Man! I feel like a woman (2b/3)
Title: Man! I feel like a woman
Chapter: 2b/3
Characters: DBSK, SHINee(in this chapter)
Genre: Humour/crack
Pairings: Jaejoong x everyone
Rating: PG-13 (rating may change
A/N: Well...Best Hits Kayosai was awkward. Build a brick wall why don't you SM? A bit late in posting this but I hope it makes you laugh at least a little :)
Just when Yunho thought his life could not get any worse, Yoochun woke up as a girl the week after; Jaejoong and Junsu still female.
“Maybe because it’s Halloween this week and all the supernatural stuff happens around this time,” suggested Changmin when Yunho crawled into his room for some semblance of normality.
The Soulmate love was bad enough with Jaejoong as a girl but it was unbearable now they both were. They were practically attached at the hip (occasionally with Junsu, but she could be found playing video-games on most days), seemed to have that creepy I-know-what-you’re-thinking vibe between them, and were way too touchy for Yunho’s taste. Was it really necessary for Yoochun to press so hard against Jaejoong when she was cooking? Did they have to feed each other at every meal? Was making a Junsu-sandwich proper when said person had just come out of the shower? No, he didn’t think so. The maknae was enjoying himself thoroughly, shamelessly eyeballing the Soulmate/Yoosu/Jaesuchun love and making lewd comments which made Junsu go red, Yoochun reply something equally suggestive and Jaejoong laugh.
“Jaejoong-ah, can you please not molest Junsu when she’s just come out from the shower? Can’t that wait until she’s clothed?”
Jaejoong quirked up one eyebrow and licked her lips, watching Yunho freeze in his seat. She stalked towards him, one hand tracing the edge of the tabletop, kimchi stew forgotten. As she reached him she bent down, one hand coming up to cup Yunho’s jaw whilst the other was placed in his lap.
“Why Yunho-ah, perhaps you’d prefer I, or we, do that to you?”
Yunho fled to the safety of Changmin’s room and didn’t emerge until dinner.
“Let’s have a Halloween party,” said Jaejoong that night, the curve of her mouth curled upwards. Her pink tongue darted out to lick the corner and Yunho tried to pretend he didn’t notice.
“No way, we can’t reveal three of you are girls! The press-and fans-would have a field day! Lee Soo Man would have my head!” cried Yunho, the thought of dealing with both management and the press making him cringe.
“But its Halloween!” whined Yoochun, twirling one lock of her curly hair.
“Yunho-oppa~,” said Junsu, making big, puppy-dog eyes. Yunho’s heartstrings feel a slight tug but he crosses his arms and glares in the face of adversity. He is a man, a manly man’s man and will therefore stand his ground.
“Yunho-oppa~,” sings Yoochun, linking arms with Junsu. They both stare up at him, fluttering their eyelashes and making pouty lips. Yunho is unmoved. Changmin waits for Jaejoong to make a move.
“Yunho…Oppa~” purrs Jaejoong, her long legs smooth and pale beneath the short skirt. Yunho swallows but doesn’t say anything.
“We already have a good disguise oppa, so what do you say? It’ll be fun…You could go as Edward and I’ll go as Bella,” Jaejoong leans even further forward so her top peeks open and Yunho can see the start of two round, perky…Pieces of flesh. He doesn’t even know who these people are for chrissakes! Jaejoong licks her lips slowly and drops to a conspiratorial tone, “I’ll let you bite me oppa.”
“Team JACOB!” screams Yoochun but all Yunho can hear is “bite me oppa”. Changmin smacks his head, hard, and blinks innocently when Yunho glares at him.
“You lost your mind hyung,” he says, giving him a knowing look. Jaejoong hits Changmin- “You brat, he was going to say yes!”-and Yoosu proceed to tackle their youngest to the floor and pin him down whilst Jaejoong straddles him and unleashes a tickle storm.
“Stop it! Stop it now!” demands the youngest between spasms, bucking up and down, trying to get the trio off him. Yunho watches, mesmerized, as Jaejoong goes up and down, up and down, with Changmin’s hips. Yoochun looks pointedly at Yunho, then to Jaejoong, the exchange unnoticed by the others and Jaejoong begins to let out a long series of breathy moans as he tickles the maknae.
“Changmin ahh~ Ah! Stop struggling Minnie-ahhhhhhh~”
Changmin gives her a ‘WTF?’ look but doesn’t protest. Junsu smirks as the maknae falls silent apart from the occasional grunt and groan as he strains against Jaejoong’s attack, and then it finally registers in Yunho’s brain, ohmygodthey’redryhumpingeachotherwhatthefuckddoIdo? Jaejoong’s hair is falling all over her pretty face like a curtain and all he can think about doing is brushing it away and then grinding against her himself. Yoochun loses her grip and Changmin flings her onto Jaejoong who squeals in surprise as the force sends them both backwards into the couch. Yoochun groans and rubs her head, lifting it from between Jaejoong’s breasts. She smiles lazily and Jaejoong indulges her with one of her own.
