que sera sera
Que Sera Sera
Yoochun/Junsu
PG-13
Love at first fashion blunder.
It had to be done.
Yoochun starts a pop culture war in the kitchen.
Jaejoong drops his half-peeled orange into the sink, suddenly feeling like a wallflower in his boots that he had bedazzled the night before. He’s about to yell at Yoochun to fucking warn them before prancing around in those hideous highlighter yellow short-shorts and tie-dyed tee like some 1970’s hippie that wandered into the wrong century when Changmin stops by on his way to the bathroom.
“You forgot the daisies and your chip-off-the-ol’-rainbow microbus,” the magnae points out in a syrupy voice, jerking his thumb back at whatever time machine Yoochun so obviously took a trip in. “And Jesus. Better go back before they miss you.”
Yoochun twirls around the dining table for effect. Jaejoong sees stars and kaleidoscopes nuking the kitchen in Technicolor glory.
At that moment, Junsu brushes past Changmin to stumble into the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Jaws drop. Jaejoong motions towards Junsu’s short white bathrobe with a smirk.
“Look, guys, I think Jesus followed Yoochun.”
“Yea, in the form of a hooker!” Changmin hollers from down the hall.
All Yoochun can do is stare at Junsu’s pale thighs, the back of his knee, the delicate (yet masculine-ly chiseled!) curve of his calves. Junsu notices him staring and does nothing but stare back. When nothing is said, he goes back to standing on his toes to reach for the cereal box on top of the cabinet.
Jaejoong breaks into an even wider grin. “Is that what Jesus was really like in the seventies? No wonder there were so many hippies. I’m joinin’ the club!”
“Uhm.” Yoochun clears his throat. “I like your, er, legs, Su.”
“I like your shorts! The color is especially nice,” Junsu says back cheerily (and obliviously) and pours himself a bowl of corn flakes. As Jaejoong turns to mutter something about the color being the worst part of it, Yoochun touches the peace sign barrette pinning his bangs back, feeling like a little school girl.
‘Where’s Waldo?” and “The Hideous Zigzag Sweater Lovingly Crocheted By My Blind Grandmother” meet each other on fine autumn day. The cries of Jaejoong’s inner fashionista can be heard around the world. He’s halfway to torching the sweaters when Yunho, on the other hand, walks in front of him, past the ruckus in front of the television, and sits down on the couch.
Calmly.
“How can you just sit there!” Jaejoong shouts. “When we are clearly facing a legal crisis and might possibly get mauled by fangirls if we allow these atrocities out in public!”
Yunho sighs, “What’s illegal?”
“Those sweaters. Green and purple is a terrible match with grey.”
“This criticism coming from the guy who wears knee-length cardigans with buttons the size of a small child,” Yoochun points out flatly and crosses his arms with a frown.
“It’s what’s in nowadays, okay?”
“If you’re gay.”
“But I like this shirt!” Junsu interrupts their bickering with proud flourish of his hand towards his red and white striped sweater.
“If you want to look like a candy cane.”
“So? Everybody likes candy canes. Not everybody loves a stick of red licorice.”
“Solid red is hot.”
“On a Twizzler.”
Yunho props his feet up on the coffee table, loudly, and points to the front door. “Get Min. Go shop. I am not missing the finale of Boys Before Flowers so you guys can fight over color compatibility.” He pauses, looks down at Yoochun’s pants, and gives Jaejoong a stern glance. “And don’t come back until those slacks aren’t cuffed.”
“Aye aye!” Jaejoong whoops and dashes off to find Changmin.
Yoochun and Junsu stand there a moment longer, reveling in the optical illusions the stripes on each other’s shirts and the uncertainty running across each other’s faces.
“Hey,” Yunho says bossily at them, “Shoo.”
It’s been three days since Junsu has come out of his room. Changmin takes it up to break down the door first (and not just because he had a two-hundred dollar bet going on with Yunho about who can get it done the fastest).
First, he takes up his trusty screwdriver. Then he gives up trying to figure out how to unscrew a doorknob from the outside and resorts to kicking and screaming at the door.
“Kim Junsu, we have to evacuate, Jaejoong set a bagel on fire in the toaster!”
The door slams open. “What!? Jaejoong ruined food!? How come the fire alarm didn’t go off?” Junsu stands on his toes to try to see over Changmin’s shoulder. Changmin just coughs and moves into his view.
“It’s, uh, broken-oh my god, Junsu, really?” he gasps, pointing.
Junsu furrows his brow and looks down at what the magnae is pointing at-“My crotch?” he asks incredulously.
“No, no, your outfit. I thought we worked on this color combination stuff out at the mall when we had you try a rainbow of jeans!” Changmin motions wildly to Junsu’s black cap, black wife beater, black jeans, black boxers sticking out just a little bit (rumpled from not changing in three days). “Better change before Jaejoong swings by.”
