Bad
Title: Bad
Fandom: L'Arc~en~Ciel
Characters: Hyde/Megumi
Prompt: #30 - Death
Word Count: 1,290
Rating: PG-13 - slightly disturbing
Summary: Can’t do bad anymore. Won’t do bad anymore. Won’t be sad.
Author's Notes: Insane characters are so easy to write. I love them.
Bad
Headache. It’s so pounding and constant. I can massage my temples as much as I want, but it’ll never let up. Haven’t been able to get rid of it since I got here. They put me in here because I did something bad. Really bad. Now they’re trying to make me pay for it. My life for hers. Because I did it. The headache is getting worse. Always does when I try to picture her. She was a beautiful, good woman. I don’t know why I did it. No, I do. I do know.
I had taken some time off work, to spend with her and because the others urged me. I knew they were talking about me. But when I asked about it, they lied. They always lied. The staring was too much. The music was just getting too damn loud. But she’d always go out. After a while, I stopped trying to make love to her. She wasn’t interested in it anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. I told her my hair has been coming out in clumps lately. I think there’s a bald spot. I can feel it if I put my hand on the side of my head. Weird spot for it to start, but it is. She says my hair is fine. I know she’s lying though. She’s just like the others. She can’t stand to look at me. She’d ask me to come to bed. I just wanted to smoke and watch TV. I have to watch the TV in case they talk about me. Do other people think I’m getting old? They say I’m looking horrible lately. Can’t sing. Can’t write music. Can’t focus. The talking’s too loud. The headaches didn’t come just yet though. I stopped needing sleep. Barely wanted to leave the house to get more cigarettes. Those helped a little. My son started school recently. I wonder if they’re teaching him about me. They’re always talking about me. Always. She said she was worried about me.
I didn’t mean to hurt her. I know, I know I did! Jesus Christ, shut up. I couldn’t put them through this anymore. For me to die, it would have been too easy. They would just suffer more. That’s when I was talking to her. I told her things would be better if she could just sleep. I could go through this on my own. But I had to release her. So, I did it. I hurt her more than I had in the past. I told her it would be over soon. That’s what I always see before it comes back to me. Confusion. She was just as lost as me. I wonder if she knew they were talking about me, too. She probably didn’t know why they were talking about me so much though. She didn’t understand I was their project even before the wires put through my head. Can’t stand listening to myself anymore.
They put the wires in my head after I did it. I had to pay for what I did to her. She broke like a ragdoll. Picture perfect. Blood everywhere. Megumi. She had whimpered only once. Shaking. I was shaking, too. Maybe she did understand. Maybe she just hid her fear better than I did. But if she was in this hell, too, I had to release her. That was the best way. It was the only way. I had to hurt her. Now wires are in my head. They try to feed me pills. Are they trying to kill me? I don’t know. I hear them whispering. They have plans for me. Plans. Plans. Always with the plans. I’m tired of being this puppet for their conspiracies. They won’t even let me outside to smoke anymore. They say I don’t deserve it. They say I deserve what I did to her. She’s better now. I want to be better, too. But I did bad. They said it was a bad thing. I let her go, but she’s still here.
God. Again. The headache. It gets worse. Something’s touching me. It’s a pretty day outside. I can feel the warmth of the sun. It burns like fire. It feels sticky on my back. What is that? I don’t want to look. They say I have to look. I hear my name. What? I just want to sleep. Or smoke. I want a fucking cigarette. But those bastards won’t let me. Don’t deserve it. Deserve it. Tired of jumping through hoops like a trained ferret. It’s sticky. What the hell is on me? It’s a hand. Soft, feminine, the way I remember it.
