Comments | close_its_la: you can't always get what you want

amidarla in close_its_la

you can't always get what you want

Dec 14, 2004 22:02

Lindsey hadn’t stopped smiling since Christian was born, and it warmed my unbeating heart to see them together nearly as much as my pregnancy had sickened me. In the past days, I’d realized that it didn’t matter who the father was -- the boy was my child through and through, and I was utterly attached to him ( Read more... )

Comments 4

supsupevilhand December 20 2004, 20:52:58 UTC

I never figured I'd get a chance to be a father. Sold my soul to Wolfram and Hart, and working at the firm left me in no position to start a family. Any child or woman I cared about would be potential pawns in the firm's game at keeping me under control.

Not that things are really different now. Wolfram and Hart has to know I'm back in town by now. Connor and Darla were potential targets and that made me nervous, but Darla could take care of herself and we could take care of our son together.

I didn't hear walk in, she's always so quiet, but the words she whispers in my ear seems to shatter the silence and the walls I've built around my heart.

“He’s yours now, Lindsey. Take good care of him.”

"He's ours, Darla." I whisper, keeping my tone as low as hers, but my voice is heavy with worry. She sounds like she's leaving and that can't happen. "What's going on, Darlin'?"

amidarla December 25 2004, 14:30:01 UTC

I knew he'd argue. I could have done it differently, and perhaps I should have. I should have let him stumble in on Christian's tiny body, drained of blood - but the Powers have different ideas. They wouldn't let me kill him when he was still in my womb and they won't let me kill him now. Every time I even came close to considering it, I felt this undeniable pang of guilt -- frankly, being around him just wasn't worth it.

"Nothing's 'going on,' Lindsey," I say flatly, ready to spin on my heel and walk out the door. "I've lived for three hundred and fifty years without a child, I'm not about to start taking care of a squalling infant now."

Of course I was lying, but I was good at it. I'd always been good at it. "He's yours. If you don't want him, I'm sure Angel will be more than happy to take him."

supsupevilhand January 2 2005, 14:41:18 UTC

"You're lying." I say, trying hard to keep the tone of my voice low and level. I don't want to wake the baby, but I'm not going to stand by and let her walk out on me. Hell, it had nearly brought me to my knees the last time. Things ended up all fucked up and I never admitted it, but I left town to find her.Maybe I'm wrong to think she came here looking for me, but I have a hard time imagining she thought Angel would be able to help her. He damn sure didn't help her before. It was me who did whatever she needed, whenever she needed me too. If she thinks she's just walking away? She's got another thing coming. I ain't losing her again ( ... )

amidarla January 3 2005, 22:17:23 UTC

Lying? He actually believes I'm lying to him -- as though I've ever lied about anything. I've never had to, least of all to him. Except, of course, for now, but that's beside the point.

"What do you want me to do, Lindsey?" I hissed, my face squeaking into its demon form. "Do you want me to stay around and play house with you, give him the 'why mommy kills people' talk at age eleven?"

I had no reason to be annoyed. I'd expected this reaction, because what else could Lindsey possibly say? He was stubborn, which made him intriguing, which made him worth keeping alive. But I was annoyed nonetheless.

"Do you want to give me a soul, Lindsey?" I taunted him lightly. "Force me to care about this child?"