“So soft unnie, you’re so lucky.”
Junsu has given up trying to hold the maknae and crawls over to the other two, cooing and petting. Her shoulder-length hair is messy, but not as tangled as Jaejoong’s long, black hair nor Yoochun’s dark brown curls. As they simper and sigh over ‘battle wounds’, Changmin staggers over to Yunho, face flushed.
“You know, a Halloween party might be fun hyung.” Yunho sighs.
“Fine, but no alcohol!”
Jaejoong and Yoochun protest but Yunho holds up a hand to silence them. Thankfully, they stop but sadly, the petting doesn’t. Yunho tries not to watch as Yoochun pillows herself on Jaejoong’s chest or as Junsu curls up behind Jaejoong, holding her tight.
“If any of you get drunk you might reveal you’re a girl and management has been very strict, that none of you can reveal your gender switch!”
“Why~,” asks Yoochun, “We won’t drink much at all.”
Yunho shakes his head, determined to win this round.
“You don’t need to drink much before you’re out and Jaejoong drinks like a sailor. I don’t want any…Situations arising at this party you’re planning. You’re all supposed to be sick remember! Swine flu?”
Changmin raises an eyebrow.
“Err, no, Yoochun is supposed to have gone ‘soul searching’ in the Himalayas. Junsu is sick and Jaejoong is ‘taking a walk on the wild side’ in Papua New Guinea to increase ‘environmental awareness’.”
“…Right. Whatever, the point is I don’t want any trouble, no scandals, and no drunken antics! Got it?”
Three eerie smiles.
“Yes oppa~.”
Deep down, Yunho knows this is a mistake. Changmin goes to check their supply of aspirin and panadol before texting (Super Junior) Kibum, to warn him, not to come back.
In the SHINee dorm Jonghyun sits enraptured by the scene unfolding in front of his eyes, clutching a pillow to his chest and a hankie to his eye. Kibum scoffs and pretends he hasn’t got a death grip on Jinki, who is crying real tears of pain.
“Kibum-ah…You’re hurting meee….”
Jonghyun inhales deeply before letting out a loud howl.
“NOOOOOO, Shin Woo, my heeeaaaaaaart!” He pounds the pillow angrily. Kibum sneers.
“See Jonghyun-ah, nice guys never finish first. Shin Woo may be fine (hot damn he’s fine), but he’s too nice! Hwang Tae Kyung is such a bad boy!” Kibum titters as said person grabs Go Minam and fixes him/her with a sexy glare. Kibum swoons. Onew sighs in relief as Kibum’s grip loosens.
“I like Jeremy,” says Taemin, head cocked thoughtfully to one side. Minho shakes his head and reaches out to pull Taemin back into the bedroom.
“You’re too young for this drama, let’s check out Super Junior M’s new MV instead.”
“But hyung~”
Kibum waves them away impatiently. Jonghyun groans some more as Yoo Heyi comes onscreen.
“OhmyfuckingGod bitch!” exclaims Kibum, in English.
“Get away from Go Minam you cow!” cries Jonghyun, “She’s a nun-in-training, how can you be so heartless!?!?! Argh, I’m going crazy here!”
The tension grows as dramatic music plays onscreen. Jonghyun and Kibum lean instinctively towards the TV, watching in suspense as Hwang Tae Kyung runs after Go Minam and -
*BEEP*
“MOTHER WHAT?!” yells Kibum and slaps Jinki who gives a pitiful whine and scoots as far away from the younger boy as possible. However, he backpedals so fast he falls off the couch. Kibum laughs. Jinki’s lower lip wibbles and Kibum’s laugh halts as he turns to fix Jinki with a glare.
“We…Have a text?” offers Jinki hesitantly, “From DBSK hyungs?”
“DBSK hyungs!” Kibum is all sunshine and bunnies now, beaming happily at Jinki. Jonghyun’s gaze flickers between him and the TV.
“Um…They’re having a joint Halloween celebration at Super Junior’s dorm and we’re invited.”
“Oh my God, I need to go shopping!” says Kibum, grabbing his bag (Louis Vuitton, not made in China thank you very much) and racing for the door, “Thanks for your wallet, I’ll make it up to you!”
The door slams and Jonghyun turns his attention back to the TV and -
“SHIN WOOOOO!!!!!! WHY God WHY!?! He’s like Jihoo 2.0 but better!”
-breaks into fresh wails. Jinki blushes when he gets a hold of his brain (busy thinking of ways Kibum could ‘make it up to him’), then Kibum’s words sink in.
“He took my wallet?”
A/N: Comments are love as always! And good to see the boys are still together in Japan but I hope the dynamic improves...