“Oh God,” I groan. I always get a sense of dread when she visits me. I want her back. But it’s a bad place here. Bad, bad, bad. I’m bad. Sad? Mad? Bad? Maybe. Sadly mad. Madly bad. Badly sad. Bad. It’s bad. I have to hold my head. It feels like it weighs a ton. Ever since those damn wires got put in. Sticky. My name again. Hyde. Bad. That’s why. Bad Hyde. She wants me to look at her. I don’t want to. She doesn’t want to look at me. She probably isn’t. She never does. I want to look at her. But the headache is so bad now. Fuck it. Nothing I haven’t seen before. I have to look at her. It hurts. Blood. All down her face. Her cheeks, puffed. Nose looks funny with all that purple. Bad funny purple. She’s looking at me. Glass eyes. Fake. It’s not real. Not real. She can’t still be here. But she is. She’s touching me. No. Not anymore. There’s something else on me. God, it’s the blood again. Had to scrub so hard to get it off. It’s hard to get that much off. It was everywhere. Now it’s on me again. Sticky. Burning.
I can’t get it off again. No matter how hard I rub. It just won’t erase. It’s on my hands now. Again. My eyes sting. Is it raining again? I hate the rain. It always stings. Have to get out of the rain. I stand up and move away from her. She brings rain with her all the time. Every time. I let you go, dammit! Why won’t you go? They’re getting louder. Yelling at me to face it. Face what I did. But I can’t. I won’t. No. They get louder as I do. I try to huddle away from them. They won’t stop. My head’s so heavy. The pain’s so bad. I hear a step closer to me. No. No more bad.
“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” I’ll say it until they break me the way I broke her. Can’t do bad anymore. Won’t do bad anymore. Won’t be sad.
Megumi retracted her step. Orderlies quickly rushed into the room as her husband’s shouts got louder and louder. He had refused his meds again. He still had another day or two before they began simply injecting him to treat him. They approached him cautiously, trying to say his name and bring him out of his hallucination. But he was already too far gone again. Almost as soon as they were in reach, Hyde began kicking, punching, and screaming. Megumi covered her mouth and turned her gaze from him. Once they were able, they injected him with a sedative and slowly, his screams quieted down into grunts.
“Bad…bad…I did bad…” he murmured, his eyes beginning to droop. Hyde was carefully hoisted back onto his bed where he lazily rolled onto his side. His eyes glazing over as he watched Megumi. A few tears rolled down her cheeks as he slipped into unconsciousness.
…Not again, not again.
Fandom: L'Arc~en~Ciel
Characters: Hyde/Megumi
Prompt: #30 - Death
Word Count: 1,290
Rating: PG-13 - slightly disturbing
Summary: Can’t do bad anymore. Won’t do bad anymore. Won’t be sad.
Author's Notes: Insane characters are so easy to write. I love them.
Bad
Headache. It’s so pounding and constant. I can massage my temples as much as I want, but it’ll never let up. Haven’t been able to get rid of it since I got here. They put me in here because I did something bad. Really bad. Now they’re trying to make me pay for it. My life for hers. Because I did it. The headache is getting worse. Always does when I try to picture her. She was a beautiful, good woman. I don’t know why I did it. No, I do. I do know.
I had taken some time off work, to spend with her and because the others urged me. I knew they were talking about me. But when I asked about it, they lied. They always lied. The staring was too much. The music was just getting too damn loud. But she’d always go out. After a while, I stopped trying to make love to her. She wasn’t interested in it anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. I told her my hair has been coming out in clumps lately. I think there’s a bald spot. I can feel it if I put my hand on the side of my head. Weird spot for it to start, but it is. She says my hair is fine. I know she’s lying though. She’s just like the others. She can’t stand to look at me. She’d ask me to come to bed. I just wanted to smoke and watch TV. I have to watch the TV in case they talk about me. Do other people think I’m getting old? They say I’m looking horrible lately. Can’t sing. Can’t write music. Can’t focus. The talking’s too loud. The headaches didn’t come just yet though. I stopped needing sleep. Barely wanted to leave the house to get more cigarettes. Those helped a little. My son started school recently. I wonder if they’re teaching him about me. They’re always talking about me. Always. She said she was worried about me.
