You are my star, I'm your number one fan
Title: EXO-K drabble: You are my star, I'm your number one fan
Author clubotaku
Characters: Suho-centric, EXO K
Rating: PG
Summary: Can be taken as a companion piece to http://clubotaku.livejournal.com/17046.html
Drabble detailing Suho's habits on the net
A/N: Crack, crack, crack
Life as an idol is tough. The constant need to have your ‘idol mask’ on, the smiles that wear you down even as you want to scream inside, the punishing schedules and severe lack of sleep. However Joonmyun can deal with all that; he’s made it through eight years of training and watching friends come and go; being betrayed and left behind. But that’s all in the past, it’s cool, he’s fine. What worries him now is dealing with five hormonal teenage boys under his jurisdiction (M doesn’t count because Kris has them by the balls… Or so Joonmyun thinks) and goddamn if he won’t do his best to live up to the shining, glorious examples of Leeteuk-sunbae, Yunho-sunbae and Jinki-sunbae (ok, Jinki not so much, he’s seen how whipped he is, literally).
So when times get hard, when Kyungsoo has locked himself in his room, when Baekhyun is spouting out horribly written SuChen fanfics with Chanyeol making noise effects and hip thrusts to punctuate sentences, when Jongin has run off with Taemin and Sehun is plotting how to murder them all, Joonmyun has a fail proof relax mechanism. Yes, for the past eight years there has been one shining light in this sordid world of makeup and masturbation, his one true Queen, Oprah. He tears a little thinking of her struggles in life, it’s just so touching, and re-reads the latest edition of ‘O, the Oprah Magazine’. It doesn’t matter that it’s in English because as he touches the screen, caressing the words that just sing of inspiration and hope, he can understand. Also, Google translate. What a lifesaver. Sure it doesn’t really translate into legible sentences but it’s ok, he gets it. Oprah would understand.
Although he doesn’t use tumblr or livejournal (he’s seen enough of the Lay-Heechul fan war and the panda-porn Kris sent Tao) he does subscribe to ‘Daily inspirational quotes’. Today is a quote by the Buddha and Joonmyun automatically feels his nerves and bowels relax.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,” he reads, then sighs and relaxes into his chair.
There’s an almighty crash outside, and Chanyeol starts bellowing like a wounded buffalo. Baekhyun is screaming something about ‘pull it out, it’s in too deep!’ and Joonmyun leaves the sanctuary of the bathroom to see Chanyeol moaning on the floor with the stirring spoon up his ass. Kyungsoo’s favourite spoon. The one he uses to make kimchi jjigae with.
“Hyung help!” Baekhyun is pulling but it seems to have the opposite effect as Chanyeol roars and kicks him where it hurts.
In the corner of his eye Sehun cackles softly, phone in hand - no doubt texting Tao - and closes the door before Joonmyun’s despairing eyes.
Think of Oprah, think of Oprah says his mind, keep calm.
“When I look into the future, it’s so bright it burns my eyes,” chants Joonmyun.
Baekyeol stops screaming for a second to stare at him before starting again.
“When I look into the future, it’s so bright it burns my eyes,” he chants again.
“MY ASS IS BURNING, I HAVE NO FUTURE!” screams Chanyeol, deciding throttling Baekhyun will somehow help reduce the pain.
Joonmyun isn’t angry, no, he’s just frustrated and so yes, he’s holding onto no such anger but can Chanyeol (and possibly Baekhyun) die? He retreats to his room and checks on a quote from Oprah.
Follow your instincts. That’s where true wisdom manifests itself-Oprah
Joonmyun nods, inhales, exhales. Locks the door. Turns up the sounds of Enya. And calls their manager.
A/N: I'm sorry Suho for making you suffer but Kris suffers too
Author clubotaku
Characters: Suho-centric, EXO K
Rating: PG
Summary: Can be taken as a companion piece to http://clubotaku.livejournal.com/17046.html
Drabble detailing Suho's habits on the net
A/N: Crack, crack, crack
- Suho: Oprah’s number one fan
Life as an idol is tough. The constant need to have your ‘idol mask’ on, the smiles that wear you down even as you want to scream inside, the punishing schedules and severe lack of sleep. However Joonmyun can deal with all that; he’s made it through eight years of training and watching friends come and go; being betrayed and left behind. But that’s all in the past, it’s cool, he’s fine. What worries him now is dealing with five hormonal teenage boys under his jurisdiction (M doesn’t count because Kris has them by the balls… Or so Joonmyun thinks) and goddamn if he won’t do his best to live up to the shining, glorious examples of Leeteuk-sunbae, Yunho-sunbae and Jinki-sunbae (ok, Jinki not so much, he’s seen how whipped he is, literally).
So when times get hard, when Kyungsoo has locked himself in his room, when Baekhyun is spouting out horribly written SuChen fanfics with Chanyeol making noise effects and hip thrusts to punctuate sentences, when Jongin has run off with Taemin and Sehun is plotting how to murder them all, Joonmyun has a fail proof relax mechanism. Yes, for the past eight years there has been one shining light in this sordid world of makeup and masturbation, his one true Queen, Oprah. He tears a little thinking of her struggles in life, it’s just so touching, and re-reads the latest edition of ‘O, the Oprah Magazine’. It doesn’t matter that it’s in English because as he touches the screen, caressing the words that just sing of inspiration and hope, he can understand. Also, Google translate. What a lifesaver. Sure it doesn’t really translate into legible sentences but it’s ok, he gets it. Oprah would understand.
Although he doesn’t use tumblr or livejournal (he’s seen enough of the Lay-Heechul fan war and the panda-porn Kris sent Tao) he does subscribe to ‘Daily inspirational quotes’. Today is a quote by the Buddha and Joonmyun automatically feels his nerves and bowels relax.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,” he reads, then sighs and relaxes into his chair.
There’s an almighty crash outside, and Chanyeol starts bellowing like a wounded buffalo. Baekhyun is screaming something about ‘pull it out, it’s in too deep!’ and Joonmyun leaves the sanctuary of the bathroom to see Chanyeol moaning on the floor with the stirring spoon up his ass. Kyungsoo’s favourite spoon. The one he uses to make kimchi jjigae with.
“Hyung help!” Baekhyun is pulling but it seems to have the opposite effect as Chanyeol roars and kicks him where it hurts.
In the corner of his eye Sehun cackles softly, phone in hand - no doubt texting Tao - and closes the door before Joonmyun’s despairing eyes.
Think of Oprah, think of Oprah says his mind, keep calm.
“When I look into the future, it’s so bright it burns my eyes,” chants Joonmyun.
Baekyeol stops screaming for a second to stare at him before starting again.
“When I look into the future, it’s so bright it burns my eyes,” he chants again.
“MY ASS IS BURNING, I HAVE NO FUTURE!” screams Chanyeol, deciding throttling Baekhyun will somehow help reduce the pain.
Joonmyun isn’t angry, no, he’s just frustrated and so yes, he’s holding onto no such anger but can Chanyeol (and possibly Baekhyun) die? He retreats to his room and checks on a quote from Oprah.
Follow your instincts. That’s where true wisdom manifests itself-Oprah
Joonmyun nods, inhales, exhales. Locks the door. Turns up the sounds of Enya. And calls their manager.
A/N: I'm sorry Suho for making you suffer but Kris suffers too