Chapter: 2b/3
Characters: DBSK, SHINee(in this chapter)
Genre: Humour/crack
Pairings: Jaejoong x everyone
Rating: PG-13 (rating may change
A/N: Well...Best Hits Kayosai was awkward. Build a brick wall why don't you SM? A bit late in posting this but I hope it makes you laugh at least a little :)
Just when Yunho thought his life could not get any worse, Yoochun woke up as a girl the week after; Jaejoong and Junsu still female.
“Maybe because it’s Halloween this week and all the supernatural stuff happens around this time,” suggested Changmin when Yunho crawled into his room for some semblance of normality.
The Soulmate love was bad enough with Jaejoong as a girl but it was unbearable now they both were. They were practically attached at the hip (occasionally with Junsu, but she could be found playing video-games on most days), seemed to have that creepy I-know-what-you’re-thinking vibe between them, and were way too touchy for Yunho’s taste. Was it really necessary for Yoochun to press so hard against Jaejoong when she was cooking? Did they have to feed each other at every meal? Was making a Junsu-sandwich proper when said person had just come out of the shower? No, he didn’t think so. The maknae was enjoying himself thoroughly, shamelessly eyeballing the Soulmate/Yoosu/Jaesuchun love and making lewd comments which made Junsu go red, Yoochun reply something equally suggestive and Jaejoong laugh.
“Jaejoong-ah, can you please not molest Junsu when she’s just come out from the shower? Can’t that wait until she’s clothed?”
Jaejoong quirked up one eyebrow and licked her lips, watching Yunho freeze in his seat. She stalked towards him, one hand tracing the edge of the tabletop, kimchi stew forgotten. As she reached him she bent down, one hand coming up to cup Yunho’s jaw whilst the other was placed in his lap.
“Why Yunho-ah, perhaps you’d prefer I, or we, do that to you?”
Yunho fled to the safety of Changmin’s room and didn’t emerge until dinner.
“Let’s have a Halloween party,” said Jaejoong that night, the curve of her mouth curled upwards. Her pink tongue darted out to lick the corner and Yunho tried to pretend he didn’t notice.
“No way, we can’t reveal three of you are girls! The press-and fans-would have a field day! Lee Soo Man would have my head!” cried Yunho, the thought of dealing with both management and the press making him cringe.
“But its Halloween!” whined Yoochun, twirling one lock of her curly hair.
“Yunho-oppa~,” said Junsu, making big, puppy-dog eyes. Yunho’s heartstrings feel a slight tug but he crosses his arms and glares in the face of adversity. He is a man, a manly man’s man and will therefore stand his ground.
“Yunho-oppa~,” sings Yoochun, linking arms with Junsu. They both stare up at him, fluttering their eyelashes and making pouty lips. Yunho is unmoved. Changmin waits for Jaejoong to make a move.
“Yunho…Oppa~” purrs Jaejoong, her long legs smooth and pale beneath the short skirt. Yunho swallows but doesn’t say anything.
“We already have a good disguise oppa, so what do you say? It’ll be fun…You could go as Edward and I’ll go as Bella,” Jaejoong leans even further forward so her top peeks open and Yunho can see the start of two round, perky…Pieces of flesh. He doesn’t even know who these people are for chrissakes! Jaejoong licks her lips slowly and drops to a conspiratorial tone, “I’ll let you bite me oppa.”
“Team JACOB!” screams Yoochun but all Yunho can hear is “bite me oppa”. Changmin smacks his head, hard, and blinks innocently when Yunho glares at him.
“You lost your mind hyung,” he says, giving him a knowing look. Jaejoong hits Changmin- “You brat, he was going to say yes!”-and Yoosu proceed to tackle their youngest to the floor and pin him down whilst Jaejoong straddles him and unleashes a tickle storm.
“Stop it! Stop it now!” demands the youngest between spasms, bucking up and down, trying to get the trio off him. Yunho watches, mesmerized, as Jaejoong goes up and down, up and down, with Changmin’s hips. Yoochun looks pointedly at Yunho, then to Jaejoong, the exchange unnoticed by the others and Jaejoong begins to let out a long series of breathy moans as he tickles the maknae.
“Changmin ahh~ Ah! Stop struggling Minnie-ahhhhhhh~”
Changmin gives her a ‘WTF?’ look but doesn’t protest. Junsu smirks as the maknae falls silent apart from the occasional grunt and groan as he strains against Jaejoong’s attack, and then it finally registers in Yunho’s brain, ohmygodthey’redryhumpingeachotherwhatthefuckddoIdo? Jaejoong’s hair is falling all over her pretty face like a curtain and all he can think about doing is brushing it away and then grinding against her himself. Yoochun loses her grip and Changmin flings her onto Jaejoong who squeals in surprise as the force sends them both backwards into the couch. Yoochun groans and rubs her head, lifting it from between Jaejoong’s breasts. She smiles lazily and Jaejoong indulges her with one of her own.
