Man! I feel like a woman (2a/3)
Title: Man! I feel like a woman
Chapter: 2a/3
Characters: DBSK, mentions of Super Junior (in this chapter)
Genre: Humour/crack
Pairings: Jaejoong x everyone
Rating: PG-13 (rating may change)
A/N: Thank you for all the comments :) Hopefully this cheers people up in light of the recent lawsuit news :( Damn SM, just make a new contract! This is chapter 2a since the original chapter was waaay too long so I broke it into parts :)) Enjoy!
When Jaejoong wakes up as a girl a week later, nobody is too shocked apart from their glorious Leader. Then again, the sight of a fully naked, female Jaejoong stepping out of the shower, arching her back as she stretches, is not something for the faint-hearted. Yunho ‘eeped’ and scurried quickly out, into the other bathroom where he proceeded to stay until Changmin had managed to convince him their lead singer was now fully dressed (“I promise you hyung, she’s decent! I’m not lying this time!”).
Jaejoong takes this all in stride and the room she/he shares with Yoochun soon resembles a battlefield, clothes strewn everywhere as she pulls out item after item.
“Why are my hips so freaking big?! I swear to God Yoochun, you better not have hidden my jeans from when I was fat!”
“You were never fat! We can fit into ladies size jeans remember? Your hips are tiny!”
“So as a man I could fit into ladies size, which means as a lady I am fat! We all know men have bigger hips you jerk!”
“What?!”
“Does she have, you know?” asks Yunho cautiously to Junsu, who has now become used to her female parts and no longer has a period.
“Nope.”
“Jaejoong’s always got PMS,” states Changmin and ducks to avoid the shoe aimed at his head. Sadly, he fails to notice the other shoe aimed at his groin and Jaejoong’s maniacal laughter filters out from the room.
“Yunho!”
Yunho jumps and looks like a rabbit in headlights.
“Go with the grace of God, my son,” says Junsu solemnly and Changmin makes the sign of the cross over his head. Yunho puts up a manly front and shuffles towards the Soulmate bedroom. Inside, Jaejoong is wearing one of Yoochun’s old band shirts (Rolling Stones) and skinny jeans which cling to every curve. While Junsu has maintained his curvy behind, Jaejoong has gained an hourglass figure. That morning, Changmin looked at her intensely for about two seconds and declares with great confidence that she is a C-cup. Yunho thinks of root canals. On the other hand, Yoochun is openly leering, not that Jaejoong seems to mind.
“How do I look? I don’t trust Yoochun’s fashion sense,” says Jaejoong, staring at him. Yunho just about manages a nod.
“You look good unnie!” chirps Junsu, bouncing into the room and onto Jaejoong who lets of a very girly giggle and then they’re rolling around on Jaejoong’s bed, having a pillow fight. Yoochun looks like all his dreams have come true; Yunho feels the blood drain from his head and rush southward, attempts to make a quick getaway but not before Jaejoong sends a saucy wink his way. He grabs Yoochun on the way out and drags him far, far away despite his protests.
“Junsu-yah, I’m still sensitive, don’t poke there!”
“But unnie, why are yours so much bigger than mine?”
Yunho doesn’t know how much longer he can survive.
“I need to go shopping,” Jaejoong whines for the fiftieth time, leaning forward onto the table, so her breasts are sitting on the tabletop, pushing against the thin fabric of the shirt (Yunho decides that yes, they need to shop and yes, Yoochun needs new shirts). Yunho’s face goes red and he averts his eyes.
“Geez, just wear your old clothes, not like you don’t have enough,” mutters Changmin. Jaejoong glares at him, flicking her long hair back like she’s always had it.
“But I’ll look masculine, I need to look feminine. I’m a girl,” she stresses, leaning forward even more, “See?”
Changmin gets mismatched-eyes-of-happiness and Yoochun looks like he’s about to jizz his pants.
“I want to go shopping too unnie!” says Junsu, a little too innocently and Yunho’s fears are confirmed as she scoots closer to Jaejoong, “We need bras!”
