Hero
Title: Hero
Author: clovert
Pairing: ryosuke/yuuto/ryuutarou
Rating: PG
Summary: He had always wanted to be a hero for them.
A/N: This is a birthday (kinda songfic) fic for Ryuu-chan. He liked Mr.Children, so I used their song 'Hero'. Hope everyone enjoys!
-- I --
Supposing that the world could be saved
by one person giving their life in exchange,
I would be the man who waits
until someone else has volunteered.
Sometimes Ryuutarou would think, maybe his role in life was to become someone else's extra.
Despite the idol business, he has never thought that he was the one who shines. Unlike Yuuto, who had the charisma to become the center of attention. And unlike Ryo-chan, who had enough determination to push his way to the top.
He was simply lucky to have gotten in, lucky to have debuted, and he was content to just be there without doing anything else.
He was fourteen and he really didn't think he had the power to make a whole bunch of people glorify him.
That's for Superman.
He didn't want to either, to be the first one to make up a load of interesting and meaningful bullshit to blurt out to the microphones. Or to speak up and save the atmosphere when someone else messed up.
That's for Yuuto.
He didn't want to dance at the front and center, where everyone is watching, and everything has to be perfect. Nor did he want to run across two groups, while being unwilling and worrying about what other members thought.
That's for Ryo-chan.
Because he was the youngest and embarrassed and awkward, and Jump understood. And they would spoil him.
All those dear to me have made me a coward.
He would much rather be the one at the back.
-- II --
I don’t expect to be like my idols
whose actions and mannerisms I imitated as a child.
More often than not, he gets teased by his group members. It was almost every day that Yuuto would somehow make a comment about how 'old' Ryuutarou tries to act.
"Seriously, you should stop acting like an old man. Even BEST seems younger than you." Yuuto would say. And he would see Chinen giggling off to the side.
But the truth is, everyone has that certain period during their teenage years when they want to become an adult. They speak and act like they're mature so that no one will treat them like kids.
In Ryuutarou's case, he felt like he was always lagging two years. Biologically lagging two years, and educationally lagging two years. It was something he can't make up for.
If I can't catch up physically, at least I can catch up mentally, he thought.
So he would lower his NDS and tell Yuuto to stop acting like a retarded kid because it really didn't suit his height. And maybe if he did, then he'll get a few more dramas.
And then he would pretend not to see the hurt that flash across in Yuuto's eyes. The older boy would dramatically drop to the spot beside him and wail.
"Ryuutarou~~I thought you respected me as a senpai before! Why are you insulting me?"
He did. And he still does. But the latter part he would never openly admit.
Nakajima Yuuto was a name that all the juniors knew when he was there. Usually anyone who entered Johnnys would take at least two or three years to start appearing at the front with a mic. But Yuuto became top in half a year. He was the wonder boy who ran around the stage like it was his amusement park. He could talk to their senpais like they were his friends.
When Ryuutarou first joined, he was awed by how someone only two years older than him can shine so much. And when he eventually got fitted into JJ Express, this person took care of him as if he was a younger brother.
Perhaps that was when Ryuutarou mapped the other boy in the image of his most respected senpai. If Takizawa-kun was still in juniors, he thought, that was how it would be like.
But I’d like to be a hero,
just for you,
to reach a hand out to you,
when you stumble or fall.
At that time, Ryuutarou would imagine, if Shintarou was to enter the Jimusho, he would be someone his younger brother look up to. Even if he was the one that their mom scolded the most at home.
And then, it all seemed like some kind of fate, that Johnny-san mistook Shintarou for him, that his younger brother entered the Jimusho without an audition because of their similarities.
Ryuutarou did what he imagined. He helped him with dancing and singing like a big brother would. But what he never expected was how fast his brother became equals with him. It didn't take long until they were performing together with Yuto and Ryo-chan and Taiga. Their first drama appearance was on the same one. Then came the TV specials, dramas and debuting as a main character of a movie. He didn't want to think about it, but Shintarou was more outstanding now.
He had always known that his presence was a kind of pressure to Shintarou, it was what drove his younger brother to take his work seriously.
But it still hurt when he told Takizawa-kun that he wasn't really glad that his older brother was in the field.
-- III --
To make an awful movie more exciting
they casually kill off people on screen.
Occasionally at home, he would catch his mom and Shintarou watching dramas that his members appeared in. Though he would ignore their invitations to join, and hide in his room like a hermit.
Sometimes he thinks that he has the right to neglect. He wasn't the oldest or the leader in JUMP, so he wasn't going to keep tabs on anyone. He would even tell Shintarou that he would never ever watch any of them, even if it was a blatant lie.
He didn't really want to see someone he knew acting like someone he doesn't. Besides, their life was more than enough of a drama, wasn't it?
Stalkers and scandals. Friendship and rivalry. People rising and falling on the wheel of fortune.
And then there will always be the people who would say, "oh well, that's life."
But it was different when it's not scripted. Because there wasn't any 'it's supposed to end like that'. Because life was full of surprises but also non-dramatic.
That's why it was more heart wretching seeing Yuuto cry about not getting his tap dancing right
because of his foot injury than watching that little engineer, Tomohisa, on 24 hour TV special die.
But they’re wrong,
what we want to see is a light full of hope.
Everyone wants the power to be able to change around a horrible situation. But only some can.
