy for that news, that person still had to consider a frightening unthinkable possibility that someone they’ve grown to love is forced out of their life forever. Such extreme emotions of fear and grief will linger, especially if that fear is there for hours with no contradictory evidence. Then you tried to distract yourself with your second job, and then a destructive form of relief offered itself to you and pushed your exhausted, unfed body beyond its limits.”
Stop it! Stop acting like you know everything! Do you think I didn’t hear you talking about me as if I wasn’t there?
“Do you remember what I said?”
You spoke to me as if I was a child. A stupid child at that. Pretty face… That’s not funny.
I sighed and felt my shoulders slump. “Calling you gorgeous isn’t a joke. You just can’t see yourself when you’re happy and have your needs taken care of.”
You didn’t say wants. Even though it’s a fact I know, I still just can’t accept that I won’t get any of the things I wanted and still want most.
“Accepting that you won’t get everything you want is perfectly reasonable, but not even one or two things you deeply desire is something you may be able to accept here-” I pointed to her forehead “but not in here-” I pointed to the left side of her chest “-where they all are.”
I’m just foolish. You two were laughing at me. Ah, the mortician.
“He was laughing at me because I was so concerned. There were no jokes made at your expense, I promise. I was speaking to you throughout what I was doing because I worked out that you were too tired to help me, but I didn’t want you to feel like ignored trash in the corner. Also, it meant I could see if you were capable of responding to me. I was also very impressed at how well you dissected and took out the womb and ovaries, especially since you were so angry at their owner. I wasn’t surprised, but I was proud. I don’t think you’re childish. I get protective of my patients, especially my girls, and I happen to find you, as much as you aren’t to be trifled with, very endearing. I’m sorry that I acted in a way that made you feel demeaned. It truly wasn’t intentional. Can you accept that?”
I have to, don’t I?
“No, you do not. However, would you accept that from me?”
…Yes. I’m very grateful for you taking care of me.
“You already thanked me earlier, princess. Here is my last request. There are two things in your assigned ‘room’ that you treasure very dearly. I want you to bring them here. You can put them in this scarf here and you don’t have to show anyone, including me. Just because I can read people’s thoughts, it doesn’t mean all of them are my business. I’ll speak with Richard. He’s only displeased with me. Just me. Go now and check in with parole on the way back, please.”
Lavinia wouldn’t let herself lie back on the sofa, but was alert as she perched on the edge. Is this the session? Let’s get it finished. I don’t want to talk, but I can think.
“Is talking too much right now?”
A reluctant nod. It must be.
“Do you remember what happened at your moonlighting career last night?”
I must have made a dire mistake. Something that got me in trouble so you had to look after me, but I have no injuries. Thank you, but…why? When I make mistakes, I get wounds for a reward.
From what or whom? “No physical injuries.”
Was the shrinking violet there again? What did she do to me this time? How could I let-
“No, Violette wasn’t there. She knows to stay away until she can be trusted again. Do you remember the body?” There was nothing. “Do you remember… the two daughters?”
Two… Thank you for making sure I didn’t get in trouble, even though she didn’t deserve any better. I really have no control over myself. Pathetic. I can’t be of any use like this.
“You refer to the body as a person, someone you hate, but the woman was long dead.”
Good! Ungrateful vermin. I have no family, and that monster kills hers- innocent children, no less.
“Are you sure you have no one you consider family?”
She repressed the temptation to hug her knees. Of course I do. That doesn’t change the fact they’re not actually my family. I’m a simple story of how wishing doesn’t make things so. Who would marry or adopt me into their kin? Who could afford it? Who could withstand the risk?
“Not everyone sees people as account ledgers and I do know that for a fact. Remember, gorgeous, you’re not a telepath.”
Stop lying to me.
“I’m not lying. You’re one of them. You value your team members and not because of what they can do for you but who they are. Whereas you always see yourself based on what you can do for them and how to ensure their happiness and safety.”
But they’re fine, aren’t they? I’m the broken one. What am I without them?
“You thought two of them were in trouble, injured, or possibly even dead.”
Yet I just sat there. The best employees don’t do that. Big sisters don’t do that.
“You also knew, due to Sod’s Law, that as soon as you went out to look for them, they would be back and you would have one very angry arsehole of a boss shouting at you for leaving your post.”
He’s not that at all, even if he is mean and grouchy some…most…all the time! Stop being so rude to him! He doesn’t deserve that. She was most likely right, but I’m not apologising.
He has to deal with so much and put up with me too!
If that’s what Dick made her think, I’m definitely not apologising.
“You were scared if that did happen, you would lose control and release all of that hurt you’ve been trying to suppress all week. There would be a scene one way or another and everyone would be upset with nothing gained from it. You didn’t want that because you want a better relationship with your manager and because you care about your team. Your brother, whom you love dearly, is on that team also.”
Stop saying how should I feel!
“I say my theories so you can tell me if I’m wrong.”
He’s not really my brother.
“You don’t believe that and you shouldn’t. Remember how Violette picked you two as siblings right away and neither of you had even said anything to each other? It’s unusual for anyone to change their thoughts from ‘my brother is dead’ to ‘my brother is fine’ right away. Even though it’s happy news and the person is happy for that news, that person still had to consider a frightening unthinkable possibility that someone they’ve grown to love is forced out of their life forever. Such extreme emotions of fear and grief will linger, especially if that fear is there for hours with no contradictory evidence. Then you tried to distract yourself with your second job, and then a destructive form of relief offered itself to you and pushed your exhausted, unfed body beyond its limits.”
Stop it! Stop acting like you know everything! Do you think I didn’t hear you talking about me as if I wasn’t there?
“Do you remember what I said?”
You spoke to me as if I was a child. A stupid child at that. Pretty face… That’s not funny.
I sighed and felt my shoulders slump. “Calling you gorgeous isn’t a joke. You just can’t see yourself when you’re happy and have your needs taken care of.”
You didn’t say wants. Even though it’s a fact I know, I still just can’t accept that I won’t get any of the things I wanted and still want most.
“Accepting that you won’t get everything you want is perfectly reasonable, but not even one or two things you deeply desire is something you may be able to accept here-” I pointed to her forehead “but not in here-” I pointed to the left side of her chest “-where they all are.”
I’m just foolish. You two were laughing at me. Ah, the mortician.
“He was laughing at me because I was so concerned. There were no jokes made at your expense, I promise. I was speaking to you throughout what I was doing because I worked out that you were too tired to help me, but I didn’t want you to feel like ignored trash in the corner. Also, it meant I could see if you were capable of responding to me. I was also very impressed at how well you dissected and took out the womb and ovaries, especially since you were so angry at their owner. I wasn’t surprised, but I was proud. I don’t think you’re childish. I get protective of my patients, especially my girls, and I happen to find you, as much as you aren’t to be trifled with, very endearing. I’m sorry that I acted in a way that made you feel demeaned. It truly wasn’t intentional. Can you accept that?”
I have to, don’t I?
“No, you do not. However, would you accept that from me?”
…Yes. I’m very grateful for you taking care of me.
“You already thanked me earlier, princess. Here is my last request. There are two things in your assigned ‘room’ that you treasure very dearly. I want you to bring them here. You can put them in this scarf here and you don’t have to show anyone, including me. Just because I can read people’s thoughts, it doesn’t mean all of them are my business. I’ll speak with Richard. He’s only displeased with me. Just me. Go now and check in with parole on the way back, please.”