Jaejoong swings by. Junsu groans. Yoochun thunders by in the most hideous pair of strappy sandals from the women’s shoe section.
“Those shoes-“ Jaejoong begins, eyebrow twitching.
Junsu’s eyes light up like Times Square on New Year’s Eve. “Hey, I have those in cream!”
“Okay,” Yunho sighs as he gathers them all in the kitchen, “You take Junsu and I’ll take Yoochun. Ready? One, two-“
“Wait, what, I’m not ready for alien abductions yet, I believe my shirt is looking perfectly normal and I know so because I stole it out of Changmin’s closet-“
“It’s the one I never wear,” Changmin points out.
“Three!”
Yoochun and Junsu find themselves flailing down the hallway into the evil (but fashionable!) clutches of Jaejoong and his never-ending closet of shiny things and what he likes to call ‘a little something special.’
Which of course means, “If you wear this, you can stop being ugly.” And maybe get into some pants.
With pizzazz.
Thirty outfits and a mess made of make-up and shoes later, Jaejoong steps back to admire his handiwork. It takes a while but Junsu and Yoochun finally manage to crawl out from under the mountain of scarves and jackets and see for themselves in the mirror.
“Wow, you look good,” Yoochun says to Junsu with a smile.
“I do.”
“…”
“Oh! I mean, you do too! Amazingly-” Junsu scrambles to add, “-amazing! I like the way those pants accentuate your legs. Say, have you been working out lately?”
“Are you flirting with him? Because you have got to be more subtle about it,” Jaejoong interrupts.
“Uh, kind of,” Yoochun replies, straightening out his leather jacket and hooking his thumbs in his belt loops. “I like your pants too. And your shirt. Red, white, blue, grey, and yellow are, er, totally your colors. Should wear them more. Uh, say, do you-“
“Subtle as a fucking train wreck!” Jaejoong shouts at the top of his lungs.
Changmin snorts.
Yunho puts one arm around Yoochun and the other around Junsu and throws a blanket at Jaejoong to muffle the noise. In a very fatherly tone, he explains, “What Yoochun meant to say is, ‘I’ve been head-over-heels in love with you since I first saw you dancing in that purple and grey and yellow muffler-thing you were wearing.’ And what Junsu meant to say is, ‘I’ve loved you since you became the biggest eyesore in all of South Korea.’” They both open their mouths to protest but Yunho motions for them to shut up. “Now, you two are going to go on date.”
Usually, here is where Junsu has some sort of clever comeback but he doesn’t, speechless after being kicked out of house and home (but hey, at least he looks fabulous and so does the man getting kicked out with him).
“And don’t come back until you’re truly in love!” Jaejoong throws their coats out after them.
Of course, Yoochun and Junsu come home at five in the morning, very much in love.
So much in love that the trio in the living room can hear it. Plugging his ears, Changmin moans, “This is worse than when I watched that girl straddle the man who has two dicks!”
“This is worse-“ Yunho pauses and stares at Changmin. “What did you just say?”
Jaejoong plops down between them with a bowl of freshly microwave-popped popcorn and presses play on the remote, grinning from ear to ear. “See, nothing can’t be fixed with a bit of style. And this predicament we’re in is just the job for ‘the Devil wears Prada.’”
Changmin pulls the most displeased face with his cheeks full of popcorn. “You can’t be serious, that’s a freaking chick flick and we are men, fucking men-“
“Oh my god, I love that movie!” Yunho squeals, very un-man-like.
But all oddities put aside, Yoochun and Junsu are in love (and look good while doing so) and that’s what makes the air circulate, the sun shine, the earth orbit, the trees grow leaves, hearts and hands warm and that’s all that matters. And sometimes, when Jaejoong’s gone on some spontaneous shopping trip with Heechul, yes, they lounge around in neon-colored crocs.
“Those look hot on you,” Junsu says, “But I think you look hot no matter what.”
Yoochun gives him a look of mischief, pulling the other man into his lap and kissing the side of his mouth. “Really? Because I think you look hot when your face is pushed into a pillow and I’m pounding you from behind.”
Changmin vacates his spot on the couch with only pieces of his sanity left.
(Jaejoong formulates this theory the first step in requiting your secret love is to don the ugliest piece of clothing in the house and not realize the mental pain you are so obviously causing others).
A few weeks later, Yunho wakes up in red and grey leopard print tights.
Changmin waltzes into the kitchen in nothing but peach ruffles.
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notes: lolololol i dunno where this came from. probably from looking at too many airport paparazzi pictures of dbsk in some of the weirdest things ever. and that this was written at three in the morning while playing neopets (yes, i can't believe i'm in college either).
comment? :D