He wasn't one of them, so he could only look on as the older boy became depressed and cried and finally let go. The only comfort he could give was the occasional shoulder to cry on.
He had never been to the top but it probably hurt falling down. If he could share the pain, he would. But that was impossible, so he did the next best thing.
He still could not stop himself from wishing that Tomohisa would live, even when he knew the ending before it started.
Just like how he could not stop wishing that Yuuto's smile would stay forever, despite how bitter everything has turned out.
-- IV --
the slightly smaller hand in my hand
silently melts away the gloom in my heart.
Even if the whole earth affirms that Yamada Ryosuke was a soft, gentle person with a good personality, Ryuutarou would still be the first one to jump out and say that it's a load of crap.
They're talking about the kid who yells at him when he feels like an older brother and bicker with him on petty things when he's not. If anyone asked him, he would roll his eyes and say, "The closest you will ever have to that, is an oblivious and zoned out Yama-chan with his hand held by Yuuto."
But that was years ago. When Ryuutarou and Ryo-chan were still partners, when they were still standing next to Yuuto on stage.
He could still remember the 'chestnut' who entered the Jimusho with him. The boyish, tanned and soccer loving kid who can't speak or dance well had gone a long way to become the Yamada Ryosuke today.
But Ryuutarou doesn't think he will ever forget the fourteen year old Ryo-chan. It was when the world started to pay attention to Yamada Ryosuke and his talents -- the clean looking, pale skinned, strawberry scented boy who suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
Ryuutarou thought it was unfair that they didn't know his origins. They hadn't seen the sweat drenched figure in the dance studio after hours. They hadn't seen the frail boy hiding in the bathroom, vomiting because of stress. They hadn't seen the bitterness in those big round eyes when he couldn't participate in Shounen Club because of his broken fingers. Because it wasn't just the glamorous smile or the pretty face, but all of what can't be seen that made up the wonderful person who was Ryo-chan.
"I feel like, my most precious thing had been exposed to the world." Yuuto had told him one afternoon when they two of them were there waiting for Ryo-chan to finish dance practice.
Ryuutarou remember staring at Ryo-chan's reflection on the mirror and wondering if Yuuto had just realized what a giant confession he just admitted.
But it was the same feeling.
He didn't want to let go either.
-- V --
the many spices that one needs to really taste life’s full course
are prepared for everyone.
sometimes they’re bitter
and you’ll think the taste astringent.
"It's impossible to go between those two you know." The one currently occupying his lap and shoulder suddenly spoke up. The immediate pause to the pounding of his NDS buttons caused his character to die. His gaze drifted to the two on the sofa, who were reading a magazine together.
Ryuutarou always wondered why Chinen's sharp words always made it sting.
Because they speak of the truth, a voice inside his head told him.
It wasn't like he didn't realize. He had been ruled out of the equation ever since the temporary Hey!Say!7 unit. He couldn't do anything but stand there and watch the backs of two of his dearest persons run on ahead.
It was a period in time which he cannot share.
And when they met again at the next cross road as Hey!Say!Jump, there was something missing already. Even when they were on Heisei Families together, those two were the inseparable twins while he was the younger brother who followed them around.
But things like red strings of fate, he didn't need them.
and then you’ll eat your last desert with a smile.
I want to be next to you.
Ryuutarou hauled Chinen off of him and got up from the chair. The smaller boy look quizzically at him as he walked over to the two and plopped down next to Ryo-chan with his back leaning on the other's arm. Ryosuke let out a 'tsk' and shifted into a more comfortable position, while Yuuto leaned over and lightly smacked his head.
He didn't need red strings because, if red strings were limited to two people, he'd rather it be tied to the two people he cared most about.
If he had to choose a word, it was 'beside', not 'between'.
-- VI --
through the cruel passage of time,
surely even I’ve become adult enough.
I’m not sad, and it doesn’t hurt
just having kept going, and keeping going
is enough to make me happy, is precious.
People say that day by day, you'll change a little. But sometimes he feels like he hadn't changed at all.
At those times Ryo-chan would come around with a pouty face and poke him. "What do you mean no change? I wouldn't be so miserable right now if you didn't grow taller than me."
"Yama-chan, it's not height that's the most important." Yuuto would then butt in, putting his lanky arms around them both. "It's what's inside. And we're all growing anyway, it's fine to just go our own pace."
And then he would stare at the other two and inwardly smile.
He might never catch up any time soon with his own pace, but surely with them still by his side and on the same stage, it will become the most precious memories in his life.
-- VII --
I always want to be a hero,
just for you,
there’s nothing mysterious about it,
at this point there’s nothing to hide.
On his fifteenth birthday, he received an odd text message right at midnight. From anonymous it read, and the title was 'fill in your birthday wish and it might come true'.
Ryuutarou hesitated a few minutes before he decided to reply.
I don't have a life to sacrifice for other people,
and I don't have any super powers,
but I want to be a hero,
just for you,
to reach a hand out to you,
when you stumble or fall.
Ne, is that possible?
He hit the send button with a smile.
-- VIII --
From: Anonymous
Title: Re: I want to be a hero
From now on, you've been granted the power to become
Nakajima Yuuto and Yamada Ryosuke's hero.
Please keep Yuuto from acting like a retarded kid all the time.
And please make sure to keep growing taller so Yama-chan can keep his cute pouting face.
Happy 15th Birthday, Ryuutarou.