Yoochun rushes off to the bathroom and Changmin smiles a little wider. Jaejoong fixes Yunho with a doe-eyed stare, biting her lip as she gazes up hopefully.
“…Fine.”
The two girls erupt into high pitched squeals and start bouncing up and down, hugging each other as they jump, bodies sliding against each other. Changmin excuses himself and by the time Yunho gathers what’s left of his sanity, it’s too late.
“Yoochun you bastard, open this door now! Nobody needs the toilet for ten minutes!”
They manage to sneak out of their apartment and quietly make their way to the shops where Yunho finds he deeply regrets his decision. It had been bearable, these past three hours of looking at shoes, he even withstood the five hours prior to that of clothes shopping. But now, he wanted to run away from this shop with its angel wings and frills and lace. He wanted to get away from Jaejoong and Junsu, who were running around, hands full of soft fabric. He wanted to be as far away from Jaejoong as possible at that moment, Jaejoong, who was laughing happily as she picked up anything and everything.
“Yunho, look! Diamond studded whips!”
Yoochun turned to grin from where he was ‘helping’ Junsu pick a bra.
“I think you should buy that and we can…Experiment just how strong you are, noona.”
Jaejoong gave a devilish grin in return and Yunho hurriedly placed the whip back on its stand, avoiding looking at a pouting Jaejoong.
“Yunnie,” pouted Jaejoong, “You’re no fun.”
Yunho twitched and grabbed the nearest bra and shoved it at Jaejoong.
“Try this.”
Jaejoong’s eyes grew wide in shock, which turned to glee. Yoochun made obscene hand gestures behind Junsu’s back and Changmin…Was nowhere to be seen.
“Why oppa, I never knew you were into leather!”
Yunho would have retorted that Jaejoong was older and therefore he should be called dongsaeng, but his brain had ceased to function.
“Jaejoong-ah, Junsu has gone to try on stuff so do you want me to help you choose? I’m an expert in this field,” said Yoochun, wiggling his eyebrows. Jaejoong laughed, hand coming up over her mouth before composing herself.
“Why not Yoochun. Just keep those hands off these fine piece of ass.” She tapped her bottom and yelped as Yoochun managed to slap it before slipping an arm around her waist. The urge to murder Yoochun was growing stronger and stronger. Yunho gripped the arm of a mannequin as he began breathing, in, out, in, out. Yoochun reached from behind Jaejoong to pick up a leopard print bra, pink lace running over the top and a pink bow and heart shaped bell in the middle.
“Cute,” said Jaejoong approvingly, “How about the panties?”
Yoochun dangled a tiny pair of leopard print panties, also with pink lace running along the top.
“And guess what, it gets better!”
He showed the front of the panties and Yunho gaped for there was no fabric at the front. The flimsy, see-through bit of lace did not count as fabric. Jaejoong tittered and smacked Yoochun’s arm teasingly.
“Noona likes it.”
The mannequin’s arm was snapped and Yunho stormed out of Victoria’s Secret. He needed a drink, maybe some aspirin, no, wait, both. From a dark corner of the shop Changmin watched this new development before focusing on the Soulmate pair who were too engrossed in bra-shopping to notice. Shrugging, he went back to his laptop.
MinIsGreat says: OMG Soulmate couple are totally tight! I saw them shopping yesterday-Leader nowhere to be seen.
Jaeho foreva says : OMG WHUT?!!!! NO way, lies! Jae-oppa would never leave Yunho-oppa!
MelodyandHarmony1938 says: I knew it! Kekekeke, naughty oppas, sneaking out again.
Changmin smirked and uploaded a picture of Yoochun holding a flower patterned bra. The fan-boards went wild. SM forbade them from shopping until everyone was male again. Heechul sent a barrage of texts to Yunho asking “Where was that?” “What sizes do they have?” and “Do they really sell diamond-studded whips, because, well, the sex is a little too vanilla for Hankyung apparently.” Yunho finally gave in and passed out after Yoochun updated his Cyworld so that ‘Ain’t nothing but mammals’ song played in the background.