“So soft unnie, you’re so lucky.”
Junsu has given up trying to hold the maknae and crawls over to the other two, cooing and petting. Her shoulder-length hair is messy, but not as tangled as Jaejoong’s long, black hair nor Yoochun’s dark brown curls. As they simper and sigh over ‘battle wounds’, Changmin staggers over to Yunho, face flushed.
“You know, a Halloween party might be fun hyung.” Yunho sighs.
“Fine, but no alcohol!”
Jaejoong and Yoochun protest but Yunho holds up a hand to silence them. Thankfully, they stop but sadly, the petting doesn’t. Yunho tries not to watch as Yoochun pillows herself on Jaejoong’s chest or as Junsu curls up behind Jaejoong, holding her tight.
“If any of you get drunk you might reveal you’re a girl and management has been very strict, that none of you can reveal your gender switch!”
“Why~,” asks Yoochun, “We won’t drink much at all.”
Yunho shakes his head, determined to win this round.
“You don’t need to drink much before you’re out and Jaejoong drinks like a sailor. I don’t want any…Situations arising at this party you’re planning. You’re all supposed to be sick remember! Swine flu?”
Changmin raises an eyebrow.
“Err, no, Yoochun is supposed to have gone ‘soul searching’ in the Himalayas. Junsu is sick and Jaejoong is ‘taking a walk on the wild side’ in Papua New Guinea to increase ‘environmental awareness’.”
“…Right. Whatever, the point is I don’t want any trouble, no scandals, and no drunken antics! Got it?”
Three eerie smiles.
“Yes oppa~.”
Deep down, Yunho knows this is a mistake. Changmin goes to check their supply of aspirin and panadol before texting (Super Junior) Kibum, to warn him, not to come back.
In the SHINee dorm Jonghyun sits enraptured by the scene unfolding in front of his eyes, clutching a pillow to his chest and a hankie to his eye. Kibum scoffs and pretends he hasn’t got a death grip on Jinki, who is crying real tears of pain.
“Kibum-ah…You’re hurting meee….”
Jonghyun inhales deeply before letting out a loud howl.
“NOOOOOO, Shin Woo, my heeeaaaaaaart!” He pounds the pillow angrily. Kibum sneers.
“See Jonghyun-ah, nice guys never finish first. Shin Woo may be fine (hot damn he’s fine), but he’s too nice! Hwang Tae Kyung is such a bad boy!” Kibum titters as said person grabs Go Minam and fixes him/her with a sexy glare. Kibum swoons. Onew sighs in relief as Kibum’s grip loosens.
“I like Jeremy,” says Taemin, head cocked thoughtfully to one side. Minho shakes his head and reaches out to pull Taemin back into the bedroom.
“You’re too young for this drama, let’s check out Super Junior M’s new MV instead.”
“But hyung~”
Kibum waves them away impatiently. Jonghyun groans some more as Yoo Heyi comes onscreen.
“OhmyfuckingGod bitch!” exclaims Kibum, in English.
“Get away from Go Minam you cow!” cries Jonghyun, “She’s a nun-in-training, how can you be so heartless!?!?! Argh, I’m going crazy here!”
The tension grows as dramatic music plays onscreen. Jonghyun and Kibum lean instinctively towards the TV, watching in suspense as Hwang Tae Kyung runs after Go Minam and -
*BEEP*
“MOTHER WHAT?!” yells Kibum and slaps Jinki who gives a pitiful whine and scoots as far away from the younger boy as possible. However, he backpedals so fast he falls off the couch. Kibum laughs. Jinki’s lower lip wibbles and Kibum’s laugh halts as he turns to fix Jinki with a glare.
“We…Have a text?” offers Jinki hesitantly, “From DBSK hyungs?”
“DBSK hyungs!” Kibum is all sunshine and bunnies now, beaming happily at Jinki. Jonghyun’s gaze flickers between him and the TV.
“Um…They’re having a joint Halloween celebration at Super Junior’s dorm and we’re invited.”
“Oh my God, I need to go shopping!” says Kibum, grabbing his bag (Louis Vuitton, not made in China thank you very much) and racing for the door, “Thanks for your wallet, I’ll make it up to you!”
The door slams and Jonghyun turns his attention back to the TV and -
“SHIN WOOOOO!!!!!! WHY God WHY!?! He’s like Jihoo 2.0 but better!”
-breaks into fresh wails. Jinki blushes when he gets a hold of his brain (busy thinking of ways Kibum could ‘make it up to him’), then Kibum’s words sink in.
“He took my wallet?”
A/N: Comments are love as always! And good to see the boys are still together in Japan but I hope the dynamic improves...