Transition Fears

[omnimodus]

(posted on my personal LJ, ftm, transyouth, closeted_ftm, and transgender)

I worry a lot about transition sometimes. I'm afraid what my family might think or do, what people who know me would do, and most importantly - what I would do.

I constantly debate with myself about whether or not I should go on T and get my breasts removed. I know I want

Comments

[alienchrist]

It's possible you may want to explore options for you life that don't involve going on T, if the physical changes are that big for you.

[jai_phoenix]

You know, just recently I was reading my old journal that I kept when I first came out. A lot of it was very similar to what you talk about in your post. All the fear and anxiety is totally normal/acceptable, I don't think it's uncommon at all.

My advice is to just take it step by step, slowly. Try different steps of social transition, since that's what you know you want now. Feel things out and see how you feel, you can always go back if it doesn't feel right.

Transition, should you choose it, isn't something that has to be done right away, you can take as long as you need or want to to figure out what's best for you. Don't feel any pressure or need to rush, it's your life and only you will know what's making you happy and what isn't.

Thinking about transition is scary, actually doing it is scary, and you are definitely not alone in the fear. I definitely felt it too when first coming out to myself and to others.

hang in there! And good luck.

[phoenix_moth]

Yeah, I can understand that. Some of what you mentioned I haven't even thought about.
My only real concerns are two rather menial ones, I guess- my voice, and my genitals.

[autastic]

I am not sure if I want to change my genitals at all. I am a huge control freak, and I hate the thought of handing over my body to another human being, even the best surgeon in the world. It's bad enough letting someone dig the surgical knife into me for the masectomy (I dread both pain and hospitals), let alone letting someone change what's in my pants. Besides, I'm not convinced that either the metoidioplasty or the phalloplasty will be satisfactory anyway.

I'm not terribly concerned about my voice, except that I take great pride in my ability to sing. Some people say it will wreck my voice, while others tell me not to worry. I guess if I keep singing every day, it shouldn't be too traumatic.

[phoenix_moth]

EXACTLY.
ON BOTH ENDS OF THAT.
I sing too, which is exactly why I'm worried, and I don't think the surgeries are worth the money and pain they'd cost.

[eyelinerboi]

thanks for posting this, coz i'm battling with some of those feelings at the moment. i'm 5ft 1 on a good day, and while i can get away with it as a 'girl', i'm concerned that presenting as male will bring me millions of problems. some bio guys can be aggressive or won't even take short guys seriously... sometimes in that way, it's just easier being a 'girl'.

i guess it's the conflict between leaving the safety of appearing female, but then hating being seen as female, and identifying as male, but worrying about not being taken seriously as a short guy, or whatever.

anyways, sorry for rambling. hope everything works out for you mate!