I am alive. I am alive.

[closetmonsters]

I feel fragile and small and bad and the only safe place I can go is into the shower. It's become my home away from home (the bed)--the only place for a month and a half after they burned my diaphragm (in addition to the liver tumors) where I could find any solace from the constant pain and misery--flowing over me in tides that would sometimes ebb

Comments

[etroutski]

I do hear you. I have no reply, just know that I am here.

[closetmonsters]

etroutski--you are a light--not just for me but for all the people you help everyday. thank you.

[kamigirl25]

It says that God will have mercy on whom He has mercy and compassion on whom He has compassion. Why won't He have any on me?Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. At least, that's how it feels sometimes, for me. I guess I've given up trying to find salvation or a lesson or enlightenment in cancer. Most days I just try to ignore it

[closetmonsters]

and you too. i so hate to hear when drugs don't work for others as well. i wish that weren't so. i'll be keeping fingers and toes crossed, sending up prayers and incense and whatnot (who can resist incense?)--that Avastin will work for you and kick that cancer back into obscurity.

life changes forever for us--even those of us go beat it--we come away with that 'new reality' right?

i'd hug you and make you hot cocoa if i could. write me and let me know how you are, if you don't mind? or i'll check up on you myself. :)

hugs and kisses,

sister in cancer

[kamigirl25]

Mmmmm.....cocoa. You know, I find that I'm never too sick for chocolate (curse the day that ever happens

[mylastsigh]

I dont know what to say except I am here to listen.

[closetmonsters]

thank you. :)

[writteninstars]

You never ever have to apologize to me. K, I think about you a lot. I wonder what it would be like if I lived closer to you. I think maybe you would let me come over and help you sometimes. I think I've never really known anyone who's going through what you are going through and wanted to talk to me about it. I think that everytime you post, I am glad. Glad to know you've made it a little longer. I keep waiting for the day when you say, "It's gone! The dreaded C-word is gone!" In this post, for the first time, I'm afraid that won't happen. I'm afraid I shouldn't say that, but I want you to know that I read every word you write.

Also? You have to get better so you can write a book 'cause my God, it'll be great.

[closetmonsters]

hey! thank you...i wish we lived closer too, cause i think you'd be the greatest to hang out with. :)

i keep talking to my husband and friends about making a trip to memphis--maybe if i do over the summer months we could meet up for lunch? :)

and then i'd have to hit all the used book stores, because i am a shameless bookwhore.

-k

[writteninstars]

Are you kidding me?! If y'all come to Memphis, I am totally coming down for lunch and bookstore-browsing. Anyone who is not a shameless bookwhore isn't worth knowing. :p

And dude? It'll be summer 'fore we know it.

[egirl]

Oh, darling, so wonderful to hear from you. *gives you the biggest virtual hugs ever*

I'm thinking of you and sending every ounch of good karma I can muster to you.

And I'm dedicating this Astro Boy icon to you, because he is JUST like you - brave, gentle and wise.

You take care and rest, beautiful girl.

*more and more and more hugs*

Emma.

[closetmonsters]

Thank you, Emma. You are the best....really...how are things in bookland going?

:)

[egirl]

YOU'RE the best...and, as you'd know by now (because I replied in reverse!)...I'm not in bookland anymore...

*clutches Toto*

;-)

Emma.