I didn’t mean to hurt her. I know, I know I did! Jesus Christ, shut up. I couldn’t put them through this anymore. For me to die, it would have been too easy. They would just suffer more. That’s when I was talking to her. I told her things would be better if she could just sleep. I could go through this on my own. But I had to release her. So, I did it. I hurt her more than I had in the past. I told her it would be over soon. That’s what I always see before it comes back to me. Confusion. She was just as lost as me. I wonder if she knew they were talking about me, too. She probably didn’t know why they were talking about me so much though. She didn’t understand I was their project even before the wires put through my head. Can’t stand listening to myself anymore.
They put the wires in my head after I did it. I had to pay for what I did to her. She broke like a ragdoll. Picture perfect. Blood everywhere. Megumi. She had whimpered only once. Shaking. I was shaking, too. Maybe she did understand. Maybe she just hid her fear better than I did. But if she was in this hell, too, I had to release her. That was the best way. It was the only way. I had to hurt her. Now wires are in my head. They try to feed me pills. Are they trying to kill me? I don’t know. I hear them whispering. They have plans for me. Plans. Plans. Always with the plans. I’m tired of being this puppet for their conspiracies. They won’t even let me outside to smoke anymore. They say I don’t deserve it. They say I deserve what I did to her. She’s better now. I want to be better, too. But I did bad. They said it was a bad thing. I let her go, but she’s still here.
God. Again. The headache. It gets worse. Something’s touching me. It’s a pretty day outside. I can feel the warmth of the sun. It burns like fire. It feels sticky on my back. What is that? I don’t want to look. They say I have to look. I hear my name. What? I just want to sleep. Or smoke. I want a fucking cigarette. But those bastards won’t let me. Don’t deserve it. Deserve it. Tired of jumping through hoops like a trained ferret. It’s sticky. What the hell is on me? It’s a hand. Soft, feminine, the way I remember it.
“Oh God,” I groan. I always get a sense of dread when she visits me. I want her back. But it’s a bad place here. Bad, bad, bad. I’m bad. Sad? Mad? Bad? Maybe. Sadly mad. Madly bad. Badly sad. Bad. It’s bad. I have to hold my head. It feels like it weighs a ton. Ever since those damn wires got put in. Sticky. My name again. Hyde. Bad. That’s why. Bad Hyde. She wants me to look at her. I don’t want to. She doesn’t want to look at me. She probably isn’t. She never does. I want to look at her. But the headache is so bad now. Fuck it. Nothing I haven’t seen before. I have to look at her. It hurts. Blood. All down her face. Her cheeks, puffed. Nose looks funny with all that purple. Bad funny purple. She’s looking at me. Glass eyes. Fake. It’s not real. Not real. She can’t still be here. But she is. She’s touching me. No. Not anymore. There’s something else on me. God, it’s the blood again. Had to scrub so hard to get it off. It’s hard to get that much off. It was everywhere. Now it’s on me again. Sticky. Burning.
I can’t get it off again. No matter how hard I rub. It just won’t erase. It’s on my hands now. Again. My eyes sting. Is it raining again? I hate the rain. It always stings. Have to get out of the rain. I stand up and move away from her. She brings rain with her all the time. Every time. I let you go, dammit! Why won’t you go? They’re getting louder. Yelling at me to face it. Face what I did. But I can’t. I won’t. No. They get louder as I do. I try to huddle away from them. They won’t stop. My head’s so heavy. The pain’s so bad. I hear a step closer to me. No. No more bad.
“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” I’ll say it until they break me the way I broke her. Can’t do bad anymore. Won’t do bad anymore. Won’t be sad.
Megumi retracted her step. Orderlies quickly rushed into the room as her husband’s shouts got louder and louder. He had refused his meds again. He still had another day or two before they began simply injecting him to treat him. They approached him cautiously, trying to say his name and bring him out of his hallucination. But he was already too far gone again. Almost as soon as they were in reach, Hyde began kicking, punching, and screaming. Megumi covered her mouth and turned her gaze from him. Once they were able, they injected him with a sedative and slowly, his screams quieted down into grunts.
“Bad…bad…I did bad…” he murmured, his eyes beginning to droop. Hyde was carefully hoisted back onto his bed where he lazily rolled onto his side. His eyes glazing over as he watched Megumi. A few tears rolled down her cheeks as he slipped into unconsciousness.
…Not again, not again.