A/N: Comments are love!
Chapter: 2a/3
Characters: DBSK, mentions of Super Junior (in this chapter)
Genre: Humour/crack
Pairings: Jaejoong x everyone
Rating: PG-13 (rating may change)
A/N: Thank you for all the comments :) Hopefully this cheers people up in light of the recent lawsuit news :( Damn SM, just make a new contract! This is chapter 2a since the original chapter was waaay too long so I broke it into parts :)) Enjoy!
When Jaejoong wakes up as a girl a week later, nobody is too shocked apart from their glorious Leader. Then again, the sight of a fully naked, female Jaejoong stepping out of the shower, arching her back as she stretches, is not something for the faint-hearted. Yunho ‘eeped’ and scurried quickly out, into the other bathroom where he proceeded to stay until Changmin had managed to convince him their lead singer was now fully dressed (“I promise you hyung, she’s decent! I’m not lying this time!”).
Jaejoong takes this all in stride and the room she/he shares with Yoochun soon resembles a battlefield, clothes strewn everywhere as she pulls out item after item.
“Why are my hips so freaking big?! I swear to God Yoochun, you better not have hidden my jeans from when I was fat!”
“You were never fat! We can fit into ladies size jeans remember? Your hips are tiny!”
“So as a man I could fit into ladies size, which means as a lady I am fat! We all know men have bigger hips you jerk!”
“What?!”
“Does she have, you know?” asks Yunho cautiously to Junsu, who has now become used to her female parts and no longer has a period.
“Nope.”
“Jaejoong’s always got PMS,” states Changmin and ducks to avoid the shoe aimed at his head. Sadly, he fails to notice the other shoe aimed at his groin and Jaejoong’s maniacal laughter filters out from the room.
“Yunho!”
Yunho jumps and looks like a rabbit in headlights.
“Go with the grace of God, my son,” says Junsu solemnly and Changmin makes the sign of the cross over his head. Yunho puts up a manly front and shuffles towards the Soulmate bedroom. Inside, Jaejoong is wearing one of Yoochun’s old band shirts (Rolling Stones) and skinny jeans which cling to every curve. While Junsu has maintained his curvy behind, Jaejoong has gained an hourglass figure. That morning, Changmin looked at her intensely for about two seconds and declares with great confidence that she is a C-cup. Yunho thinks of root canals. On the other hand, Yoochun is openly leering, not that Jaejoong seems to mind.
“How do I look? I don’t trust Yoochun’s fashion sense,” says Jaejoong, staring at him. Yunho just about manages a nod.
“You look good unnie!” chirps Junsu, bouncing into the room and onto Jaejoong who lets of a very girly giggle and then they’re rolling around on Jaejoong’s bed, having a pillow fight. Yoochun looks like all his dreams have come true; Yunho feels the blood drain from his head and rush southward, attempts to make a quick getaway but not before Jaejoong sends a saucy wink his way. He grabs Yoochun on the way out and drags him far, far away despite his protests.
“Junsu-yah, I’m still sensitive, don’t poke there!”
“But unnie, why are yours so much bigger than mine?”
Yunho doesn’t know how much longer he can survive.
“I need to go shopping,” Jaejoong whines for the fiftieth time, leaning forward onto the table, so her breasts are sitting on the tabletop, pushing against the thin fabric of the shirt (Yunho decides that yes, they need to shop and yes, Yoochun needs new shirts). Yunho’s face goes red and he averts his eyes.
“Geez, just wear your old clothes, not like you don’t have enough,” mutters Changmin. Jaejoong glares at him, flicking her long hair back like she’s always had it.
“But I’ll look masculine, I need to look feminine. I’m a girl,” she stresses, leaning forward even more, “See?”
Changmin gets mismatched-eyes-of-happiness and Yoochun looks like he’s about to jizz his pants.
“I want to go shopping too unnie!” says Junsu, a little too innocently and Yunho’s fears are confirmed as she scoots closer to Jaejoong, “We need bras!”
Yoochun rushes off to the bathroom and Changmin smiles a little wider. Jaejoong fixes Yunho with a doe-eyed stare, biting her lip as she gazes up hopefully.
“…Fine.”
The two girls erupt into high pitched squeals and start bouncing up and down, hugging each other as they jump, bodies sliding against each other. Changmin excuses himself and by the time Yunho gathers what’s left of his sanity, it’s too late.
“Yoochun you bastard, open this door now! Nobody needs the toilet for ten minutes!”
They manage to sneak out of their apartment and quietly make their way to the shops where Yunho finds he deeply regrets his decision. It had been bearable, these past three hours of looking at shoes, he even withstood the five hours prior to that of clothes shopping. But now, he wanted to run away from this shop with its angel wings and frills and lace. He wanted to get away from Jaejoong and Junsu, who were running around, hands full of soft fabric. He wanted to be as far away from Jaejoong as possible at that moment, Jaejoong, who was laughing happily as she picked up anything and everything.
“Yunho, look! Diamond studded whips!”
Yoochun turned to grin from where he was ‘helping’ Junsu pick a bra.
“I think you should buy that and we can…Experiment just how strong you are, noona.”
Jaejoong gave a devilish grin in return and Yunho hurriedly placed the whip back on its stand, avoiding looking at a pouting Jaejoong.
“Yunnie,” pouted Jaejoong, “You’re no fun.”
Yunho twitched and grabbed the nearest bra and shoved it at Jaejoong.
“Try this.”
Jaejoong’s eyes grew wide in shock, which turned to glee. Yoochun made obscene hand gestures behind Junsu’s back and Changmin…Was nowhere to be seen.
“Why oppa, I never knew you were into leather!”
Yunho would have retorted that Jaejoong was older and therefore he should be called dongsaeng, but his brain had ceased to function.
“Jaejoong-ah, Junsu has gone to try on stuff so do you want me to help you choose? I’m an expert in this field,” said Yoochun, wiggling his eyebrows. Jaejoong laughed, hand coming up over her mouth before composing herself.
“Why not Yoochun. Just keep those hands off these fine piece of ass.” She tapped her bottom and yelped as Yoochun managed to slap it before slipping an arm around her waist. The urge to murder Yoochun was growing stronger and stronger. Yunho gripped the arm of a mannequin as he began breathing, in, out, in, out. Yoochun reached from behind Jaejoong to pick up a leopard print bra, pink lace running over the top and a pink bow and heart shaped bell in the middle.
“Cute,” said Jaejoong approvingly, “How about the panties?”
Yoochun dangled a tiny pair of leopard print panties, also with pink lace running along the top.
“And guess what, it gets better!”
He showed the front of the panties and Yunho gaped for there was no fabric at the front. The flimsy, see-through bit of lace did not count as fabric. Jaejoong tittered and smacked Yoochun’s arm teasingly.
“Noona likes it.”
The mannequin’s arm was snapped and Yunho stormed out of Victoria’s Secret. He needed a drink, maybe some aspirin, no, wait, both. From a dark corner of the shop Changmin watched this new development before focusing on the Soulmate pair who were too engrossed in bra-shopping to notice. Shrugging, he went back to his laptop.
MinIsGreat says: OMG Soulmate couple are totally tight! I saw them shopping yesterday-Leader nowhere to be seen.
Jaeho foreva says : OMG WHUT?!!!! NO way, lies! Jae-oppa would never leave Yunho-oppa!
MelodyandHarmony1938 says: I knew it! Kekekeke, naughty oppas, sneaking out again.
Changmin smirked and uploaded a picture of Yoochun holding a flower patterned bra. The fan-boards went wild. SM forbade them from shopping until everyone was male again. Heechul sent a barrage of texts to Yunho asking “Where was that?” “What sizes do they have?” and “Do they really sell diamond-studded whips, because, well, the sex is a little too vanilla for Hankyung apparently.” Yunho finally gave in and passed out after Yoochun updated his Cyworld so that ‘Ain’t nothing but mammals’ song played in the background.
A/N: Comments are love!